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5 Ways to Fix Your Bumpy, Dry Elbows
Is there a sillier part of the body than the elbow? It's for the best that it's so hard to see those odd, wrinkly, stretchy, pointy things unless we try really hard. And yet, if neglected—particularly as the cold air of winter begins to dry us out from head to toe—those elbows can begin to cry out for help.
Doctors call the skin on the outside of the elbow an "extensor surface," which refers to all the places that have to stretch when you bend your joints (like your knees and knuckles too). That's why they're a completely different texture from the rest of your skin. Since most humans do almost everything with their arms, the elbows get rubbed, bumped, and leaned on a whole lot. If that elbow skin begins to itch or hurt, or you can see they're looking really dark or bumpy (when you crane your neck and bend your arm just so), here's what you'll need to do:
1. Don't scratch, pick, or rub it.
"A lot of people, especially with symptoms like scaling, want to pick the skin off," says dermatologist Sejal Shah, M.D. "That's aggravating it and makes the skin worse."
And pay attention to the ways you might be inadvertently irritating your elbows too. "There are plenty of things people do without realizing how it may be affecting their skin," says Bella Schneider, founder of LaBelle Day Spas & Salons in California. "For example, not wearing SPF while outdoors, using detergents with harsh ingredients, taking hot showers, applying abrasive scrubs, or waxing your arms. Additionally, working at a desk can cause a lot of friction to the elbow area, which is sometimes unavoidable."
2. If you have bumps or scales, see a dermatologist.
You can google your symptoms all you want, but you run the risk of misdiagnosing yourself. If you've got something like psoriasis or eczema (both of which commonly appear on elbows and knees) and don't know it, your self-prescribed treatment might irritate your skin even more. Bumps can be anything from totally benign keratosis pilaris or granuloma annulare, to something like dermatitis herpetiformis, which is an autoimmune disease that may be caused by a gluten allergy.
"It's always good to get a diagnosis," says dermatologist Doris Day, M.D. "The dermatologist can take a look and figure out if there's an underlying cause."
3. Moisturize with a keratolytic lotion.
That's a fancy term for ingredients such as lactic acid, urea, and salicylic acid. "Those are going to help take off some of the surface layers of the skin, but they also have a humectant property so they will bring moisture," Shah says. Just make sure that you really don't have psoriasis or eczema, she warns, because keratolytics will irritate those conditions.
There's no cure for keratosis pilaris, that gooseflesh you might have on your upper arms and legs caused by ingrown hairs, but like with elbows, gently exfoliating and moisturizing improves the situation greatly.
For arms and elbows, Day likes to recommend Amlactin Ultra (with lactic acid) and, for a more moisturizing effect, SkinFix 12-hour miracle ointment. She also suggests exfoliating with something like these Buff and Brighten pads from SweetSpot Labs.
4) Hit the spa.
"There are plenty of spa treatments that will help with dry elbows," Schneider says. "When treating dry elbows and arms, I recommend starting out with a gentle exfoliant; a microdermabrasion ointment, such as biafine or shea butter; a coconut- or olive oil-based cream; and of course, SPF."
5) Choose the right natural remedies.
For those of you who like to get homemade skin-care recipes from the internet, Day has some guidelines: "Avocado oil, coconut oil, or olive oil can help soften that skin," she says. "I wouldn't rub lemon on it, because that can make you more sensitive."
The natural cure might be even simpler than you expect—like Schneider's tip to wear cotton shirts under those cozy-but-scratchy wool sweaters. When winter comes, here's how she protects herself: "I make sure to drink plenty of water, cut down on my shower time, and avoid products with fragrance."
Sabrina Rojas Weiss lives in Brooklyn, surrounded by her fellow freelance writers and competitive stroller-pushers. Follow her on Twitter @shalapitcher.
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The 4 Best Kinds of Jobs for People With Anxiety
Some jobs for people with anxiety are better than others. Take me, for instance: Every time someone asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up, my answer was always the same. "I'm going to be a spy," I'd tell them, and I actually came pretty close.
After graduating from college, I earned a full ride to a university in England for my master's degree, traveled extensively, and promptly applied for a job with the Central Intelligence Agency. I don't know what I expected, but when I received a phone call from a blocked number one day asking to schedule an interview, it definitely threw me for a loop.
This was my dream job. When I was a kid, I used to make up "spy lessons" with my best friend, and I'd spend hours reading the encyclopedia and dictionary to learn everything I could on any topic my 12-year-old self deemed relevant. After the phone interview, I discovered I'd made it through the next round. My dreams were coming true, except… clearly, that didn't happen. (Or I'm the worst spy ever.)
So what happened? What stopped me from pursuing my lifelong dream?
I realized the job was the absolute worst fit for my personality and what I wanted out of life. I'm a fairly anxious person, and—two years after I withdrew my application from the CIA—I was diagnosed with a panic disorder. A life of intrigue, albeit nothing like what they show in the movies? Probably not the best for me.
It's not that having anxiety means that I wouldn't do a great job in that job or any other job I decided that I wanted to have, but that—when it comes to anxiety—there are certain jobs that make coping with anxiety at work a little less hectic.
"Finding a job that you enjoy doing can be incredibly difficult. For anyone who struggles with social anxiety disorder (SAD), finding a job that you simply feel comfortable doing can feel almost impossible," says Kara Fasone, Ph.D., SHRM-SCP.
"Jobs that involve flexibility and a degree of control over the level of social interaction will provide environments least likely to aggravate SAD symptoms. This doesn't mean that you should avoid any job with even a hint of social interaction; rather, you should prioritize finding a flexible role that encourages you to interface with others from time to time."
So, What Are Good Jobs for People With Anxiety?
"It's really important to understand what your particular anxiety struggles revolve around to begin thinking about a work environment that will be an ideal fit," says Julie Gurner, Psy.D., a doctor of clinical psychology. "For example, if you struggle with social anxiety, there could be a number of options that would make a solid income while not causing you undue duress."
1. Remote Worker/Self-Employed
"It seems like more "digital, dispersed workplaces" are popping up each day. Companies like Buffer and Zapier offer potential employees the ability to work 100 percent remotely in a wide variety of positions, ranging from software development to human resources to marketing, Fasone says.
The downside of working remotely? It's easy to get stuck in your own little bubble, which Fasone explains might end up making your anxiety worse over time.
2. Dog Trainer/Animal Care Worker
Another great option for people with social anxiety: working with animals instead! While this doesn't eliminate human interaction entirely (since, you know, pets have owners), it can reduce the amount of social interaction you have on a daily basis. Jobs involving animals, less customer-facing interaction (sorry, retail), and increased independence are all great options for anyone with anxiety.
3. Computer Science Professional
"While there will be some degree of social interaction required as you partner with a client or collaborate with a team, you'll be able to flex your analytical skills without having to fret too much about constant communication or customer service," Fasone says.
Tech workers—whether software engineers, database administrators, or even graphic designers—spend a lot of time focused on what they're doing or building, which means less face-to-face interaction on the regular.
4. Other Jobs with Solitary Settings
There are plenty of jobs that require less social interaction without being high stress. That might mean landscaping, maintenance, working as a mechanic, or even choosing a job that's a little more low-key, like a massage therapist or florist.
If you're looking for a job opportunity that allows you to work independently, it's just a matter of finding the right fit for you. Personally, I love working remotely, but I know other people with anxiety who need some sort of office structure to keep them motivated.
