What I Learned From Actually Practicing What I Preach

I teach yoga, which means that on my best days, I empower, inspire, and challenge people. I push my students so they can tap into a wealth of mental and emotional fortitude they may not have known they had, and I believe that we all need this force in our lives—someone who supports us, but who also stretches our boundaries.

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I also preach—and boy, do I preach. My commitment to get my students to show up as their best selves often requires quite a bit of preaching on my end. But I’m still learning to listen to myself and trust that what I’m willing to tell others to do is exactly what I need to be doing too. Here are the major life lessons I’ve been learning as I’ve started to actually practice what I preach.

I need to make myself a priority...

'You can’t do or be for others what you cannot do or be for yourself," I always tell my students. Sure, this is easy to say, but it’s not always easily achieved. I can’t think of a single class when I didn’t encourage students to put their basic human needs first and tend to themselves, but there are plenty of instances when I refused to do the same.

Folks who give easily often struggle to take care of themselves. I think part of this is because we fear appearing selfish and egocentric, so we give and give until our cups are completely empty, and it’s only when we are on the brink of emotional breakdown that we realize it’s time to change the way we do things.

I often fall into this self-laid trap. In relationships, I’ve often lost my sense of self as I put all of my energy into ensuring my partner is well. My last relationship of 2.5 years took a major toll on me, and in retrospect, I was the only one to blame. I took on the giver role pretty early in the relationship and failed to establish boundaries that were essential to my well-being.

...even when there are temptations.

I’m a total creature of habit, and I’m most productive and happiest when I have structure in my life: Three of my top priorities are sleep, my workout routine, and diet. My ex-boyfriend, on the other hand, wasn’t focused at all on his health. The problems in our relationship stemmed from the fact that my idea of caring for him was to make myself available at his convenience and do the things he liked— which meant that I often found myself sacrificing things that were important to me.

After enough late nights and late-night snacks, I realized that making him happy and ensuring that his needs were met felt rewarding, but my brain couldn’t release enough dopamine to make the sacrifices worthwhile. As they say, opposites attract—until they don’t.

The sleep deprivation left me feeling tired and irritable, my poor diet was adding inches to my waistline, and my inability to wake up early enough to make my training sessions was making it difficult for me to manage my stress and anxiety. I began feeling depleted, like I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with anything in my life, and as a result, my relationship ended up draining me.

I finally found the courage to exit this relationship as it became more and more detrimental to my well-being. I realized that if I didn’t value myself or make my needs and desires a priority, I would have less and less to offer others. As I began pursuing interests that were important to me again, I began to regain a sense of control. Despite the heartache of losing someone I cared about, taking care of myself and my needs was a far greater reward than I could have expected.

It’s OK to be vulnerable.

I ask my students to open their hearts and try to convince them that vulnerability helps us build connections with others, that human connection is everything. But for the longest time, I wasn’t able to put this into practice myself. I was afraid of revealing my emotions—I didn’t want my students to judge me or think any less of me, so I always pretended everything was always OK. I never failed to teach a good class, but this defensiveness prevented me from making an authentic connection with my students.

The studio owner, who regularly attended my classes, said that although everyone loved my work, the missing element was my ability to let myself be seen. I would get angry with that feedback—at the time, it didn’t make sense to me why I needed to expose myself when people were just coming for a physical practice.

The turning point was when I got divorced, which was followed by a toxic rebound relationship that ended poorly and left me feeling completely defeated, isolated, and full of regret.

(Even if being open is scary.)

One day, right before I had to teach a class, I discovered that my ex-boyfriend of one week was already in a relationship with another girl. The pain and hurt I felt in that moment was so overwhelming that I couldn’t hide it. The minute I stepped into the classroom to teach, I broke down. I started crying, told my students what was going on, and asked them to just breathe with me.

I had never, ever done anything like that before—as an instructor, I saw my relationship with my students as one-sided: My role was just to let them work through their problems on their mats. That day, though, I inadvertently allowed myself to be vulnerable. When I let others see me in my weakest state, I received a really unexpected outcome.

The love and support I received was abundant and invaluable. I was no longer the indestructible instructor—I was a real human being connecting with other human beings. Vulnerability is powerful: The simple act of being seen, with all of your imperfections, can pave the way for authenticity, connection, and self-acceptance.

As I’ve been trying to follow the advice I give to my students, my life has become richer and fuller. I’ve discovered that the only way we can really relate to others is to speak from our own experiences—both good and bad. And I know that I can’t request others to do what I’m afraid of practicing myself—if I want my students to make themselves a priority and be vulnerable, then I need to be brave about it too.

Parinaz Samimi is a certified yoga instructor in Salt Lake City. Follow her journey on Instagram.


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When Motivation Fades, These 4 Strategies Will Keep You Going

Imagine a genie appears and grants you one wish: You can effortlessly change any of your bad diet habits.

Maybe you’d choose to skip those cookies after lunch, fly right past the drive-thru on the way home, or walk by the vending machine at work without giving it a second thought. Eliminating your worst eating habits would be powerful—maybe even life-changing.

Now, let me ask you: What's holding you back?

It's not that you don't know what to do: You know you should skip those cookies and avoid the drive-thru. And it's not that you don't know why, either—you know overeating doesn't make you feel good, it can cause all sorts of health issues, and you'll gain weight if you keep it up too.

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But knowing the benefits of a healthy diet hasn’t been enough to stop these habits. You already know that consistent healthy eating is the key to getting the body you want. It will help you live longer, enjoy life more, and can even help prevent illness.

You may have even said to yourself, I know what I need to do, and it’s so simple—why can't I just quit?

Motivation Is Not Enough

This is so important, I'm going to say it again: Motivation is not enough. If we wait for motivation to carry us through to our goals, we're going to be waiting a long time. We also need to realize that many factors influence what we do: Some we can see, like easy access to tempting food, and some are almost invisible, like how the subtle way we’ve arranged our home can influence our decisions.

Tipping the Scale in Your Favor

Imagine you're in a tug-of-war battle. On one side, there's you, standing alone, and on the other side, there’s a big group of the world’s strongest people. It's pretty easy to see who is going to win this battle—and it’s a good way of imagining the forces that influence our behavior.

When it comes to temptations, on the one side, there we are. And on the other side, there’s a group of conveniently located temptations; impulsive, hunger-fueled decisions; and a lack of accountability. The trick is to get these forces working for you instead of against you. So let's talk about a few strategies you can use right now to start tipping the scales in your favor.

1. Why slay the dragon when we can avoid it?

If the temptation of the vending machine is too much, avoid walking by it—find a different hallway. If you want to stop by the drive-thru on the way home from work, try a new route. If there's candy hanging out on the kitchen counter, let's put it up high in the cupboard. The goal is to build tiny barriers between us and the foods we want to avoid; the more barriers we build, the easier it is for us to do the right things.

2. Make it nearly impossible to fail.

What if you can't avoid the vending machine because there’s only one hallway, or you pass a drive-thru no matter which way you take home? Both of these behaviors have one thing in common: We need money to make them happen.

But what if we didn't have any money?

I don’t mean throwing your money out the window—simply make it hard to access your money. If your credit card is stashed in your office when you’re walking past the vending machine, or secured in the trunk of your car while you drive home, you've set yourself up for success—and you've made passing up those temptations much easier.

3. Make good decisions when you're in the right mindset.

You’ve heard the old advice before: "Never go to the grocery store hungry!" There's a reason those words of wisdom have stuck around; when we go to the store hungry, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Everything looks good when we’re hungry, and we tend to buy too much (of the wrong stuff, usually).

Imagine you just woke up, you're starving, and you could eat anything placed in front of you. You're not in the right mindset to make rational decisions, so you eat far too much. Instead of one slice of toast, you eat three. Instead of one slice of bacon, you have four.

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At this moment, it's not helpful for someone to say, "How about we try just one slice of toast today?"

So what can you do?

Make decisions about what you're going to eat when you're thinking rationally. Go to the grocery store after a solid meal. And plan—even prepare—what you're going to have for breakfast after dinner. By doing this prep work, you make future decisions automatic and eliminate the need for willpower.

4. Use accountability.

Accountability bridges the gap between what we said we were going to do and what we actually do; it's what ties it all together. Here are some ways to create accountability for yourself:

Consider going public. Some people feel very committed to their goals when they tell others about them. But some people have to keep their goals private, otherwise, they lose their appeal. The more they tell people about their goals, the less likely they are to achieve them. Which kind of person are you? If you know that you’re the first kind of person, this strategy can be very helpful.

