The Keto Dieter's Guide to Dining Out

Carbs are everywhere, and no one knows that more than a keto dieter just trying to enjoy a basic meal in a restaurant with friends. We get that following keto can be a challenge even at the best of times, so we’ve compiled a quick cheat sheet to help you breeze through your first keto-friendly dinner date unscathed.

1. Do Your Menu Research

Before you even set foot in the restaurant, it’s a good idea to take a quick peek at the restaurant menu online. If you don’t see a lot of satisfying keto-friendly options, then consider having a snack before you head out the door. That way, you won’t be ravenous when the bread bowl makes its rounds.

2. Put It in a Bowl

Speaking of which, thanks to the internet, burrito bowls, poke bowls, Buddha bowls, you name it, are super trendy right now. While a classic chicken burrito with guac and veggies will set you back 63 grams of carbs, the same meal in a bowl delivers a modest 13 grams. Make it your own by asking for extra veggies and higher fat toppings, like cheese, avocado, and sour cream, and swapping out any grains for greens. We swear you won’t even miss the wrap.

3. Don’t Be Saucy

Chicken wings are everyone’s favorite fat-loaded bar food, but pay attention to how they’re being fried and sauced. A lot of wings are breaded before they’re cooked in vegetable oil, then tossed in a coating made of hot sauce, butter, and some kind of sugar. To keep it totally low carb, ask for chicken wings to be baked naked (without breading) and get straight-up hot sauce on the side for a kick.

4. Order a la Carte

While not always the most cost effective way to order, choosing an a la carte entrée means you can avoid the carb-laden potatoes or rice and order your favorite low-carb veg on the side instead.

5. Go Bunless

With a simple adjustment, a cheeseburger can be a keto dieter’s dream dinner, so we’re grateful they’re a staple on most American restaurant menus. Simply ask for your burger bun-free with extra lettuce, tomato, onions, and pickles on top. Double up on mustard or mayo instead of ketchup or barbecue sauce.

6. Nix the Premade Dressing

Salad dressing can be a great way to add extra fats to your greens, but a lot of restaurant versions are sneaky sources of honey, maple syrup, or other sweeteners. Ask your server to omit the premade version and bring bottles of olive oil and vinegar to your table instead. That way you can avoid any stealthy sugars on your salad and add as much of the liquid gold as you’d like.

7. Double Up on the Veg

Regularity issues are one of the main complaints among keto dieters, so stay on top of things by doubling up on fiber-rich veg. If your dinner main comes with a starchy side, simply ask to swap it out for sautéed broccoli, asparagus, or leafy greens. Likewise, breakfast entreés are notorious for being accompanied by a mountain of potatoes and toast, so simply ask for sliced or grilled tomatoes or mushrooms instead.

8. Ask for an Avocado With Your Eggs

No, we’re not talking about the millennial classic of avocado smeared on bread, we’re suggesting you ask for a half avocado instead of bread for your favorite keto-friendly breakfast. Instead of an English muffin, ask that your eggs and hollandaise be served on buttery avocado to help maximize your fat intake for the day.

9. Cheese Please

No, you don’t have to sit there twiddling your thumbs and sipping calorie-free tea while your friends all dig into the communal crème brûlée. Most restaurants will offer a savory finale to conclude the meal, and cheese means good times for all. Cheese, in general, is pretty low in carbs, but for your lowest options reach for Gruyere, manchego, burrata, Swiss, or Brie. Just be sure to enjoy it without the crackers, bread, or jams that can quickly derail your strategy. A small smear of mustard or a pickle is a much better choice.

10. Order a Drink

Yes, we mean an alcoholic one. We know "diet and drink" isn’t usually a compatible set of words, but if you choose wisely, a little libation is fair game. While beer, wine, and most fancy cocktails are packed with carbs that quickly add up, pure spirits like whiskey, brandy, vodka, and tequila are free of carbs. Pair them up with soda water or on the rocks and get your friend to be the DD.

