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The Reason You Always Get Sick After Vacation
After a relaxing vacation, you'd think your body would be so rejuvenated that your immune system would be in tip-top shape. But it's like clockwork: The second your plane lands back home, sniffles or body aches surface out of nowhere. How on earth can a week of sipping mojitos on the beach cause you to get sick when that's the opposite of the point?
You're not imagining that this is a common occurence. "I see patients that return from vacation sick quite often," says pharmacist Inna Lukyanovsky. The CDC even has a special section of its website devoted to this phenomenon. Some people get sick before they even land at home, something so common that some doctors call it "leisure sickness."
Whether you spend most of your vacation napping in a lavish hotel bed or walking miles through the streets of a new city, it's certainly a change of pace from your life back home. That's a lot for your system to adjust to, only for those changes to come to a grinding halt when you arrive back home again and jump right back into your usual routine.
Post-vacation illness is the ultimate letdown, but there are scientific reasons for it beyond the universe trying to make your transition back to the office grind as miserable as possible. Here's the deal—and how to cope.
The Real Reasons You Get Sick
No, your body isn't just doing this to torture you. Here's why experts believe people get sick after vacation.
1. Planes (but Not for the Reason You Think)
Anyone with even mild germophobic tendencies cringes when boarding a plane. While it's horrifying to imagine gross recycled air floating through the plane every time someone sneezes the next aisle over, that's likely not the true cause of your health issues.
The real culprit behind most plane-related colds is the low humidity in flight. "Airplanes can be the worst," pharmacist Lindsey Elmore says. "The low-humidity air can dry out nasal passages." Thanks to the plane's high altitude, you're cruising through the sky in some seriously dry air. That dryness can irritate your throat and nose and can also make it tougher for your body to fend off bacteria.
The Fix: Over-the-counter saline nasal spray and some eye drops can go a long way to combating this issue.
2. The Usual Germy Suspects
It's no surprise that the classic culprits, like being exposed to new allergens and germs, not washing your hands enough, and coming into contact with large crowds, can also make you sick on your travels. Airports, train stations, public transit, and tourist sites all put you in contact with big crowds, which can increase the likelihood of coming down with something.
"These days, with the ability to be in different hemispheres and continents so easily, transmissible diseases due to viruses and bacteria can easily spread to different regions quickly," says Dana Hawkinson, M.D., assistant professor at the University of Kansas.
The Fix: The best thing to do is wash your hands regularly and for the right length of time (that'd be 20 seconds). You can also attempt to maintain some personal space in large crowds? Yeah, focus on the hand-washing.
3. Plain Old Exhaustion
The truth is, travel is freaking tiring. Even the most relaxing beach vacation in the world is fairly taxing to actually get to, especially if you're the type who goes on a panicked frenzy to pack, complete your entire to-do list, and clean your house top-to-bottom the night before an early morning flight. (Raises hand.)
Before you even arrive at your destination, your body has likely already been subjected to several days of strain and exhaustion as you prepped for the trip, packed, and stuffed yourself into a tiny plane seat at an inhuman hour.
"Sleep deprivation is a major immune system depressant," Inna says. "You often see people who spend sleepless nights on vacations or sleepless days when traveling for long hours." This gets even more complicated when your vacation is in a different time zone. Jet lag is definitely not your immune system's friend.
The Fix: Some effective time management can help you not freak out the night before a trip, and you can learn some ways to sleep better too.
4. Boozing It Up
There's nothing wrong with celebrating on vacation—God invented swim-up bars for a reason! That said, the frustrating fact is that drinking more than you do during your non-vacay life can increase your likelihood of getting sick when you head home. "Excessive drinking during vacation can certainly inhibit your immune system and back up the detoxification system, leading to a virus or bacterial infections," Lukyanovsky says.
The Fix: Consider spacing out your drinking with more low-key days in-between. If nothing else, stick to the old college trick of making sure you're drinking a glass of seltzer or water for every glass of alcohol you drink. This will keep you hydrated (and help fend off hangovers).
4. Temperature Changes
Traveling between two different climates can confuse your body and make you more susceptible to illness. This is especially common if you jet off in the winter to lounge in a warmer destination.
"People traveling in the winter to a warmer climate often get sick coming back to cold weather," Lukyanovsky says. "And the cold itself isn't the reason; it's the cold affecting the immune system response. That can trigger the virus that you normally would fight off without noticing." In the moment, your body has bigger fish to fry—like readjusting to the cold—allowing viruses you'd normally fend off with no issue to creep in.
The Fix: OK, there really isn't one for this, unless you want to start avoiding warm-weather destinations in winter (haha, no). But a little self-care won't hurt...