Lock yourself into a decision. Buy a package of exercise sessions instead of just one—the pain of wasting exercise sessions can give you a jump-start.

Decide if you do better with peer or pro accountability. It’s harder to miss a workout when you know someone is waiting for you. Even better? Trade sneakers with your exercise buddy at the end of every workout. Then you’ll really feel bad not showing up.

Accountability partners often work better if you’re not close to the person, though. It can be hard to take a friend or family member seriously. Even more importantly, it’s hard for them to be brutally honest with you when necessary, whereas that’s a professional’s job.

Waiting to feel motivated is a form of wishful thinking. Instead, opt for accountability, which is what ties commitment to results. It creates follow-through, which is why investing in systems of accountability is worthwhile. The key is finding what kind of accountability works best for you.

Adam Gilbert is the founder of MyBodyTutor.com, an online program that solves the lack of consistency faced by chronic dieters. Sign up for his free mini course on weight loss, and follow Adam on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

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Here's Why the "Raw Water" Trend Is Dumb and Dangerous

If you think to yourself, I love to waste money, but I want to literally piss it away, then you're in luck: Companies around Silicon Valley have created the perfect product to help you flush cash down the toilet—raw water!

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Enough of this "perfectly-safe-to-drink" water of the 21st century. Raw water is old-school—as in, "You just died of dysentery" old-school. The proponents of raw water praise the fact that the water they're hawking doesn't contain chemicals like chlorine, fluoride, or chloramines. Instead, their completely untreated water flows naturally from the earth, full of gut-healthy probiotics. And it comes to you in the most natural way possible—delivered by a guy with a manbun in a painted van. Oh, and it's at least $16 for two and a half gallons. Just like nature intended.

After the New York Times broke the story about the new raw water movement, Live Water (which has a logo that looks like it belongs on the Myspace page of a Phish cover band) has received most of the attention. Probably because their founder, Mukhande Singh (née Christopher Sanborn), likes to make odd statements that fall somewhere on the hippie-douche spectrum. Things like, "It stays most fresh within one lunar cycle of delivery" and "Tap water? You're drinking toilet water with birth control drugs in them."

First of all, I wish my water had birth control in it—that would be so much easier. Second, toilet water is safe to drink and often recommended as a source of H20 in emergencies. Sure, you don't want to drink it out of the bowl because your poop contaminates it, but technically you could drink out of the tank and be just fine. One school found their toilets to be cleaner than their drinking fountains, so take that as you will. To be clear, I'm not a toilet-drinking advocate, I just want to illustrate how clean our water generally is.

But Singh isn't the only one singing the praises of raw water. Another big fan is David Evans, a.k.a. the founder of Juicero—the company that tried to sell a $400 Wi-Fi-enabled juicer that did nothing but squeeze bags of juice you could easily squeeze yourself. Evans cared so much about getting fresh, untreated water that he and his friends regularly sneaked through private properties to steal stream water under the cover of darkness, according to the Times. It's funny that a man who sold plastic bags of juice would be so fearful of chemicals in his liquids, but then, it's a funny world out there.

It's easy to mock long-haired hippies and juicer gurus, but does raw water have a point? Is this natural water better for us? According to experts: no. More specifically: hell, no.

"Scam," says Robert Graham, M.D., of FRESH Med at Physio Logic NYC. "Our municipal water is filtered for a reason. Untreated water may contain bacteria, viruses, and parasites."

"Would you ever drink the water in an underdeveloped country? The health effects can range from mild gastrointestinal discomfort to diarrhea, dehydration, and death," he says. The bacteria that cause cholera, typhoid, and dysentery can thrive in "natural" water, meaning raw water could equal a long trip to the toilet at best—and the hospital at worst.

Greg Sancoff, a water filtration expert with more than 35 years of experience and the founder of Live Pure, speaks of an unexpected chemical risk from untreated water. "Water contains radon in many areas of the U.S.," he says. "And 25,000 people die each year from radon exposure and consumption." Since raw water isn't treated or tested, you may be ingesting potentially damaging levels of naturally occurring chemicals and bacteria.

Proponents of raw water insist that their supply comes from pure springs that have no traces of diarrhea-inducing diseases, and they feel that the water's natural probiotics and lack of fluoride outweigh the risk of contamination. Is there any truth to their claims?

Not... really. Fluoride in water has long been fodder for conspiracy theorists, despite the fact that the Center of Disease Control showed that tooth decay is down in the 70 years since fluoridation started. Plus, the CDC's extensive studies have never found low levels of fluoride to be harmful.

But an article in Harvard Public Health claims that all that extra fluoride might not actually be necessary. Since 1945, when some cities in America began fluoridating their water, cavities have gone down. But they've gone down, almost just as much, in countries with no fluoridation over the same period of time.

The article argues that advantages in dental technology, including fluoride toothpaste, are the real cause of our perfect smiles. Nowadays, the fluoride in the water might be unnecessary. Of course, this does not mean fluoride in the water is dangerous, but it might not be doing a whole lot of good.

As for probiotics, it's true that tap water filters out bad bacteria like giardia, but also takes away less harmful bacteria that could be good for gut flora. Sadly, the probiotics in water won't necessarily help your aching tummy. "Probiotic bacteria generally come from the mammalian gut," says Christian Feuerstein, Ph.D. in marine studies and associate professor at Linfield College. "Any bacteria that you find in water would not be good at breaking down nutrients that are found in our gut." So raw water basically lets you drink a bunch of extra bacterium just for the fun of it.

There is one surprisingly true statement from this raw water trend. Remember Singh accusing us of drinking "toilet water?" Well, in some parts of the country, that's true! Orange County, California takes sewer water through a thorough, three-part filtration process, adds back some minerals, and sends it to taps across the county. Technically, people from one of the richest counties in America are drinking toilet water.

But the process the O.C. uses to recycle water—which involves reverse osmosis with UV—is also probably doing a better job of removing trace contaminants than standard water treatment, which means that weirdly, this water might actually be better in some respects than tap water sourced directly from a reservoir or aquifer.

The program isn't relegated to the residents of the O.C, of course. In 2013, 36 states used reclaimed water. Now, a lot of this was wastewater from sinks and showers, as opposed to straight up sewer liquid, but the idea that the water we drink is less than "pure" isn't crazy.

So, should we schedule our deliveries for raw water now, before the government forces us all to drink from the bowl? No. The idea that we can only drink water from the purest source is egotistical, naive, and the very definition of a first-world problem.

Though drought levels in the U.S. are low at the moment, we have to look for ways to conserve water in the long run. And if that means drinking completely safe poop water, I'm all for it. I hope they call it something other than poop water, but I'll stand by it either way. (And in truth, the standards for tap water are much more stringent than most bottled drinking water, so that free Orange County poop water is probably cleaner than those $2 bottles you buy at the grocery store).

To go one step further, you could always buy a water filter or filtration system to ensure that the water that makes its way to your mouth is free of contaminants like pesticides, copper, mercury, and, of course, lead.

Singh might be a little right with his toilet water statement, but other than that, the raw water craze is all wrong. The water is expensive, possibly dangerous, and insulting to people struggling for clean, treated water all over the world. So save yourself the $16 and enjoy the clean water we already have constantly flowing through our homes.

Amber Petty is a freelance writer in Los Angeles. If you like easy crafts and Simpsons gifs, check out her blog, Half-Assed Crafts.

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9 Dining Tips for Vegans So You're Not Just Stuck With a Side Salad

You don't have to be a full-blown vegan to learn a thing or two about choosing plant-based meals when you're dining out. Whether you're exploring the diet, have been a vegan for years, or just want to give burgers and Brie a break, you can still enjoy a meal out with friends without feeling deprived. If you're one of the many people who think a vegan diet is too restrictive and only consists of beans and rice at home, it’s just not true.

Thankfully, as plant-based diets have become more and more popular, most restaurants have grown accustomed to accommodating vegans. Many chefs have developed special dishes or substitutions just for vegan eaters, and a lot of venues offer a full vegan menu.

Take time to go out with your friends and follow these easy tips on dining out while following a vegan diet (and when you're at home, you can find tons of healthy recipes in my 7-Day Vegan Detox book that prove a vegan diet can really be abundant, delicious, and fun).