Either way, anxiety at work is bound to happen—yes, even if you work in your pajamas—and just because you're feeling stressed or anxious at work doesn't necessarily mean you need to swap your job for a new one. (Although that's totally fine too.)
It's Important to Learn How to Cope With Anxiety at Work Too
"People often don't realize that their work environment doesn't always have to "happen to them," but that they can take an active role in helping to shape it in small ways for a better experience," Gurner says.
"Be sure to advocate for yourself in setting realistic timelines and workload expectations when agreeing to tasks. People who struggle with anxiety will often want to please others and can have a tendency to take on too much or too many tasks in short timelines."
I'm totally guilty of avoiding people and situations that make me feel anxious, but that can actually make it worse. Instead, Fasone suggests confronting your anxiety head-on in small stages. Whether that's volunteering to lead a small team meeting or simply complimenting a coworker before leaving for lunch, the more you make an effort, the easier it gets to deal with anxiety on a regular basis.
No matter what type of job you're looking for, the important thing is to do what works for you as an individual. For me, reducing anxiety is an ongoing process, and—while discovering what type of job works best for me was only one piece of the puzzle—it made a huge impact overall.
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Tips to Stay Fit and Healthy in Ramadan
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Can a Hot Toddy Really Make Me Feel Better or Is Grandma Kidding Herself?
"I think I’m getting sick… ” might be the most dreaded five words in the English language come winter. Even if you’ve gotten your flu shot, you’re still not immune from one to two good bouts of snoughing (runny nose + coughing) and all the other nasty cold symptoms that tend to hang around this time of year.
If your usual plan of defense is to hide in your warm bed and reach for the bottle of cough medicine to KTFO, you might want to take a new approach this year—actually, an old approach.
Imagine for a minute that your grandparents were taking care of you: How would they treat your symptoms? Grams would probably make you chicken soup, and Gramps would be all about the whiskey, right? And don’t forget the Vapo Rub.
Back in the day, pouring a tipple of whiskey was standard procedure. But do these old-fashioned remedies have any merit today? Here’s the truth.
Should You Throw Back a Hot Toddy?
You wouldn’t knock knocking back a few in the name of health, right? In the 19th and 20th centuries, doctors regularly prescribed brandy and whiskey for medicinal purposes, including reducing a fever, treating pneumonia, and as a sedative to eliminate pain, discomfort, and to help patients sleep.
Eventually, these prescriptions went out of style as modern medicine took shape. But you might have still heard about your grandfather taking a few swigs when he was feeling under the weather.
A hot toddy, which is made with hot water, whiskey, honey, and lemon juice, is a medicinal tea of sorts. And most of those ingredients actually will make you feel better, says Lisa Doggett, M.D., a board-certified family physician in Austin, Texas. “Warm liquids can be soothing to the throat,” she says. “And there's actually some evidence supporting the use of honey to reduce a cough and improve sleep in kids older than 12 months old. It may be beneficial for adults as well.”
Doggett says her personal go-to remedy for cold symptoms is hot herbal tea with lemon and honey. As for the whiskey, she’d leave it out. “Alcohol might interact with any medications taken for the cold symptoms or for another health condition,” she says.
If you aren’t on any other meds, John Cheng, M.D., a doctor of family medicine in Orange County, California, says a hot toddy may be what you need to relax when you’re ill. “The heat will dilate the nasal passages, which allows for mucus to flow better, the alcohol in the drink makes you feel relaxed, and it has soporific (sleep-inducing) benefits that are needed when you are ill."
But PSA: Make sure you only drink in moderation and take your toddy with plenty of water because alcohol can be dehydrating, all.
What About Chicken Noodle Soup?
Whether you were fed the kind with noodles or matzo balls, your Bubbie was so right about this one. Doctors seem to universally agree that chicken soup can do wonders for cold and cough symptoms. So go ahead and down it by the spoonful.
While studies that claim CNS can actually cure you are limited, there are plenty of reasons to believe that the ingredients in the soup, its warm nature, and the smell alone can help you feel better.
“Chicken soup is a must when you have the flu,” says Edmund Nahm, M.D., an ear, nose, and throat specialist in New York City. “It hydrates the body, soothes the throat, and tastes great.”
Of the limited studies that have been done on chicken soup, researchers have found it to have anti-inflammatory properties for the upper-respiratory tract, plus it helps open up stuffy nasal passages. It may even inhibit pro-inflammatory conditions associated with the early stages of a viral infection and help prevent the dreaded common cold.
Only one question remains: Does Uber Eats deliver chicken noodle?
... and Is It Worth Smelling Like Vicks VapoRub?
Your mom probably rubbed good ol’ Vicks on your chest or feet when you were little and coughing. And if you thought it didn’t do much besides stink up the room—you weren’t alone.
For years, doctors had zero evidence that camphor (a cough suppressant that is one of the main ingredients in Vicks) and menthol (thus the smell) did anything. Then a 2010 study came out and changed everyone’s minds. Compared to petroleum jelly and doing nothing for a cough in kids, Vicks outscored everyone. Researchers found it to help with cold and cough congestion plus sleep quality.
“Many of the symptoms of colds and flu are related to congestion and cough, symptoms that can be particularly bothersome at night and interfere with sleep,” says Amesh Adalja, M.D., a board-certified infectious disease physician in Pittsburgh. “There is some data that shows that application of Vicks VapoRub (or an equivalent ointment containing menthol, camphor, and eucalyptus oil) can diminish a nighttime cough and allow the sick person to sleep better through the night.”
Just stick with the rub on your chest, back of the neck, and feet. Putting it near your eyes or nose could cause you to inhale toxins that may be dangerous.
The Bottom Line
While old-fashioned remedies won’t cure you, they probably won’t hurt, either. “Unfortunately, we don't have good clinical evidence to support most of the old-fashioned treatments for colds and coughs,” Doggett says. “On the other hand, we don't have solid evidence for most over-the-counter cough and cold medicines lining shelves of pharmacies everywhere, either. So if someone has a cough and cold remedy that's tried and true, usually it's fine to use it.”
Just be sure to see your doctor if your symptoms get worse or don’t improve after 10 days—it may be a sign of a more serious condition.
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The Most Important Rules to Follow in Yoga Class
Yoga is everywhere—from gyms to workplaces to Instagram and beyond. You may have experienced some of its many benefits, like toning, increased flexibility, or a sense of chill that reminds you the world actually isn't imploding all around you.
But just like every public experience, it's important to know what's expected of you when entering a yoga space. Whether you're a total newbie or a seasoned vet who's wondered, am I doing this right? here's a guide to help you with the ins and outs of yoga etiquette so you can get the most out of your practice.
Before You Get to Class
Make sure you know what level class you're signing up for.
If you're new, welcome! As a yoga teacher myself, I suggest trying an intro-level class first—and there's no shame in that at all. Even if you're very fit, yoga has its own vocabulary, alignment cues, and pacing. Trust me, you will have a far easier (and safer) time getting acclimated to a basic vinyasa class than if you throw yourself into an advanced or intermediate class.
Also, an experienced teacher will tone class down to accommodate new students, and that isn't exactly fair to the rest of the class, either. On the other side of the coin, if you're a seasoned student practicing with beginners, respect the group by staying mostly with the pace and postures offered. Nobody likes to watch someone fly into a handstand every five minutes when they're still working on nailing tree pose.
