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I Will Never Look Like Kate Bosworth in “Blue Crush”
I pulled on my new bathing suit and stared at my body in the mirror. I’d had my eye on the bathing suit to wear at my friend’s bachelorette party in Palm Springs for a while: a white one-piece with lace-up sides. The model in the photo online looked carefree and thin, but I’d made the mistake of imagining that when I pulled on the same suit I’d look like her. Instead, I looked like a misshapen bag of mayonnaise somehow wearing an even smaller misshapen bag of mayonnaise. I couldn’t believe I’d spent $127 dollars to look like something that someone placed haphazardly in the back of a Subway walk-in refrigerator.
You might also like I could feel a familiar panic setting in. I felt dizzy. I peeled off the suit and curled up on the bed. Outside, I could hear the rest of the bachelorette party laughing, splashing around in the pool. I knew in a few minutes I’d have to come out ready to pose on the giant inflatable Pegasus in my mayonnaise suit. My breath got short just thinking about the photos that didn't exist yet but I already knew I’d hate plastered all over Instagram.
I traced the cellulite on my legs with my finger, the surface of the moon on my upper thigh. If your life passes before your eyes when you die, then when I put on a bathing suit, every single thing I’ve ever eaten passes before my eyes: a guilt parade of fun-size Snickers bars and too many white cheddar Cheez-Its. Remember that cheese plate you insisted on finishing at Thanksgiving? When you ate a jelly donut at work last week? You never even went to that Spin class you signed up for. And then a familiar refrain: This is your fault.
I first became aware of how much I hated my body after seeing what I deemed to be an unflattering photo of myself in a multi-colored Limited Too turtleneck in fifth grade. But it really started in full force the summer before ninth grade when I saw the movie Blue Crush. If you weren’t a teenage girl in 2002, Blue Crush is the story of four women who live in a shack on Hawaii’s North Shore and live for surfing and wearing mismatched bikini sets. The movie is aggressively early 2000s: dark tans, beachwear as everyday clothes, the notion that anyone can pull off a puka shell necklace, and the introduction of Kate Bosworth and her surfer girl body.
Every magazine was saying the same thing about Blue Crush: Finally, a movie that features a woman with a real body. OK, maybe not every magazine—I’m pretty sure The New Yorker didn’t run a feature on Kate Bosworth’s abs—but every magazine a 14-year-old girl would read was talking about it. Kate had muscle; she looked different from the other, thinner leading women.
There were a lot of things that stuck with me about Blue Crush. Roxy brand was a staple in my wardrobe until circa 2008 (RIP Pac Sun). I occasionally told people in high school "I surf" because once in California I took a 45-minute surfing lesson. But most importantly: Kate Bosworth’s body.
By eighth grade, I’d already taken to hiding my body under oversize sweatshirts whenever possible. I had been comparing myself to the thin actresses I’d seen on TV, but now there was Kate. If the very thin models weren’t "real" and Kate Bosworth’s muscley (but notably still very slender) surfer girl body was "real," shouldn’t I be able to look like her if I tried hard enough?
For roughly the next 15 years of my life, I worked out daily, banning specific foods arbitrarily because of things I’d read in magazines, like "French people never eat popcorn." But it didn’t seem to matter how many weights I lifted, how many miles I ran, how many times I opted for salad instead of pasta—I still didn’t look like Kate. So I kept trying. My brain was always holding up a tattered Seventeen magazine fold-out page from 2002, squinting its eyes at me and saying, "Nope, not yet."
It wasn’t just that I wanted to look like Kate Bosworth in Blue Crush, it’s that I blamed myself for not looking like her. Everything was about what I didn’t do: didn’t run enough miles, didn’t lift enough weights, didn’t say no to a side of onion rings because they are my favorite thing you can deep fry. No matter what I did do, I felt like a failure.
But lying on my bed in Palm Springs, I felt something I hadn’t felt before: exhausted. I was about to be 30. I was at a party with a group of funny, intelligent women who were all out there having a great time and I was doing the same thing I’d been doing since I was 14: hiding, missing out.
But what’s so important about looking like Kate Bosworth? It’s not like one day she and I will be walking down the same street and a paparazzo will yell, "Which one of you is Kate Bosworth? I can’t tell!" And even if that very unlikely circumstance were to occur, who cares? Certainly not the women who were having fun outside on the inflatable donut. They just wanted me to hang.
The only people who really cared were me and the invisible ghost of Kate Bosworth that lived in my head and controlled my every move. But she wasn’t real. At some point, I had to accept that there was no amount of effort in the world—barring a Freaky Friday body switch situation—that would turn me into Kate. It wasn’t my fault.
I recently read an interview with Kate Bosworth where she was asked her dieting secret. She admitted she doesn’t diet. She worked out to put on muscle for Blue Crush, but she’s just naturally thin. It turns out that I was working much harder at looking like Kate Bosworth than Kate Bosworth ever worked at looking like Kate Bosworth. If the Looking Like Kate Bosworth Olympics were judged by a panel of people watching us perform the act of looking like Kate Bosworth, I might actually win.
After I got home from Palm Springs, I experimented with the novel idea of cutting myself some slack. Instead of eating a donut and then panicking over how long I’d have to run to burn it off, I tried just eating a donut. It was hard. Some days I still catch myself trying to suck in my stomach in the mirror, even though nobody is in the bathroom with me. I still leave the gym occasionally crying because I saw my arm fat flap in the wind like the sail of a ship when I picked up a set of weights. And I’ll admit it, I’ve picked up a bottle of Sun-In in the grocery store and pondered if it would really look that bad.
I still work out. I still eat healthy. But I try to do it now because I want to, not at the demand of phantom Kate Bosworth. I’ve pushed her out to sea on a flaming surfboard, never to be seen again. Figuratively, of course. Because literally I’m eating a bowl of Cheez-Its.
Lucy Huber is a writer, multiple cat owner, and sufferer of Reverse Dawson's Creek Actor Syndrome, which is a disease she made up for when you are 30 but look 15. To see her other work or ask more specific questions about her cats, visit lucyhuber.com.
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5 Nonfiction Books to Help You Get Your Sh*t Together in 2018
Somehow 2017 is winding to a close, which means the new year is just around the corner. Personally, I’m not a huge fan of resolutions because I prefer working on self-improvement year round, but even I can’t resist the urge to use a new year as a chance for a fresh start. If you’re ready to start kicking ass, try picking up one (or all) of these books to help.
You might also like The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
I’m not gonna lie: This book changed my life. I read it on my honeymoon, and it prompted an amazing heart-to-heart with my husband (and some tears) while making me laugh. Not only that, Mark Manson’s no-nonsense advice will help you sort out your priorities and help reduce your stress level considerably.
Bottom Line: Life isn’t easy (and it isn’t supposed to be), so why are we doling out f*cks like ice cream at summer camp? Focus on the things that matter, and—most importantly—the things you can control.
10% Happier
Dan Harris’s story is pretty freaking inspiring. After having a panic attack on national television, he started searching for ways to reduce stress and anxiety.
This book is phenomenal because it sorts through the bullsh*t for you. Harris has tried it all— gurus, pastors, scientists—and his book narrows it down so you don’t have to worry about it.
Bottom Line: Meditation works, and it might be time for you to try it.
Big Magic
Getting your life together is about more than reducing stress. Sometimes, getting your life together means finding the courage to pursue your passions and live creatively.
Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic is one of the best guides to creativity that I’ve read, and it’s a must-read for anyone looking to dream big.
Bottom Line: This isn’t just for artists and creatives. Gilbert reminds us that we need to embrace our passions to find happiness, whether that’s writing or figure skating, and that you don’t necessarily need to quit your day job to do it.
The Total Money Makeover
There’s a reason why Dave Ramsey’s book is still the No. 1 personal finance book on Amazon. Money is a big part of life, whether you want it to be or not. And whether you need a refresher on budgeting or help getting out of debt, Dave Ramsey can help you navigate the financial waters and start building your retirement savings before it’s too late.
Bottom Line: Pay cash whenever possible, learn to live within your means, and start building good money habits sooner rather than later. Ramsey’s strategies for destroying debt work, but you have to put your money where your mouth is and actually do them.
Thug Kitchen 101
Tired of eating like crap? Want to breathe life into your meals without spending hours in the kitchen? Thug Kitchen’s Fast as F*ck cookbook is the potty-mouthed primer to healthy eating that's easy, delicious, and—most importantly—quick.
Figure out your eating in 2018 without spending a ton on fad diets, fancy food, or extra kitchen gadgets. From starters to soups to really freaking good burritos, this book is a staple for everyone.
Bottom Line: These recipes are good. Really good. With simple ingredients that are easy to prepare (and take less than an hour from start to finish), Thug Kitchen makes healthy cooking funny and delicious.
Jandra Sutton is an author, historian, and public speaker. After graduating from Huntington University with a B.A. in history, she went on to receive a master’s degree in modern British history from the University of East Anglia. In her spare time, Sutton enjoys fangirling, running, and anything related to ice cream. Pluto is still a planet in her heart. She lives in Nashville with her husband and their two dogs. You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
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10 Scandinavian Habits That'll Legitimately Make Your Life Way Better
Ah, Scandinavians. They know a thing or two about living long and prospering: Their lifestyle is considered one of the healthiest and happiest in the world, and their cities keep being voted among the most livable. There is a method to their midnight sun-fueled madness, but you don’t have to travel to northern Europe to extract that wisdom. Here are some life-saving Scandinavian habits to start incorporating in your daily life, i dag (today).
