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3 Ways to Manage Your Family (When You Want to Kill Them All)
You know how it goes: After preparing your best dish for the annual potluck and making the journey home, you walk in the door, immediately greeted by smiling faces. This is going to be a good visit, you think. But as family members usher you into the kitchen, they start peppering you with questions about your day—and then, your life. "Didn’t you invite anyone? Don’t you have anyone to invite? The clock is ticking, you know!"
You might also like READ"Why are you wearing that?" "Have you considered getting a real job yet?" "You know I love your hair so much more when it’s…" and you start wishing for earplugs. In movies, family gatherings are a special, pleasant time with the people who love and support us. But in reality, it often feels like our relatives wish we were anyone but ourselves. As if there’s always something wrong, something missing with us.
Still: No matter how hard the holidays are, we always find moments to enjoy. Holiday eat-a-thons. Playing games, watching movies, overly excited gift exchanges. It can be tempting to just skip the season altogether, but if we did, we’d miss out on all the good memories.
Here are a few ways to get through the holiday season—without biting someone’s head off.
1. Schedule plenty of "me time."
Remember, the holidays should be a holiday for you too. Make sure that even though you’re visiting family, you take a well-deserved break. Sherry Pagoto, Ph.D., says that one handy way to offset family-related stress is to plan activities that bring you happiness. Hitting the gym, going on a date with your significant other, or spending the night out with friends are all good ways to show some self-love during the holidays.
Don’t feel guilty for booking a massage or a pedicure, or for spending an extra hour or two in bed, either: You deserve to rest and relax. Plus, me time gives you a great way to get out of a busy house for a few hours.
If you’re at your family’s house and find yourself getting frustrated, a quick excursion—even to the grocery store—can be a great time to grab a few snacks, blast some of your favorite music in the car, and cool down before re-engaging with your family.
2. Know the playbook—and plan in advance.
It sucks when our relatives try to change us. But the same way we want them to accept us as we are, we should do our best to accept them (even if it’s super-duper difficult). Take things in stride and learn the "playbook" of all those family members who tend to get on your nerves.
For example: If you know that Aunt Betty loves to make comments about your appearance, then anticipate that and plan a response. Think about what you might say to stop a conversation from going too far by using "'no' statements."
In the context of family gatherings, no statements can be used to navigate discussions and effectively set boundaries. "I often recommend people use similar phrasing to an 'I statement' when they say 'no,'" says Jennifer Litner, MSMFT, a marriage and family therapist. "For example, 'I really appreciate you thinking of me and I am unable to make it to dinner tonight.'"
Before you leave your house, practice saying "no" in the mirror with a smile and a firm tone of voice. "When someone asks you questions or makes requests you feel uncomfortable with, you can use 'no' statements to politely decline," Lintner says. "For instance, you could say, "'I feel really uncomfortable discussing that right now,' then suggest other topics that you feel more comfortable with," Litner says. "That way, you can assert yourself without rejecting your family member outright."
3. Find common ground.
The larger the gathering, the higher the likelihood of a disagreement between family members. Avoid hot button topics from the start in order to prevent full-on brawls, and focus on what you do share. You might absolutely disagree with Uncle Richard on gun control and taxes (and... basically everything else), but maybe you love his cooking. Why not start a conversation about the recipes he’s tried recently?
Even the closest family members can disagree on different issues. That doesn’t mean they don’t share common interests or hobbies. The holidays are a time of connection, and the best way to keep them pleasant is to keep that spirit alive. Focus on what everyone can share. That way, the bonds that hold you together can last—maybe even past the holidays.
Theodora Sarah Abigail is a beating heart in a warm body. She works as a writer and poet in the wild, mechanical city of Jakarta, Indonesia. You can join her as she stumbles through life by following her on her blog and on Instagram.
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A Bangin' Bourbon Cocktail That Puts Leftover Cranberry Sauce to Good Use
Cranberry sauce lovers and haters, unite! We're positive that even if you're not a fan of smothering the fruit on your turkey, you're going to love it in a cocktail. And don't even think about comparing this one to your college drink of choice. With chunks of real fruit, this is the #adult version of a cranberry vodka soda.
Pro tip: Don't use the canned cranberry stuff for this one. First of all, we think it's weird how it comes out in the shape of the can, ridges and all. Second, it's so easy to DIY your own sauce (heat up fresh cranberries, sugar, water, and lemon zest). And numero tres, the canned stuff just wouldn't mix well. Only do that if you want your guests outta the house because it will terrify them. Here's how to make it so your Friendsgiving is a memorable one (or not, depending on how many you drink).