Be mindful about yoga wear.
Wear comfortable clothes you can move in. Form-fitting threads help a teacher see your alignment and offer you the right adjustments, but there's no need for $200 yoga couture. Yoga is about feeling comfortable in your skin, so go with sweats and a tee if that does it for you! Just make sure that your clothes will provide the coverage you want in positions like downward-facing dog.
Be. On. Time.
Budget the necessary time to hunt down a parking space, lock up your bike, or hike the five blocks from the subway so that you can check in at the front desk and be on your mat before class starts. If you enter the yoga room while others are trying to get centered, it can disrupt the vibe and the teacher might have to repeat themselves, which can cut into class time (and time is money, people!).
Skip perfumes and lose the shoes.
Chanel No. 5 is lovely, but many people have sensitivities to scents of all kinds, so respect the shared space by minimizing them. To keep the yoga room clean, every studio has a place for shoes—whether it's in cubbies or shoe racks, or even alongside the doorway. Your fellow yoga students will appreciate not having your shoes touch the same spots where they put their heads and hands.
Read the room.
Take a second to notice how others have placed their mats—this sounds obvious, but you'd be amazed at the weird things people do with their mats when unprompted. Sometimes, painted or taped lines on the floor display the correct mat placement, but you can always ask the instructor to be sure. The same goes for yoga props—blankets, straps, blocks, eye pillows, bolsters, and the like. Your teacher will probably tell you what you'll need during class, but when in doubt, a strap, two yoga blocks, and a blanket are a safe bet.
Let the instructor know if you're pregnant or have an injury or condition that needs attention.
Even if it's clear as day to you, your pregnancy may not be obvious to others! No teacher wants to assume pregnancy and inadvertently embarrass a student. Let the instructor know so you can go over the basic do's and don'ts together to help you stay safe. If you're pregnant and new to yoga, prenatal classes are best. There are a number of modifications for pregnancy that you'll learn with other expectant moms (and yes, it's still yoga!).
The same goes for any injury or condition that may affect your practice—keeping the teacher in the loop can help them help you better with modifications and adjustments.
During Yoga Class
If you absolutely must be late...
It's human. Traffic. Bosses. Kids. That latte you spilled on your new yoga pants. You know, life. But be aware that some studios have a zero late-entry policy, and others allow a maximum tardiness of 10 minutes (and after that you may be turned away). Make sure you know what you're in for when you come sprinting into the studio.
When you're late, the way you approach the yoga space matters. "I've had late students enter class so quietly that no one would even notice," says San Diego-based yoga teacher and trainer Alyssa Runyan. "I've also had students come in so loudly that no one could help but be bothered by their late arrival."
If you're frazzled about being late, yoga teacher Lauren Knuth suggests pausing to take a few deep breaths before you open the door to the yoga room—that way you'll be more in tune with the energy of the class as you quietly set up. If possible, choose a spot at the back to minimize your distraction.
Also extremely important: Be kind to front desk staff. It's not their fault if you're late, and it's never fair to ask them to bend rules for you. Be a responsible adult and own your lateness, even if you're not allowed into class.
Phones on silent and put away.
Yes, silent. Not vibrate. Believe it or not, an incessantly vibrating phone can seem almost as distracting as a chiming, dinging, or beeping one. If your job requires you to be on call, keep your phone quiet and close so you can check it discreetly as needed.
But if on a rare (rare!) occasion your phone happens to go off in class, give yourself a break. Again, we're human. A swift "sorry about that" and a trip to the cubbies to silence it is all it takes. Trust me, it's less infinitely disruptive than ignoring the cacophony and hoping it won't ring or ping again.
Stay for savasana!
Savasana, or corpse pose, is usually practiced in the final minutes of a yoga class. It's a time for your body and mind to take conscious rest, for your heart rate and nervous system to settle, and—many practitioners believe—for the benefits of yoga to deeply integrate. "This isn't just a cooldown, it's a really important part of the practice," Knuth says.
When you leave before savasana, you miss the opportunity for the benefits of your practice to sink in, which stinks for you but can be really annoying for others. If you seriously need to scoot, make sure you let the teacher know before class starts and be close to the back of the room for a quiet exit.
Most Importantly: Enjoy Your Practice
Last but definitely not least, remember that patience pays off. Yoga styles and instructors vary greatly, so if you didn't land in your yoga nirvana for the very first class, keep looking before deciding whether or not it's for you. Give yourself time to let yoga transform you both physically and mentally. Don't worry about what the yogi next to you is doing or stress out if you can't reach your toes. If your breath can remain deep and steady during your practice, and if you're feeling sensation—even occasional discomfort but not pain—then congratulations: You're doing yoga.
Danielle Simone Brand writes about parenting, yoga, cannabis, and pop culture. She has been a yoga teacher for more than a decade and currently teaches people of all ages across San Diego. When not writing or teaching yoga, you can find Danielle playing with her two kids and puppy.
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How to Tell If Someone's Truly Passive-Aggressive or If You're Just Taking Things Personally
If you've ever had a roommate (or just lived life as a human in this world), you've probably dealt with passive-aggression more times than you'd like. You get real familiar with sentiments like "I guess you could wash dishes that way, I just like them a little cleaner" or "I love that bracelet. Usually gold looks so tacky, but it works for you." Or the classic "it's fine," paired with a tense, angry-eyed smile.
This backhanded aggression is hard to deal with (though there are ways to handle the passive-aggressive people in your life) and can sometimes make you feel a little crazy—it's not always easy to tell if someone's trying to be hurtful with a smile on their face or if their words are just triggering your insecurities.
One time, my mom made a simple comment about keeping in touch with our old neighbors and I spent the next few hours crying about how she doesn't think I love her enough. In that case, she wasn't making some backhanded dig, but it set off my insecurities about feeling distant from my family.
I'm not saying that everyone's gone on a crying jag over a totally innocuous statement, but it's not uncommon to take neutral remarks personally and assume the other person is just being a passive-aggressive nightmare. So I spoke to experts to find out how to determine when someone is being legitimately hurtful in a backhanded way and when our insecurities are simply getting the best of us.
Also, please note, any reaction you have to a person—whether they're being passive-aggressive or not—is OK. I'm not at all trying to tell you to not get upset or hide your feelings because your feelings are valid no matter what the cause.
Unfortunately, if you're at work and dealing with a poor communicator or someone who sets off all your worst insecurities, you may not want to be all up in your feelings during office hours. So by figuring out when someone is intending to be hurtful (as opposed to inadvertently causing you pain), you might be able to have more control over your reactions—and you can save your real anger for the people who are purposeful jerks.
Take a Step Back and Get Perspective
When you hear a potentially passive-aggressive comment, empowerment coach Alani Bankhead suggests you take a step back and try to identify the specific behavior that offended you as objectively as possible. Basically, before things get washed away in emotion, it's good to break down what just happened.
Maybe you just had a passive-aggressive boss, so now you interpret everything your new boss says as passive-aggressive, when, in reality, they might be giving you a simple note. This is backed by the appraisal theory of emotion, which states that we feel emotions based on our appraisal of the situation. This explains why people can react so differently to the same situations.