1. Try a little butter.
Cooking with butter: not just for Paula Deen. The Scandinavians may be very healthy eaters, and they believe that using real butter is actually better for you than all those margarine alternatives or seed- and plant-based oils. Margarine intake and subsequent coronary heart disease in men. Gillman MW, Cupples LA, Gagnon D. Epidemiology (Cambridge, Mass.), 1997, Sep.;8(2):1044-3983. Adding a small cube of butter to soups, pasta dishes, or to meat and vegetables will leave your food tasting richer—and you feeling more satisfied. And a high intake of dairy fat has been associated with a lower risk of obesity too. High dairy fat intake related to less central obesity: a male cohort study with 12 years' follow-up. Holmberg S, Thelin A. Scandinavian journal of primary health care, 2013, Jan.;31(2):1502-7724.
You might also like 2. Opt for a "no shoes inside" policy.
On a purely practical level, when you come inside, your shoes are coated in dirt, city grossness, snow, rain... whatever. You don’t really want to drag them inside your nice living room, do you? On a cultural level, taking off your shoes and walking barefoot—or wearing comfy socks—is the ultimate signal you’re actually home and you can relax. It’s cleaner, healthier for both your feet and the floors, and only awkward the first two times you’ll have to enforce that rule on your guests.
3. Understand the importance of hygge and kos.
Americans recently discovered that elusive and untranslatable Danish concept of hygge, which means something like "utter coziness and taking pleasure in small, healthyish indulgences." Finding time for kos (another practically untranslatable Norwegian word that also alludes to that feeling of content and coziness) with your loved ones when it’s cold outside is good for your physical, mental, and emotional health. Wear comfy clothes, light candles, and watch that movie, read, or play a board game while cuddling on the couch. Like Netflix and chill... but with actual chilling.
4. Learn how to really take advantage of a sauna.
Scandis know that immersing yourself in some version of a hot steam bath is good for de-clogging pores, relaxing muscles, and cleaning sinuses. Norwegians combine a trip to their home sauna with garlic cloves, ginger, and vapor rub; Finns and Icelanders love diving in snow before or afterward. You can create your own ritual, but the important thing is to start thinking of saunas as not just a way to pamper yourself at a spa, but something you should be doing on a regular basis. Just go easy on the garlic. (And sure, the Finns—who invented the sauna—are not "technically" Scandinavians. And "real" Scandinavians like the Swedes actually call a sauna "bastu." But the point remains.)
5. Don’t use bad weather as an excuse not to exercise.
When the weather is bad nine months out of the year, you can’t really put your life on hold waiting for the skies to clear. There’s proper gear for running in the rain, a ton of ways to keep active when it’s snowing, and the ol’ traditional indoor gym, after all.
6. Eat more fish and berries.
Food that’s ridiculously good for you should be a regular on your plate, not an exotic afterthought. Sure, seeing Norwegians eat fish for breakfast (in the form of mackerel paste, often) is weird. But all these good omega-3 fatty acids are an excellent source of energy, and if we substituted fish for most of our ham in snacks and sandwiches, we would all be healthier. As for berries, it’s easy (and delicious) to incorporate them in every meal: Blend them in your smoothies, eat them with yogurt, snack on them plain, toss them in your salad, incorporate them as part of a sauce with meat dishes, and serve them with cream for dessert.
7. Drink a little less.
The Scandis’ relationship with alcohol is not something you necessarily want to copy. (Binge-drinking every weekend is definitely a part of the culture, and ain’t nobody got the liver for that.)
But the fact that alcohol is regulated by the state and sold only in specific stores at specific hours might not be the worst idea ever. To make your alcohol habits a bit more regulated, try allocating a specific day of the week to buying it, or make it a hard and fast personal rule to never buy alcohol after 8 p.m. It might sound silly, but next time you’re already tipsy at the supermarket on a Saturday night, not buying that extra bottle might lead to fewer bad decisions.
8. Discover the fun of daytime dates.
Because of the alcohol regulations and the astronomical price of everything, going out for a drink on a first date is not something Scandis really do. They get creative instead: When the weather is good, they meet for an activity like swimming, hiking, skiing, or just walking; they meet at coffee shops for fika (coffee and desserts); or they just straight up meet at the other person’s home, during the day, to cook and get to know each other. It feels weird at first, not to rely on mellow lighting and the social lubricant that is alcohol in order to date. But you’ll get to know the other person better this way. And faster.
9. Try eating your biggest meal earlier in the day.
Middag literally means "the middle of the day," and it’s most Scandinavians’ main meal. Middag is traditionally served so early you’re probably still polishing off those brunch mimosas by the time they’re done, but even during workdays, most Scandinavians eat middag around 4-5 p.m. This is actually great for digestion, as you give your stomach enough time to process what just happened before shutting everything down by going to bed. But don’t worry about starving around 9: Scandinavians also eat a small "pre-bed" snack (kveldsmat in Norwegian) that will keep your stomach from rumbling.
10. When the sun comes out, everything stops.
That’s probably the most important aspect of Scandinavian lifestyle: Nice weather and sunlight are never taken for granted. They are meant to be enjoyed outside, to the maximum, with good company and a good mood, before they disappear again. Imagine how great it would be if you went and took advantage of the sunshine every time you could!
Danai is a writer and editor by day, a tarot card reader by night, and a cat person, 24/7. Born in Athens, Greece, Danai spent the last five years eating lobster rolls and taking the subway for work in NYC before deciding to relocate to Scandinavia and learn how to forage berries. Follow her on Instagram, on Twitter, or in real life in some Scandinavian forest.
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Exactly What to Do When You’ve Been Sexually Harassed
If the sheer quantity of #MeToo posts have been any indicator, almost every woman (as well as non-binary folks, and some men) has dealt with sexual harassment in one form or another. It’s wonderful that these stories are coming to light and are helping take down Harvey Weinstein and some other jerk-offs (no pun intended...OK, maybe some pun intended).
You might also like In this national moment, many men in power are now facing the consequences of their gross actions, but sexual harassment still happens all the goddamn time. And there won’t be national exposés for every pervy boss in America. So, what can you really do when you get harassed in the workplace?
Yeah, we all know to "say something," but what does that mean? Who do you talk to when there’s no HR department? Do you need a lawyer? I spoke with experts to find ways for victims to speak out—and handle their own emotional aftermath too.
Sure, it would be great if there were way fewer #MeToo stories. But until then, here’s how to handle harassment—and help take down all the Weinsteins of the world.
What Even Is Harassment?
This might sound like a question with an obvious answer, but it’s one a lot of people have—harassment can feel hard to define. Is it OK to go to a lawyer just to say, "He hugged me too long, and it made me feel weird?" Short answer: yes.
To know if an act is innocent or harassment, you have to go with your gut, says Fran Walfish, PsyD., Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist, author of The Self-Aware Parent. "Most people have a trustworthy inner voice that says, ‘Uh, oh!’ when we’re in an uncomfortable or highly charged troubled situation. Adrenaline kicks in, and we can be flooded with physical sensations of accelerated heart rate, body heat, flushed cheeks, sweating, and racing breathing," Walfish says. So if a coworker’s actions trigger this response, you should pay attention. "These are all signs of fight-or-flight when we are in danger."
This is why harassment is so tricky. The same action—a hug—that could cause a person to smile in one situation can bring them to tears in another. But harassment isn’t determined by what the specific action is, it’s defined by how that action makes you feel. If you’re made uncomfortable, your coworker is doing something wrong. Whether you need to address the issues face-to-face or file a police report will depend on the situation, but either way, you don’t need to pre-judge your feelings. If you’re made to feel uncomfortable (and especially if you’re scared to speak up), you’re experiencing a form of harassment.
I Was Harassed. What Do I Do?
Whenever something inappropriate happens, write it down. From a boss telling a dirty joke that made you feel gross to a coworker grabbing your boob, document it. This creates a record of the person’s behavior so you’ll have evidence if you later decide to report it.
This record also helps you feel less crazy; it’s easy to brush off a dirty joke and maybe convince yourself that you’re being too sensitive. But when you see all the gross things that person has done over a period of time, you’ll realize that you’re not crazy, you’re being harassed.
After writing it down, you may want to try to talk to the harasser. I know this is incredibly uncomfortable, but in some cases, this will solve the problem right away. Therapist Bill Prasad recommends that if you feel safe doing so, you should consider addressing the problem with the harasser directly. He suggests telling them that their actions (like a weird hug) made you feel uncomfortable, without accusing them of anything. Prasad says, "If you get no response or an explanation that is not suitable, your retort might be ‘Again, hugging me is inappropriate, and I expect that it won't happen again.’" Then write down that you had that conversation for your records.
This simple convo might stop the problem. Sometimes, people are just a little touchy-feely or don’t understand the idea of personal space. They aren’t malicious, but they do need to learn that their actions make you uncomfortable. So if you confront someone, they sincerely apologize, and stop that behavior, you’ve solved the problem without getting anyone else involved.