Leftover Cranberry Sauce Cocktail
Makes: 1 cocktail
Ready in: 5 minutes
INGREDIENTS
1-2 tablespoons leftover cranberry sauce
1-2 shots of bourbon
Club soda, enough to fill up the cocktail glass (if you want it stronger, don't fill up the entire way)
Juice of 1 lime wedge
Handful of ice
DIRECTIONS
1. Add ice to a rocks glass (about 10 ounces).
2. Add cranberry sauce first, and follow with a shot (or two) of bourbon.
3. Fill up your glass with club soda. The less you add, the stronger the cocktail (at least as far as taste goes).
4. Squeeze 1/4 lime into the glass then drop it in for some festive color. Add a few fresh cranberries on top for that extra adult touch.
5. Stir well, toast, drink.
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Jump Into Crane Pose With This Stability Practice Video
Strengthen your yoga practice in the comfort of your own home. Explore online yoga classes for beginners, intermediate, and advanced yoga practitioners, and learn from world-renowned yoga instructors on Cody. Greatist readers get 30 percent off their first purchase on Cody with promo code 30GREATIST.
As you build your yoga practice, your progress goes well beyond your physical strength. Tapping into your mental strength will allow you to push your limits in a healthy way and challenge yourself to grow. Balancing poses like bakasana (crane pose) naturally expand the breadth of your practice and build trust and confidence in yourself both on and off the mat.
You might also like READThe instructor takes you through various strength drills that isolate the muscles you will use in the full baksana (crane pose). Start with a series of engaged plank poses to build a steady and strong foundation. Then engage your abs with a boat pose progression. Once you fire up your muscles, the instructor talks you through bakasana A and B, first with a longer crane pose hold and then jumping into the pose from more challenging distances. Grab a mat, start on your hands and knees, and get ready to take flight.
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3 Tips for Getting Through the Holidays on a Diet
Oh, the holidays. 'Tis the season for merriment, cheer, goodwill… not to mention baked Brie, sugar cookies, creamy eggnog, bacon-wrapped dates, cheese balls, peppermint bark...
Which is all fine and good, unless you’ve been working hard to transform your diet.
Let’s be real: Dieting during the holidays is hard. The end of the year can be totally overwhelming, and between office parties, holiday dinners, gift exchanges, cocktail hours, and the other 10,000 events that always pop up between Thanksgiving and New Year's, the opportunities to fall off the diet wagon become more plentiful than the commercials shilling the hottest holiday toy.
Basically, holiday parties + holiday stress + increasingly easy opportunities to grab a treat at all hours of the day = myriad ways to get off track. “Often, we eat emotionally to calm ourselves, reward ourselves, or simply because there are extra holiday cookies in the staff room, and we need to get out of our mid-afternoon slump,” says Erin M. Shyong, MPH, RD, CDE.
But the holidays don’t have to completely derail your diet if you don’t want them to (and if you do decide to just give in for the holidays, then kudos: That’s a totally valid choice too). Just know that you can make it through all the festivities—and even enjoy yourself along with the way—without tossing all your hard-earned healthy-eating habits out the window.
Here are our three best tips for getting through the holidays on a diet:
1. Start the day off right.
One key to avoiding massive work party and holiday dinner indulgences? Eating a solid breakfast. “Since most holiday functions are in the afternoon and evenings, a good breakfast is a great way to start the day,” Shyong says. “Breakfast will help keep your blood sugar balanced, give you energy to tackle your morning to-do lists, and can help prevent overeating later in the day.”
Shoot for a breakfast with a healthy balance of protein and carbs: It’ll boost your energy all day and keep you from diving face-first into the cookie tray come 2 p.m. “I like to start with a protein, like an egg, peanut butter, or whipped cottage cheese, and add a high-fiber carb, like a whole-wheat English muffin or oatmeal. To top it off, I'll add a few berries or some low-fat Greek yogurt.”
2. Indulge wisely.
No matter how committed you are to your diet, you don’t want to go through the entire season without enjoying at least some of your favorite holiday foods (who are you, the Grinch?!). Luckily, there’s a way to get your fill of holiday faves without derailing your diet.
“The key is balance! Have a small portion of your favorite dish,” Shyong says, suggesting you should pass instead on indulgences you don’t really love, but end up eating out of boredom or politeness, like your coworker’s crumbly, dry sugar cookies. “Another easy way to find balance is to fill half your plate with veggies or a salad; the fiber will keep you full and make you less likely to experience a sugar crash.”
So have a slice of gooey pecan pie or a side of your Aunt Sally’s absolutely-to-die-for mashed potato casserole that you wait all year for. Just make sure you balance it out with good-for-you greens and veggies, which will keep you satisfied.