Above All, Spoil Yourself
It's not like you ever need someone else's permission to treat yo'self, but remember that it's extra important to coddle yourself when you get home from a trip. All of that flying and driving and time zone changing is a huge deal for your body. Whether you feel a cold coming on or arrive home feeling perfectly healthy, it doesn't change the fact that your body needs to recalibrate.
If you can swing it, take a day off when you arrive home before heading back to work. On these days, give yourself permission to be a total couch potato. Laze around, do a relaxing exercise like yoga, and let your body adjust. Drink lots of water and eat fresh fruits and veggies. (Also pay attention to how you feel during this time. If you develop symptoms like persistent diarrhea, rashes, or a fever, check in with your doctor to rule out any pressing health issues that are linked to travel to certain regions.)
If you're someone who struggles with letting yourself do nothing, remember that you're doing this for your well-being! If you take the time to slow down, you'll be a lot less likely to develop a surprise illness the second you dive back into your routine. The world keeps turning even when you sit still—promise. So kick up your feet, spend the day plotting your next vacation, and give yourself a high-five for putting your immune system first.
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The Best and Worst Foods for Sore Muscles
Skipping out on leg day because you’re still recovering from chest and tris? We get it. We’ve all played hooky on a workout when our muscles are just not feeling up to it.
When just getting dressed, squatting down to the toilet, or picking up your bag feels worse than the workout itself, you’re probably dealing with DOMS—or delayed onset muscle soreness. When you work out, you cause little micro-tears in your muscles, and when those fibers rebuild is when you gain strength and mass.
While this is technically part of the muscle-building process, by complementing your workout with the right diet, you can minimize the response and get moving again the next day. Here are the best and worst foods to help your aching muscles.
Foods That Help Sore Muscles
Tart Cherries
Research on professional athletes has shown that tart cherry juice can help improve recovery time, decrease muscle pain, and reduce muscle damage compared with other beverages. Throw a little into your post-workout smoothie or enjoy a short glass of it as a pre-workout snack.
Cottage Cheese
With about 27 grams of mighty protein per cup, cottage cheese is the go-to post-workout snack in the fitness community for a reason. It’s one of the best sources of casein protein, the slow-digesting fuel that is fantastic for rejuvenating sore muscles as you sleep.
One study found that when athletes worked out in the evening and were given casein protein shortly before bed, they saw a spike in muscle synthesis compared to a placebo. Plus, the unique branched-chain amino acid, leucine, found in abundance in cottage cheese, has been specifically found to speed recovery and pain.
Enjoy it as a parfait with fruit and nuts, puree it into smoothies, or use it as a protein-rich base for pancakes or baked goods.
Baking Spices
While we’re not giving you the green light on eating a box of Cinnabons or gingerbread cookies post workout, a sprinkle of soothing spice may help those muscles calm down. Research found that when compared with a placebo group, trained women who were given cinnamon or ginger described having significantly less muscle soreness after working out. Add a generous sprinkle to your morning oats, latte, toast or sweet potatoes for a calorie-free flavor boost.
Turmeric
Is there anything this powdered gold can’t help? Early research on turmeric’s active ingredient found that a curcumin supplement helped reduce the pain associated with delayed onset muscle soreness, reduced injury and improved recovery of muscle performance. Add a generous sprinkle of curcumin-loaded turmeric to oatmeal, eggs, smoothies, coffee and baked goods to get the effect.
Coffee
Good news for coffee lovers. Research suggests that a moderate dose of caffeine (about 2 cups of coffee) can reduce post-workout pain by 48 percent! Another study found that when caffeine was given along with other pain-relieving pharmaceuticals, 40 percent fewer drugs were needed to provide the same level of relief. Caffeinated and motivated—that’s our new motto!
Salmon
Loaded with anti-inflammatory omega-3 fats, antioxidants, and muscle-building protein, salmon is a close-to-perfect post-workout food. Research on omega-3 consumption in athletes suggests that it may specifically help prevent DOMS, inflammation, and muscle soreness after exercises like a bicep curl. Throw a can on a green salad, grill up some filets, or mix them with potatoes for salmon cakes.
Watermelon
There’s nothing quite as satisfying as biting into a cold, juicy piece of watermelon after a serious sweat session. But research on watermelon’s key amino acids, l-citrulline, suggests it might also soothe those sore muscles too.
One study found that giving athletes watermelon juice—which contains the rind, the highest source of l-citrulline—post workout helped reduce recovery heart rate and muscle soreness after 24 hours. The natural sugars will also help drive protein into the muscles and replenish low glycogen stores, while the high water content is essential to preventing muscle-cramping dehydration.
