Untested, unapproved compounded hormone prescriptions reach 26 to 33 million a year
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Immunotherapy breakthrough now approved as standard of care for advanced melanoma
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Why epilepsy may account for more lost years of life than other brain disorders
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Four Things to Bring When You Visit Your Walk-In Clinic
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The Top Three Reasons You Should Major in Sports Medicine
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Is Being "Emotionally Unavailable" Holding You Back?
At some point, we've all been hit with a "Get-Out-of-a-Date-Free" card. Maybe they're not looking for a relationship, they're too busy with work, or they're too deeply committed to their cats.
And then, of course, there's the dreaded cliché of being "emotionally unavailable" and unable to commit. Whether you've encountered someone with the issue or it's become part of your own romantic repertoire, read on to find out the causes, symptoms, and steps to counter the all-too-common excuse.
What It Means
So what does the root of all romantic-comedy evil actually mean? Basically, the term describes someone who's evasive, makes up excuses, or simply doesn't like to talk to about how they feel or their relationships. Other warning signs include flattery, control, anger, or arrogance, which all signal an aversion to intimacy.
Still, on the surface, emotionally unavailable people can appear to be very stable, says Elisabeth Mandel, LMFT, a relationship therapist based in Manhattan. "But if you can tell they are resisting changing emotional states, or they don’t have a lot of range, then there’s something threatening to them about emotions."
Although emotional unavailability is often depicted as someone whose life is falling apart (hello, Trainwreck), it is ultimately about control. "It's sort of a protection or defense from feeling hurt," says Megan Fleming, Ph.D., a sex and relationship therapist. Emotionally unavailable folks are fiercely independent: They may not feel like they need anyone.
To protect themselves from rejection, Fleming says these individuals retreat to their island of restricted emotions. But when someone cuts off half the spectrum of their emotional range, it comes at the cost of joy, excitement, and depth of connection in relationships.
Going Back to the Beginning
For starters, a bad breakup can cue a domino effect of emotional unavailability. "Most people don’t want to feel the pain, or the grief, of the loss of the relationship, and they want to jump into the next one," Fleming says. "It’s like when people lose a dog, and they want to go ahead and buy a new one."
After all, it's tempting to jump back on the horse (downloading dating apps is almost too easy, right?). Plus your friends are telling you to "get back out there." But while it sounds like a healthy idea, that strategy can seriously backfire. "A big mistake that people make after a breakup is to start to date as soon as they possibly can," says Rachel Sussman, LCSW, a relationship therapist.
The better plan: "Allow yourself to feel the pain so that you can actually grieve that loss, and then welcome something new," Sussman says. If you head into the dating world again with an open wound, it'll probably bleed through. And remember, it takes time to let it heal.
Family dynamics can also be the source of your problems. Say you grew up in an emotionally avoidant family, where the emphasis was less about being open with your feelings. Hitting the emotional brakes may come naturally to you, because you won't "have muscle memory for a deeper quality of attachment," Fleming says. Monkey see, monkey doesn't do a lot of sharing, as the case may be.
The Red Flags
The first step to recovery is seeing yourself honestly. Here are a few warning signs to look out for—in yourself or a partner.
You're Overly Critical
If your dating life feels like one long episode of Seinfeld—this one eats peas one at a time; that one's a low talker; he's way too close to his family—look out, Mandel says. If you're dismissing people for any (and every) tiny reason, you may just be finding excuses to not let the person get to know you.
But if you've instigated the last few breakups, don't freak out yet: The repetitive aspect is important, Fleming says. There's a difference between being independent and confident in what you want, and being afraid to need someone. If your breakups aren't following the same exact pattern, you might just not be in love. (Phew.)
You Keep Things (Really) Light
Coming back to the control aspect, trying to sway the emotional experience of the people you're with, however well-intended, can be a giveaway. If you're very focused on making the other person laugh all the time—as opposed to letting conversation flow in different directions—it may signal you're not comfortable with things getting a little more serious, Mandel says.
There's nothing wrong with some superficial topics (unless you only date philosophers), but someone who's reliably fixated on keeping things light 'n' easy may be unwilling, or unable, to commit.
You Blame Others
Denying any blame is usually the clincher for recognizing emotional unavailability, Mandel says. If someone can't admit their own limitations and always points the finger at other people, they may not be able to handle their own shortcomings and imperfections, instead pushing blame onto other people—and pushing those people out of the picture.