1. Look at the menu ahead of time.

Scope out the restaurant menu ahead of time by checking out the website and seeing what they have to offer. TBH, this is something that's helpful even if you aren't following a specific diet plan.

By checking out your options ahead of time, you can decide which items you're definitely staying away from and then set your sights on two or three options to choose from once you get there; if there are any adjustments that need to be made (avocado instead of goat cheese), have that ready too. When you've studied up on the menu, you can happily sit down at the table knowing you won't have to order something non-vegan or totally boring while under pressure.

2. There's an app for that.

Apps make vegan dining easier. There are a few great ones out there that can help you track down the best vegan restaurants. My personal favorite is Happy Cow—it's like Yelp for vegans, so you can find vegan-friendly restaurants in just about every city. It's great for discovering new plant-based haunts if you're traveling and in the mood for a bite.

3. Go veg... then go from there.

This can be super easy to do as long as the kitchen is amenable. Sometimes all you have to ask for is olive oil instead of butter, or to hold the poached egg on avocado toast. A little pro tip: Sometimes when you remove an ingredient from a certain dish, it needs a little more flavor. Scan the menu and see if there's anything else that you like and could add to the dish. For example, if you're scrapping the sour cream, ask for guacamole. Or if you're removing cheese, ask for chopped nuts to keep the texture and flavor.

4. Dress (your salad) for success.

You can always swap out dressings on any salad for the good ol' vegan standard: oil and vinegar. In my opinion, this is a little boring, so I'll usually ask the kitchen to whip up lemon-tahini dressing or avocado-lime dressing. They're both simple enough for the chef to make easily, and they're deliciously creamy (without any cream!).

5. Make tofu your brunch buddy.

If you're out for brunch, ask the waiter if the chef offers tofu. Most places can make a tofu scramble instead of scrambled eggs, and it looks and tastes just like egg whites so you'll forget you're eating vegan at the moment.

6. Don't be afraid of DIY dining.

Chefs don’t always like this and may not always let you do it, but if you see an ingredient on the menu, it means they have it in the kitchen. From there you can mix and match to make your own healthy vegan dish. If they have eggplant Parmesan, they have eggplant, which can be a hearty addition to add more sustenance to your meal.

7. Make side dishes your main course.

Instead of ordering an entrée, consider requesting two or three sides to be served on one plate as your main meal (think a side of sweet potato wedges with Brussels sprouts and kale salad). Your “entrée” will still be filling as well as full of fiber and nutrients, and bonus: Your friends won’t even notice you went off of the menu since it will appear like a typical entrée portion.

8. Make dessert a fruitful part of your night.

Most desserts are full of dairy products (and so much added sugar). Check out the menu for fruit plates since you can guarantee that will match your diet guidelines. But if that's way too boring, look for sorbets because they are typically vegan-friendly too.

9. Spoil your dinner.

On nights when I know I’m going out to dinner, I usually fill up on a high-fiber snack in the afternoon so that I won’t overeat at dinner. Some of my favorite snacks to munch on are vegetable crudites with hummus or a green apple with a spoonful of tahini. This way, dinner can be more about catching up with friends than wistfully watching them eat things you can't. As long as you've got a plan, there's really no need to stay home just because you’re not eating what your friends are.

Neda Varbanova, founder of Healthy With Nedi, is a certified health coach and recipe creator who believes that healthy eating, fitness, and a positive outlook are the keys to realizing true health. Neda’s food philosophy is inspired by her mother who has always prepared fresh daily meals with nothing short of simple, wholesome ingredients.

When Neda arrived in New York during high school, she discovered that the American diet was lacking fresh foods and has been dedicated to inspiring others to incorporate healthy foods into their lives ever since. Neda is a certified health coach through the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, has a certificate in Culinary Nutrition from the NaturalGourmet Institute, and is enrolled in the Master’s Program in Food Studies at NYU Steinhardt.

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Letter From the Editor: Stories for Survivors of Sexual Misconduct

In recent months, we've all experienced the deluge of revelations about sexual harassment and assault. These stories have focused largely on holding powerful men accountable for their actions: Hollywood moguls, renowned writers, elected representatives, celebrity chefs, television personalities, publishers... the list continues literally ad nauseum.

The sum of these stories has felt like a cultural tsunami, but missing from this national dialogue is a discussion for and about people who actually experience sexual harassment and assault. We at Greatist are hoping to push the conversation forward, to focus on and support survivors of sexual misconduct. We’re asking: In the wake of sexual misconduct, how can we best support ourselves and each other?

Sexual misconduct can happen to anyone, and while it’s important that these stories from Hollywood have been gaining traction—and the people who perpetrate these crimes are being increasingly brought to justice—the average person who has been harassed may be wondering, What now? After all, most of us can’t go to the media if our boss harasses us or a friend assaults us; for regular people, news coverage—or even lawyering up—simply isn’t an option.

But if the recent coverage of harassment has shown us anything, it’s that many folks face these ugly situations all too commonly, across all walks of life. That’s why we're focusing this collection on presenting options for anyone who has experienced sexual misconduct—and providing resources for friends and family who want to support them.

We’ve included in this collection an introduction to therapies you can use to work through issues resulting from sexual trauma; ways family and friends can legitimately help, support, and avoid retraumatizing survivors; an explanation of what triggers really are, and why they aren’t BS; strategies for folks who are struggling to form healthy relationships after sexual assault; an exploration of the emotional benefits and drawbacks of naming an abuser; and a list of 67 resources that can help survivors navigate the road to recovery after experiencing sexual misconduct.

We’re also offering a guide detailing what to do if you’re experiencing sexual harassment at work; a look at the link between sexual trauma, memory, and forgetting; a comic that explores what consent does and doesn’t look like; a writer's struggle with the knowledge that her father committed sexual assault; and a story that traces the dissolution of two best friends' relationship after they experienced trauma together.

In this national conversation around sexual misconduct, survivors deserve our focus and attention. We hope that these resources can be useful, comforting, and enlightening to those who are looking for ways to heal themselves or to help people they love recover.

-Jess Novak, Senior Editor, Unfiltered by Greatist

#metoo

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67 Resources for Sexual Assault Survivors Who Aren't Sure Where to Turn

Sexual trauma is easier to cope with when you have support, just like a broken bone is easier to set with a cast. We’ve compiled a list of resources for sexual assault survivors, ranging from online group counseling to books, retreats, and peer support. This list includes resources for women, men, young adults, children, disabled, trans, non-binary, and LGBTQIA+ survivors, as well as survivors of color. Many of the websites linked here also have their own lists of resources, so you can find even more options with just a few clicks.

Avoidance, one of the most common manifestations of PTSD, often makes it difficult for many patients to tackle their trauma head-on, particularly if the trauma is acute or recent. But as daunting as it may be to pick up the phone and call a hotline, inquire about group therapy, or attend a trauma-informed yoga class, taking an active role in your recovery will be the best and most empowering thing you can do for yourself.

Hotlines and Call Centers

Anti-Violence Project
212-714-1141

The Anti-Violence Project (AVP) offers free, bilingual (English/Spanish), 24-hour, 365-day-a-year crisis intervention and support to LGBTQ and HIV-affected survivors of any type of violence, as well as to those who love and support survivors, including those who have lost a loved one to violence. Callers receive immediate crisis counseling and safety planning, as well as access to ongoing counseling, advocacy, and onsite legal services. AVP may also be able to accompany you to court or to the police.

ChildHelp
1-800-422-4453

ChildHelp runs the National Child Abuse Helpline, and they can be reached 24/7. They talk to people of all ages who have experienced parental abuse and can help you report instances of child abuse. They also provide resources for prevention, intervention, and treatment.

Darkness to Light
1-866-FOR-LIGHT (866-367-5444)

Darkness to Light offers local information and resources about sexual abuse. You can also text ‘LIGHT’ to 741741 for crisis support with a trained counselor. These services are 24/7, free of charge, confidential, and will be answered by a trained information and referral representative. Helpline availability varies according to state and call center. Darkness to Light also has resources for reporting child sex abuse and human trafficking.