Throw a little watermelon into your smoothie, add it to a crunchy salad, or get fancy and throw it on the barbecue for a naturally sweet treat.
Eggs
Protein is the essential building block of muscles so it’s not surprising that research has found that adding a source of protein, like eggs, during or after an intensive endurance exercise may help reduce the risk of DOMS.
Like cottage cheese, eggs are an amazing source of leucine, which is linked to muscle recovery. And with an impressive six grams of protein in each 70 calorie egg, we suggest prepping a big batch of hard-boiled eggs at the start of the week for an easy post-workout snack.
Bananas
Bananas are an easy-to-digest source of quality carbohydrates that help spike your insulin just enough to drive protein into the muscle to stimulate muscle rebuilding and growth. They’re also one of the best sources of the electrolyte potassium, which research suggests may help reduce muscle soreness post gym. Pop one into a smoothie, slice them onto oats, or simply enjoy it au naturel for a quick snack.
Foods to Avoid When You Have Sore Muscles
Now that we’ve got the good stuff down, let’s review what we should probably avoid. Sadly, neither of these should surprise you much.
Sugar
Since muscle pain is considered a form of inflammation in the body, it makes sense to aim to cut back on inflammatory foods on days you work out—most notably refined carbs like sugar.
One study found that drinking just one can of sugary soda daily increased inflammatory markers. Other refined carbohydrates (think white bread) may have a similar effect. The good news is that natural forms of sugar in foods like fruits, milk, whole grains, and veggies don’t yield the same effect, so get your fix from whole foods when you can.
Alcohol
While it’s not advised to plan a workout after too many tequila shots for some pretty obvious reasons, even a little booze can cause post-workout pain or even up your risk for injury. Alcohol dehydrates cells, resulting in soreness, cramps, and potential strains. Research also has shown that it can interfere with how effectively your body breaks down lactic acid, which also increases perceived soreness.
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So You Want More Sex but Don't Want to Hurt Your Partner's Feelings...
If you've been in a sexually intimate relationship for longer than a year, chances are you've experienced being in the mood when your partner isn't—or vice versa. Having unequal libidos, at least occasionally, is a super-common long-term relationship issue.
My boyfriend and I just celebrated our two-year anniversary. It's the best relationship I've ever been in by far, and I love him to pieces, but there's no doubt about it: Sex columns (and columnists) imitate life. Just ask Carrie Bradshaw.
So I reached out to a few of my favorite sexperts for their advice on how to solve this common quandary. How do you ask for more sex... without hurting your partner's feelings?
1. Talk about it.
"First of all, stop worrying about hurting your lover's feelings when asking for more sex," says certified sexologist and couples' counselor Anka Radakovich. While it's important to be kind to your partner while discussing any sensitive topic (more on this in a minute), mismatched sexual desire is a common problem with couples, especially in long-term relationships where needs and desires can change over time. Radakovich stresses that the important thing is to talk about it. "Never be afraid or ashamed of discussing sex with the person you're having sex with!"
Emily Morse, sexologist and host of the Sex With Emily podcast, agrees that communicating your desires and preferences is key. "Relationships are full of compromises, and your sex life is no different," she points out. "In fact, many couples aren't on the same sex schedule, but there's no reason you can't let it be known that it's important to you."
Radakovich warns that failing to address it will only breed resentment, which happens to be one of the biggest relationship killers out there. Who knows, your partner might tell you that they are completely stressed by a work situation or confess that they've been dealing with another issue that you didn't even know about—the only way to find out is to talk about it.
2. Have the convo IRL, if possible.
"As uncomfortable as it may be, having a face-to-face conversation with your partner is the best way to go," says sex researcher and neuroscientist Debra W. Soh, Ph.D. "Delivery is everything," she says, noting that it's a good idea to introduce the subject when neither of you is feeling rushed.
Radakovich agrees "Bring up the subject when both of you are relaxed and happy," she says. "Or take a tip from the swinger crowd: Give them a nice back massage. Swingers know how to relax people... including other people's wives," she jokes. But it's a seriously good tip! "A massage will relax anyone, creates intimacy, and the next thing you know, they might be down—or up!—for some long-awaited sex."
3. Give the good news first.
This one's extra important: You don't want to put your partner on the defensive. To this end, Soh suggests starting off on a positive note by talking about what you like about your sex life. Besides, conjuring up some erotic memories might be just what the doctor ordered to help get your partner in the mood.
4. Speak for yourself.
Soh also recommends using "I" statements as another anti-defensive measure and all-around good relationship practice to get into so that your partner doesn't feel like you are placing blame on them.
"My No. 1 tip when it comes to talking about sex in general without hurting your partner's feelings is to make sure you're not putting them on the defensive by blaming them," Morse says. "Rather than saying, 'You never want to have sex,' or 'We never have sex,' lead with why you feel like having more sex would be beneficial for both of you."