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12 Keto-Friendly Foods That Aren't As Low-Carb As You Think

So you decided to tackle the keto diet for the long haul. You may have noticed that everything was going well in the first few weeks, but then the weight loss slowed down. The worst, right? While the initial water weight loss (and new eating habits) does lead to a significant dip in pounds, it's common to hit a plateau. While that can mean a lot of things (and we will save that for another time), one culprit could be eating more carbs than you think. Let's be serious, sticking to 25 grams of carbs a day is remarkably hard to do, especially when keto-friendly foods might be packing more carbs than you expect.

Foods most people consider to be pretty “low carb” are often not low carb enough to stay in ketosis, and consuming them in even moderate portions can send you over the carb edge. To help you stay the course, we’ve compiled some of the alleged low-carb foods that might be packing in more than you think and inadvertently booting you out of ketosis without you even realizing it.

1. Plain Yogurt

The really good news: You can eat dairy on the keto diet! While obviously far better than the sweetened or fruit variety, a cup of plain yogurt can contain around 10 grams of carbs. If you'd rather not use up half of your day's carbs at breakfast, try limiting your portions to a 1/2 cup at a time and choosing the absolute highest fat percentage you can find. Typically, the higher fat content helps stretch your carb budget even further.

2. Blueberries

While it’s no secret that fruit can be a significant source of carbs, a lot of keto dieters depend on berries (which are lower on the carb spectrum) to add a little sweetness to their routine. But be warned: One cup of blueberries has around 21 grams of carbs. Unless you’re only planning on eating 4 more carbs that day (a.k.a. you're super disciplined), it can be easy to blow past your goal. Stick to a few berries to satisfy a sweet tooth.

3. Tomato Sauce

Think your bowl of zoodles with tomato Bolognese is 100-percent keto-friendly? The answer is written in the stars... oops, we mean jar. It all comes down to the sauce. Even if you’re going with a no-sugar-added tomato sauce, a cup of tomato sauce could still set you back by 10-15 grams of carbs. For a super low-carb version, we recommend sauteéing a few cherry tomatoes in a generous pour of olive oil and adding flavor with garlic, herbs, and cheese instead.

4. BBQ Sauce and Other Condiments

Ribs, pulled pork, and other fatty meats are no strangers to a keto eater. The problem is, when the meat is lacking flavor and the first thing you reach for is BBQ sauce, you could be adding unnecessary carbs. Just one measly tablespoon could set you back 7 grams (you can blame the tomatoes and, often times, added sugar on that). Stick to an oil- and herb-based chimichurri if you need a little flavor boost.

5. Kombucha

If you're slowing down on the booze while eating keto but you still want something bubbly and refreshing, the next best thing you might reach for is kombucha (because you already know that soda is a no-no). But chugging too much trendy, probiotic-rich kombucha could send your carb-counter up. A 12- to 16-ounce bottle can vary between 5 and 25 grams of carbs, so be sure to read the label of your favorite brand.

6. Cashews

Whaaaa? If you can’t load up on the nuts while on keto, what can you eat? Not all nuts are created equal when it comes to carbs, and cashews tend to have the most. With about 9 grams per 1/4 cup, if you snack on a few small handfuls throughout the day, you’re quickly at your quota. Want to get your nut fix without the carbs? Go for pecans, brazil nuts, and macadamia nuts.

7. Chia Seeds

How good is chia seed pudding? We love chia for its satiating combination of fiber, protein, and fat, but you might be surprised to know that just 2 tablespoons can add 12 grams of carbs to your snack. If you’re looking for something to make your meal more “Instagram-worthy,” hemp hearts offer a lot of the same benefits with only 2 grams of carbs for the same portion size.

8. Italian Sausage

Sausage is often a keto staple thanks to its relatively higher ratio of fat to protein, but be wary that some store-bought options are often flavored with added sugar. Just two medium links will add 7 grams of carbs, which can stealthily subtract from your carb budget over the day. Be sure to read the label and ingredients and look for options with no added sugar.