But if you have the convo and the person is still an a-hole, you have proof that you tried to address the issue, and the person persisted. That will help your case against the aggressor immensely.
Of course, not all problems can be handled face-to-face. If your harasser is violent or retaliatory, you don’t need to put yourself in danger by directly confronting them. But if you think there’s a good chance that your aggressor will listen to you, face-to-face can actually be the quickest way to end bad behavior.
If confronting them directly doesn’t work in your situation, Justin Parafinczuk of the law firm Koch Parafinczuk Wolf Susen says you should report it. "If someone is uncomfortable with a boss or co-worker’s conduct, it is extremely important that he or she object to it and report it to a supervisor," Parafinczuk says. Typically, this means it’s time to go to HR and file an official complaint. Parafinczuk adds that you should be sure that these objections are documented in writing. If you ever need to go to court, that paper trail will help make your case.
If you don’t have an HR department or an HR person is doing the harassing (fun fact: that’s happened to me), Parafinczuk suggests going to the highest-ranking person in the office. If that’s not possible, consult a lawyer. Consulting a lawyer doesn’t mean you have to sue: Sometimes just telling your company that you’ve got a lawyer on hand will scare the office into doing the right thing. Then, if the company doesn’t respond, your lawyer will be ready to take legal action as a last resort.
"The most important thing is that you do not let harassment go unchecked," Parafinczuk says. "There can be legal ramifications to that approach." Basically, if you never report it, you’ll have no legal recourse. If you do report it, even if things don’t go as planned, you’ll at least have a good legal standing.
I Reported and Nothing Happened
Sadly, this happens. The New York Times recently wrote an article about how ineffectual most HR departments really are. The Times noted that the HR department is meant to do what’s best for the company, not what’s best for the victim. Often, complaints go ignored, or worse, the victim is told to essentially "get over it."
If this happens to you, it’s lawyer time, Parafinczuk says. Again, you don’t necessarily need to sue, but consulting a lawyer lets your company know that you won’t just "get over it" and that the harasser needs to be dealt with.
I Reported and Got in Trouble
This is why so many victims don’t speak up! Often, companies find it easier to get rid of the "complainer" instead of the person who’s actually causing the problem.
This is why so many people have dealt with Weinstein—and people like him—in silence: They feared speaking out would cost them their careers. Even after being propositioned countless times and being clearly threatened ("I will kill you, don’t think I can’t"), Salma Hayek still didn’t speak out against Weinstein’s harassment until she penned an editorial on the subject in December 2017. And she’s one of potentially hundreds of actress who encountered such behavior. Even famous stars like Hayek often don’t feel safe sharing their stories—and it’s often much worse for women outside the spotlight.
If you’re fired after complaining of sexual harassment, you can sue the company. According to Parafinczuk, you’ll have to provide records of your complaints, and it’s helpful if co-workers can back up your stories. One downside: You’ll relive your harassment on a public stage, which can take an emotional toll. Plus, this isn’t free, and there’s always a chance that you won’t win.
I Don’t Have the Resources to Sue. Is There Anything I Can Do?
Not everybody wants to go to court. It’s costly in both time and money, and for some victims, reliving the ordeal is too painful. But that doesn’t mean you have to move on in silence.
Attorney and advocate Alexis Moore knows about harassment firsthand. At 16, she reported sexual harassment in her workplace, and the company swiftly sought retaliation. That wasn’t the last time she was punished for "doing the right thing," so she later became a lawyer to fight harassment head-on. She now specializes in advocacy for victims of harassment and stalking, and wants every survivor to know that they have somewhere to turn.
Moore suggests seeking out advocates like herself in cases of retaliation. Though they may not be able to take on every case, they have expertise in the field, and at the very least, you’ll feel heard and believed.
Victims’ advocates work with people who have experienced harassment to find them the legal and emotional support they need. Most advocates specialize in victims of sexual assault, crime, or rape, but you can still reach out for advice about harassment. When you aren’t sure what you want to do, contacting an advocate is a good place to start.
This All Sounds Bad
Here’s the truth about our laws and policies surrounding harassment: It’s completely unfair to the victim. In every way. Yes, it’s hard to speak out against harassment. Yes, retaliation happens, and it’s hard to fight back. Yes, you, the victim, will have to provide all the proof to take a harasser down. If you go to court, you’ll spend months or possibly years trying to find justice. And after all that, you still might lose.
If that sounds terrible, well, it is.
The system is still lopsided and slow to change. In 1998, the Supreme Court ruled that companies had to provide sexual harassment training or they’d be held liable for any harassment in the workplace. Since then, we’ve nearly all sat through seemingly endless, awkward sexual harassment videos and exercises at school or work. The New York Times reported that these trainings have essentially done nothing—and in my experience, sexual harassment training only leads to colleagues snarkily discussing how stupid the training is (and it is usually very, very stupid).
But that doesn’t mean things are hopeless. That same article reported that training co-workers to look for signs of harassment in others, called bystander training, led to increased reporting and decreased harassment. This makes sense: Ever been to a bar where a guy’s being weird to you (Did I just hear a ‘yes’ from basically everyone in the world)? Sometimes, you can squirm far away from him, say "No, thank you," a million times, and the guy still won’t leave you alone. But if another dude comes up and says, "Are you OK?" then suddenly Mr. Weirdo is gone with the wind.
Bystander training is that nice dude in the bar: It empowers everyone to look out for one another. And when more than one person tells someone they’re being inappropriate, the aggressor is more likely to listen—and stop.
As for more official repercussions, Moore says the answer could be simple—although it’ll take a while to change it. "Expand the existing Work Comp system," says Moore. "Make sexual harassment no different than any other workplace/industrial injury."
The Workers' Comp system compensates employees when an at-work incident makes them incapable of continuing their duties. When someone files a claim because a beam fell and hit them on the head, nobody asks, "Well, were you leading the beam on?" Instead, the workplace is at fault, and this system of government insurance pays for the damages.
Harassment can make it impossible for you to do your job. Moore suggests that if harassment were covered through workers’ comp in every state, victims would have a clear, easy system to seek compensation and face less risk of retaliation. Moore admits that filing a harassment claim would be more complicated than filing for a broken bone, but she argues that we already have a government system in place to compensate workers for pain caused by their job. And what’s harassment if not pain caused by your employment?
In fact, in 1998, the New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that "hostile work environment sexual harassment" should be reasonably covered under that state’s workers' compensation. In Southern California, certain law offices recommend filing a suit and making a workers' comp claim if you face office harassment. But the laws vary from state to state. In 1993, the Iowa Supreme Court ruled that sexual harassment was not covered under workers' comp, and most states don’t have any definitive rulings.
Thankfully, we can all help change this. Moore recommends contacting your state and federal representatives in any way possible. "The #MeToo movement is happening, and going forward because of the social media outpouring," Moore says. "So in turn, the public needs to demand our public representatives address this issue for the average person who experiences it."
Now, I know there are a million reasons to contact your representatives. Honestly, I’ve called Congress more than I’ve called my mom over the past year. But instead of tweeting #MeToo again or reposting an article about the famous sexual abuser du jour, consider sending a tweet to your representative instead.
There’s no huge movement out there right now to expand workers' comp because it sounds so banal; #WorkersCompShouldIncludeSexualHarassment doesn’t have much of a ring to it. But it could make a huge difference. So between fighting for healthcare, trying to keep net neutrality, and combating all the other daily horrors of this government, consider telling your representative to make a simple change that could affect women everywhere.
How Do I Take Care of Myself?
Right now, there still aren’t a lot of good answers for sexual harassment in the workplace. And even if you do successfully sue or your harasser boss gets fired, you were still harassed, and those emotions don’t just disappear. So, you have to take time to take care of yourself.
Dr. Walfish has helped many patients deal with harassment and abuse, and she stresses the importance of talking about it. Even if you’re too scared to tell someone at work, it’s important to tell a family member, friend, or therapist. If you keep silent, Walfish says you’re at risk for depression caused by "an overwhelming combination of powerlessness, helplessness, and unexpressed rage." Basically, if you can’t express your anger directly toward your aggressor, you’re likely to "implode these powerful feelings inward," Walfish says.
It’s very common for victims to internalize their feelings—and start blaming themselves. "There is still so much shame and humiliation attached to being a victim," Walfish says. "Victims are still often blamed and held accountable for the assault, and end up feeling either that they brought it on somehow or could have prevented it. That is simply not true."
It’s so important to work out these feelings before they affect your life and ability to work. If you can see a therapist, do it. They’ll help you work through your emotions safely, and you won’t risk hearing "that doesn’t sound like a big deal." That assurance alone is worth the hourly fee.
You might also like In addition to therapy, Prasad recommends making sleep a priority. "Lack of sleep makes everything worse," Prasad says. "If sleep is disturbed, and more than likely it will be, after two weeks you may want to see a doctor." Go to bed early, wake up late, do whatever you need to get sleep. It will help your mental state and allow you to emotionally heal faster.
How Do I Deal With Harassment Clogging Up My Newsfeed?