For example, a dog running away could make an acting teacher storm into the room in tears and take the entirety of class time to weep and talk about a dog psychic that gave her bad news, whereas the same dog running away might make a student in that acting teacher's class think, Seems like we should still probably have class today? (For the record, my acting teacher's dog came home that night, even though the dog psychic said she was "with the angels." Lesson: Don't spend a lot of money on dog psychics or acting classes.)
Anyway, the appraisal theory helps explain why some things might set you off while they don't bother anyone else. It also explains that our whole life experience and history influence our day-to-day reactions. Once you become more aware of your appraisals, you can have more control over your reactions.
Bankhead says it's good to take a look at the situation after you've had an emotional response. Quickly replay what they said and try to see if there was any real malice behind it. It's also helpful to ask for other opinions. If everybody at the office thinks that person is a passive-aggressive a-hole, then you probably don't need to do a lot of soul-searching to find out if that's true. But if no one had a problem, it's good to give your initial reaction a second thought.
Now, I'm not saying to blindly trust everyone else's judgment here. If you know someone is passive-aggressively manipulating you, it doesn't matter what anyone else says. But if you're not sure if something is based on aggression or insecurity, getting a second opinion can help.
See the Signs of Insecurity
Sometimes, it's hard to see your own insecurity. Either we've lived with our own self-negativity for so long it doesn't register anymore or we've never stopped to analyze the things that make us feel insecure.
A report from Harvard and the University of Pennsylvania (as reported in Slate) found that there are lots of clues to insecurity in the way people speak. For example, people who are constantly self-promoting or trying to emphasize their status in a group are often the most insecure.
In the study, students at Penn often referred to their school as "Ivy League," while Harvard kids usually left that moniker out. Since Harvard is the King of Ivy League schools, the students didn't need to assert their dominance. But for kids at Penn, a school that most people forget has Ivy League status, their insecurity made them want to shout "I'm Ivy League too" from the rooftops.
So if you notice yourself ever wanting to overtly brag about accomplishments or trying to inflate your status in a situation, it probably means you're a little insecure about the topic. When I say "I'm a freelance writer," I always drop a few names of places I've worked so people don't think I'm some random Yelp reviewer with a blog.
It's not because anybody actually cares about my writing career, but I feel the need to assert my status out of insecurity. Once you really get to know what makes you feel insecure, you'll immediately know when someone is setting off your insecure alarm and when someone's being legitimately passive-aggressive.
Know Your Triggers
As you get to know your insecurities, dig deeper into your specific triggers. It will help prepare you for when someone accidentally steps on your emotional minefield.
"When you find yourself dissecting every word, action, tone, and gesture the other person used in the allegedly offensive comment, identify what specifically irritated you," Bankhead says. "What emotions are you feeling? What do you physically feel in your body? Often times, we have physical reactions but don't even notice!" After you identify the feeling, see if there's a root cause to that reaction, Bankhead suggests. Maybe you had a traumatic experience in your life that not everyone knows about. It makes perfect sense for you to have a bigger reaction to something that triggers anything close to that trauma.
Even if you didn't have a major tragedy in your past, you can still get upset about things that other people brush off. For another personal example, nothing makes me madder than someone telling me to "calm down." I work hard to regulate my emotions, stay rational in work or public situations, and avoid conflict. So when I'm trying to make a point without a ton of emotion behind it and someone tells me to "calm down," well then I'm ready to punch a b*tch. Now, I wasn't told to calm down as a kid, nor did a mugger with a "Calm Down" jacket try to rob me a gunpoint. I just hate hearing that phrase. But I also know that those words are a trigger, so when I hear "calm down," I have to regulate that rage feeling and take the words at face value.
"Being self-aware is the key to knowing when someone is intentionally mistreating you," says Sal Raichbach PsyD, LCSW, of Ambrosia Treatment Center. "Self-awareness gives you the ability to take constructive criticism without projecting your insecurities onto the situation."
Now, if someone is outright aggressive, uses hurtful language, or is utterly insensitive, you don't need to check yourself. But when someone pushes your buttons without malice, knowing your sore spots can make your life a little easier.
Empathize (Even When You Don't Want To)
Before you go around town telling everyone what a jerk this passive-aggressive person is, try to empathize. I know, that's not fun, but sometimes it gives you a better perspective. "Most people are generally trying to do the best they can in life, but it's 100 percent normal to have conflict," Bankhead says.
If you're dealing with a person you can't avoid (like a boss), try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Assume they meant the best, even if it came out wrong. We all say stupid things sometimes, so it's nice to cut people a little bit of slack, especially when it's the first instance of potential passive-aggressive behavior.
Taking a moment to put yourself in their shoes can sometimes resolve the situation entirely. Maybe the other person is stressed, overworked, and just as insecure as you. They said something that wasn't great, but you can see how that might happen when you empathize with the entirety of the situation.
Or you might try to empathize and find that there's simply no excuse for their behavior. In that case, they are being passive-aggressive and you should deal with them on those terms.
Take It at Face Value
"If you can't decide whether someone is being disrespectful or just giving you their opinion, recognize the fact that their lack of communication is likely to blame," Raichbach says. "Instead of projecting your self-doubt onto the situation, remind yourself that it isn't your job to teach them how to communicate." So, if you get an "it's fine," it's totally OK for you to take those words at their literal meaning and go about your day as though everything is totally fine.
Stop Analyzing
There's a fine line between reflecting and overanalyzing. Raichbach recommends reflecting about what was said, how you felt about it, and if it set off any triggers. But spending much more time thinking about the incident becomes counter-productive.
"It can be tempting to spend hours trying to pick apart what a passive-aggressive means when they say something," Raichbach says. "Remind yourself that it's impossible to see what's going on inside someone else's head." When your thoughts start to swirl around a potentially passive-aggressive person, you suffer. That person goes about their day, while you pour over every word, wondering what you did wrong or if they have mean motives behind their sentiments.
"Instead of trying to interpret, move forward by asking them direct questions the next time they voice their opinion," Raichbach says. Simply ask in a polite tone, "What did you mean by that?" or "Are you upset with something I did?" If the person is really passive-aggressive, they'll have to either get aggressive or back away from their back-handed response. Or if the person didn't have any malice behind what they said, they'll probably apologize and correct the situation. Either way, you'll immediately know what you're dealing with and won't have to spend so much mental energy on the hidden meanings of the other person's words.
Keep Communicating
"If you complete this process of self-evaluation and empathy and arrive at the decision that the person's comment was truly meant to be hurtful, then it's a great opportunity to identify what boundaries were violated and how to address it so that it doesn't happen again." No one deserves to be mistreated at work, home, or anywhere. So, if someone said something with malice, they shouldn't do it again.
Sadly, this can be difficult to approach in work situations, but it's not impossible. If someone is constantly trying to stab you in the back with a smile, go to HR and talk about some of the hurtful conversations you've had. Or, if you can, address the person directly. That's all easier said than done, but addressing the situation head-on will make your life better in the long run.
We all have insecurities, triggers, and jerks in our life. When you get really self-aware and know all your sore spots, it gives you power. Instead of accidentally getting set off all day, you know what upsets you and when someone is stepping over the line. Rather than get caught in a cycle of worry about what someone really means by "it's fine," you can let that go and put your energy elsewhere. "At the end of the day," Bankhead says, "we all decide how we choose to view the world."
Amber Petty is an L.A. based writer and a regular contributor to Greatist. Follow along as she shares her weight-loss journey in her new bi-monthly column, Slim Chance. Follow her on Instagram @Ambernpetty.