9. Jerky

Yes, it’s meat, and therefore, seems like a legit keto snack, but most brands are marinated in a sugar-laden seasoning mix. Just one ounce of jerky can contain 5-10 grams of carbs—eat the whole pack and you’re easily over your limit for the day. Our tip? Make your own jerky or pepperoni with higher fat cuts of meat and avoid any sweet ingredients or seasonings.

10. Taco Seasoning

Lettuce-cup tacos loaded up with sour cream and cheese is a Tuesday night keto special, but some seasoning mixes add 4 grams of carbs for every two teaspoons of spice! Skip the packaged stuff and add your own combination of chili, cumin, lime, and salt for an easy, flavorful weeknight meal.

11. Salad Dressings

Just because it’s rich in oils and coating a bowl of greens doesn’t mean your dressing is totally carb-free. Some salad dressings can pack in 10 grams of carbs in just two tablespoons, which can easily add up over the course of the day. Stick with a simple oil and a light drizzle of vinegar to keep those added sugars at bay.

12. Pumpkin Seeds

Crunchy and salty, pumpkin seeds might seem like nature’s low-carb crouton, but be aware of your portion size when you’re reaching for this snack. While loaded with zinc and antioxidants, a half-cup of pumpkin seeds can deliver 17 grams of carbs, making them something to enjoy in moderation on keto.

*Nutrition facts pulled from nutritionix.com.

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6 Mistakes Every Keto Beginner Makes (and How to Avoid Them)

Thinking about going keto? A ketogenic diet could help you drop pounds faster than traditional weight-loss plans, research shows. And plenty of proponents say going super low-carb boosts their energy and helps them think more clearly.

In other words, giving this trendy eating style a try could deliver big benefits. That is, if you know what you’re doing. There are lots of ways a keto diet can go wrong—and when that happens, you might find yourself feeling pretty crappy. Here are six common mishaps keto newbies make, plus what you can do to steer clear.

1. Not anticipating an adjustment period.

The first few days on a keto diet can feel a lot like having the flu. It’s common to get slammed with a headache, weakness or fatigue, muscle cramps, nausea, and diarrhea or constipation.

Here’s why: Your body enters a state of ketosis once your carb intake drops below around 50 grams a day. When that happens, your cells switch from burning glycogen (energy from carbohydrates) for fuel to burning ketones, an alternative source of fuel that the liver makes from fat. “You’re asking your cells to do something they aren’t used to doing,” explains Robert Santos-Prowse, RD, author of The Cyclical Ketogenic Diet. “When you suddenly deprive them of the fuel they’re used to using, there may be a period of sluggishness or brain fog.”

Another reason you might feel like garbage? Transitioning to keto may also cause your body to shed more water (read: you’re peeing more). “Especially in the first week of a low-carbohydrate diet, your body is shedding a large amount of stored water as it breaks down glycogen in your muscles and liver,” says Georgie Fear, RD, author of Lean Habits for Lifelong Weight Loss. “Just like an athlete who sweats heavily loses a large number of salts and minerals, a person excreting large amounts of fluids can also become dehydrated or low on electrolytes like sodium and potassium.”

2. Skimping on the water.

It’s always smart to stay hydrated—but since you’re losing all those extra fluids and minerals, you really want to drink up while you’re eating keto. “Make sure to drink at least 64 ounces of water a day,” Fear says. And if you’re still thirsty, drink more.

Make an effort to replenish those lost electrolytes by eating plenty of potassium- and magnesium-rich foods. Think avocado, tomato sauce, spinach, salmon, and nuts. As for sodium? “Don’t worry about adding extra salt to your food since most of us get plenty,” Fear says.

3. Going all meat, all the time.

Think keto diets are all about the protein? Nope, that’s wrong. Eating keto is actually all about the fat. “A ketogenic diet essentially swaps the percentages of fats and carbohydrates,” Santos-Prowse says. That means you’ll get up to 80 percent of your calories from fat and five to 10 percent from carbs. The remaining 15 to 20 percent should come from protein, which is about the same as standard higher-carb diets.