Whether you were harassed yesterday or 10 years ago, the current, constant news stream about harassment can be incredibly upsetting. If the news is getting you down, you’re not at fault here: Prasad says that all this bad news can "raise people’s levels of anger, anxiety, and a sense of not being safe. They may see some sleep interruptions and appetite changes." You can literally lose sleep because you’re dealing with a new Weinstein in the news every freaking day!
So how can you cope? First, disconnect. Prasad recommends taking a break from TV and social media. That way, you avoid reliving your own harassment every time an awful story breaks. Second, Prasad says it's best to connect with people face-to-face. Whether you want to share your story or just enjoy the company of a friend, this personal contact will help ease your mind.
On the other hand, for some women, hearing about these harassment stories can be empowering. "These stories can come as validation of what they have had to deal with at work for years," Prasad says. "Their experiences have been validated along with their sense that there need to be consequences." So, if you feel fired up by every Weinstein, Spacey, and C.K. that gets taken down, keep an eagle eye on your newsfeed and enjoy this feeling of justice. But if the news forces you to relive your trauma, then it’s time to take an internet break.
Will This #MeToo Movement Matter?
Finally, some good news: Yes! This movement does matter. Already, sicko men who’ve assaulted and harassed women for years are getting what they deserve. It started with Hollywood, and it’s moving to all kinds of industries. And men are starting to act more carefully.
"A number of my female patients have reported to me that their entertainment industry bosses have ceased to stand ‘too close for comfort’ or ‘put their hands on me’ and ‘push me against a wall’ since the #MeToo movement began," Dr. Walfish says. Whether men are actually learning that they shouldn’t beg women to watch them take a shower, or if they’re just scared they’ll get caught, harassers are backing off.
That doesn’t mean that everything is perfect (or even getting there), but this national conversation about harassment has forced a lot of men to really examine their own behavior. Nobody wants to be a Weinstein. Now that some men see how ugly and harmful that behavior is, they’ll be less likely to pursue those harassing ways.
Most importantly, women are feeling more free to speak out than they did previously. And it’s becoming common knowledge that if we speak out in numbers, things get done. So if you’re experiencing harassment or have witnessed it in your workplace, please speak out if it’s safe for you to do so. By talking about it, you can save yourself from emotional turmoil and help stop other coworkers from getting harassed. Yes, it can be scary to speak out, and you could face repercussions. But guess what? You deserve better than to work in an office full of people who don’t respect you.
Even if you can’t officially report it, tell someone. Who knows? Maybe that person has experienced the same thing or could speak on your behalf. Look how many women came out of the woodwork in the Weinstein case. You could be the person who takes down a serial offender and makes your workplace better for everyone.
And even if nothing that dramatic happens, it’ll feel good to get that secret off your chest. Because no matter what you may think or what someone may say: Harassment is not your fault. And you’re definitely not alone.
Amber Petty is a freelance writer in Los Angeles. If you like easy crafts and Simpsons gifs, check out her blog, Half-Assed Crafts.
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Why Is Everyone I Know Depressed?
I was cruising around on Facebook recently and noticed something different. Usually, I felt inundated by #blessed pics of friends in bikinis looking happier than Oprah eating bread. But not today. There were no pictures of the beach or not-so-humble brags about their latest promotions. The No. 1 status update of the day: depression.
It suddenly seemed like most my friends were suddenly crippled by depression and anxiety. And this wasn’t just Facebook friends, either. Real people in my real life started talking to me about their mental health issues. And honestly, it was happening to me too: I’d just started therapy and was only a few months away from a Zoloft prescription. What had happened? Why does it suddenly seem like so many millennials are dealing with depression?
I’m far from the first person to notice this trend. Jean Twenge, Ph.D., published Generation Me, a book all about the rise of depression and anxiety in millennials, in 2014. According to Twenge, only 1-2 percent of people born before 1915 experienced a major depression during their lives. Now that number’s up to 15-20 percent of the population. A survey comparing students from 1937 to 2007 found that modern students were seven times more likely to be depressed.
And of course, there are all the people who don’t admit to depression. Twenge conducted a survey that compared teenagers from 2010s to the 1980s. The 2010s teens were 38 percent more likely to have trouble remembering things, 78 percent more likely to have sleeping troubles, and twice as likely to have visited a professional about their mental health concerns. That might not sound like much, but trouble remembering, sleeping, and seeking professional help are all major signs of depression. But when the teens were asked, "Are you depressed?" the numbers from the '80s and 2010s were practically the same. Young people have been feeling common symptoms of depression without realizing or admitting that they have a problem.
You might also like Why is this happening? Sure, the world is a little crazy at the moment, but we also live in a time of extreme privilege. People have unrivaled access to technology, millennials never had to deal with the draft, and we have access to the glory that is Netflix. How could we be so unhappy?
There are several reasons. If you’re someone who thinks contemporary technologies are a blight on modern life, experts can back that feeling up: A study published in PLOS One found that going on Facebook made users feel less satisfied with their daily lives and less happy from moment to moment. Basically, logging onto Facebook made them pretty immediately sad. Another study from the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine found that the more young people used social media, the more depressed they became. Those are only two of many studies that say Facebook is the devil, and it leaves nothing but sadness in its wake.
It’s not shocking to think that constantly looking at pictures of other people having fun while you’re sitting in a crappy apartment (speaking from experience) would have an adverse effect on your mental health. But not all the evidence blames social media. A study conducted at UC San Diego found positive effects of Facebook: Combing through thousands of posts from 2009-2012, researchers found that positivity spread through the social media more than negativity. A happy message from a friend led others to post their own positive messages and left the users happier than before.
In the end, I think it’s likely that social media makes you feel sad when you’re already sad and makes you feel good when you want to feel good. You know how you search out sad songs when you’re heartbroken? Well, when we’re in a bad mood, we look to Instagram for a perfectly toned girl to make us feel inferior and give us a reason to feel like garbage.
Other experts think social media is just one of many problems of modern life that’s causing millennial sadness. Twenge partially blames the rise of singlehood for the rise of depression: Since people are often staying single well into their 20s and 30s, the likelihood of loneliness and isolation is increased, she says.
But in my opinion, people getting married late is far from the biggest problem. Yes, millennials and younger people experience more isolation than generations past. I work from home, so if I see anyone besides my husband and a Trader Joe’s clerk, I’ve had a pretty social week. But the idea that simply being single is leading the charge of depression and anxiety feels wrong. The fact that women don’t feel the need to get married right out of school is a sign of progress. Yes, being single can be stressful, but far less stressful than being pressured into marriage when you’re not ready.
Therapist Alison Crosthwait has a different hypothesis. She says that the obsession with material things is a major part of the problem. "Materialism is a straight path to feeling empty," she explains. Since many millennials are obsessed with getting the latest iPhone or literally keeping up with the Kardashians, it’s made many of us ungrounded and unfulfilled.
Stefan Taylor, the founder of ADHD Boss, who’s worked extensively with depressed and anxious youth, agrees that all those things contribute to unhappiness. He adds that the super-competitive gig economy isn’t helping things either. "You might have to scrape and claw your way out of a difficult financial situation," Taylor says about millennial financial prospects. According to Forbes, 39 percent of workers aged 18-24 worked a side job while 44 percent of employees aged 35-44 had a side hustle in addition to working full-time.
Though the rise of quick-pseudo-employment apps like Uber, TaskRabbit, and Fiverr may seem like a boon to kids who just want to make an extra buck, it’s actually a sign of difficult economic times. Younger generations aren’t making enough from a single job (and are often saddled with thousands of dollars in student loan debt). So they have to spend their spare moments driving people around to be able to afford rent (in an apartment they likely share with a roommate). Other millennials have become so obsessed with possessions, they have to work around the clock to afford "the good life." Either way, it’s not a great situation.
So after examining the work of experts and taking in all the studies, I can only come to one conclusion: Everything in the world is terrible, and depression will rise forever until we live in a world of Eeyores.
OK, that might be a bit much, but if seemingly everything about modern life is contributing to a rise in depression, what are we supposed to do? Well, it might not be so dire—not everyone agrees that depression is taking over.
In their book The Loss of Sadness, Allan Horwitz and Jerome Wakefield refute claims of rising depression. They suggest that the growth in diagnosed mental illness isn’t actually due to an increase in depressed people, rather that therapists have been relaxing the definition of depression. In 1980, research scientists wanted to measure depression more easily and reliably. So instead of being based on cases of extreme disorder, the criteria was widened to include people with less severe symptoms.
Horwitz and Wakefield claim that this new system leads ordinary sadness to sometimes being diagnosed as a mental illness, or "medicalized sadness." Basically, the rise of depression is just a huge case of misdiagnoses.
Whether the depression wave is real or exaggerated, there is some good in the rise of mental illness: As a culture, we’re starting to become more accepting of those who suffer from depression. People aren’t as ostracized or called "crazy" for dealing with mental illness as they were. It’s becoming more just a thing a lot of us have to deal with.
So why are we all depressed? Nobody really knows. Most agree that taking a break from social media, stressing less about work, and finding more IRL human connection can help relieve sadness. But that’s not always possible, and might not help people currently struggling.