3. Get moving.
With a seemingly never-ending list of things that need to get done during the holidays (shopping, cooking, cleaning, hosting out-of-town guests), it can be easy for your daily workout to slip to the bottom of your to-do list.
But making time to get your sweat on is key to beating holiday stress and sticking to your diet. “Stress affects your cortisol levels and can lead to emotional eating and impact insulin sensitivity,” Shyong says. “An easy way to beat stress and have some ‘me time’ each day is to be active. Take a 20-minute jog in the cool, winter air; practice yoga; or sign up for a holiday 5k with your friends and family. Exercise increases those feel-good endorphins and can be that extra confidence boost you need to walk past the box of holiday donuts sitting on your desk in the morning.”
Bonus tip: Don’t stress about being perfect.
If you slip and find yourself snuggled up next to the fire with a box of holiday chocolates, don’t worry about it! No one’s perfect—holidays or no holidays. “The perfect diet doesn't mean following a strict regimen 100-percent of the time. If you ‘slip up,’ know that it’s not a big deal and don't let it upset your day,” Shyong says. That #healthyish lifestyle isn’t about beating yourself up when you give in to a holiday indulgence; it’s about finding balance and feeling good.
“An easy way to get back on track is to start the next day with a healthy habit, whether that means going out for an early morning walk, having a balanced breakfast, or making sure to drink enough water,” Shyong says.
Deanna deBara is a freelance writer and accidental marathon runner living in Portland, OR. Keep up with her running adventures on Instagram @deannadebara.from Greatist RSS http://ift.tt/2yHVD2J
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3 Excellent Hair Masks That Fight Winter Dryness
Despite all the great things winter has to offer (snowflakes, snuggling, spiked hot chocolate... ) your hair usually doesn’t see it that way. Between getting blasted by the cold outdoors and dry indoors, your hair is taking a hit no matter where you go.
Of course, salon treatments are great, but less-expensive over-the-counter products can be excellent too—so long as you know what you’re looking for. To keep your hair healthy and happy in the winter, try to give yourself an at-home "spa treatment" at least once a week. Your hair will look and feel great, and it’s a nice self care step too. We spoke with Kelli Book of House of Hair Brockley to find out what at-home hair masks can save our hair from wintertime breakage and brittleness.
You might also like READBook gave us the lowdown on three different types of masks that are ideal for different hair types and textures. Of course, everyone’s hair is different, and you may find your medium-textured hair does better with fine hair products, for example. Don’t be afraid to experiment!
For all masks, product should be applied to wet, clean hair, and worked thoroughly from root to tip.
1. For Tight, Natural Curls
Book says it’s "all about heavier moisture, humectants, and oils." The humectants are found in products that say "hydrating," and are responsible for really getting into the hair shaft. This returns the moisture lost to indoor dry heat and outdoor bitter cold.
Oils help to smooth the cuticle and make hair less frizzy. People often think that just oil is enough to treat dry hair, but without an additional moisturizer, oil can sit on top of the hair itself, leaving your head simultaneously dehydrated and greasy. Heavier oils tend to work better on coarse or kinky hair, Book says, but it’s important not to skip the layer of moisturizer too!
One option: SheaMoisture Manuka Honey and Mafura Oil Intensive Hydration Hair Masque ($13.49, ulta.com). This product of course comes packed with certified organic shea butter, which is great for this hair type, but the blend of oils and soothing honey will make this a decadent experience that can lock in moisture for a few days—perfect for people who wash their hair less frequently.
2. For Wavy, Loose Curls
This hair type is likeliest to frizz, Book says, so she recommends heavier cream conditioners because they have a solid balance of moisture and protein that can keep this hair healthy and happy in the colder months.
Another tip is to look for product that says it is for "smoothing hair," as these mixtures are often quite balanced as well. Products made for tighter curls may be too heavy for this hair type, while products for fine hair often don’t have enough oil and moisturize—basically, it’s not the easiest category to shop for.
However, this Probiotic Hair Mask ($48, telabeautyorganics.com) can do the trick: It’s made from organic fruits, which can help strengthen and repair hair by providing it with vitamins, but you may still want to add a DIY element in the dead of winter for added hydration—augment this mask with some coconut or olive oil for extra-deep conditioning.
3. For Fine Hair
For fine hair, lighter oils and serums are the way to go, Book says, even in the winter. Fine hair gets weighed down easily, so using lightweight products can keep hair feeling refreshed and healthy throughout the season.
Book recommends lighter oils for this hair type, such as argan or avocado oil. A little goes a long way in fine hair, so apply with a light hand. Book also cautions against volumizing shampoo and conditioners, as they tend to be drying.