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6 Tips to Have the Best Run With Your Dog
You probably already know running is an excellent workout for humans. But what has four legs, thinks you're flawless and could also benefit greatly from running? Yep, it's your dog.
"Since dogs, just like humans, need daily exercise, it's like killing two birds with one stone; not only are you two getting healthier at the same time, but you're also strengthening your bond," says Erin Askeland, CBCC-KA, a pet expert for Camp Bow Wow.
But heel for a second, because running with your pup isn't as simple as strapping on a leash and heading outside. There are various precautions to keep in mind, especially if your dog isn't used to hitting the pavement. Before you venture out together, check out these six tips from the pros on how to safely run with your best friend.
1. Consult the vet first.
When it comes to running, not all dogs were born to marathon train with you. While most dogs can run short distances—fetch!—not all make the best running buddies, Askeland says. Brachycephalic dogs like pugs, bulldogs, and other short-nosed breeds, along with very large breeds and overweight dogs, aren't physically suited for running long distances. Dogs with the potential for spinal issues (like Dachshunds), hip dysplasia (commonly found with German Shepherds), and other bone issues might not be able to handle the high-impact exercise either.
Additionally, Askeland adds that puppies who are younger than 18 months aren't fully formed yet and shouldn't hit the trails hard while they're growing. Since our pet's health is No. 1, always consult with your vet before starting a running program with your dog.
2. Start slow.
Once given the OK to start running, don't launch into full 5K mode. "Start with a combination of running and walking for a short time until you notice that his endurance is increasing," Askeland says. "Just as humans are, dogs are susceptible to stress fractures and heat stroke."
Try 5 minutes of warming up, 20 minutes max of jogging, and then 5 minutes of cooling down. It's up to us to make sure our dogs are doing a-OK. "Dogs are people-pleasers and if you want to keep running, they will often work to keep up, even if they're in pain," she says.
3. Check the weather.
We know that running on a brutally hot or humid day is tortuous, but that goes double for dogs, who can overheat very quickly. Askeland suggests running in the early morning or late evening when the sun isn't scorching. (If you're running in the dark, be sure to wear some reflective gear so drivers can spot you.)
Always feel the pavement before fully setting out to make sure it isn't going to burn your pup's feet. "Concrete emanates heat, which can increase the body temperature of your pet relatively quickly," she says.
4. Protect those paws!
In addition to temperature, Askeland says we should take the surfaces our dogs are running on into careful consideration. Not only can concrete get too hot but running on it constantly can stress joints and irritate our pup's foot pads. Additionally, running on gravel can end up puncturing their paws. The safest bets are dirt trails, grass, or sand. Askeland suggests stopping our run to periodically to check paws for burns or cuts.
5. Watch for exhaustion.
It's important to keep an eye on our dogs—if you notice your pal is lagging behind you, seeking shade, or trying to stop and lie down, it's time to slow down and take a rest. Heavy panting, noisy breathing, and disorientation mean you should seek medical help immediately. On that note, if she's too stiff or extremely tired the next day, that means you probably ran too far or too fast and should take it down a level.
6. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
Staying hydrated seems like a no-brainer, but seriously, it's vital for you and your dog pre-, during, and post-run. Let them drink a bowl or two of water before heading out on a run, even if you're planning a run first thing in the morning. If you're heading out for a good bit of time, don't forget to pack a portable bowl or cup and a bottle of water so your pup can stay hydrated while enjoying a fun, exhilarating run with their No. 1.
Kathleen Wong is a Honolulu-based writer. If she's not writing, you can find her at the beach.
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4 Ways to Start Your Diet Today Instead of Tomorrow
Recently, I overheard someone say, "I start a new diet every Monday and on the first of every month!" While this is kind of hilarious, it also got me thinking: Why don't we stick to the plan we're on? And how can we stop mortgaging tomorrow's happiness for today's temporary enjoyment? That's a big question—and it's one we're going to tackle right now.
To start, let's consider all the major ways we fall into what I call "The Tomorrow Trap."
Trap No. 1: We take credit for tomorrow's achievements today.
The first trap we need to look out for is "sin today, salvation tomorrow." It's easy to think about all the hard work we'll put in tomorrow and take credit for it now. Here's what I mean: Have any of these thoughts ever crossed your mind?
- One cookie is OK—I'll just wake up early and go for a run.
- Let's order pancakes; I'll start my diet on Monday.
- I feel terrible, tired, and hungry, and don't feel like cooking anything... but that's fine. I'll hit the gym extra hard next week.
If you've ever said anything like this, can I get an amen? Because I sure have. But the truth is, when we intend to make a healthy decision tomorrow, we're far more likely to overeat today.
Trap No. 2: We're overly confident.
Some of us are so confident that we'll eat healthier tomorrow that we're perfectly OK indulging today. In one study, individuals were asked to rate themselves based on how much self-control they think they have.
And the funny thing is: Those that rated themselves as having high self-control were those most likely to order unhealthy meals. Now, you may be thinking, Well, that rules me out! I'd never say I have a lot of self-control. I clearly don't fall into the overconfident category.
Not so fast—overconfidence is a sneaky trap. Have you ever said you're going order a salad for dinner, but got the burger and fries instead? (Cough, cough... I have.) So it's not just about thinking you're confident—it's about how you really behave.
Trap No. 3: We're too optimistic about what we'll do tomorrow.
Today, life is hard: We're overwhelmed, we have zero free time, we're tired, and we don't feel like eating healthy. But, tomorrow… well, tomorrow is always going to be different. Tomorrow, we'll find time to go to the gym, make that hard decision to eat a healthy lunch, and skip those drinks with friends. It's so easy to be convinced we'll make great future choices—and excuse our present actions.
So here are four ways to escape "The Tomorrow Trap."
Now that we have the three most common traps covered, this is where we bring it home: Let's talk about how to avoid them so we can finally stop saying, "I'll start my diet tomorrow."
Solution No. 1: Catch yourself before you fall.
Once we're aware of what we're thinking, we can catch ourselves in those thoughts. I had a client sum this up perfectly: "I know what works, but I routinely make choices that do not take me closer to my goal. While I'm making those choices, there's a piece of me that's not committed to reaching the goal, and it reminds me that I know what to do, and I can do that later or tomorrow."
So often, we realize that we're falling into "The Tomorrow Trap," but what can we really do about it? Listen to my client, who explained how to make that change perfectly:
"I can intercept those thoughts and make better choices moment by moment." Yes! That's exactly what we're talking about! When we find ourselves rationalizing all the reasons to indulge now, we can recognize that behavior, stop, catch ourselves, and avoid those pitfalls.
Solution No. 2: Give yourself a reality check.
When we make promises to work out tomorrow or order healthier at our next meal, stop and ask, "Do I actually do those things I'm promising? Or am I falling back into the 'indulge today, change tomorrow' cycle?"
When you're completely honest with yourself, you can spot rationalizations and stop them in their tracks. Here's what that looks like:
"I don't feel like cooking; today was absolutely wild. I'll order a pizza tonight. But I'll be back at it tomorrow." And here's where the reality check comes in. You have to question yourself. If you catch yourself having one of these thoughts, you can counter it: "That's what I said last week too. But when I promised myself to get back on track, did I stick to it?"