Still, with people seeking mental health care in greater numbers and feeling comfortable in sharing their pain, there’s hope. Sure, I was depressed, and so were most of my friends. But it doesn’t last forever. And soon enough, my Facebook feed will be #blessed again.
Amber Petty is a freelance writer in Los Angeles. If you like easy crafts and Simpsons GIFs, check out her blog, Half-Assed Crafts.
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The One Mantra to Adopt If Weight Loss Is Your Goal in 2018
I know, I know: Mantras sound woo-woo, but used well, they can be very effective for helping us think with our long-term, rational minds, as opposed to our short-term, irrational minds.
You might also like Since 2007, I’ve been the force behind MyBodyTutor.com, which simplifies the weight-loss process into practical, sustainable behaviors that help you lose weight—and actually keep it off. I’ve made a career out of working with clients who have "tried everything." One of the reasons our program works is that we’re able to identify negative behaviors and patterns and help people change them. After all, if weight loss were just about knowing what to do, you would’ve done it already.
There’s one especially destructive thought that our clients come to us with over and over: "If I can’t be perfect, why bother?" You know what people who say that do—nothing. They let one misstep turn into a whole day, week, weekend, or even a month of indulgences.
Let's talk about why dieters are notorious perfectionists.
If we understand why we are perfectionists, it's easier to curb (and then stop) that behavior. The obvious answer is that we simply don't like to fail. By creating unreasonable expectations for ourselves, we create an easy way out. We allow ourselves to quit the program du jour—before we can fail.
But most dieters do this because change is uncomfortable; that's also why most people never change. This is why I'm such a believer in accountability, support, and having a system to monitor and track progress. Because it makes the discomfort a lot more tolerable. Yes, I'm biased, but I've seen what it can do firsthand.
This is why so many people hop from one diet to the next. As soon as it gets uncomfortable, they quit and move on to the next diet—only to repeat the vicious cycle over and over. It's easy when we start out. It's fun when we're on point. But the real work begins when we're uncomfortable because we’re less than perfect (which we all are).
If you tend to approach dieting as a perfectionist, see if any of these reasons to stop dieting strike a chord with you:
- Ate more than you wanted to
- Skipped a workout
- Slept late
- Started to feel the initial excitement of the diet wearing off
- Caught yourself mindlessly eating
- Just don't feel like exercising
- Don’t lose weight even though you expected to
- Are not in the mood to eat healthfully
Yeah, at least one of these is you, right?
Hi. My name is Adam Gilbert, and I am a recovering perfectionist.
I still have perfectionist tendencies, but I'm getting better. I'm progressing. I used to be guilty of playing what I like to call The All or Nothing Game. This is when you eat really well all day, but then you eat something you don’t feel great about, which sets off a chain of eating unhealthily for the rest of the night, saying you’ll just start fresh tomorrow. You’ve played this before, right? It’s not fun. When we play The All or Nothing Game, we always end up with nothing. Every single time.
The short workout we do is better than the 'perfect' workout we don't do.
It's why I try to never make absolute statements like, "Ugh, I'll never eat snacks after 10 p.m. again!" Instead, it’s better to focus on eating late-night snacks... less. It's unrealistic to expect rainbows and butterflies from yourself all the time, but dealing with the lows is the hardest part of any diet. This is why staying consistent is so challenging. However, even in a low moment, there can be progress.
For instance, if you’re an emotional eater, you might typically polish off a pint of ice cream in one sitting. Let’s say you’re trying to curb this habit, and your ultimate goal is to never eat more than a cup of ice cream at a time. At first, leaving just a few bites in the bottom of the pint is a win worth celebrating.
If you’re in a mood and you just don’t feel like exercising—and most days you feel that way you’d just be inactive all day—do just 20 jumping jacks before you shower. That's progress.
Something is always better than nothing.
Often, we feel that if we can't exercise for an hour, then it's not worth doing anything. Rationally, we know this is silly. Done is better than "perfect." The perfect day or workout doesn't exist. The short workout we do is better than the "perfect" workout we don't do, and the good day we finish with pride is better than the "perfect" day we give up on.
One strategy: Stop breaking up your idea of living a healthy life into whole days. This is a meal-by-meal journey, not a day-by-day one; getting the body we want is about the accrued power of thousands of meals. Each one counts just as much as the next one.
And that's what life’s about: moving forward, growing, and evolving. We are more powerful than we think. (Yes, I know I sound like a cheesy motivational speaker, but it's the truth.) Being a perfectionist and having the "If I can't be perfect, why bother?" attitude suggests that the only position worth having in life is always being the winner. No one likes playing games with a sore loser. So do we want to have the attitude that if we can't always be the winner, we shouldn't bother playing the game?
We wouldn't teach our children to think like that. Any small improvements in our health, weight, shape, mobility, focus, energy, and breathing are important. Changes in the way we think, react, and act around food all count. Any changes in the way we think about exercise matter.
The mantra to adopt for weight loss this year: progress not perfection.
Chasing perfection is futile. Instead, we're better off chasing progress. Let’s make a U-turn and focus on recovering right away, as opposed to dwelling on our misstep. Let’s practice self-compassion instead of self-hatred. Let’s choose to make our next eating choice healthful even though our last meal was less than "perfect." Let’s reach out for expert help and support for our goals instead of rationalizing them away. If we only have ten minutes, let’s exercise for those ten minutes—it’s always better than not exercising at all.
Progress, not perfection. I repeat: progress, not perfekshin.
Adam Gilbert is the founder of MyBodyTutor.com, an online program that solves the lack of consistency faced by chronic dieters. Sign up for his free mini-course on weight loss, and follow Adam on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.
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8 Things to Leave Behind in 2017 (So You Can Have the Best 2018 Ever)
You know the best thing about New Year's? Yes, the answer is champagne toasts. However, every January 1 is also a clean slate, an opportunity to start fresh. So why take the habits that are no longer serving you along for the ride?
You might also like Here are eight things you need to leave behind in 2017 so you can have a happy and healthy 2018 and enjoy the year you deserve.
1. Comparing yourself to people on social media.
Here’s the thing: Social media isn’t real. The vast majority of what you see on social media is simply not an accurate representation of real life. So if you find yourself getting serious FOMO when you see Insta photos from your friend’s recent backpacking trip, or stressing that everyone you know seems to be getting married while you’re still swiping left on Tinder, remember: You’re not getting the whole story.
Your friend’s backpacking trip looks amazing, but she definitely wasn’t posting pictures of the three days she spent laid up in bed, sick as all get out. And it might seem like everyone you know is having the perfect wedding, but they’re not sharing the epic meltdowns they had getting there (or the imperfect aspects of their relationships—which definitely exist).
The point is, no one’s life is perfect, no matter how it looks on social media. So stop comparing your real life to someone else’s highlight reel.
2. Spending all day with your butt in a chair.
If you spend all day with your butt in a chair, 2018 is the year to get up and get moving. No, sitting is not the new smoking, but holding any one position all day can have seriously adverse effects on your health. Research has linked too much sitting to all sorts of health problems, including cancer, heart disease, and depression.
So if you spend all day sitting at a desk, this year, make a commitment to get up and move. A recent study found that people who sit for less than 30 minutes at a time have the lowest risk for early death—so set an alarm on your phone to go off every half hour, and when the alarm goes up, get up, walk around, and stretch for five minutes. You can also combat the "too much sitting" syndrome by getting your sweat on every day and by alternating sitting and standing throughout the workday (try a standing desk!).
3. Wearing "busy" as a badge of honor.
We live in a culture that places value on being constantly busy. As we rush from one appointment to the next with barely a minute to breathe in-between, we wear our heavy workloads like badges of honor, as though the more we can squeeze into a day, the better we are as people.
Yeah… let’s stop that, k? Being #omgsobusy isn’t something to be proud of, and having a jam-packed schedule isn’t virtuous—it’s a fast track to complete and total burnout. Plus, being busy can increase stress levels, and too much stress can cause a whole slew of health issues like anxiety, irritability, heart disease, and high blood pressure… seriously, it’s bad stuff.
You might also like Leave your admiration of overloaded schedules in 2017. This year, focus on balance: Create pockets in your schedule where you don’t have any plans or obligations. Say "no" to things you don’t really want to do. Schedule time for self-care. The less busy you are trying to do ALL THE THINGS, the more time you’ll have to do the things that actually matter.
4. Hitting the snooze button.
We’ve all had those days: You’re all nice and snuggly in your bed when your alarm goes off. All you want is ten more minutes in dreamland. So you hit the snooze button to give yourself a few more zzzs. And then you do it again. And maybe one more time. And then you’re totally late for work and have to rush around your home figuring out where you put the clean socks.
Hitting the snooze button in the morning is so, so tempting, but if you want to get the most out of your sleep—and have a killer day as a result—hitting snooze is something to leave behind in 2017.
Most sleep experts agree that it's a bad idea. You’re actually making it harder to get up on time in the future because you’re interrupting the natural stimulus and behavioral response cycle (your alarm goes off, you get out of bed), which makes it difficult to establish the habit of getting out of bed on time.
Interrupting your sleep with the snooze function can also inhibit your functioning throughout the day, making you feel sleepier and less energized as the day goes on. So if you want to get the most out of your sleep in 2018, disable your snooze button.