In other words, the goal isn’t to pile your plate with steak or chicken. So what should you be filling up on instead? At each meal, aim for three to four ounces of lean protein (like lean beef, fish, or pork) cooked in butter or oil, along with a half-cup of non-starchy veggies (like leafy greens, broccoli, or cauliflower) and a serving or two of healthy fat (like a tablespoon of olive oil or 1/4 medium avocado), Santos-Prowse suggests.

4. Forgetting about fiber.

If you suddenly find yourself backed up and bloated after a few days of eating keto, you’re not alone. Putting all the focus on fat can make it easy to forget about that other important F: fiber. Add even a touch of dehydration to the mix and you’re looking at the potential for a bad case of constipation.

Since high-fiber foods like whole grains, beans, and fruit also tend to be high in carbs, you’ll need to find other ways to get enough roughage. Eat as many high-fiber vegetables as you can within your carbohydrate limit, Fear says. (Good ones include artichokes, broccoli, and Brussels sprouts.) Make avocado a mainstay too—it’s one of the few fat sources that also provides fiber. And remember to drink that water.

5. Letting your carbs creep up.

Craving a cookie or a slice of pizza? It’s totally fine to have higher carb fare once in a while... after your body has adjusted to your new eating style. Research suggests that it takes 30 to 60 days for your cells to fully adapt to using fat for fuel instead of sugar. Up your carb intake before that happens, and there’s a good chance you’ll cycle in and out of ketosis—and get slammed with nasty keto flu symptoms each time.

The lesson: Keep your carbs below the magic threshold for at least a month or two before having a carby treat. “If you stick to a ketogenic diet for long enough to become well adapted, your body will easily burn fat or carbohydrates for fuel and switch between the two without much effort,” Santos-Prowse says.

6. Going it alone long-term.

Eating keto can help you drop pounds quickly. But some experts are wary about whether it’s OK to stick with the diet for the long haul. “We don’t have long-term data to tell us what happens to humans when they are in a state of ketosis constantly over long periods of time,” says Julie Stefanski, RDN, LDN, a spokesperson for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics.

Based on common sense, though, if you decide to stay in ketosis for a long period of time, you could miss out on important nutrients that some higher-carb foods offer.

So if you plan to live the keto lifestyle, it’s a good idea to talk with a registered dietitian, Stefanski says. They can assess your eating plan to fill any nutritional gaps and help keep possible health problems at bay.

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6 New Year's Resolutions You Can Actually Keep

Ah, the New Year's resolution—for some, the idea of setting a year-long goal is invigorating and motivational. For the rest of us, well, we're lucky to make it to the first week of February. Failed resolutions happen for a variety of reasons: Perhaps you were a tad ambitious with your commitment (not that you can't do anything you put your mind to, superstar!). Or maybe you started feeling like your resolutions were more like punishment, especially if they're restrictive and focus on things you shouldn't do.

While we won't disagree that a new year is a great time for some new habits, traditional New Year's resolutions can be a recipe for disappointment. "Focus on nourishing your body rather than restricting it," health coach Ashley Pratt says. The fresh start is the perfect opportunity to reframe your mindset into a more positive and empowering perspective, which can ultimately lead you into actually achieving some of your health and fitness-related goals.

1. Show Daily Gratitude

We've all had those tough years when it seemed like nothing went right. For the new year, try keeping a gratitude journal in which you write down a few things you're thankful for on a daily basis. It doesn't have to be complicated, just a few bullet points of the good happening in your life. "This will help keep things in perspective and remind you what actually matters to you," Pratt says.

To take this idea up a notch, take a good look in the mirror and say something good about yourself before walking out the door. "Getting into this habit will help that daily inner dialogue become more positive and supportive," she adds.

2. Get Outside

You've most likely heard about the mental health benefits of spending time in nature. So why can it be so hard to actually get outside? There are a ton of ways you can incorporate outdoor time into your daily routine; you just have to find a way that works for you. Maybe that means you commute on foot once a week or maybe you trade the gym for your local playground. You could make a routine out of strolling through your local park every weekend, join an outdoor sport for a little exercise, or get sweaty with your four-legged pal. Whatever it is, we guarantee spending more time outside will lift your spirits and get you that much-needed vitamin D.