When your interests are aligned, you're definitely more likely to get an outcome that both of you are psyched about—and then you can build a habit or routine based on that positive feedback loop.
5. Ask about your partner's preferences.
Finding that alignment can come from discovering what would enhance your partner's experience, Morse says.
"If your partner never seems in the mood, ask them what makes them feel sexy, what times of day they prefer to have sex, or which ways they would like you to initiate," she says. "Even if it comes down to setting the alarm a few minutes earlier in the morning or setting up sex dates, at least you're working toward a more satisfying, sexier solution."
6. Be specific about your wants.
Because clarity is crucial when you're trying to suss out relationship discrepancies, Soh encourages you to be as specific as possible about exactly what kind of sex you want to be having—and how often.
"Sex is such a huge part of our lives, and it's important to feel fulfilled," she reminds us. "If it isn't a topic you usually talk about, doing so will hopefully open up the dialogue so that your partner will feel comfortable telling you about any concerns they have too."
7. Find a win-win solution.
Ultimately, Morse advises sex-thirsting partners to proceed with a spirit of empathy and cooperation. "Tell them how much you love feeling close and intimate with them and how you could work together to make sure you're both getting your needs met."
This advice reminded me of the wisdom How to Keep Your Marriage From Sucking author Amiira Ruotola dropped on a recent episode of my podcast, "At the end of the day, it's not like one of you gets to win. You either both win or you both lose."
So use these tips to talk to your partner about how to achieve a sex life that works for you both… I know I will.
Courtney Kocak is a Los Angeles-based writer and host of the sex and love podcast Reality Bytes. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram at @courtneykocak.
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How to Meal-Prep for a Party So You're Not Doing Everything Last-Minute
In theory, inviting all your friends and family over for a night of good food and stellar conversation seems like the definition of #adulting. In reality, it’s a daunting task, filled with tiresome days of preparation, possible sobbing, and the urge to call the whole thing off before realizing it’s too late. Dramatic? Maybe, but hosting a party is definitely not as easy as it looks on TV. Luckily, these meal-prep tips will help you breathe easier and make hosting a party actually (gasp) fun.
1. Take a home inventory.
Throwing a party can put a dent in your wallet, and coming up with a menu is the definition of overwhelming. If you’re not sure where to start, Toby Amidor, MS, RD, and best-selling author of Smart Meal Prep for Beginners, suggests taking a household inventory. “Look at ingredients you already have, including condiments, serving dishes, paper goods, wine glasses, and other accessories, like cute signage,” she says. These extras are what make a successful dinner party.
“The last thing you want to do right before guests arrive is to run to the store to buy extra wine glasses or large serving bowl,” Amidor says. Once you take stock of what’s in your home, you can start planning the menu.
2. Write everything down.
Now that you’ve scoured your pantry, cupboard, and everywhere in-between, it’s time to make a detailed list. Write down everything you have, from the ingredients you plan to use to the utensils that go with each dish. If you’re an organization rockstar, you can break down each dish into ingredients, serving vessel, utensils, and condiments. And don’t forget the drinks and dinnerware. Highlight all the things you already have and create a shopping list with the items that aren’t highlighted.
3. Don’t try to be Julia Child.
You may want to impress your guests with Boeuf Bourguignon, but let’s be honest—no one knows what Boeuf Bourguignon is. “The worst thing that can happen is if a recipe doesn't come out as you expected,” Amidor says. “This can wreak havoc on your meal prep pace and cause you to scramble for dishes at the last minute,” she adds. Amidor suggests opting for a menu with dishes you’ve made at least 2 to 3 times before.
4. Categorize your ingredients.
You took inventory, wrote a menu, and now it’s time to start cooking, but the order in which you prepare dishes matters. Amidor recommends categorizing dishes into three buckets, according to when they can be prepared. “First, determine what can be frozen in advance, like soups, lasagna, or cookies, and start prepping those items a week or two before the party.”
Next, she suggests prepping the refrigerated items, like appetizers and sauces, a few days in advance. Lastly, prep the salads or desserts that might get mushy (like trifles) the day before the party. “Prepping this way also helps decrease much of the stress of making all that food at once,” Amidor says.
5. Freeze as much as possible.
Want to know the secret to being a meal-prepping god? The freezer! That thing on top of your fridge is not just a black hole for fish sticks and frozen pizzas. The freezer is actually really helpful for making things ahead of time, and most dishes can be frozen. If something is supposed to be crispy, it’s best to make it fresh. If it’s softer, it’s probably fine to freeze.