Your Action Plan
First things first: Remember that you don't always need to hold people at arm's length. But the solution isn't always true love's kiss (though finding someone you truly care about can help, Mandel says). It may just take time, but if you want to do something, here are a few tactics to try.
- Deepen relationships with friends and family. Consider these your training wheels for scarier territory: By using safe, stable relationships, there's less fear of rejection. And the more and more you practice letting people in, the more natural it will start to feel.
- Change your social scenery. If you're constantly at a bar surrounded by friends who complain about their partners, that might not be the healthiest environment for the long term. On the flip side, Mandel says that spending time with healthy couples can give you a more realistic idea of what a relationship can look like, and the benefits of letting someone in.
- Distract yourself. When all else fails, try distraction. Whether it's talking to a friend, writing, or coloring, expressing yourself in healthy ways is infinitely preferable to falling into the "I don't need anyone" trap, Fleming says.
- Face it head on. If you find yourself fixating on why no relationship ever works, try to put your finger on it—it can actually help, Sussman says. It’s usually a matter of a time, but working on yourself, either with a therapist or another professional, can help you figure out why past relationships went wrong, she says. "And once you do that work, you feel a lot better about yourself."
The Takeaway
Brief periods of emotional unavailability are very common, Fleming says, and can happen after a breakup disconnects your feelings from your actions, or if you've learned it from interacting with family members. If you feel like you're turning over every rock and still not finding happiness, it's not that your heart is flatlining—it's just that in trying to cut out sadness, you might be missing the dark that makes the light so much brighter.
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Antibiotic-infused implants designed to help faces heal
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Researchers develop new method for looking into the lungs
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Microfluidic biochip for blood cell counts at the point-of-care
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The 40-Minute Total-Body Barre Workout
Before our first barre class, we wondered if those tiny movements on tiptoe would really benefit our body. But as soon as we stepped foot in the studio, we quickly realized just how crazy-hard those little pulses can be.
Here's the good news: There's no need to hit up (or pay for) an actual barre class to feel the burn. All you need is this 40-minute total-body barre workout from Grokker that you can do in your own living room. In this video, you'll follow instructor Paola Di Lanzo through a series of ballet-inspired moves, Pilates exercises, and functional training movements to strengthen muscles from head to toe.
You’ll need a few pieces of equipment—like light dumbbells, a resistance band, a small ball, and an exercise mat—so once you’ve gathered your supplies, just press play below to plie your way to a stronger body.
Interested in more short and effective home workouts? Find thousands more on Grokker, the one-stop online resource for wellness. Grokker sifts through thousands of videos on the web, constantly filtering and aggregating the best cooking, yoga, and fitness videos available so you don't have to.
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Mental health status prior to bladder cancer surgery can indicate risk of complications
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Prostate cancer discovery may make it easier to kill cancer cells
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New generation of synthetic bone grafts created
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Urgent and Primary Care: Why They Are So Important
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Effective Fitness Advice for Women's Health and Weight Loss
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Weight Loss - Why Do You Keep Putting On Weight?
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Minorities less likely to trust physicians, research reveals
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Here's Why Everyone Should Eat More Cereal
Sometime in the last decade we got the message that cereal wasn’t really “part of a complete breakfast.” (Sales are down 13 percent in the last 10 years.) We turned to Greek yogurt, smoothies, and even breakfast pizzas. Those options provide a heaping dose of nutrients, but most lack a very important one: fiber.
And as this article from Quartz explains, most Americans aren’t getting enough fiber in their diets, which is a problem considering all the health benefits it brings to the table, including:
- Lowering risk of heart disease and diabetes.1
- Reducing appetite.2
- Decreasing likelihood of obesity.
The quick (and obvious) solution? Eat more cereal! Sure, not all types are created equal—Cookie Crisp and Cocoa Puffs don’t have much fiber, but the cereal aisle is packed with options that do. (Interestingly enough, the crunchy stuff was first invented as a health product.) Check out the rest of the breakfast food's crazy history as well as its weight-loss benefits on Quartz.
Works Cited
- Cardiovascular benefits of dietary fiber. Satija A, Hu FB. Current atherosclerosis reports, 2013, May.;14(6):1534-6242. Efficacy of high-fiber diets in the management of type 2 diabetes mellitus. Wolfram T, Ismail-Beigi F. Endocrine practice : official journal of the American College of Endocrinology and the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists, 2011, Aug.;17(1):1934-2403.