3. Pause More

Ferris Bueller said it best: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Taking a few short breaks throughout the day can help us feel more centered and clear our minds, according to family and marriage therapist Emily Cosgrove. During these few minutes of downtime, drink a glass of water, focus on breathing, or step outside. Whatever you do, leave the phone and back away from the computer.

"The intention of time in solitude is to be present," she says. "Connect with yourself and notice what's within and around you. Meditation can not only help with this, but it also reduces stress and anxiety." So whether that means you pick up meditation as a regular practice or you just block off a few minutes every day for yourself, find time to take care of No. 1—you.

4. Listen to Your Gut

Our New Year's resolutions often tell us what we should and shouldn't do. Run more, eat less, don't spend money on happy hours... wow, this year is already sounding so hard. If you find yourself setting the same restrictive eating guidelines you did last year, try passing the mic to your body this time around. Consider adding more nutritious food to your diet or try intuitive eating, which doesn't involve calorie counting or banned foods but instead encourages you to listen to your body about what it does and doesn't need.

Similarly, if you feel pressure to work out but your body is begging you for a rest day, don't feel shameful for listening to it—recovery is a huge part of any fitness or weight-loss goal, so soak up those stretch sessions guilt-free.

5. Move Your Own Way

"If you hate running, why is your New Year's resolution to train for a marathon?" says personal trainer Tara Laferrara. "If you don't find movement you enjoy, you'll never stick with it. Have dance parties in your kitchen. Play outside with your nieces and nephews. Walk on your lunch break with your coworkers."

If you're unsure of what kind of exercise you'll enjoy, dedicate the first few months of the year to trying new workouts. It doesn't have to be what's trending or what you think it should be, it just has to be what you enjoy. Once you find it, we bet you'll be surprised by how often you'll want to "exercise."

EDITOR'S PICK

6. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

The start of a new year is a chance to try new things and make new memories, but it's also important to remember that real change happens when we challenge ourselves to get uncomfortable. "It doesn't have to be a big leap to start: If you haven't worked out for six months, don't force yourself to go to Spin six days a week. If you're terrified of heights, you don't have to go skydiving," Laferrara says.

But just getting yourself moving and thinking in ways you're not necessarily comfortable with can end up going a long way. Whether it's finally starting that French course you've been putting off or getting to your first yoga class, you'll be surprised at what you can discover about yourself and where your new habits may take you.

Kathleen Wong is a Honolulu-based writer. If she's not writing, you can find her at the beach.

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Will Drinking Coffee Wreck My Intermittent Fast?

Before changing the way you eat and altering your diet in any significant way, please speak with a health professional to make sure it's the best decision for you.

Although intermittent fasting (IF) has its benefits, going without food or drink for hours on end is serious business. It’s natural for anyone in the middle of a fast to wonder if coffee is “allowed” or if it will undo all their hard work. What about green tea or just a tiny snack? Here’s the truth about what will and won’t break the fast.

Is it OK to drink coffee while fasting?

Short answer: Yes! Good news, right? But it gets a little more complicated. First, let’s define coffee. It’s not a double mocha cappuccino with whipped cream and sprinkles. It’s not even a latte with eight ounces of milk. While fasting, coffee is coffee with nothing in it. So, yes, drinking black coffee during most types of intermittent fasting is totally OK. The popular 16/8 Leangains protocol (fasting 16 hours and eating during the eight-hour window) actually goes so far as to say that coffee with “a splash of milk” is acceptable in the fasted state.

With just five calories per cup, it makes sense that a cup of joe won’t do much damage to your metabolism or blood sugar. Coffee may actually rev up your metabolism by one to 25 percent. You may have to get used to the taste of black coffee, but we have faith in you.

What else can I drink (and chew)?

Here’s a list that gets the green light during the fasting phase, according to some IF experts.