We ask ourselves this kind of question not to make ourselves feel guilty—feeling guilty doesn't help anyone. The point is to call out our excuses for what they are: rationalizations to make easy, self-sabotaging decisions.
Solution No. 3: Realize that tomorrow is not easy.
I read this quote a while back, and it's always stuck with me: "Tomorrow: a magical place where 99 percent of all human productivity, motivation, and achievement is stored!" How true is that? When we think about tomorrow, we imagine ourselves with more time, more willpower, and the ability to make better choices.
What we're doing is creating this "ideal image" of what tomorrow will look like, but here's the flaw: Tomorrow will present the same challenges we have today.
We'll still have friends that want us to have a drink with them, be busy at work, feel anxious, and crave the comfort of food when we feel bored. The time to change isn't tomorrow; it's now! We can only avoid the discomfort for so long—we might as well make the change today.
Solution No. 4: Make each day's choice a copy of the last.
Behavioral economist Howard Rachlin refers to this concept as "reducing variability." What does that mean? Instead of changing our behavior, we double down on it.
Here's an example: Say we're faced with the choice of having a doughnut or not. What usually happens next? We have this internal debate about whether we should have it or not. We're at war with ourselves until one side wins. And usually, it's not the side we want to win!
Of course, this doesn't mean you can't enjoy your favorite food. Everything in moderation—even moderation. I believe in teaching clients how to be fit and happy, not fit and miserable. Sometimes, you just want something because it's delicious, and that's OK. I encourage you to enjoy your favorite food. The idea is to enjoy it with others… not use it alone. And don't let one indulgence throw the whole day or week off.
But what we decide to do today dictates what we'll do tomorrow too. If we remove the idea that tomorrow is going to be different and recognize that our choices today are going to be the same as our choices tomorrow, it's much harder to avoid facing the consequences. We can clearly see the real effect that each of our decisions has.
So ask yourself, Do you want the result of eating a donut every day of your life? Of course not—so let's decide that what we do today is what we'll do tomorrow, and make great choices today.
This post originally appeared on mybodytutor.com and was republished with the author's permission. Adam Gilbert is the founder of MyBodyTutor.com, an online program that offers daily and personal accountability like no other service in the world. Sign up for his free mini-course on weight loss, and follow Adam on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.
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How Long Do Most Men Need to Reset Between Orgasms?
Porn might have you convinced that men are like Energizer bunnies that keep going and going and going, but the reality is a lot more human, and a lot more realistic: Even at their youngest or most virile, everyone needs some recovery time between sessions.
The male refractory period, a.k.a. the time between orgasms, can last minutes to days, says board-certified urologic surgeon Jamin Brahmbhatt, M.D. After sex, your penis becomes flaccid from neural signals telling your body to relax, especially the organ that's been doing most of the work (yep, the penis), Brahmbhatt says.
Just like our computers or phones sometimes need a reboot, our bodies need that time as well. The excited fight-or-flight nervous system recedes, and the rest-and-restore system comes forward," explains board-certified urologist and men's sexual health expert Paul Turek, M.D.
After orgasming, a man's dopamine and testosterone levels drop, while serotonin and prolactin increase. "If prolactin levels are lower, his refractory period will be shorter," says sex expert Antonia Hall. "Other variables include stress and energy levels, arousal levels, and drug and alcohol use—including antidepressants and other prescription drugs that can hinder sexual desire."
Individual recovery time also depends on your overall health and age, Brahmbhatt says. "Generally speaking, men in their 20s often need only a few minutes, while men in their 30s and 40s may need 30 minutes to an hour," says Xanet Pailet, sex and intimacy educator and author of the new book Living An Orgasmic Life.
Many of the factors that impact MRP are out of men's control. But being extremely aroused can shorten the length of the refractory period, Pailet says.
Gaining control of your orgasms can be a start to managing your recovery times.
"My best recommendation to men who want to be able to have sex multiple times in a short period is to learn ejaculatory control, which allows them to still experience an orgasm without ejaculating," Pailet says. Ejaculatory control can be learned through breathwork, according to Pailet. There are tantric breathing techniques that can help you delay orgasm (and some breathing techniques that just make for better sex, tbh).
Of course, being your healthiest never hurts. "The best you can do is to keep that body of yours as healthy as possible by eating right, exercising regularly, and treating it like a temple," Turek says. "A healthy body will reboot quicker than an unhealthy one." That also includes avoiding too much alcohol, which is known to act as a depressant.
Maybe the best motivation to order that salad... ever.
Aly Walansky is a New York-based lifestyle writer. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @alywalansky.
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Should You Give Cupping a Try?
Thanks to Michael Phelps's public display of cupping back at the Olympics in 2016, you've probably heard of the ancient Chinese therapy that leaves those infamous red circles on your back. And ever since then, more and more celebs have been showing off their alternative medicine battle wounds too (we're looking at you, Kaley Cuoco). But what exactly is this whole cupping thing—and should you try it yourself?
Cupping: A Brief History
First things first, cupping therapy may be so-called "trendy" right now, but it is certainly not a trend. "It's been used in many cultures around the world for possibly 5,000 years," says cupping practitioner Frances Wocicki, MS, founder of Crow Heart Acupuncture & Chinese Herbs in Oakland, CA.
Evidence of cupping as a practice has been documented in early Chinese and Egyptian medicine. Historically, the first cups in China were made from animal horns and used to extract puss (blech). But these days, the cups—which are made from glass, plastic, silicone, or even copper—are thankfully not used to extract puss (sorry, we said it again) but to create a suction that draws blood to that area of the body.
To do this, when you go for cupping, a practitioner places multiple jars on your skin and either keeps them there or moves them around with oil. "It's basically like a reverse massage, in that with a massage you are pushing the skin around, whereas, with cupping, you are pulling the skin up," says Iman Majd, M.D., licensed acupuncturist and director of the Osher Clinic for Integrative Medicine at the University of Washington.
But don't worry: Although the process sounds like it could be painful, you'll actually likely enjoy it—with one exception. "Most patients actually find cupping really relaxing and soothing," Majd says. "It's not a painful treatment, but if their muscles are tight in a certain area, there could be some discomfort for one to two sessions," he says.
The suction that the cups create increases blood flow to that particular region, which can loosen your muscles, relieve muscle tension, and can help reduce inflammation, Wocicki says.
"In Chinese medicine, there is a saying that 'stagnation equals pain,'" she continues. Cupping aims to alleviate that pain by getting rid of the stagnation that may cause it in the first place. Blood contains nutrients and oxygen that help pick up toxins and waste products, so by increasing your blood flow to various parts of your body, you are increasing its ability to repair any damage that has been caused along the way.
"When you get rid of the 'stagnation,' you get rid of the pain by bringing this healing fluid—your blood—into the tissues," Wocicki says.
When Do People Actually Use Cupping?
Most people don't go for cupping just because. Rather, they usually go to treat something that ails them, whether it's muscular pain and weakness, sports injuries, gastrointestinal and circulatory issues, lung ailments like a cough, skin troubles, or even stress.
Just like acupuncture, cupping doesn't require a physician's referral (unless your health insurance requires it), but Mark Carter, M.D., an internist and founder of Zero to Healthy, says it's something a lot of M.D.s are trained in. "I'd recommend it to someone with muscle tension issues, problems relaxing certain muscles, or limited range of motion."