Day One
800.214.4150

If you’re 24 years old or younger and have experienced sexual trauma and/or domestic violence, you can call Day One’s free and confidential hotline, available in English and Spanish, or text 646-535-3291 to ask for help and resources. They provide additional services for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender/gender non-conforming, queer, and questioning youth who are struggling with intimate partner abuse, as well as legal services.

If you live in New York, you can also use Day One's Direct Services Program, which provides free and confidential counseling, case management, and legal advice, information, and direct representation.

loveisrespect
1-866-331-9474

Loveisrespect is a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and Break the Cycle, and is a fantastic resource for advice and info on healthy dating. Its mission is to empower youth and young adults to prevent and end abusive relationships. Peer advocates can be reached 24/7 via phone, online chat, or text (“loveis” to 22522). They offer help for safety planning, support systems, self-care, abuse on campus, calling the police, documenting abuse, and obtaining a restraining order. They offer guidance for LGBTQ survivors and undocumented survivors as well.

The National Center for Victims of Crime
1-855-4VICTIM (1-855-484-2846)

The center’s VictimConnect Resource Center is a place for victims of any crime nationwide to learn about their rights and seek out resources, including legal aid, advocacy, and treatment.

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233

The National Domestic violence hotline is free, confidential, and available 24/7/365 in English and Spanish. On the website, there’s a chat function that’s also available all day, every day, as well as a wealth of resources with info for state coalitions, counseling services, shelters, and legal aid. There’s also a library of articles about healthy relationships, boundaries, recognizing abuse, and talking to teens about domestic violence.

RAINN
800.656.HOPE (4673)

RAINN, the Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network, is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline, which is free, confidential, and available 24/7/365 in English and Spanish. RAINN works in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country and operates the DoD Safe Helpline for the Department of Defense.

RAINN also carries out programs to prevent sexual violence, help survivors, and help bring perpetrators to justice. You can call RAINN for guidance and resources in crisis (though call 911 if it’s an emergency), after recent sexual trauma, or to talk about sexual trauma that happened long ago. They can help you find support groups, group therapy, individual counselors, legal aid, emergency shelter, medical attention/accompaniment, crime victim assistance advocacy, and a number of other services in your area. You can also chat online with a counselor at hotline.rainn.org.

Safe Horizon
1-800-621-HOPE (4673)

Safe Horizon has a free, 24/7/365, confidential national hotline in English and Spanish for domestic violence survivors; rape, incest, abuse, and sexual assault survivors; and victims of other violent crimes. Counselors are available to talk about your situation (whether it’s recent or not), as well as help you figure out the next steps, whether that’s in the form of counseling, legal aid, safety planning, or finding a shelter. They can also help you find in-person counseling, group therapy, legal aid, and other resources, and if you are based in New York, you can receive in-person services at their offices in Brooklyn and Harlem, by appointment.

Shelters, Counseling, and Support Resources

Abused Deaf Women’s Services

The Abused Deaf Women's Services (ADWAS) community links page offers a good list of services and centers all over the country to help deaf and/or deaf-blind people who have experienced abuse, as well as information about domestic violence, abuse, and recovery, as well as inspiring survivor stories.

ADWAS is based in Seattle, Washington, and if you’re a local, you can attend the center for all kinds of services, including short-term crisis counseling, ongoing individual/family therapy related to domestic violence and sexual assault, group counseling related to childhood sexual assault and domestic violence, psychosocial assessments and evaluation of sexual abuse of children, client advocacy and referrals. They also have a local crisis video call hotline, 24/7/365, which you can reach at 1-(206) 812-1001 or via email at hotline@adwas.org.

Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies

You can search for a qualified cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) provider, an evidence-based method for treating PTSD, using their search engine, which can help you find someone in your area. The website also has great information on these therapeutic approaches, so you can learn more about treatments that might appeal to you.

Domestic Shelters

Domestic Shelters may be the most comprehensive database for folks seeking shelter from domestic violence. They’ve verified information on shelters and domestic violence programs across the country. This free service can help if you or a friend is suffering from physical, emotional, psychological, or verbal abuse. They can help you find domestic violence programs based on your location, service, and language needs.

Other services include "24-hour hotlines, service listings, and helpful articles on domestic violence statistics, signs and cycles of abuse, housing services, emergency services, legal and financial services, support groups for women, children and families, and more."

National Center for PTSD

This is a web resource with excellent information on PTSD, including the most effective treatments and what they entail. Although it’s geared toward veterans, you don’t need to be a vet to use it.

National Organization of Sisters of Color Ending Sexual Assault

SCESA has an excellent resources page for women of color looking for treatment centers and organizations dedicated to serving sexual assault survivors near them. The site also offers music, film, and book recommendations. SCESA is an advocacy organization working on policy change, collaboration with other social justice movements, community awareness, and a number of other advocacy tactics.

Psychology Today

You can use the Psychology Today support group search to find sexual trauma support group therapy near you.

Tiwahe Glu Kini Pi

This is a mental, emotional, and spiritual health resource center for the Lakota nation, particularly for men, women, and children who have experienced trauma. They offer a number of different programs and services in service of Lakota traditions and wellness.

The Breathe Network

The Breathe Network connects sexual trauma survivors to practitioners who offer sliding-scale, trauma-informed, holistic healing arts and support, including acupuncture; massage and cranial-sacral massage; somatic therapy; sound healing; yoga, hypnotherapy; dance, art, music, and color therapy; feng shui; Rolfing; and EMDR.

They offer a range of information for survivors of sexual violence related to understanding how the holistic healing arts can facilitate healing. They also have a helpful list of emergency resources available both over the phone and online, as well as recommended organizations and books for those pursuing alternative healing arts to complement their trauma recovery. These resources also benefit those who support survivors, whether as friends and family, or as healing arts practitioners.

Somatic Therapies

SomaticExperiencing Trauma Institute

This site is a great resource for evidence-based studies about how trauma affects the brain and body, and for information on somatic (body-centered) therapy approaches to recovery. You can also use their directory to find somatic therapists specializing in trauma recovery.

Trauma Center at Justice Resource Institute

Founder and medical director of the Trauma Center at Justice Resource Institute, Bessel van der Kolk, is an internationally recognized researcher and practitioner of somatic-based therapy for trauma survivors. The center offers a number of outpatient medical services for clients seeking therapeutic treatment.

If you’re not in MA, you can use their directory to search out a somatic therapy provider near you. The Trauma Center’s website also has a treasure trove of trauma and somatic-approach recovery research and offers somatic therapy trainings for therapists, counselors, healers, and yoga teachers.

Trauma-Informed/Trauma-Sensitive Yoga

Exhale to Inhale

Exhale to Inhale empowers those affected by domestic violence and sexual assault to transform their lives. ETI employs the healing practice of trauma-informed yoga to empower survivors while helping communities develop skills and knowledge to support them. Exhale to Inhale provides free weekly yoga classes at domestic violence shelters and community centers in NY, CT, and LA. They also offer trauma-informed yoga teacher training.

Transcending Sexual Trauma Through Yoga

Zabie Yamasaki, founder of this organization, offers private and group yoga classes for sexual trauma survivors; an eight-week "yoga as healing series for survivors of sexual trauma," which can be done in-person or online; as well as trauma-informed yoga teacher training.

She is also known for her intensive and loving retreats, which are held all over the country. Her website has very helpful information about mindfulness, self-care, integration, and what exactly trauma-informed yoga is about and how it can help. Yamasaki’s Instagram is full of book recommendations, tips, and quotes for transcending trauma.

Trauma Center Trauma-Sensitive Yoga

This is David Emerson’s center for trauma-sensitive yoga, and the website offers a search function to help you find certified trauma-sensitive yoga facilitators worldwide. There are also links to resources, books, and research on this method of trauma treatment. TCTSY also offers trainings and a number of other events and workshops.

Animal Therapy for Trauma Survivors

Assistance Dogs International

Assistance Dogs International is a coalition of nonprofit assistance dog organizations that help individuals find a dog to match their needs.

Alliance of Therapy Dogs

Alliance of Therapy Dogs is a national therapy dog registry and can assist those in certifying their potential therapy dog.

EQUUSOMA Equine Facilitated Trauma Therapy

If you like horses, even if you’ve never touched one, this might be an interesting approach to take. (If nothing else, you get to hang out with a horse, after all). Inspired by the far-reaching branches of Dr. Peter Levine’s approach to somatic therapy and trauma recovery, EQUUSOMA works with human clients in equine-facilitated interventions to guide equine-based activities and facilitator interactions so that they don’t inadvertently overwhelm or retraumatize clients.