5. "Friends" who make you feel bad about yourself.
Do you have a friend who makes you feel bad about yourself? Someone who’s always criticizing or judging you? Someone who leaves you feeling drained every time you talk to them?
If so, 2018 is the year to cut them loose. Frenemies are the WORST. You are far too awesome to keep people in your life who drag you down. Everyone—yes, including you—deserves friends who are supportive, kind, caring, non-judgmental, compassionate, and all-around amazing. And if that doesn’t sound like some of the people you hang out with? It’s time to find new friends—or cultivate closer relationships with other people in your life who make you feel loved and valued.
6. Waking up and falling asleep with your phone.
If the last thing you do before you go to sleep and the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is reach for your phone, this one’s for you.
Smartphones are amazing. It’s hard to believe that only 15 years ago, we were playing "Snake" on our Nokias and now everyone and their mom is carrying around a fully-functioning mini-computer in their pocket. There’s no denying the positive changes that have come from smartphone technology (looking at you, map app, without which I would have probably perished on numerous occasions), but there’s also no denying the downsides.
You might also like And too much time on your phone just isn’t good for you. Spending too much time gazing at a smartphone screen can actually lower cognitive functioning and drain your ability to think properly. Too much screen-time can also throw a wrench in your sleep habits, especially if you’re checking Instagram before your head hits the pillow; researchers at the University of California San Francisco found a direct correlation between scrolling through your phone at bedtime and decreased sleep efficiency, as well as poorer sleep quality.
We’re not saying you need to give up your smartphone entirely, but in 2018, make it a point to be on your phone less—especially at night.
7. Food shaming.
"I’m so bad for eating that piece of cake!"
"You had the pancakes for breakfast… maybe you should just skip lunch altogether."
"I can’t believe how much I ate today… I’m such a failure."
Food shaming (whether you’re shaming yourself or someone else) is a serious problem. Labeling certain foods as "good" or "bad" can cause us to judge the person who’s eating those foods as "good" or "bad." Food is not a moral choice—your friend who orders a smoothie for breakfast isn’t somehow better than the friend who polishes off a stack of French toast.
And the guilt we experience when we food shame ourselves can actually make it harder to make healthy food choices; a recent study found that when subjects reported feeling guilty after eating a piece of chocolate cake, they also reported higher levels of difficulty in controlling their eating.
8. Thinking that perfection = happiness.
The last thing to leave behind in 2017 so that 2018 is your best year ever? Thinking that perfection equals happiness. Perfection is an illusion. No one and nothing is perfect, and there’s no need to be! Imperfections are good stuff; they’re what make you you, and embracing those imperfections is the key to happiness—not trying to change yourself to fit into someone else’s idea of what "perfection" looks like.
So this year, remember: You don’t have to be perfect to be happy. You just have to be you.
Deanna deBara is a freelance writer and accidental marathon runner living in Portland, OR. Keep up with her running adventures on Instagram @deannadebara.from Greatist RSS http://ift.tt/2BWw6I8
Work Your Abs from A to Z in 15 Minutes
Join Cody for $20 a month and access more than 2,500 workout videos to establish an at-home yoga practice, challenge your strength, and up your endurance with HIIT and cardio exercises!
Gymnastics-inspired moves are great for working your abs in a creative way that skips the sit-ups.
You might also like The instructor begins by demonstrating the form of the first three moves: pike up, straddle up, and crab hold. Not only will your abs be working overtime, but the range of these moves also challenge and build your flexibility.
After the first three sets, prepare for a series of planks, focusing on form and uniformity. End with a fun, dynamic exercise that shows just how challenging the alphabet can be. Click play below to see what we mean.
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Do Not Make These Mistakes When You Are Dieting
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What Is It Like to Combine PRP Therapy With Microneedling?
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I Can't Stop Pulling Out My Eyelashes (It's a Thing)
A few years ago, I saw a girl named Rosie, who I’ve known since I was five years old. We’d fallen out of touch but met again at a party, where we reminisced about our time co-creating the most popular club in first grade: The Teddy Bear Club. (I’m still not sure exactly what we did in this club—appreciate teddy bears)? Together, laughing, we wondered if our elementary school gym teacher, who must have been 100 when she was teaching us how to square dance and lift a giant parachute, was still running the gym classes.
"Remember," Rosie asked, giggling. "When you pulled out all your eyelashes in second grade and then cried at morning meeting about it?"
I froze. I actually didn’t remember. Chances are, I blocked out that particular meltdown; in the early years of my trichotillomania, which started when I was six, I’d had many of them. I cried to my mom after I realized my eyelids were yet again bald after plucking every last one out by the root during a family viewing of the movie Blank Check. And another when Babs Bunny from Looney Tunes pulled out all her eyelashes from stress, and my cousin, in front of everyone, yelled, "Look, it’s Lucy!" If I’m bored or stressed—anytime my hands find themselves without something to do, really—I pull. And when I was a kid, after I’d pull them, I’d break down soon after.
You might also like I wanted to scream at Rosie. Not because I was mad, but because without knowing it, she’d revealed my biggest secret to a party full of people. I knew what she said would instantly make anyone who heard look at my eyelids. I could feel their eyes start to raise a fraction of an inch from my pupil to what should be my lash line, where they would notice the black streak across my lids isn’t three dimensional, just one: A layer of eyeliner that I’ve cast to play the part of eyelashes, which I draw on every morning. I haven’t left the house without it since I was 13.
Instead, I said, "Yeah, that was weird." Like me pulling out all of my eyelashes wasn’t something I’d been dealing with for the last 20 years of my life, but a weird fluke that happened during a particularly stressful portion of second grade (long division, probably). "Cool tattoo," I said, changing the subject.
Later, I crept away to the bathroom and did what I do five or six times a day: turned on the light that most brightly illuminated the mirror and put my face up to the glass. I stared at my bald eyelids, checking for any new growth. I looked at my eyes in profile and tried to imagine if the 10 or 11 eyelashes I did have, the ones that had been spared an untimely death (for now), were enough to convince people I had a full set. Maybe people with very blurry vision would be fooled, but it was pretty obvious, overall.
...Once my brain decides my eyelashes need to be removed, [my hands] work without my input, like a very determined gardener weeding a vegetable patch.
Some nights, I stay up until morning because I can’t fall asleep until I pull the perfect eyelash. There are differences in the way an eyelash feels: Some are deeply rooted and pull out with a thick, wet tip. These are good ones. Some, the ones I’ve pulled out over and over, have flimsy, black tips. These are disappointing to pull.
On nights like this, I get up to wash my face over and over again, trying to straighten out the lashes I’ve curled into corkscrews with my fingernails, the way ribbon on a present curls with scissors. I try to tell my hands to stop, but when it comes to my eyelashes, my hands only half belong to me. For most tasks, I’m in full control of them, but once my brain decides my eyelashes need to be removed, they work without my input, like a very determined gardener weeding a vegetable patch. My arm gets sore, but I can’t stop.
My eyes are always full of cat hair, dust, and sand. A giant scar runs down one of my corneas from a scratch I got from one of these foreign bodies my eyes could not defend themselves against without a barricade of eyelashes. I see it all the time.
I get out of bed and read online forums for people like me: trichotillomaniacs. I don’t talk about it with anyone. It’s not really something you chat with your friends about over brunch. "Is anyone else getting another mimosa? Hey, by the way, I can’t stop ripping my own eyelashes out of my head. Can someone pass the hot sauce?"
For a while, I wore fake eyelashes, which seems like an obvious solution. But fake eyelashes are made for people who have real eyelashes—they often flop over your eyes like Snuffleupagus’s when you have nothing to support them (last summer, at a wedding, a friend had to pull me aside to tell me my eyelashes were dangling off my face).
And when you do find falsies that stay up straight, they are almost never made to look natural: They either have gaps between the lashes where your real lashes are meant to fill in, or they look so gaudy and huge that wearing them on a daily basis makes everyone wonder if you just returned from dancing at some sort of daytime nightclub.
I turned 30 this year, which marks almost 25 years in my quest to remove every single eyelash from my head. Doctors have told me that eventually, they won’t grow back. A few months ago, for the first time, I noticed they were finally right—the tiny buds that usually showed up a few weeks after pulling were making less regular appearances. I secretly snuck onto Sephora.com and bought a $75 eyelash serum, which I told my husband only cost $50. Because while he is the only person I can talk about my trich with, I knew he wouldn’t understand that I’d literally be willing to pay any price to have real eyelashes: $75, $100, $1,000, seven years of hard labor abroad a questionably sound sea vessel, literally anything.
I wonder sometimes why I had to have a compulsion like trichotillomania instead of a weird birthmark shaped like Yoda, or strangely small ears, or anything less embarrassing them my own lack of control plastered on my face, right in the eyeline of everyone I have ever met. It seems a bit harsh.
But then again, it doesn’t cause me any real harm besides how I look, and occasional minor eye damage. I’m healthy, despite this minorly broken part of my brain. Even as far as trichotillomaniacs go, it could be worse. Some people pull out all the hair on their heads, and I’ve never touched my head hair. Doctors have told me that it’s only cosmetic.