For example, you can freeze sauces, like gravy or marinara; most appetizers, like dumplings, mini quiches, pizza bites, or puff pastries; and even some main dishes, like meatballs, any type of casserole, or most grain-based dishes. Whatever you choose to freeze, make sure you label it so you don’t forget anything on party day.
6. Call upon your friend T Joe (Trader Joe’s, that is).
You could throw an entire party from the Trader Joe’s frozen section alone (and it would taste really good), but the store has so much more to help with your party needs. The roasted nut medleys make great snacking options, the pre-cut veggies help cut down on prep time, and the boxed and pre-made desserts taste like they come from a bakery. Plus, you can even find fancier items, like shishito peppers, Norwegian crispbreads, and a whole array of gourmet cheeses. In other words, spend some time with T Joe and let him do the work for you.
7. Swallow your pride and ask for help.
No one likes to admit that they need help, but it’s a liberating feeling once you do. Many of us have friends who are better cooks or mixologists, and it’s important to call said friends in a time of need. Bribe them with free booze or a dinner on you (to be claimed later), and your party prep may just go from tiresome to something you look forward to.
8. Clean as you go.
“When prepping multiple dishes, cleaning as you go—especially while dishes are cooking—will minimize the amount you need to do right before the guests arrive,” Amidor says. Not to mention that having a clean-ish kitchen will keep your stress level down. Nothing is more intimidating than a sink full of dishes.
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September Is the Perfect Time to Lose Weight—Here’s Why (and How to Do It)
We're almost nine months into 2018, so nobody's going to be surprised if, by this point, your New Year's resolutions have fallen by the wayside. If your big New Year's plan was to, say, eat healthier, wake up earlier, or exercise three times a week, and you've slid right back into your old habits, don't worry—you can still get back on track.
September is the perfect time to set new resolutions—I'm about to explain why and share some of my best tips for making September the month that changes everything. I've spent more than a decade helping people lose weight and work out, and I can help motivate you to accomplish your goals too—this is what I do, after all!
September Is the New January
January 1 has some magic to it, doesn't it? There's something about flipping that last page on the calendar that feels like hitting the reset button on our lives. In January, anything feels possible. With a new year, we feel free to wipe away every stumble, misstep, and false start from the year before. It's the time when we can start over and re-create ourselves.
But what we soon realize is that life gets in the way. There's school, late nights, dinners with friends, practices, long days at work, family troubles... so much has happened between January and now.
But the truth is, September has the same resetting power as the New Year. In fact, it's my favorite time to start. And the best part: You don't have to wait four months to give it another go—the perfect time is now.
Imagine what you will accomplish by January if you start today. You can be down 20 pounds or ready to crush your first 5k—all while the rest of the world is waiting to get started.
The Power of the Clean Slate
September has an air of excitement. It's almost electric—we're recharged from summer, schools are back in full swing, and we're ready to buckle down and get to work. Ever since we were kids, the start of fall has brought with it a chance for a new beginning. This is what makes September so amazing—it's what researchers call a "temporal landmark," which basically means it's a marker, like a birthday, the first day of a new month, or the start of the school year. These all signify a transition from what was to what could be.
The beauty of these transitions is that they knock us out of our day-to-day minutiae, give us a chance to stop and catch our breath, and take a step back to look at the big picture. And when we really seize these points in time, we're given the opportunity to start all over again on the right foot.
Resolutions With a Twist
Typically, when we make New Year's resolutions, we focus on what we're going to do.
But with September resolutions, we're going to take that model and turn it on its head. Follow these three steps and you'll have rock-solid resolutions that will last a lifetime. So open up a notepad and let's get to work!
Let's Start With Your Resolution
Before we jump in, let's write down what you want to accomplish. It could be anything:
- Wake up earlier
- Eat better
- Get to the gym four times a week
But let's say our goal is: Lose 20 pounds.
Step 1. Explain WHY your resolution matters.
Traditionally, the next step is to talk about "what" we're going to do—for instance, steps like "Go Paleo," "sign up for a gym," or "walk for 30 minutes every day."
But what we plan to do isn't nearly as important as why we want it.
Now, there's nothing wrong with talking about exactly how we plan to lose weight. But knowing what to do isn't enough to keep us going when things get tough. We need a plan for the inevitable stumbling blocks, like when we wake up, and it's cold and raining outside—totally not what inspires you to hit the gym. Or when we go to lunch with friends, and there's not a single Paleo-friendly food on the menu.
The simple (and sometimes harsh) truth is: Relying on commitment isn't going to cut it.
We need more.
This is where the "why" comes in. So below your resolution, write down the reasons why you want to lose weight. Now, this might not be obvious, so my favorite way to get there is with an exercise called "The Five Whys."