You may want to try the Royal Formula Argan Oil Hair Mask ($19.95, amazon.com), which is 100-percent organic and made to strengthen hair by providing it with moisture and repairing damage. It penetrates the hair shaft to moisture and smooth fine hair, giving it more volume and resilience. This product can be used about three times per week.
Donyae Coles is a freelance writer and yoga teacher. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter @okokno, and learn more about her accessible yoga practice at fatwitchyoga.com.
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3 Ways to Get Through the Holidays When You've Lost Someone Who Meant the World to You
The holidays bring a mixed bag of emotions. Some people love the excuse to gather together and give gifts, while others find the forced happiness of the season to be grating and stressful. A lot of folks find themselves somewhere in the middle. But when you’ve lost a loved one—especially recently—the holidays can feel impossible.
When you’ve lost someone close to you, there’s no escape from images of happy families and couples celebrating together. You’re constantly surrounded by Hallmark movies telling you "the real meaning of Christmas is family," or "She got the greatest present of all: love." These incessant messages can make a grieving person feel lonelier than ever. It doesn’t matter if you lost a loved one a month ago or years in the past, the holidays almost always make that grief feel fresh again.
You might also like READBut there are ways to make it easier. We spoke with psychologist and grief specialist Marilyn A. Mendoza, Ph.D., and licensed therapist Bill Prasad for tips on how to get through the season after losing a loved one. With their advice, the holidays might not be easy, but they may not be an unimaginable struggle.
1. Remember to breathe—really—and start a project.
"Just breathe" is usually the worst and most boring advice a person can give, but in this case, it’s extremely helpful. "Mourners literally find themselves holding their breath," Mendoza says. "If you catch yourself doing this, just focus on your breathing, and take some nice, easy, deep breaths." Deep breathing brings more oxygen to the body, which slows your heart rate and lowers blood pressure, making you feel more relaxed. Sure, a deep breath won’t bring you instant happiness, but it can give you a sense of calm during a stressful time.
When breathing isn’t enough, give yourself something to do. Prasada suggests baking, crafts, or DIY projects. "Doing something that requires measurement, timing, and dexterity will help get your mind off the grief. Your brain isn't really built to do eye-to-hand coordination and ruminate over loss at the same time." By keeping busy, you won’t have brain space available to dwell on the past.
Though you can’t always rely on distraction to cope with grief, it’s a good tool during extreme times, like the holidays. Plus, many people bake and decorate during the season, and by joining in, you get to partake in a social activity while taking a break from your grieving thoughts.
2. Make the person you’re grieving a part of your holiday.
Just because your loved one is gone doesn’t mean you need to erase all trace of them during the holidays. "Everyone is already thinking about him or her anyway," Mendoza says. "Being able to talk openly about the loved one takes some of the pressure off everyone, and lets the others know that it’s alright to talk about them."
Mendoza suggests taking time to share memories of the person you’ve lost. You could have everyone write their favorite memory on pieces of paper, then take turns reading those stories aloud. Don’t shy away from humor or happy moments. "Joy and humor are wonderful ways to heal," Mendoza says. "You must understand that it is not a betrayal of your loved one to smile or laugh."
Openly talking about your loved one is a great way to find joy in the holiday and honor their memory. It brings people together and eases your pain.
3. Ask for help when you need it.
Though most of the people in your life want to help, they won’t know exactly what you need. You’ll probably hear, "I’m so sorry" so often that this well-intentioned phrase becomes completely meaningless. But people don’t often know how to handle grief, and even when they have good intentions, they usually aren’t sure how to help. So you just have to ask.
"Tell the people around you what you need," Prasad says. "This can be as simple as some time to oneself or going out for coffee with a friend." Be specific: If you don’t have the energy to cook, ask someone to go to dinner with you. If you just want a hug, ask for one! People usually respond enthusiastically to these specific requests and can give you the help you need.
Also, it’s totally OK to be honest with your friends and simply say, "I need help," even if you don’t know exactly what you need. Mendoza suggests that being open and vulnerable with a close friend can help you heal. You won’t have to shoulder all the pain alone.
And don’t be afraid to talk. It doesn’t even need to be about your loved one—sometimes talking out all your thoughts gives you a sense of relief. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, find a therapist or group therapy session. There are grief support groups around the country that are free, and others charge a minimal fee. You’ll get a safe space to share your feelings, and you’ll instantly have support from people going through the exact same thing.
After losing someone close to you, the holidays may never be the same. But that doesn’t mean you have to suffer every winter. With these tips, hopefully this holiday season will be a time to honor your loved one’s memory—and find comfort in the love you still have all around you.
Amber Petty is a freelance writer in Los Angeles. If you like easy crafts and Simpsons gifs, check out her blog Half-Assed Crafts.
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