The way you know if a cartoon character is a male or a female is this: Look for the eyelashes. Minnie Mouse is just Mickey with three curved lines drawn above her eyes. Lola Bunny sports a flutter of eyelashes, while Bugs only rocks his expressive eyebrows. Daisy Duck would just be Donald in a dress—if it wasn’t for her long eyelashes. Maybe it’s only cosmetic, but it’s hard not to feel like eyelashes are what make the girl.
I hope that one day I can stop, that I will grow a whole set of eyelashes and not have to wear a protective layer of eyeliner like armor. I’ve tried therapy a few times, and while I know other people have had good results, for me it never seems to help. The only times I’ve been able to grow my eyelashes back were when I’ve pushed myself hard for a specific reason: I grew them back once when I was long distance from my boyfriend to surprise him. I grew most of them back for my wedding.
But eventually it takes too much mental energy to hold my hands at my sides, and I give in again. All the milestones I set for myself have come and gone without permanent change. I used to tell myself, "By the time I graduate college, I’ll stop." "By the time I’m 25." "By the time I have a real job."
At some point, maybe I should change the goal: Try to leave the house bare-lidded, embrace being Donald in a dress instead. But for now, I keep the shame nearly secret and blame myself for what my hands can’t stop doing.
Maybe when I’m 35.
Lucy Huber is a writer, multiple cat owner, and sufferer of Reverse Dawson's Creek Actor Syndrome, which is a disease she made up for when you are 30 but look 15. To see her other work or ask more specific questions about her cats visit lucyhuber.com.from Greatist RSS http://ift.tt/2DlK1VO
10 Tips That Make Going Paleo So Easy Even a Caveman Could Do It
Thinking of going Paleo? Don't let the caveman jokes stop you—clean eating is about so much more than raw veggies, meat on a stick, and loincloths. (Actually, it really shouldn't be about loincloths.) But because it's a diet that goes against the (processed) grain of modern-day eating, it can be hard to stay with it. Luckily, we've got blogger and Paleo pro Alexis Davidson of Lexi's Clean Kitchen here to share 10 tips on how to enjoy the Paleo life as a modern Homo sapien.
1. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Don't make yourself crazy by diving into everything right away. Cut out a few things and take a week or so to ease into it. Make this work for your lifestyle and use it as a template; don't try to fit yourself into a mold if it's not working for your lifestyle because that might make you nuts.
2. Meal-prep and meal plan.
Meal planning and meal prep are key when it comes to eating Paleo foods. It may take a little extra effort, but it's well worth it. It's not that you can't find healthy, Paleo-friendly options while dining out, but it's definitely harder to find snacks, lunches, and small bites. I find when I let myself hit starvation mode with nothing planned, I lose sight of my intentions and goals, and then I crave a ton of junk. Having food prepped for a few days during the week is a great way to stay on track because make-ahead meals and leftovers really are your besties.
So are Paleo-friendly snacks. I always have an RXBAR or these energy balls on hand as "emergency food," but I find when I prep and plan ahead, I don't feel the desire to snack. Take one day to think about what you want to make for the week, do your shopping, then spend a few hours cooking and prepping. Here's an eight-ingredient meal-prep plan that will have dinner on the table all week.
3. Keep a food journal.
Whether you're changing your diet for health concerns or you just want to eat healthier and have more energy, keeping a log is always a good idea. Note which foods make you thrive and give you energy, which foods upset your stomach, which ones make you feel tired, etc. Keeping a food and feelings diary is a great way to track your progress and get a closer look at what's working for you (because you're all that matters).
4. Transition your pantry.
If it's in the house, you may be more inclined to eat it, so make it easier for yourself and get rid of the food items that won't make you feel amazing (I'm looking at you, addictive pita chips). Use my pantry guide to stock your kitchen with ingredients that will make your life easier and keep temptations to a minimum.
5. Learn to read labels.
My rule of thumb: If you can't read half of the ingredients, or it has a ton of unnecessary ingredients, don't buy it. Learning to read labels and becoming accustomed to knowing what's in your store-bought food is super important. The more you start looking, the more often you'll find tons of unnecessary added sugars and additives in items that you once thought were "healthy." The best part is now that clean-eating has become more mainstream, you can find good-quality versions of so many of your staples.
6. Eating out doesn't have to be stressful.
I often get asked, "What about eating out?" It really, really doesn't have to be stressful. Stick to your basics—fish, meat, veggies—and talk to the waiter about substitutions. Restaurants are so accommodating these days so you can go out and enjoy yourself without feeling deprived.
But remember: Balance is important and for me, it is a huge part of having success with changing your diet. You have to live a little and not drive yourself crazy. I had to be really strict at one point when healing my gut, and now that I have more freedom and flexibility, I can run with it. A little butter in my potato at my favorite restaurant won't kill me, but when I cook at home, I'll use ghee.
7. Do your research.
Stop stalking Instagram celebs and instead start looking for Paleo gurus that share tons of Paleo recipes, tips, and advice on how to succeed while you're committed to a Paleo plan. You can also follow a few new Facebook pages and grab a cookbook or two to help you through your journey and give you inspiration.
8. Shop smart.
You don't have to spend a fortune to clean up your pantry/fridge/lifestyle. Use this Paleo shopping list to get you started, but don't forget you can shop in bulk or on Amazon for good deals on nuts, nut flours, avocado oil-based mayo, high-quality dressings, and other pantry items. You should also check out meat delivery services that deliver grass-fed meat right to your door for decent prices. Stores like Costco and BJ's are also ramping up on their organic, grass-fed, and wild products so you can get your toilet paper and your turkey too.
9. Eat healthy fats.
I often get asked about snacking and how to feel full for longer. I find that when I fill up on healthy fats like avocado, good-quality olive oil, and eggs, I don't feel the need to snack all the time because I'm more satisfied throughout the day.
10. Don't try to be perfect.
I can't stress this enough. This is your journey to feeling your best. You need to listen to your body and know what works for you. Don't listen when people say you need to be perfect and omit every single thing from your diet to be "Paleo." Use it as a template to work for your lifestyle, rather than a strict diet. Not going to give up cream in your coffee? Not willing to give up the occasional glass of wine? That's fine, in my opinion.
Know your goals, listen to your body, and make choices that will make you feel good and thrive without driving yourself crazy. You will feel great, and it will become second nature to nourish your body with real food to optimize your mind, body, and spirit. Remember, "Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going." - Jim Ryun
Alexis Davidson is the voice behind Lexi’s Clean Kitchen—the go-to food blog for clean and delicious recipes that shows readers that living a healthy lifestyle can be simple, fun, and above all satisfying. After discovering firsthand the healing power of food, Lexi was inspired to create recipes that omit negative health instigators like gluten, grains, dairy, and refined sugars while still delivering the taste and gratification people expect. She inspires readers to get creative, whether they are gluten-free, eat Paleo, or just love delicious food.
Her first cookbook launched nationwide November 2016. The Lexi's Clean Kitchen cookbook takes a practical approach to clean eating that won’t deprive you of your favorite foods. This fundamental cookbook transcends dietary labels – it is for everyone who loves preparing delectable meals that satisfy every palate and every craving. Lexi has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Self, Women’s Health, Yahoo.com, and many other publications. Originally from New York, she now resides in Boston, MA with her husband, Mike, and her golden retriever, Jax.
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10 Tips From a Celebrity Nutritionist to Help You Stop Eating Sugar for Good
Desperate to break off your long-term love-hate relationship with sugar? We know the feeling. In just a few hours (read: the time it takes to finish a carton of Ben & Jerry's), we're wheeled through sugar highs, sugar comas, unexpected hanger, and desperate longing—and yet, we always end up welcoming glucose, fructose, and sucrose back into our lives with open hearts/mouths.
So if you're ready to step off of the emotional (and physical) rollercoaster, you've come to the right place. These 10 tips from wellness expert, author, and nutrition consultant Kelly LeVeque of Be Well by Kelly will help you build a foolproof plan for cutting down on sugar and staying strong through those tough moments when all you want is cookie dough.
1. Replace it, neutralize it, and break it... for good!
Soda might not be your thing. Maybe it’s frozen yogurt, Hot Tamales, or gum. Whatever it is, you know it needs to stop. If you’re not a quit-cold-turkey type of person, try to replace the habit as often as possible with a cleaner option you are less emotionally attached to. Maybe swap for a flavored sparkling water or fruit-infused water first. Gradually replacing means you’re gradually neutralizing. The goal is to break the habit once and for all. It’s much easier to do that when its power has been sapped time and again, instead of trying to do it month after month.
2. Get to know your labels.
The nutrition label lists all ingredients in order of quantity. The higher up on the list, the more prevalent the ingredient. A good rule is to avoid products that contain sugar in the first three ingredients.
3. Learn how to spot sneaky sugars.
Sugar is often a hidden ingredient in processed foods, but a good rule is to look for words that end in “ose” like sucrose, maltose, dextrose, fructose, glucose, galactose, lactose, high-fructose corn syrup, glucose solids.