It's ridiculously simple. We're going to ask ourselves "Why?" we want to lose weight five times in a row.
Here's what that looks like:
Resolution: I want to lose 20 pounds.
The Five Whys
- Why? Because I want to be healthier.
- Why? Because I don't enjoy where I'm at now.
- Why? Because I feel terrible and guilty.
- Why? Because I know I can't eat this way forever.
- Why? Because if I keep going this direction, I'm shaving years off my life.
Now we're getting to the root of our motivation and why it's important. Keep in mind: You don't have to stop at just five "Whys?" You can keep going if you'd like to.
But what we want, in the end, is a "why statement." It could look something like this:
"It's unbearable for me to think about not being around for my children when they graduate college. And I know if I keep going this direction, I'm going to miss out on their lives."
Other options:
"I can't be 10 years older and still wrestling with the same issues. I know that when I conquer myself, I'll be able to conquer the world."
"I refuse to give myself a future in which I'm still not happy with how I look and feel. I don't want to waste any more time."
There's a world of difference between taking the "why" approach—instead of focusing on "what" we're going to do.
Now we have a compelling reason to stick to our resolutions. Here's what I want you to do: Go through "The Five Whys" and dive into all the reasons your resolution is important. Then write it down, keep it on you, and read it every chance you get, until it's burned into your mind. This is going to be the motivation we need when challenges arise.
Step 2. Plan what to do when things get tough.
When we're motivated, we're ready to get started. But before we charge in head-first, let's take a step back and think about what to do when things go south—and at some point, things will go south. So what we need to do now is to plan for the inevitable, and this may be the most overlooked aspect of creating a rock-solid resolution.
If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
Let's look at our goal to lose weight and identify what can (and likely will) go wrong:
So ask yourself these questions and write down answers to them:
- What are the reasons I've failed in the past?
- When will I have the toughest time sticking to my plan?
- When am I most likely to give myself "permission" to break my new habit?
- What do I typically say to myself when I really, really want to give in?
The goal here is to highlight our common pitfalls. We want to know where the landmines are before taking the first steps—once we know where the common traps are, we can come up with a game plan to handle those situations.
Here are a few examples:
Landmine: My diet usually caves in the evening, when I'm too hungry and too tired to cook.
Solution: I'll get into meal prep so my meals are just waiting for me, starting simple with some healthy 30-minute meal prep recipes. And when that's fallen through, I'll budget for occasionally picking up a meal from a healthy restaurant on the way home.
Landmine: When I'm out with friends, I tend to fall back into my old eating habits.
Solution: When my friends ask where we should eat, I'll suggest a restaurant with a healthy menu. But if they pick another spot, I'll eat something before we go. That way I won't be tempted to overeat.
Landmine: It's hard for me to pass up the drive-thru on the way home. I enjoy having something to snack on.
Solution: Before I pull out of the parking lot, I'll put my credit cards in the back seat, making it difficult to grab something easy. Plus, I'll stash a few healthy snacks in my car so I'll have food I know I like.
Now, it's your turn. Finish this sentence, "When I'm faced with temptation, I will…"
Step 3. Take willpower out of the picture.
Let me share a quick story with you: My friend's son was crushed by the lack of playing time he got during football season—almost to the point where he wanted to throw his hands up and quit. But instead, he turned his disappointment into action: His plan was to go to the gym three times a week, work out, and show them he deserved a spot on the field.
At the same time, he knew there was a big challenge in the way. The obstacle was his friends and playing video games. So my friend and his son came up with a strategy to take gaming out of the picture. They would set their home internet to pause between 4:30 p.m. and 6 p.m. on workout days.
Now, here's what I love: They acted when their motivation was high and made a decision that knocked out future temptation. The strategy they used is what behavioral economists call "precommitment." The idea behind precommitment is to make a decision now that locks you into a choice.
And ultimately, what happens is: You remove temptation and make willpower a non-issue. You've already made the decision. My question to you is, "How can you use precommitment to take willpower out of your September resolutions?"
If you need to save money for retirement or a college fund, you could set up automatic paycheck deductions.
If you want to get to bed earlier and focus on sleep quality, you could set your internet to turn off at 9 p.m.
If you need a motivational boost to stick to your diet plan, you could find a friend or accountability coach who will help you stick to your commitment.
What decision can you make right now to lock yourself into your resolution?
Wrapping Things Up
There's no better time than September to make new resolutions. And now you know the steps to build an unbreakable plan:
Get to the heart of "why" your goal matters.
Plan what you'll do when things get tough.
Take willpower out of the picture by locking yourself into a future choice.