Lemon Water

Drinking water is not only allowed, but it’s also encouraged (shocking, we know). Although your body can go for periods of time without food, it cannot function properly without water. Good old H2O is necessary for organ and muscle function, so be sure to pump your body full of it. Since water can get a little boring, add a squeeze of lemon. You won't be adding any calories and you'll be able to add a new flavor without resorting to other drinks that are off-limits.

Iced Tea

Just like coffee, iced tea isn’t always as innocent as it seems. You've got sweet tea, tea and fruit “refreshers,” peach tea, green tea, matcha tea, and the list goes on. Most tea drinks have some sort of additives, like sugar or milk, and are not permitted during the fasting phase. However, tea in its purest form has virtually no calories and won’t wreck your fast. Your best bet is to brew your own from a simple black, green, or herbal tea bag or look for brands that offer unsweetened varieties without any extra additives.

Gum

Have you ever had a weird taste in your mouth from fasting and then you pop a piece of gum, panic, and spit it out? There’s no need to freak out. Most gums are made with sugar alcohols, contain no calories, and are perfectly fine to have while in the fasting phase. Some research even suggests that gum may decrease feelings of hunger. Time to stock up on some minty freshness!

What should I avoid while fasting?

Green Juice

While green juices are often marketed as a “cleanse” or a way to “detox,” that doesn’t mean they work that way—or fit into the IF lifestyle. As a matter of fact, one of the benefits of IF is reducing insulin spikes and creating greater insulin sensitivity. Green juices undoubtedly contain calories and natural sugars, both of which will spike your blood sugar. Don’t buy into the package claims and refrain from picking up a green juice during your fasting period.

Celery

Obviously, all foods are off-limits during the fasting stage, but your hungry stomach may convince your brain that certain low-cal snacks won’t really do any harm. Seven celery sticks only have 15 calories, after all—that’s nothing! Unfortunately, that is probably 10 calories too many. The general fasting guidelines vary from plan to plan, but most only allow for zero-calorie drinks during fasting. Celery is made up of water and natural sugar, which will get your insulin and metabolism moving. Rather than undoing all your hard work for some measly celery, wait until the eating hours and chow down on something you actually enjoy.

We're going to leave this one up to you...

Believe it or not, the Leangains protocol (16/8) says it’s OK to drink diet soda while fasting. Yes, diet soda. Other IF plans call for “clean eating” and no processed foods, and diet soda doesn’t exactly grow on trees. Let’s put diet soda in the “maybe” column because one every now and then won’t kill you, but we think you should probably just stick with water, coffee, or tea while intermittent fasting.

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Why Drinking Again Was the Right Choice for Me

My 49th birthday seemed a good day to start drinking again, despite being warned not to.

I come from a family of drinkers, and for 30 years, I drank at levels that certainly went beyond "moderate." I'm not sure "heavy" was accurate, and I didn't have a "problem." Or at least, I don't think I did. Mostly, I didn't like the amount I drank and wanted to cut back, and I'd tried and failed to do so more times than I can remember.

As a health and fitness writer known for his skepticism, I never bought into the claims of a daily dose of alcohol being healthy or that ridiculous notion that a glass of red wine is equivalent to an hour in the gym. It's called being "intoxicated" because you're ingesting a toxin.

The dose makes the poison, however, and plenty of people choose to poison themselves: In a recent report, the World Health Organization stated that more than 5 percent of all deaths each year can be attributed to alcohol abuse. Five percent!

And last August, there was a disconcerting meta-analysis published in the Lancet that proclaimed "the level of consumption [of alcohol] that minimizes health loss is zero." While it is true that alcohol is a class 1 carcinogen, this led to alarmist reporting that even light drinking was going to cause your insides to spontaneously combust. The New York Times was more circumspect, dissecting the study to show that while alcohol isn't good for you, that doesn't mean light drinking is a guarantee of early death.

EDITOR'S PICK

What's clear is that less alcohol is better than more alcohol.

I'm a health nut. I exercise more than about 99 percent of the population, have a healthy body weight, eat my fruits and veggies, don't smoke, manage my stress… but my alcohol intake was worrisome. I knew my health, and probably my life, in general, would be better if I cut back.