And the actual number of cupping sessions depends on the case. "In some cases, I've done one to two treatments, and the issue has been resolved, but for others, it could take six to seven sessions. It all depends on the condition, how active the person is, and how chronic the condition is," Majd says, adding that "the sooner we start the treatment, the faster we get results."
Majd explains the whole process by telling patients to think of their muscles as a steak and their muscles' layers as a Ziplock bag covering the steak. "When you put a steak in a Ziplock bag in the freezer, ultimately, the bag will get stuck on the steak, and it won't move—which is where cupping comes in. Cupping ultimately pulls away the covering of the muscle—i.e., the Ziplock bag—so that your muscles can loosen up and move," he says. And that's when the blood flows.
The Acupuncture Addition
Another important thing to know about cupping is that it usually does not end with just cupping. Most patients who go for cupping get acupuncture too—and that's because cupping is only part of the full story.
"A traditional medicine approach usually aims to treat both the branch—often the physical symptoms—and the root of the problem. In this way, cupping can be thought of as the branch, whereas acupuncture is the root," Wocicki says. Cupping addresses the muscular pain on a local level, but acupuncture, which releases endorphins, may be better able to address the deeper, more systemic issues in the body, helping to encourage healing at the root level, Wocicki says.
"I almost always use acupuncture if I'm doing a cupping treatment, but I don't always do cupping if I'm doing acupuncture," she says. In fact, Majd says that most qualified cupping practitioners are actually acupuncturists first—so to get the best and safest cupping procedure, you'll want to look for a qualified acupuncturist to do the job.
So, Is Cupping for You?
If you feel pain in your body or have issues elsewhere (skin, digestion), Carter suggests that it might be worth a shot. "Cupping is reportedly low risk, so there's minimal downside if someone wants to try it," he says. And although it looks like it might, Majd says there isn't any data that it causes clots.
That said, there are still some limitations. Pregnant women should not be cupped on their abdomens or upper parts of their leg. People with high fevers or convulsions should also not be cupped. And cups should never be applied over areas of broken bones, fractures, ruptured tendons, or injuries that involved bleeding.
"I would also not cup a patient with a bleeding disorder or anyone in a fragile medical state in general," Wocicki says. And if you have a history of deep vein thrombosis (DVT) in your legs—which is essentially a blood clot in a deep vein—it's also best to avoid those areas too, to make sure that the clots will not get dislodged, Majd says.
Also, keep in mind: You will have those infamous cupping bruises for a while. How long depends on how dark the mark is, which varies depending on the person (and, importantly, isn't an indication of how strong the process was).
"Someone with a healthy blood flow and not a lot of stagnation will tend to have lighter marks from the cupping than someone with more stagnation," Wocicki says. Lighter marks tend to disappear more quickly—maybe around a day or two—whereas darker marks can last longer, for a week or more, and fade slowly with time.
In the end, of course, the decision to give it a go is yours. But one thing is for sure: Cupping is definitely on the up and up, so if you are feeling some sort of physical pain, it couldn't hurt to check in with a practitioner to see if the treatment could be helpful for you.
Annie Daly is a freelance writer and editor based in Brooklyn Heights, New York. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @anniemdaly, and find more of her work on her website, www.anniedaly.com.
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10 Simple Ways to Hygge Up Your Life
You've probably heard all about hygge (pronounced hoo-gah), a Danish word that's been popping up next to anything that has to do with being cozy, from finding perfect, wintery recipes to Instagramming your blankets (#hyggetime).
It's not just a Danish thing, though. Swedes have mys, and Norwegians have kos. All three words are untranslatable in English but evoke feelings of warmth and coziness that we've learned to recognize as quintessentially Scandinavian. But you don't have to travel to northern Europe to get your hygge on—you can totally replicate these feelings in your own home. Here's how to hygge like a boss.
1. Be mindful about your downtime.
Binge-watching Netflix, scrolling your Instagram feed for hours… there's nothing inherently wrong with these activities. But if we're being honest, there's nothing inherently rewarding about them either.
The concept of hygge is all about taking your downtime seriously and making your moments of relaxation count. Instead of another night of aimlessly browsing Netflix with a gnawing feeling that you should be doing something more productive, try to make more conscious choices instead.
As in, consciously tell yourself things like, "I will now take a nap." Or "I will now start that book I've been saving since last summer." Or even "I will now watch a couple of episodes from this show I'm really into." It doesn't really matter what you choose to do, as long as you are 100 percent invested in it and you approach it as a treat.
2. Knock on wood.
We all know Scandinavian design is minimalist, but it's not cold. And although decluttering your space can go a long way, you probably won't get the warm and fuzzies if you're left with a semi-barren living room that consists of glass and metal furniture.
Try including some wooden elements—even if it's just a wooden serving platter on your sofa table or a wooden chest in the corner. It's now scientifically proven that wood used in buildings, furniture, and walls promotes health and well-being. Who knew? Well, the Scandinavians did.
3. Treat light as a precious resource.
One of the elements of hygge involves treating light as a gift—and using natural lighting whenever possible. Yes, this is where we talk about candles, but this is also where we say that you should examine your home, find the corners with the most sunlight, and place your reading/chilling nook there.
At night, try to avoid harsh lighting. Candles may be essential to #hyggetime, but if you want to avoid them for safety reasons (like small children or pets running around), string lights are an excellent and versatile alternative. Drape them from the ceiling, put them inside lanterns, line the wall or the floor with them... just don't remove them when it's time to take down your Christmas decorations.
4. Surround yourself with nature—even indoors.
So maybe you don't live near a lush Scandinavian forest where you can forage acorns every morning to decorate your coffee table. That's OK—most Scandinavians don't, either.
Hygge is about being grounded and in touch with nature, appreciating its bounty, and living a green and sustainable life. The easiest way to do that is stock up on plants: Especially if you followed the rule of a minimal interior with wooden details, these green babies will be the perfect companion to your furniture. And we don't have to tell you the many perks of growing plants indoors.
5. Make hot cocoa a daily thing.
Remember that feeling of sipping hot chocolate as a kid during the holidays? Like it was a magical, special occasion? There's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't have that feeling every day!
In fact, unsweetened cocoa powder is rich in polyphenols and good for you for a number of reasons, from reducing inflammation to improving blood sugar levels. It has enough caffeine content to give you a boost but not enough to give you the jitters. And because your brain still sees it as a decadent treat from your childhood, making it part of your every day is like pouring hygge in a mug. (Just maybe hold the marshmallows if you're trying to cut back on sugar.)
6. Cardamom, cardamom everywhere.
What's the first smell that comes to mind when you think about Scandinavian baked goods? Cinnamon or anise, right? But the real star of the Nordic kitchen is cardamom. Cardamom is used in most pastries, buns, and brioches—and for good reason.
The seeds and oil of this herb have been used for medicinal purposes, like treating infections and colds or fighting headaches and high blood pressure, for centuries. Try adding it to your oatmeal or even brewing it together with your coffee: It tastes great, does your body good, and has the added benefit of leaving your kitchen smelling like a Scandinavian bakery, which… yes, please.
7. Invest in loungewear.
Hygge is about spending quality time at home. You don't have to own a different robe or pair of sweatpants for every day of the week to successfully do that, but if your usual approach to loungewear is "has one too many holes to wear outside," then you should reconsider. Your hygge outfits should be a) comfortable b) make you smile when you look at the mirror and c) comfortable. Which brings us to our next point...