4. Keep your blood sugar in check.
Sugar on a nutrition label only identifies “added sugar”—it doesn’t explain how the food will affect your blood sugar. It’s important to understand how a food will affect your blood sugar because crashing blood sugar creates insatiable cravings for more sugar. You can calculate net carbohydrates by subtracting fiber from total carbohydrates. Aim to choose food high in fiber to keep blood sugar balanced and add fat or protein to meals that contain more than 25 net carbohydrates to help support your body's blood sugar balance.
5. Get your a.m. protein.
Start your day with protein! Eating protein can help lower NPY (neuropeptide Y), a hormone produced in the brain and nervous system that "stimulates" the appetite for carbohydrates and sugar.
6. Stop drinking sugar.
One of the easiest ways to lower sugar intake is to eliminate liquid sugar. Avoid soda, juice, sweetened coffees, and sugar-laden libations, and instead, choose to flavor your water with strawberries or cucumbers, sweeten black coffee with a sugar and chemical-free sweetener like stevia, and opt for low-sugar bevs like pinot noir.
7. Instead... drink more water.
Wake up and drink two large glasses of water to help flush out your system and lower blood glucose levels. It's especially important if you have been drinking alcohol and might be dehydrated. When you’re dehydrated, the volume of blood decreases, and the blood glucose remains the same, meaning you have more concentrated blood sugar. Drinking water (10 glasses a day) can increase blood volume and decrease glucose concentration.
8. Sweet things come in small packages. And big ones too.
Check every food with a label. You will find hidden sugar everywhere from bread, tomato sauce, ketchup, and canned food to kombucha, cold-pressed juice, and chia seed pudding. Just because it looks like a healthy food doesn’t mean it is one. A good rule of thumb is to eat real, whole food meals and do your best to avoid snacking on packaged snacks because they tend to have the highest sugar servings.
9. Focus on the Fab Four.
The Fab Four (protein, fat, fiber, and greens) is a light structure I built to help my clients remember what nourishing foods they should eat to elongate their blood-sugar curve (to have the energy and fuel to easily move toward ditching snacks), and support hormone production, microbiome proliferation, and healthy body composition.
Eating the Fab Four calms various hunger-related hormones. Protein, fat, and fiber induce cholecystokinin (CCK, a “satiety hormone”); protein and leafy green vegetables increase glucagon-like peptide-1 (GLP-1, the “full hormone”), and a fiber- and protein-based meal increases concentrations of peptide YY (PYY – “control hormone”), which all reduce appetite.
10. Go to bed!
You aren’t immune to the consequences of a disruption to your circadian system and shorter sleep cycles; it doesn’t matter if you are in college, work out like crazy, or try to make up for it over the weekend. The next time you’re binging your next favorite Netflix show, remember the results of this 2017 study: “Later sleep time was associated with higher estimated insulin resistance across all groups.”
And this 2008 meta-analysis featured 634,511 participants from around the world (with ages ranging from 2 to 102 years old and included boys, girls, men, and women) and proved “an increased risk of obesity among short sleepers along with an increase in appetite and caloric intake associated to reciprocal changes in leptin and ghrelin.” That extra hour of TV just lowered your insulin sensitivity, which will keep circulating glucose higher, increase your hunger and cravings for sugar, and potentially set you up for weight gain.
Kelly LeVeque is a celebrity nutritionist, wellness expert, and best-selling author based in Los Angeles, California. Before starting her consulting business, Be Well By Kelly, she worked in the medical field for Fortune 500 companies like J&J, Stryker, and Hologic, eventually moving into personalized medicine, offering tumor gene mapping and molecular subtyping to oncologists. She received her bachelor’s degree from the University of Southern California and completed her postgraduate clinical education at UCLA and UC Berkeley.
Kelly’s client list includes Jessica Alba, Chelsea Handler, Kate Walsh, and Emmy Rossum. Guided by a practical and always optimistic approach, Kelly helps clients improve their health, achieve their goals, and develop sustainable habits to live a healthy and balanced life. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband.
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You Can Overcome Your Weight Loss Obstacles
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10 Tips From Plant-Based Guru Deliciously Ella for Going (and Staying) Vegan
Ready to go vegan? Whether you're in it for the animals, the health benefits, or the environmental impact, you've got our support. And between soy-rizo, vegan leather, and a plethora of plant-based blogs to follow, it's never been easier to make the transition.
But without a plan, sticking it out can be a challenge. So we sat down with plant-based blogger, author, and general food muse Ella Mills of Deliciously Ella for some insight into how to live your best (and long-lasting) plant-based life.
1. Eat foods you enjoy.
For anything to be sustainable it has to be enjoyable, so make sure you enjoy everything you’re eating and aren’t feeling deprived in any way. Plant-based/vegan food can be delicious—it’s so much more than simple salads! So make sure you get creative and try new ideas to keep you inspired.
2. Transition in a way that works for you.
There’s no one size fits all when it comes to anything in life, including the way we eat. So make sure you make it work for you, and if that means doing a gradual transition or simply adding many more vegan foods into your diet, then that’s great.
3. Set yourself up for quick success.
Stock your cupboards with great staples so that you always have components of meals at home... it makes cooking when you’re short on time so much easier. I always have:
- Spices (turmeric, cumin, cayenne pepper, paprika, chili flakes, and mustard seeds are my go-to’s)
- Beans, lentils, and chickpeas
- Oats, quinoa, spelt pasta, rye bread, and brown rice
- Canned coconut milk
- Canned tomatoes
- Olive oil, tamari, and sesame oil
- Maple syrup, coconut sugar, date syrup, dried apricots, and raisins
- Almonds, cashews, pecans, pistachios, and walnuts
- Nut butter and nut milk (or rice/oat milk)
4. Eat fresh.
Find great local shops, farmer's markets, and local ingredients. Using great quality, seasonal produce often makes your meal taste so much better, especially if it’s based around a vegetable, which most vegan meals tend to be.
5. Eat a rainbow.
Some of the best things about vegan food are how colorful it is and how easy it makes getting your five portions of fruit and veggies each day. Try new ways of adding in produce and don’t be nervous about trying more unusual fruits and veggies. Jerusalem artichoke soup, for example, is so creamy and delicious; roasted celeriac fries are amazing and a nice change to regular or sweet potatoes; or steam and purée squash with soaked cashews for a smooth ‘cheesy’ sauce with pasta or a veggie bake. I recently tried a pulled jackfruit burger, which was amazing! There are so many interesting ideas and options out there; you may just have to work a little harder to find them.
6. Study up.
Do lots of research to find new ideas and ensure you don’t get stuck in a cooking rut: Inspiration is key, especially at the beginning. There are loads of amazing blogs, websites, social media accounts, and cookbooks out there to help you get motivated.
7. Don't forget about your vitamins.
Be abundant with your cooking and make sure you get all the vitamins and minerals you need. You do need to be mindful of getting enough protein and iron with a vegan diet, and lots of people find a B12 supplement helpful, so do have a look into this and check with your doctor to see what you might need to supplement.
8. Eat simply.
Find simple new go-to’s that work for your schedule. Lots of people think changing to a plant-based/vegan/healthy diet has to be complicated and time-consuming, but it really doesn’t. And it doesn’t have to cost more either. Try simple things like overnight oats for breakfast (a simple combo is mixing oats, almond milk, peanut butter, and a splash of maple in a mason jar in the evening and storing in the fridge;) or sautéeing tomatoes for three minutes until they’re blistered and tender then serving on sourdough with a generous sprinkling of sea salt and olive oil.
9. Cook for your haters.
Be flexible and non-judgmental with those around you. We all make different dietary decisions and should respect everyone for their own choices. I’ve found the best way to get people excited about vegan food and change any negative pre-conceptions they have is to cook for them rather than preaching at them. Always focus on the positives, not the negatives.
I always cook them hearty, familiar meals: I love sautéeing garlic and onion with celery, mustard seeds, cumin seeds, turmeric, cayenne pepper, and dried coriander, then cooking potatoes and cauliflower in the spice mix with coconut milk, before stirring in chickpeas and wilted spinach at the end. I serve it on miso and sesame infused brown rice and do a maple and cinnamon apple crumble for dessert. Everyone licks their plates clean, they leave satisfied, and way more open-minded to vegan cooking, which always makes me happy.
10. You don't have to convert anyone.
In the same vein, allow your friends and family to adapt to the recipes so that you can all share and celebrate vegan food, without forcing them to become fully vegan instantly. If adding chicken, fish, cheese, or eggs makes your friends and family more likely to try something new and more receptive to plant-based cooking, as well as allowing them to enjoy the meal more, then that’s a great thing. It also means their plate will look more familiar, which as I mentioned above, I find is the best approach.
Ella Mills is the founder of Deliciously Ella, best-selling author, and owner of Deliciously Ella Deli's in London as well as a line of retail products. Her newest cookbook, Natural Feasts: 100+ Healthy, Plant-Based Recipes to Share and Enjoy with Friends and Family (Deliciously Ella), just launched in the U.S. in October! Ella’s personal journey of how eating well healed a debilitating illness inspired her to begin sharing her healthy and delicious recipes with others.
The original recipes in Natural Feasts offer a fresh spin on plant-based meals and make it easy to incorporate them into your daily routine. Ella’s delicious meals and approachable personality have garnered her an engaged social media following with more than 1.2 million Instagram followers.
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