And then, while out for a run on a snowy winter's day in late 2015, I experienced a transformative moment. I had an awakening that prompted me to decide to quit drinking for at least a year. The sensation was so powerful that cutting out alcohol was effortless.

I knew it wouldn't be forever, but I wanted to be able to quit for a year and go back to drinking at much lower levels, both for my health and my lifestyle. Halfway through the year, things were going great, and I decided I wanted to extend it simply to prove that I didn't need to start again on day 366. Actually, it would have been day 367, because I quit on a leap year.

I figured waiting some extra months would be a good idea. After the year was up, I wrote of the benefits of quitting for the Chicago Tribune. But something I wrote in that article, which turned out to be quite popular, caused many to misplace their excrement and send apocalyptic proclamations to me via email.

"When I do decide to drink again, I'm confident it will be occasional and light," I wrote.

My inbox exploded.

Were I to summarize the content of these emails into a single, short sentence, it would be: "DON'T DO IT!"

I was sternly and repeatedly warned that I should never drink again. I was told many a man had thought they had their drinking under control and tried to reintroduce it after a lengthy hiatus, only to fall off the wagon hard into a puddle of puke and despair.

I don't doubt that happens, but I didn't think it would happen for me. I'd been a little ways beyond "moderate," not "alcoholic." For many, their drinking is so calamitous that there is no choice but to abstain for life. However, there has been a mentality perpetuated by abstinence groups that if you ever feel the need to quit drinking, it means your behavior is such that you should never return to it. You're seen as an addict, and moderation is a fool's dream.

Such all-or-nothing thinking regarding alcohol is pervasive, and not always helpful.

In my case, if I had been convinced that the only way forward was never to drink again, I never would have quit in the first place (and wouldn't have gained the benefits of eventually cutting back). I like to drink, but I was living a good life and didn't rely on alcohol to get through the day. My straits were not dire, as is often the case with serious alcoholics.

And there are many others like me who have success with programs such as Moderation Management and One Year No Beer. In these programs, the "reboot" of taking an extended hiatus prior to moderate reintroduction of alcohol is common. I didn't use a program but winged it based on what felt right at the time.

And when I went back to drinking, it was because that felt right too. When I finally ordered my first drink again (a Guinness), I enjoyed it. It tasted good and washed down some fish tacos nicely. I ordered a second pint, this one a Newcastle. I nursed it for almost an hour and didn't finish.

I was no longer ravenous for the taste. It was… nice. I still liked it. But I didn't long for it.

Another 17 months have passed since that day, and I can say the experiment worked exactly as I'd hoped. The desire to drink frequently or to overdrink is gone. Since the reintroduction, my intake can be easily classified as "light," which is where I'm happy for it to remain.

Why did I start drinking again? Because I always intended to. I believed light drinking was possible for me, and I made it happen by taking an extended hiatus to break the desire and show myself that I was able to abstain without it feeling like I was engaged in a constant battle of white-knuckle resistance not to.

James S. Fell's blog is read by millions and can be found at bodyforwife.com. His book, The Holy Sh!t Moment: How Lasting Change Can Happen in an Instant, will be released by St. Martin's Press on January 22. Check it out and follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

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The Absolute Best Way to Get Your Relationship Out of a Sex Rut

In my time as a relationship and intimacy expert, I've seen a lot of couples who aren't thinking about divorce and appear from the outside to be happily married and doing fine—but they aren't having sex. And that means that no, they aren't doing fine.

We all know that keeping up a healthy sex life in a long-term relationship can be challenging. According to the 29,000 adults interviewed for the 2012 Durex sex survey, 54 percent of couples report being dissatisfied in the bedroom—and one in five couples have stopped having sex altogether.

But when you're in a committed relationship and you stop having sex, you're more prone to physiological stress and anxiety. You're more at risk for infections due to lower immunity, and you're likely to feel less emotional intimacy, vitality, arousal, and connection with your partner. Of course, there is an ebb and a flow to how often most couples have sex. Typically, the most challenging part of the cycle is figuring out how to transition out of the ebb and back into the flow.