8. Prioritize what things feel like.
Even when it comes to outdoor clothing, the concept of hygge is all about keeping you warm, comfortable, and happy—not looking a certain way. When choosing outfits, try to experience them with your eyes closed: How do they feel on your skin? Do you feel the need to bury your hands and your nose in them? Can you move around, for hours, and not feel constricted while wearing them? Great, now open your eyes: This is what a hygge wardrobe looks like. And if you still want to Instagram it, absolutely go ahead.
9. Treat your treats with respect.
You feel like devouring a cinnamon roll? Awesome. Give it the attention it deserves: How would you serve it to a beloved guest? Probably not on a paper towel. Get a fancy plate out, find that beautiful cutlery that you save for special occasions, and serve yourself. Eat slowly (and perhaps with a cardamom-spiced coffee). You're getting the hang of this hygge.
10. Take cuddling seriously.
Hygge is ultimately about connecting to your loved ones, and there's nothing like a good, prolonged cuddle to strengthen that connection. Whether it's with your partner, your pet, your comfort pillow... or all the above, just hold tight and soak in that elusive Scandinavian feeling of coziness—which maybe isn't that elusive anymore.
Danai is writer and editor by day, an almost-vegan baker by night, and a cat person 24/7. Born in Athens, Greece, Danai spent five years commuting in NYC before deciding to relocate to Scandinavia and learn how to forage berries and find a better work-life balance. Follow her on Instagram @accidentalscandinavian, or in real life in some Swedish forest.
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How I Put on 20 Pounds of Muscle (After Years of Being Gangly As Hell)
Muscular bodies have been desirable from the beginning. Aside from upping the odds that you'll outrun a bear or put an attacker in a chokehold (did sh*t just get real?), having more lean muscle ramps up your metabolism, increases your sensitivity to insulin, and reduces your susceptibility to… umm, death—which, in cavepeople days, meant that you weren't as likely to leave your spouse to raise a bunch of cavebabies on their own.
This is what dreams are made of, people. So it's totally natural to want to put on a little muscle and look good naked—not that you aren't beautiful just the way you are, hunny.
But the thing is, not everyone puts on muscle easily.
According to certified personal trainer Francheska Martinez, how you eat and sleep really matters when it comes to #gains. "If you're short on sleep and aren't getting a calorie and protein surplus, you'll have a hard time gaining muscle no matter how much you work out," she says. This describes almost everybody whose name doesn't rhyme with Shmyan Shmeynolds.
So what's an ectomorph to do?
This particular ectomorph, yours truly, is 6'3" with closer to a 7' wingspan. I've weighed between 160 and 170 pounds my entire adult life. You couldn't call me emaciated (except for the six months I went vegan), but I've definitely been gangly. A sexy gangly, if you ask me.
But skinny-me is gone—as of writing this, I'm 195 pounds, which is technically 'yoked', and I actually just broke the "y" key on my Mac because I'm so ripped that my fingers have abs. (Disclaimer: My Mac is five years old, and the 'y' key had one foot in the grave since Obama was president.)
Being more consistent with exercise was 50 percent of my new muscle-building equation. But there were three factors that separated my "OK, he's trying" body from my current one.
1. The first was a humble hunk of organ meat—liver.
I wish I could say that I did a bunch of research into the chemistry of hypertrophy, discovered that Vitamin A was the link to synthesizing muscle fibers from protein (aha!), and started gormandizing buffalo liver as a solution. That would've made me pretty cool. But the fact is that my (actually) cool Mom is into this esoteric health publication, which I just happened to be thumbing through on the john during a holiday visit. Turns out, vitamin A is a secret weapon for muscle growth.
Chris Masterjohn, Ph.D. in nutritional sciences, says that supplementing with vitamin A and iron can be comparable to getting testosterone shots—liver being extremely high in both. He also says that vitamin A is key to synthesizing new muscle fibers, so if you're guzzling protein, you gotta have ample amounts of A to turn that protein into some sexy-ass muscles.
Unfortunately, the plant form of vitamin A isn't the active form (retinol) that your body uses, and the conversion rate from one to the other in even the healthiest body is between 4:1 to 28:1 (a.k.a. piss poor), with many people unable to make the conversion at all. So you'll either want to experiment with different types of animal livers—Masterjohn recommends five ounces per week—or start slurping up that cod liver oil (yummm). Try not to go much over 5-10 ounces of liver per week, as hypervitaminosis A is a real thing that leads to blistering skin and jaundice.
If you're on the verge of upchucking, know that liver, when soaked in kefir for two hours before lightly breading and pan-frying, is actually effing incredible—the kefir cancels out the iron-y flavor and imparts a delectably creamy texture. Chicken-fried Buffalo Liver Tuesdays—do I smell a tradition coming on?
2. I hopped on the meal-prepping bandwagon.
I started meal-prepping mainly because I didn't like going broke from getting Thai takeout every day, but I kept it up because I straight-up gained eight pounds of muscle within the first month. That's the weight of a healthy newborn baby (made entirely of brawn).
Let me just take this opportunity to say that the 'calorie surplus' is something you're just going to have to get over. It's OK to eat, as long as it's quality nutrition. If you're working out at least three times a week, your intelligent body is going to store those extra nutrients not as flab, but as slabs of muscle.
It only costs me an hour or two of domestic slavery on the weekends, and I don't do anything too complicated: lots of meatloaves, lamb-chops, gigantic salads… liver. But I always have enough for that all-important calorie/protein surplus.
This one change has made such a difference in my quality of life—I feel Oprah-rich now that I'm not single-handedly supporting the two Thai restaurants in my neighborhood, and I never get sad-faced about not having food—that I'm pretty sure I could start a batch-cooking religion and save some souls in the name of meatloaf.
3. And lastly—don't roll your eyes—I started intermittent fasting.
According to Rhonda Patrick, Ph.D. in biomedical science, narrowing your eating window to eight hours or fewer (a.k.a. intermittent fasting) increases HGH and insulin sensitivity—all of which are critical to the development of lean muscle.
"Intermittent fasting has really profound effects on muscle mass without any other factor—without having to exercise, even," Patrick says. "And it's very important for overall health and metabolism."
This is all fine and good, in theory. But there are some people, not to be named, who can't hang around unfed until 4 p.m. without acting like a total jerkface.
I suffered from the IF blues quite badly at first, but I managed to blunt them by:
a) working out first thing in the morning (works great for me, not so much for others)
b) ladling globs of grassfed butter and coconut oil into my morning coffee (the bulletproof coffee is so effective that sometimes I skip my late lunch)
c) upping my water intake
Because of IF'ing, my early-morning carb cravings disappeared, I have way more energy during my workouts, and just more energy period. I sleep better, plus I have more time because I'm not constantly shoveling food down my gullet. And the combination of fat-burning and muscle-building gave me a six-pack for the first time in my life.
And that's what did it.
It's worth some trial and error to get it right, and what works for me might not be a fit for you. But hey—with a little advice from some professionals (please consult some), a few little lifestyle changes (ok, IF was a pretty big adjustment) can have a big impact on your bulking adventures.
Dan Dowling is a writer and coach in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Got some fitness or career goals you’re putting off? Swing by his blog, Millennial Success. The views expressed herein are his. Before changing the way you eat and altering your diet in any significant way, please speak with a health professional to make sure it's the best decision for you.
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