So what will you do today to make September the month that changes everything? In fact, send me your plan and I'll personally follow up with you in 30 days to see how you're doing. I read every email and want to hear from you.
Adam Gilbert is the founder of MyBodyTutor.com, an online program that offers daily and personal accountability like no other service in the world. Sign up for his free mini-course on weight loss, and follow Adam on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.
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8 Things Everyone Should Know Before Seeing a Therapist
I grew up in a small Wisconsin town where people didn't talk much about therapy or mental health in general. So despite having depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, I didn't start seeing a therapist until I moved to Los Angeles.
I feel fortunate to have been seeing my current therapist for a year and a half now. I look forward to meeting with her every week—so much that I hate having to miss a session. That said, the experience has had its ups and downs, including many difficult and awkward conversations. But navigating these has helped me grow in ways I never expected, like coming out as queer and owning my sexual identity, acknowledging that my dream of working in Hollywood wasn't making me happy, and cutting out toxic people who sapped my energy.
I also didn't realize when I started this journey that my relationship with my therapist would be just as healing and important as the actual subjects we discuss in each session.
Here are eight more things I wish I knew when I started. Knowing these ahead of time would have given me the courage to leave my former therapist a lot sooner. Instead, I stayed with her for six months, not knowing how to speak up or find a better fit.
1. It's important to take the time to find a therapist who YOU feel comfortable with.
I know a lot of people don't see a therapist because the thought of finding someone sounds overwhelming. I get it—in some ways, finding a therapist can be like the worst parts of dating: You find someone you think might work and take time out of your schedule to go meet them, only to find out it's a bad fit. But when it works, it can be incredibly helpful.
When starting out, it's worth the time to do some research, which can help you find someone who's a good fit for your particular needs. Have goals in mind: What are you looking to accomplish, and which aspects of your life are you having trouble with? Look into different types of therapy to see what may be best for you. Both Whitney Goodman, LMFT, owner of The Collaborative Counseling Center, and Ryan Howes, Ph.D., a California-based psychologist, encourage people to really focus on what a therapist specializes in—rather than solely looking at their credentials.
"You want to find somebody who is familiar with your issue. That should speak to you from their bio, but also ask if they've ever worked with somebody who is going through what you're going through," Goodman says.
Remember that you are the client, and the therapist is working for you. You want to find someone who you can be completely honest with and who will be able to help you accomplish your goals. Two good places to start your search are Psychology Today or Good Therapy.
2. Make sure to discuss any financial issues you may be having.
Therapy can cost a lot of money. If you're interested in seeing someone, but you're on a budget, Goodman suggests looking into local universities and seeing someone who is going for their masters or doctorate in psychology.
"The clinicians are really good. They're being supervised by really respected people in the community, and sometimes the services are as low as $5," Goodman says.
She says you can also call therapists and ask if they have a sliding scale—many do. Another option might be to look into Open Path, where you pay $49 for a lifetime membership and gain access to a directory of therapists who charge between $30-$50 per session (up to $80 for couples or family counseling).
Sometimes your finances or insurance may change after you've been in therapy for some time. But before you bail, talk to your therapist about not being able to afford to see them. When my insurance changed last fall, I immediately panicked and thought I had to find someone new. As much as I dreaded the conversation, I told my therapist about my insurance change and said I really wanted to keep seeing her. We were able to work out a price that was still affordable.
Sheila Addison, Ph.D., LMFT, says she always tries to work with her clients whose finances have changed. These options can include having a client come earlier in the day when sessions are harder to fill (at a reduced rate) or simply giving them a temporary reduction in fees.
I know it can feel much easier to just quit, but if you just let your therapist know what's going on, you can often find a good solution. And if they can't meet your request, they'll at least be able to refer you to someone they think is a good fit—while being more affordable.
3. Take the time to learn about their policies.
When you start seeing someone, you'll get some forms to fill out. And if you're like most people (hi, me), you'll just quickly look them over and sign. But there's actually a lot of useful information on these consent forms. You'll learn things like what their protocol for calls and emails between sessions is and what to do if you run into a mental health crisis. It's important to also talk to your therapist about these things in the first couple of sessions, especially if you have questions or concerns.
"A lot of people make the mistake of just signing the forms and not keeping a copy for themselves," Addison says. She suggests taking a picture of everything or asking the therapist to send you copies.
One thing I regret not doing earlier is setting up a crisis plan with my therapist that includes things like stress-reduction activities, hotline numbers, and contact info for close friends and family. Even if you think you'll never need it, create one anyway—it's worth it just to have it.
4. You might feel worse before you start to feel better.
Therapy is hard! There are going to be times when you leave the room feeling worse than you did when you came in. You're going to resent your therapist and have the urge to just quit. But I promise it really does get better.