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But when you find yourself sexually frustrated, there is something surprisingly simple you can do—and no, it doesn't involve any Cosmo-style "sex moves" or buying a dozen red roses.

Let's say you want to have sex with your partner, but it's not happening. Sure, there's a lot going on with work, kids, and business trips—all of that is usually true. But sometimes all those responsibilities are enough to keep you from having sex, and other times they function as an invitation to be more devoted and more creative to connect with one another.

Well, if that's your situation… try telling the truth.

Maybe you don't like that he went to sleep without saying good night the past three nights. Maybe you don't like how she handled something with your son. Perhaps you are annoyed she spent more money than you agreed on when purchasing the new couch. Or you are finally fed up about him leaving his dirty laundry on the floor. It could be something big or just as likely something small. Whatever it is, you didn't like it, and now you're feeling resentful.

It may be such a low level of resentment that you don't even notice it yourself or such a big one that you keep thinking about it at odd times throughout your day—despite being focused on other things. Whether the trigger was big or small, you are now feeling blocked, constricted, angry, or resentful. And feeling blocked, constricted, angry or resentful does not lead to good sex. Ever.

So what do you do about it? You tell the truth.

No more minimizing your own experience to avoid making a fuss. No more holding it in because you don't know how to say it or because you think you shouldn't be so bothered about it. No more of that! It really is time to say something, to clear the air and get back on the same page.

I teach my clients to set themselves up for success by first asking permission to have a conversation. Here are some possible ways to do so:

"I have something important to share. Are you available to hear it?"
"I want to share something vulnerable with you. Is this a good time?"

This step is both to get permission and to alert your partner you have something important to say and need them to listen in a loving way.

There are three possible answers to this question: "yes," "no," and "not yet." If you get a "not yet," accept it and ask when a good time might be. If you get a "no," share this article and have a conversation to clarify whether you both want a relationship where you can be honest with one another.

Once you have an affirmative answer, then communicate why you are sharing and what you hope to achieve by doing so. You might say, "I'm telling you this because I want to feel closer to you and I'd like to have sex tonight," Or perhaps, "I'm telling you this because it has been bugging me, I haven't been able to let it go, and I hope that telling you will help me clear it so I can get back to feeling at ease in your presence."

The key here is that you don't approach this in a way that feels out of control or blaming. You have identified your issue and can say it with care—not holding back (or it will be missed) while also not blasting your partner with it (making it hard to listen to). This is a technique that uses courage and compassion: Facing some tough moments is always worth it. Once your partner understands why you are sharing and what you hope to get from doing so, they'll be prepared to listen well.

Instead of feeling attacked and subsequently defensive, your partner will be able to hear your experience and be there for you.

Then go ahead and share what's been bothering you: "When you leave dishes in the sink, I feel taken for granted and assume you don't care about my feelings. This makes me feel unimportant, and when I feel that way, it's hard to feel attracted to you."

"When you make plans for us to have dinner with your friends before checking with me, I feel angry and ignored. I feel unseen, and that makes me want to withdraw from you when what I really want is to be connected and considered."

This technique is not the way to reconnect sexually after abstinence for six months or six years—it's best used for couples who generally have a healthy sex life and haven't had sex in a little while (whatever amount of time that is for them).

In my experience, it's a surprisingly effective method. It takes practice to do this well—to be able to know what the issue is and take full responsibility for your experience rather than blaming your partner. However, it's well worth the effort to develop the skill.

During a coaching session with me, I see couples use this technique and shift from tense and resentful to relaxed and loving. The main reason honesty works is that connection and intimacy are built through authenticity and vulnerability. When you share honestly with your partner, it can be very difficult—both to express what is really bothering you and to hear and internalize criticism. But rather than feeling attacked, recognize your partner's share as an act of courage contributing to your connection.

Alexandra Stockwell is a physician-turned-relationship coach. She has coached more than 1,500 men and women on their journey to live vibrant, meaningful lives and trains other coaches to do the same. For more information, visit her website or check out her Facebook page.

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