Horses have a complex nervous system, much like humans, and are very sensitive to their human partners, so working with horses allows the participants to be more aware of both their reactions and the horse’s. The idea is to stay with the experience; care for yourself and the animal; and integrate that compassion, healing, and self-awareness.

Freedom Farm Therapeutic Riding Center

While Freedom Farm doesn’t have a program specific to sexual trauma survivors, they have therapeutic riding programs. "Freedom Farm enriches lives by partnering with the unique attributes of the horse to improve mobility, build confidence, and encourage personal growth in children and adults with physical, mental and emotional challenges."

Pawsitivity

Pawsitivity is a nonprofit organization dedicated to rescuing dogs and training them as service dogs for people with PTSD and other conditions.

SheHerdPower Foundation

The SheHerdPower Foundation is dedicated to providing free equine-guided empowerment services to women survivors of sexual trauma. The programs are weekend-long experiences in which "participants engage in a variety of personal development and somatic empowerment experiences as a group, which includes on-the-ground immersion with horses. While the process occurs in a group setting, personal disclosure is not a requirement, and the process is highly supportive of personal evolution and growth."

Survivor Art and Art Therapy Sites

Art Therapy Blog

Art Therapy Blog is full of articles and resources for art therapy for adults and children, and specialized projects and research for a number of audiences, ranging from trauma to autism. If you’re interested in research and projects, you can try these yourself or with a counselor, therapist, or group.

Last Battle

Founded by Mary Ellen Mann, author of From Pain to Power: Overcoming Sexual Trauma and Reclaiming Your True Identity, Last Battle is a creative space for sexual trauma survivors to share their artwork, stories, and poems in the site’s gallery.

There is also a blog for inspiration and recovery, Mann’s keynote speeches and talks, and a page of "ideas for living well" filled with advice for advocacy, recovery, and support. The site has a Christian slant and uses the metaphor of the princess warrior to explore recovery, and also includes exercises and articles on meditation and women’s empowerment.

Online Chat and Online Peer Support

1in6

1in6 is a resource for men who have experienced unwanted or abusive sexual experiences. They offer recovery information for men, men’s stories of trauma and recovery, 24/7/365 online chat support with trained advocates through their website, and anonymous online support groups facilitated by a professional counselor. Support groups meet every Monday and Wednesday.

Forge (Trans)

Forge is a Milwaukee-based organization dedicated to advocating for and protecting the lives of transgender/non-binary people and their loved ones. If you are a trans survivor of sexual violence, domestic violence, dating violence, stalking, or hate violence, you can email AskFORGE@forge-forward.org or call their hotline at (414) 559-2123 for information, resources, and referrals to providers in your area. Forge’s website also offers a peer support listserv, online Writing to Heal courses, conferences, and workshops.

Male Survivor

Male Survivor is a collection of resources and articles for men who have experienced sexual trauma, as well as a forum for men to discuss trauma and recovery. Resources include a therapist directory to help find therapists who specialize in treating male survivors of sexual trauma; a support group directory; peer support guide; male survivor forum; resources directory; healing events; and the HopeHealingSupport Team, who are available by email to answer any questions survivors may have.

National Sexual Violence Resource Center

The NSVRC offers up-to-date research and resources on sexual-violence recovery, including news, projects, special collections, publications, and a library. They also offer a very helpful database for survivors seeking help in the form of individual or group counseling, support groups, community outreach, advocacy, and more.

"NSVRC enjoys a strong partnership with state, territorial, and tribal anti-sexual assault coalitions and national allied organizations. This online directory highlights those organizations and projects working to eliminate sexual violence." You can search by state to help find resources near you.

Protect Our Defenders

Protect Our Defenders (POD) is the only national organization solely dedicated to ending the epidemic of rape and sexual assault in the military and to combating a culture of pervasive misogyny, sexual harassment, and retribution against victims.

POD supports survivors of military sexual assault and sexual harassment, including service members, veterans, and civilians assaulted by members of the military. Resources include hotlines you can call, applications for free legal services, directories for local services, peer-to-peer support, resource libraries, and forums.

Survivorship: for survivors of ritual abuse, mind-control, and torture

This resource is not a replacement for therapy, but rather an online space for survivors of a very specific kind of sexual abuse or trauma to share and validate their experiences with each other as peers.

Survivorship has yearly conferences and video resources, and for membership access, which costs "$75 down to what you think you can pay," which will provide you with updates every other month with news of the organization, national events, and news articles for survivors. Two times per year, you will receive their journal, which contains many articles, poems, and artwork by survivors, therapists, family or friends of survivors, and other supporters. You will also be able to use the members-only section of the website.

Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests

SNAP is dedicated to supporting survivors who have been abused by priests or other religious figures like nuns, religion teachers, or ministers. The organization is run by volunteers who help survivors find therapists specializing in religious abuse and sexual abuse in their area, as well as assistance in reporting abusers and finding legal aid.

SNAP also has a number of group therapy chapters, and you can use their directory to find one near you. They also have annual conferences for you to check out and a collection of survivors’ stories and related news.

Retreats

Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health

Kripalu (Krih-PAH-loo) is a yoga and healing arts retreat center and school. While Kripalu as a whole is not dedicated to trauma recovery specifically, many of their retreat programs center on healing, depression, anxiety, mindfulness, body-awareness, trauma-informed yoga, self-care, and recovery.

If you don’t want to sign up for a full program, book an R&R retreat that allows you to attend a selection of spirituality talks, concerts and events, and yoga, meditation, and YogaDance classes at your leisure. You can also book massages, energy healing, Ayurvedic consultations, and many other healing sessions. The center is kitted out with great vegetarian food (with a couple of daily meat options), gym, sauna, and beautiful trails, and a labyrinth for walking meditations. Kripalu is located in The Berkshires, in Stockbridge, MA.

Sidhayatan: A Place of Siddhas

Siddhayatan Tirth & Spiritual Retreat is located in Windom, Texas, and offers a number of specialized retreats ranging from stress relief to a PTSD healing retreat. The retreat offers ashram living with home-cooked vegetarian food and lots of lovely nature for you to enjoy, in addition to the program. They use what’s called the Purnam Yoga System, developed by yogi Acharya Shree Yogeesh, which incorporates yoga, meditation, breathing, and spiritual practices meant to help you manage PTSD symptoms in conjunction with your regular therapy and/or medication.

Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence (BTS)

BTS offers an Annual Survivor Sister Retreat for women who are affected by domestic violence. The retreat is an opportunity to immerse yourself in activities, workshops, and classes focused on holistic approaches to healing, as well as to forge friendships and supportive relationships with other survivors.

This retreat best suits women who are not currently in an unhealthy relationship or suicidal. BTS suggests seeking crisis help first, and then attending the retreat when you are in a more stable place to begin a lifelong journey of loving awareness and healing.

The Refuge: A Healing Place

The Refuge offers a Rape-Related Trauma Treatment and Rehab Center for rape and sexual assault survivors. This residential treatment center, located in Florida, offers a number of therapeutic approaches to healing sexual trauma, including exposure therapy (specifically, recalling painful memories in a safe environment with a professional), interpersonal therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, and intensive family therapy.

Experiential therapy is also a large part of their approach and can include dramatic experiencing, hypnosis, art therapy, a ropes course, equine therapy, creative expression, group sharing, music therapy, and journaling. The Refuge is surrounded by beautiful nature, and in their spare time, clients are welcome to play sports, fish, hike, and enjoy the grounds.