A lot of us have adopted unhealthy coping mechanisms that feel really familiar, and when you start to wean yourself off of them, you can feel out of control. You might also have issues in your life that you've been avoiding, so quitting therapy is definitely easier in the short-term than having to talk about them. But keep going—in the long run, you'll learn healthy coping mechanisms and have a better understanding of who you are as a person.
Howes suggests talking to your therapist if you're feeling overwhelmed. He says you can ask them if they can slow the pace down or provide you with some ways to help manage the stress.
5. You might become attached to your therapist, and that's OK.
About five months after I started seeing my therapist, I became really dependent on her and even developed some romantic feelings toward her. I tried to get rid of these feelings and hid them for a long time. I spent hours Googling what was wrong with me and why this was happening. I couldn't understand why I was having erotic dreams about her or why I wanted to be friends with her.
"Any type of positive feelings toward your therapist is really normal," Addison says. "When you go to a therapist, you're getting an hour a week where someone focuses exclusively on you and doesn't ask for anything in return. Having these feelings is actually a sign that some things are going really well. You're feeling safe in the relationship and you're feeling accepted by the therapist."
If these feelings get to the point where they become intrusive or interfere with your daily life, you should think about bringing them up, Addison says. Your therapist can help you figure out what needs aren't being met in your life and how to change that. There are rules against being friends with your therapist or having any type of relationship with them other than a professional one. And if they start to reciprocate feelings, that's a big red flag.
I brought my feelings up to my therapist and she responded in a really positive way and is helping me work through them. I know that the thought of talking about something like that feels so awkward, but if your therapist is professional and good at their job, they'll handle it like a boss.
6. If your therapist upsets you or offends you, speak up.
There will come a time when your therapist says or does something that angers you or says something that hurts your feelings. It's happened a few times over the course of my own therapy. It's tempting to not say anything and just try to move on, but it's so important to bring it up. This is a great opportunity to learn how to stand up for yourself without having to worry about the other person's feelings.
Goodman says that a good clinician will listen to your feelings and want to figure out why their comment made you feel a certain way. However, she says that if this seems to come up often, and you can't find common ground, then it might be time to find someone else. Remember, don't be discouraged if your therapist responds poorly or gets defensive; it just means it's time to find someone who is a better fit—you deserve a safe space to bring up these issues.
If talking about your concern in person makes you anxious, try writing out your feelings and emailing it to them. I emailed my therapist when she said something that really hurt my feelings, and she responded in a positive way that let me know she cares and wants me to always speak up. Therapists are human and are going to make mistakes. And letting them know how you feel will only deepen the relationship.
7. Go to your appointment even if you think you have nothing to talk about.
I usually have so many things I want to talk about each session, but sometimes, I draw a blank. It's tempting to just cancel the appointment. Who wants to sit in silence for 45 minutes? I encourage you to go, though: Some of my best sessions have been ones where I had nothing prepared because I was able to dive deeper into previously discussed issues or learn that what I previously thought was a seemingly minor thing revealed a much larger issue.
In one session, I started venting about a friend only to realize that she was a big reason why I was so hesitant to share with others how much I struggled with my chronic illness. I was so scared that other people would react the same way she did—by brushing it off and telling me I don't "look sick." My therapist and I spent the rest of the session working through this fear and coming up with a plan to try again with another close friend.
Howe says that when you don't have anything lined up to talk about, you're able to tap into what's going on inside you right at the moment and that the results can sometimes be much richer.
8. It's OK to leave if you aren't vibing with your therapist—or if you've outgrown them.
Maybe you've been with your therapist for six months and just haven't found a connection yet, or you've been with them for two years and feel like you've accomplished all you can with them. A good therapist isn't going to force you to stay, but they can help you transition out. You are the client, and if it's not a good fit, you have every right to leave. Sure, you can just not show up to any more sessions, but it might be better to talk about it first.
Goodman says she loves when clients let her know that she isn't the right fit because she is then able to recommend someone else, which saves them a lot of time and stress. She also says the therapist can maybe adjust their style or treatment modality to fit you.
Remember, you decide when you're done with therapy. Maybe you've accomplished your goals and feel ready to handle life's challenges on your own, or you have some other issues you want to focus on, and they're outside of your current therapist's scope. A good therapist will be happy in either scenario and will be more than willing to assist however they can.
At the end of the day, your therapist just wants you to grow and get to a place where you can live an authentic life, so they want you to speak your mind and not worry about offending them.
Allyson Byers is a freelance writer who loves writing about mental health and chronic illnesses. She lives in Los Angeles with her 7-year-old rescue dog. Read more of her writing at allysonbyers.com or follow her on Instagram @byersally.
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