Books

General Texts

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

If you’ve ever known that a relationship didn’t feel right but you weren’t sure if it was abuse, then this could be helpful for you. Bancroft looks at the many types of abuse and the ways that the victim can be gaslit into thinking that they are somehow responsible or capable of changing the abuser’s behavior. (Amazon)

Writing Ourselves Whole: Using the Power of Your Own Creativity to Recover and Heal from Sexual Trauma by Jen Cross

This is a book of essays, encouragements, exercises, and stories for sexual trauma survivors who "want to risk writing a different story." Geared toward people who would like to write about their experiences without retraumatizing themselves, this book aims to help those who would like to use writing as a joyful and transformative healing tool. (Amazon)

The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking Free from Anxiety, Phobias, and Worry Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy by John P. Forsythe and Georg H. Eifert

Using acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), this workbook will help you move through your anxiety and fear with awareness and without judgment. The book comes with bonus worksheets and guided mindfulness meditations. (Amazon)

Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror by Judith Herman

Judith Herman’s trauma research, particularly sexual trauma and healing, was groundbreaking when it was new on the scene in the 1990s and has remained relevant and insightful since. This is an excellent tool for understanding the social content of trauma; Herman shows parallels between the trauma of war and the trauma of childhood sexual abuse, and what people need in order to heal. (Amazon)

Shattered Assumptions: Towards a New Psychology of Trauma by Ronnie Janoff-Bulman

This is for the survivor who wants to understand how perceptions about the self, world, and other people are formed after trauma, and how to change them. Think of it as real-life applied psychology. (Amazon)

Surviving a Cyberstalker: How to Prevent and Survive Cyberabuse and Stalking by Alexis Moore

Moore, a survivor of domestic abuse and cyberstalking-turned-leading lawyer and cyberstalking authority, has written this practical guide to help people prevent and escape cyberabuse and cyberstalking. (Amazon)

The Mindful Way Through Anxiety: Break Free from Chronic Worry and Reclaim Your Life by Susan Orsillo and Lizabeth Roemer

This book uses clinically tested mindfulness practices to help readers meet their anxiety with clarity and compassion. There is also a helpful workbook you can purchase separately, and access to audio material through the website. (Amazon)

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg

Whether you’re afraid to tell people how you feel, or you tell people how you feel a little too vehemently, this book is helpful. Rosenberg explores relationships, needs, and practical communication techniques, as well as tips for understanding other people better. Using this guide, you can learn how to speak to yourself and others from a place of love, and how to have clearer and calmer conversations with everyone in your life. (Amazon)

Gender-Specific Books

The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis

Often referred to as the bible of childhood sexual abuse recovery, this book is a manual of healing, much loved through all of its additions by survivors and therapists alike. The latest editions contain up-to-date research about trauma, healing tools and methodologies, a more diverse array of survivor voices, encouraging check-ins with survivors well into their recovery, and more. (Amazon)

The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner

This very popular guide is meant to help women navigate, process, and express their anger in healthy ways rather than repressing it, as society so often tells women to do. Lerner helps the reader recognize unhealthy relationship patterns, internal and interpersonal emotional patterns, and change them into a happier relationship with one’s self and others. (Amazon)

Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew

This is one of the classic resources for male survivors of sexual abuse, now updated with current research on trauma and recovery, an examination of cultural attitudes toward male sexual abuse and incest survivors, practical and compassionate advice for healing, and personal narratives. (Amazon)

LGBTQIA-Specific Books

Queering Sexual Violence: Radical Voices from Within the Anti-Violence Movement by Jennifer Patterson

This is a collection of racially diverse voices across the gender spectrum from within the anti-violence movement. This book moves beyond dominant narratives of sexual violence and centers the experiences, and spotlights 37 deserving stories of trauma, activism, and empowerment. (Amazon)

The Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook: Skills for Navigating Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression by Anneliese Singh

This workbook offers advice and exercises for the LGBTQI+ reader to work through the trauma of discrimination, violence/sexual violence, loss, family rejection, and more, and find healing, resilience, and confidence within themselves. (Amazon)

PoC-Specific Books

The Beginning and End of Rape: Confronting Sexual Violence in Native America by Sarah Deer

If it would be empowering for you to read a searing account of colonialism, how sex trafficking and abuse of Native women continues, and ways for the tribal nations to seek redress, then this is a great book for you. Deer is a powerful activist and writer addressing real, ongoing issues of sexual violence against native women and seeking solutions. (Amazon)

Decolonizing Trauma Work: Indigenous Stories and Strategies by Renee Linklater

By looking at colonization as the first wound, Linklater contextualizes native trauma and speaks with ten indigenous healthcare practitioners to discuss indigenous wellness, mental illness, and recovery. This book is full of practical measures for individuals and communities who have experienced trauma, and draws on indigenous cultural knowledge and worldview to inform ideas of healing, recovery, and wellness. (Amazon)

I Will Survive: The African-American Guide to Healing from Sexual Assault and Abuse by Lori S. Robinson and Julia A. Boyd

This self-help guide is intended as a resource for African-American survivors of sexual assault, offering resources, strategies for coping, prayers from Black spiritual leaders in a variety of traditions, and first-person accounts. (Amazon)

Mejor sola que mal acompañada: para la mujer golpeada / For the Latina in an Abusive Relationship by Myrna M. Zambrano

Zambrano has a lot of experience working in Latin communities and helping Latinas leave domestic violence situations and navigate prejudiced and unsympathetic police, documentation issues, need for translators, how to get to a shelter and protect yourself and your children, and what the church might say. This book is a practical and compassionate guide for surviving and leaving an abusive relationship. (Amazon)

Books About Reclaiming Your Sex Life

The Art of Healing from Sexual Trauma: Tending Body and Soul Through Creativity, Nature, and Intuition by Naomi Ardea

Ardea uses her own experience of childhood sexual trauma and her healing journey as a guide, developing a workbook for readers to experiment with their own healing through journaling, art therapy, exercises, and accessible self-care ideas. (Amazon)

Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Approaching Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines

This is a sex-positive, somatic approach toward sexual abuse and incest recovery, geared toward the reader who is ready to embrace sexual healing and reclaim their sex lives, whether they are single, partnered, heterosexual, or LGBTQ. This book teaches the reader that it’s OK to say "no" to unwanted sex, and "yes" to their own desires and needs, on their own terms. (Amazon)

The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz

This is a classic self-help book for men and women who survived sexual abuse and would like to reclaim their sex lives and sexuality. This book has exercises, advice, and stories to help readers enjoy safe, compassionate, loving sex. (Amazon)

Books About the Somatic Method and Yoga

Embodied Healing: Using Yoga to Recover from Trauma and Extreme Stress by Lisa Danylchuck

Danylchuck connects trauma theory and yogic philosophy and focuses on the foundations of yoga and their applications toward healing rather than just the physical forms of yoga. Reading this, you will also learn more about how the nervous system works and reacts to trauma and stress, and how you can affect the nervous system with breathwork, yoga, and other practices. (Amazon)

Overcoming Trauma through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body by David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper

This book explores a somatic approach by using trauma-sensitive yoga techniques to help survivors recover and reconnect with their bodies. Emerson is one of the current leading trauma-sensitive yoga researchers and trainers. (Amazon)

Trauma-Sensitive Yoga in Therapy: Bringing the Body into Treatment by David Emerson

Another great book from Emerson, this one more focused on how to use trauma-sensitive yoga to treat survivors, the research supporting the methods, and how they help. This is particularly useful if you’re the kind of person who wants to take a very informed, active role in your treatment or are considering becoming a trauma-sensitive yoga teacher or provider. (Amazon)

Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine with Ann Frederick

Dr. Peter Levine, founder of the SomaticExperiencing method of trauma therapy, walks the reader through the research and theories of his methods, as well as plenty of exercises for the reader to try on their own or in a therapeutic setting. Using body-based (somatic) approaches, Dr. Levine normalizes trauma responses and creates exercises to help heal them. (Amazon)

Deep Listening: A Healing Practice to Calm Your Body, Clear Your Mind, and Calm Your Heart by Jillian Pransky

This book, while not specifically for trauma survivors, focuses on how a yoga practice can help heal anxiety and stress using mindfulness, deep relaxation, and compassionate listening. (Amazon)

The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk

This has become a touchstone text for understanding trauma, its effects on the body, and methodologies of healing. Van der Kolk examines a number of evidence-based treatments for trauma recovery, ranging from expressive therapies to yoga, meditation to sports, all of which activate the brain’s natural neuroplasticity. (Amazon)

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How a Sexual Assault Robbed Me of My Best Friend

A Guide to Therapies That Can Heal Sexual Trauma

The effects of sexual trauma are very real and difficult to go through alone. Whether your trauma is recent or from your childhood, there are a number of methods that can offer tools for coping. If you think therapy would be beneficial but you've been shying away from reaching out, know that you're not alone—emotional avoidance is a common PTSD symptom that prevents many survivors from seeking help. But avoiding feelings or thoughts about a traumatic event can keep us stuck in suffering, says Kathryn Bell, Ph.D., who treats patients with sexual trauma-related PTSD.

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"Here's something to consider," Bell says. "What are the costs of avoiding treatment or memories? How would your life be different if you addressed these issues?"

We've developed a guide that can help you learn more about different styles of therapy that are commonly used to treat sexual assault survivors. Given your individual needs, some of these may suit you better than others, but you don't have to stick with the first style of therapy or the first professional you work with. And most importantly, remember that you are strong, and you deserve to receive help, be well, and live the life you want.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an umbrella term for several related treatment approaches. "CBT is an active treatment that targets the ways you think about yourself, other people, the world around you, the future, and the way you respond to your life," Bell says. In this form of therapy, the therapist serves the patient in a "coach-like role," working on their specific problems with them to help change thought patterns and certain behaviors.

Bell says that in CBT, the client and therapist set up treatment goals, and therapy progresses gradually, with regular check-ins, so that the client is informed about what to expect. This can alleviate some of the anxiety surrounding treatment; since the client has an active and empowered voice in their recovery, nothing should come as a surprise.

CBT can include cognitive processing therapy (CP), cognitive therapy, and prolonged exposure therapy, all evidence-based methods recommended by the APA Clinical Practice Guideline. Bell says that there's no particular CBT approach she recommends for survivors—which therapy they choose is entirely dependent on what the person is comfortable with. Many studies have indicated that CBT can be very effective for survivors of sexual assault.

How does CBT work?

Bell explains that CBT treatment for PTSD involves facing traumatic memories and processing the thoughts and emotions related to them. This process can help the patient change their thinking about the trauma and habituate to the anxiety related to traumatic memories. "The individual learns that, although the trauma was horrible, the trauma memories in themselves are not harmful," Bell says.

In cognitive therapy, the patient and therapist address the patient's thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and communication at present. Much of the work consists of developing self-help skills and changing unhelpful thought patterns.

In cognitive processing therapy, the focus is on the patient's thoughts and beliefs, and the therapist often utilizes writing as a tool. Clients may be asked to write a detailed account of their trauma, but this isn't always necessary.

Prolonged exposure therapy asks the individual to repeatedly recall the trauma over and over again, in great detail, both in session and at home. It has a high rate of success, but this style isn't a fit for everyone.

One exercise CPT therapists use involves the individual and the therapist finding "stuck points."

"Stuck points are beliefs that keep the person stuck in their recovery from the trauma. The therapist and client directly target them by challenging their accuracy," Bell says. For example, an individual's stuck point might be, "It was my fault I was raped because of how I was dressed."

The therapist and individual will then look for evidence that supports and challenges this belief. The patient might say, "If I hadn't been wearing that skirt, then I wouldn't have been raped." Then they'll poke holes in this argument, asking, "But is that really true?" "Is it possible that it didn't matter what I was wearing?" (It's possible.) "Does wearing a short skirt actually give permission for someone to violate me?" (No.) "Using Socratic questioning allows the client to investigate and think differently about the event, and helps them see that they're not to blame," Bell says.

CBT Resources

The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT) is a great place to search for a qualified CBT provider and to learn more about treatments that might appeal to you.

The National Center for PTSD is geared toward veterans, but you don't need to be a vet to use it. It details the most effective treatments for PTSD and what they entail.

Mindfulness

"Through mindfulness, we learn to turn toward our own suffering with a balanced and compassionate eye," says Jennifer Ardis, M.A., founder of Blue Heron Mindfulness in Cork, Ireland. "We learn to cultivate a solid base in the present moment and how to return to the present. This can be a very helpful skill when trauma keeps pulling us back to the past."

Programs like mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) or mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) emphasize mind-body integration, both of which can be very helpful for people with a history of trauma, who can "lose touch with" their body, Ardis says.

Clinical studies have shown that mindfulness-based treatments can be helpful for people suffering from PTSD. The non-judgmental outlook that mindfulness works to cultivate can help folks accept their thoughts, emotions, and experiences, and reduce the avoidance, intrusive thoughts, and numbness symptoms characteristic of PTSD. Mindfulness practices may decrease survivors' feelings of guilt, shame, and other negative emotions, and increase their positive feelings toward themselves and others.

Breathwork

Breathwork, or breath awareness, is a common element of mindfulness-based PTSD treatments. Breathwork can range from simply paying attention to your breathing to participating in specific breathing exercises. Ardis recommends this practice as a starting place for mindfulness and notes that some promising research suggests that PTSD symptoms can be managed by a particular type of breathwork called Sudarshan Kriya (SKY). SKY has also been helpful for managing depression and stress-related chronic illnesses.

Michele Paolella, LMSW, of Day One, agrees that breathwork can be a helpful tool for dealing with PTSD. "Practical grounding techniques and controlled breathing exercises can be helpful in moments of increased fear or anxiety," she says. For instance, if you have to see the person who caused you harm or be in the place where you were hurt, breathwork can increase your chances of staying calm and thinking clearly in these situations.

Mindfulness and Breathwork Resources

The Mindful Way Through Anxiety: Break Free from Chronic Worry and Reclaim Your Life by Susan Orsillo and Lizabeth Roemer and its accompanying workbook, as well as The Mindful Way website, are excellent resources for learning more about mindfulness.

UC Berkeley's Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC) has a helpful guided meditation for mindful breathwork.

Ardis's YouTube video, "Awareness of Breathing Guided Mindfulness Meditation," walks the viewer through basic breathwork.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

EMDR therapy sessions feature a series of eye movements, hand taps, and buzzes while the patient accesses a trauma memory. When a traumatic event happens, it gets stuck in the limbic system in the brain, says Ginger Poag, MSW, LCSW, a trauma therapist who primarily uses EMDR to work with abuse and sexual assault survivors. EMDR can help get these trauma memories unstuck.

How does EMDR work?

After an unprocessed traumatic event, experiences in our daily lives can remind us of the trauma, setting off symptoms like panic, dissociation, flashbacks, and nightmares. Poag explains that EMDR accesses those memories and encourages the brain to heal itself. EMDR's series of eye movements, hand taps, and buzzes mimic REM sleep, which helps target specific trauma memories locked in the brain and move them to another part of the brain, where they can be processed like other memories and experiences. There are a wealth of studies that support this treatment's efficacy.

Who's a good candidate for EMDR?

Using EMDR, Poag has seen patients work through trauma that has been affecting them negatively for years—sometimes decades. This process can help them integrate their experiences so they can move on with their lives. EMDR is not for everyone all the time, however, and the APA's Clinical Practice Guideline for the Treatment of PTSD, which includes sexual trauma-related PTSD, lists EMDR as a conditionally recommended treatment.

The nature of EMDR is to dive right in, so the intense nature of this treatment might be too much for patients with acute or recent trauma, those who haven't had an opportunity to do much processing work, or who don't have much of a support system at the moment.

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"EMDR brings up a lot very quickly—it can do what traditional therapy does over the course of years in a matter of months," Poag says. "I screen people first to see if they're able to self-soothe and to determine whether they would be good candidates at that moment in time."

If you're interested in starting EMDR but you aren't quite ready to go that deep that quickly, Poag recommends preparing yourself with trauma-informed yoga and/or somatic (body-centered) therapy. Both of these treatments are described in further detail below.

EMDR Resources

The EMDR Institute offers additional information on EMDR, as well as a directory to help you find a clinician in your area.

The Maiberger Institute also has good research, resources, and information available, as well as a therapist directory.

Group Therapy

While group therapy has been shown to be an effective treatment for PTSD, Jennifer Lepke, MPS, LCAT, ATR-BC, founder of The Art Therapy Nest, believes that group shouldn't replace individual therapy, but is ideal for someone who would like a greater level of support to supplement their individual counseling. These treatments serve different, but complementary, purposes.

"Many people feel very isolated in their experience of sexual trauma and in the aftermath," she says. Even the people who love us and have our best interests at heart may not understand what we're going through or say hurtful or dismissive things out of fear or ignorance. This can make survivors feel like they're the only ones processing trauma. "Just walking into the group therapy space, you can see that there are other trauma survivors, and the act of sharing stories and experiences is powerful—you are understood and seen," Lepke says.

Group Therapy Resources

You can use Psychology Today's Support Group search to help find a group near you.

Good Therapy also has a helpful search, as well as information on different types of group therapy.

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great resource for developing communication skills.

Alternative Therapies

In the immediate wake of sexual trauma, survivors are not always responsive to talk therapy. This is why alternative therapies are so helpful before—or in conjunction with—talk therapy, says Anna Jadanova, M.A., senior research assistant and therapist at the Center for Addiction Services and Personalized Interventions Research (CASPIR).

Survivors who experienced abuse as children or teens may also be averse to talk therapy at first, since they may have issues surrounding trust and authority figures. "Starting off with alternative therapies, or combining alternative therapies and talk therapy, can be very helpful for establishing relationships, getting in tune with the body, and strengthening expression," Jadanova says.

Somatic Therapy

"Somatic therapy is a body-oriented approach to healing trauma and other stress disorders," says Peter Levine, Ph.D., founder of the SomaticExperiencing Trauma Institute. People often dissociate from their bodies during a traumatic event, Poag says. Directing attention to physical sensations can help the patient understand and process parts of their trauma and the feelings around it.

"There's this assumption that all emotions are stored in the brain," Jadanova says. "But some emotions and experiences are so traumatic that they aren't processed the way other experiences are, and instead, they're stored in the body." That's why people with a history of trauma sometimes have unexplained pains afterward, indicating that there may be a memory or feeling stored there.

How Do You Choose a Somatic Therapy?

Different somatic therapies are a fit for different folks—options can include yoga, breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, dance/movement therapy, vocal work, and guided imagery meditations.

However, silent meditation can be anxiety-inducing for some folks, and without professional guidance, can even be triggering. Jadanova says that a meditative practice is most effective for trauma survivors when they have a guided, structured, imagery-based meditation specifically designed to help process anxiety, which is reflected in a study measuring the effectiveness of guided meditations online.

A Somatic Therapy Exercise You Can Do at Home

Lepke suggests rubbing your hands together vigorously enough to create some heat, which connects the mind and body, giving you something unobtrusive to focus on and preventing you from dissociating. As you're rubbing your palms together, imagine that you are creating energy. Once you're content with the energy you've created, you can direct it to other parts of the body, perhaps bring your palms to rest on your eyes, heart, or any other location that could use a little love.

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Somatic Therapy Resources

There's a "Find a Practitioner" search available via The SomaticExperiencing Trauma Institute.

Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine and Anna Frederick is a book covering Levine's somatic approach to trauma.

Healing Sex: a Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines is a helpful book with suggestions, exercises, and survivor stories.

Trauma-Informed Yoga

In recent years, trauma-informed yoga, also known as trauma-sensitive yoga, has gained a lot of support and attention, as a number of clinical studies have demonstrated its efficacy. "Sexual trauma survivors' bodies haven't always been a safe space," says Zoë Lepage, founder of Exhale to Inhale, a nonprofit organization that provides free trauma-informed yoga. "Yoga can bring the individual back into their body and back into the moment."

If you've ever been in a standard yoga class, you know that the teacher's instructions can feel pretty bossy. Trauma-informed yoga, however, gives the student more options. Suggestions take the place of directives, there are no hands-on assists, and students aren't singled out and corrected. The focus is to empower the students in their choices and to invite them to notice any sensation, or lack of sensation, they experience. The facilitators are also trained to help students work through triggers, should they arise.

Combining Trauma-Informed Yoga With Therapy

Poag says that yoga's mind/body connection helps patients work through stored memories. She notes that different postures might trigger memories or trauma-related feelings, which can be both a challenge and a tool for recovery.

Carly Conatser, a trauma-informed yoga teacher at The Nest, says that the community aspect of a trauma-informed yoga class is important. "You can see all the different types of people who have experienced a trauma like yours, and you never have to explain your trauma or tell a trauma story, and that can be very healing," she says. She recommends practicing trauma-informed yoga alongside another form of evidence-based treatment, like CBT, so that you're not prioritizing the body over the mind.

How to Choose a Yoga Class

If you can't find a trauma-informed class near you, Conatser recommends telling your yoga teacher your needs before class. "For instance, you might want to tell them that you don't want hands-on assists or that you don't want to be corrected during class," she says, noting that you don't have to disclose your trauma history in order to do this.

If you're attending a mainstream yoga class or working on your own, Conaster suggests choosing the type of yoga based on your current needs. If you'd like to feel more empowered, warrior poses might suit you, or if you want to feel more relaxed, then a gentle, restorative class might be a better fit.

Trauma-Informed Yoga Resources

You can search for a Trauma-Sensitive Yoga Facilitator through The Trauma Center Trauma Sensitive Yoga website, which also offers training and research.

Zabie Yamasaki, founder of Transcending Sexual Trauma Through Yoga, is a facilitator and educator whose website is a wealth of resources and also offers online training.

This short video, A Trauma Sensitive Yoga Practice, offers a beginner's trauma-sensitive yoga flow that you can do in a chair.

Expressive Therapies

Jadanova says that while EMDR, CBT, and other talk-based trauma therapy are the most popular and effective approaches, they also have the highest dropout rates for people with PTSD due to the intensity of the work and the classic PTSD avoidance.

As Van der Kolk, M.D., founder and medical director of The Trauma Center at JRI, notes in his book, The Body Keeps the Score, somatic and expressive therapies such as art, dance/movement, comedy, drama, and music therapy, can be especially helpful for those just starting their trauma recovery. Of course, these expressive therapies can also be beneficial at any stage in tandem with talk therapy.

How Do Expressive Therapies Work?

Jadanova explains that taking an improv class, for instance, can provide the participant with lots of tools for expression, whereas comedy and drama therapy can give them a safe space to recreate or direct their trauma, cast themselves in a role where they have more control over the outcome, and engage in the situation in a new way, from a place of empowerment.

"Language can be limited and can make you feel vulnerable," Lepke says. "Artwork is a way to grapple with and explore an experience with a level of safety." Survivors may say and process much more when developing the ability to communicate in a different mode.

Art has the uncanny ability to reach us on many discreet levels—intellectually, emotionally, and bodily all at once. If you've ever listened to a song that gave you goosebumps or seen a painting that just hit you in the chest, you know its power. Lepke incorporates talk therapy, meditation, movement, and art therapy in her sessions. "These are all under the umbrella of art," she says.

What's an Art Therapy Session Like?

Lepke's typical art therapy sessions for survivors begin by setting guidelines for a respectful, compassionate, and confidential community, followed by an icebreaker, meditation and movement, and an expressive art project, like mandalas or inside-outside boxes. The last 15-20 minutes of the group session are dedicated to sharing artwork and processing the feelings connected to it.

Art Therapy You Can Do at Home

If you want to try using art therapy at home, Lepke suggests keeping it simple: "I wouldn't recommend taking out paints if you're already feeling overwhelmed. It's helpful to have a sense of mastery when you're feeling out of control." She recommends instead keeping a journal to write, doodle, and collage in, as feelings arise.

Art Therapy Resources

Managing Traumatic Stress Through Art: Drawing from the Center by Bary M. Cohen, Mary-Michola Barnes, and Anita B. Rankin is a workbook full of art projects, writing exercises, and information on coping with stress after trauma.

Mended by the Muse: Creative Transformations of Trauma by Sophia Richman explores the way art can help trauma recovery.

Animal Therapy

We're all familiar with guide dogs, but there are also therapy dogs, emotional support dogs, and programs that pair dogs with trauma survivors for therapeutic purposes. "One of the reasons that animal therapy works so well for trauma survivors is that it can be easier for people to trust animals than it is for them to trust people," Jadanova says.

If you're struggling with trust, animal therapy can be helpful because you're establishing a safe relationship with the therapy animal and the therapist at the same time, she explains. Establishing trust with a therapy animal has been demonstrated to aid in recovery. Relatedly, equine therapy for adults and youth can be helpful for sexual trauma survivors, Jadanova says.

Animal Therapy Resources

Assistance Dogs International is a coalition of nonprofit assistance dog organizations that helps individuals find a dog to match their needs.

The SheHerdPower Foundation is dedicated to providing free equine-guided empowerment services to women survivors of sexual trauma.

General Alternative Therapy Resources

The Breathe Network offers information about alternative therapy options and a practitioner directory.

Deep Listening: A Healing Practice to Calm Your Body, Clear Your Mind, and Calm Your Heart by Jillian Pransky discusses deep relaxation practices that can help heal the body after trauma and extreme stress.

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