- The short-chain fatty acid acetate reduces appetite via a central homeostatic mechanism. Frost G, Sleeth ML, Sahuri-Arisoylu M. Nature communications, 2014, Apr.;5():2041-1723.
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Using network science to help pinpoint source of seizures
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Brain’s GPS depends on visual landmarks to triangulate location, researchers find
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Weight Loss Doesn't Have To Be Difficult
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Nonoperative treatment of appendicitis may have unknown long-term risks and costs
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Gains in health insurance across Texas fall behind rest of US, new report shows
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Exceptional care requires patient-driven education
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Immuno, targeted therapy provide new options for difficult-to-treat head and neck cancer
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When cancer of unknown origin strikes, patient's family members face increased risk
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'Smart fat cells' cross blood-brain barrier to catch early brain tumors
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Multiple-dose, targeted radiation more effective for treating pituitary tumors, research shows
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Brain regions of PTSD patients show differences during fear responses
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Mathematical model suggests select DCIS patients could delay treatment
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The transformation of cancer imaging: From shades of gray to living color
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Industry-financed clinical trials on the rise, as number of NIH-funded trials falls
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Evolution of X-Ray Machines
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1O1 on Patient Recruitment for Clinical Trials
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Simple Ways To Make Your Weight Loss Strategy More Productive
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New research offers reassurance over multiple artery procedures for heart attack victims
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Hepatitis C prevention, control efforts should focus on incarcerated individuals
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Deadly candidiasis must be addressed swiftly to help vulnerable patients
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How to Boost Metabolism and Lose Weight
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Beauty Enhance Treatment: Regain Your Lost Charm
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A Super High-Quality Chef's Knife That's Under $35
Victorinox Fibrox 8-Inch Chef’s Knife
Trying to whip up dinner with a dull knife is like trying to ride your bike with a flat tire—you’ll get there, but it’s unnecessarily difficult (and probably dangerous). We always thought we had to spend a small fortune to get good quality knives, so we’d resigned ourselves to sadly staring at the shiny case of cutlery in Williams-Sonoma (the Schwinns of the knife world).
Then a friend told us about Victorinox’s Fibrox line. For less than $35, you can get a superb knife for chopping, mincing, slicing, and dicing to your heart’s content. The 8-inch chef’s knife is our personal fave—it’s the perfect size for everything from veggies to meat. And it comes with a lifetime warranty, so you don’t ever have to worry about being stranded.
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Typical Negative Effects of Synephrine Based Weight Loss Supplements
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Difference Between Weight Loss Setbacks and Failure
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Healthy Choices Don't Make Themselves
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Spot Toning Is Possible (But Here’s How It Really Works)
You've probably heard about spot toning before. Like a unicorn of the fitness world, you suspect it's more fantasy than fact. Then again, you've probably also seen a multitude of commercials and products that promise crazy-impressive results in one specific area with one simple exercise (looking at you, ThighMaster).
And the idea that we could all get legs like Misty Copeland or biceps like Joe Manganiello is pretty tempting. Could a couple hundred lunges or curls be the secret? Bummer alert: It’s not that easy.
Spot Toning Vs. Spot Reduction
First things first: The terms spot toning and spot reduction are often used interchangeably, and both play into the dream of having more muscle definition and less fat in key areas (read: your thighs, arms, or lower abdomen). That said, they don’t actually mean the same thing. With spot toning, the goal is to strengthen and develop a certain muscle or muscle group. Not so much with spot reduction.
“The idea behind spot reduction—and it’s been perpetuated for a long time in the health and fitness space—is that we can target certain areas of the body—'trouble' spots—and selectively burn off fat,’” says Jessica Matthews, an assistant professor of exercise science at San Diego Miramar College and a yoga instructor. Experts and science have both shown time and again that it’s just not possible. (Sorry, Copeland diehards.)
Take this recent study, for instance. Forty women were divided into two groups: dieters and dieters who also worked their abs. Both groups lost weight, abdominal fat, and lowered their BMI (win-win-WIN!), but they did so at more or less the same rate. This means that the women who added abs work to their repertoire didn’t reap more benefits or end up with slimmer waists than their peers.
More proof comes from tennis players back in the 70s. Researchers discovered that the muscles of a player's dominant arm (the super-strong and sculpted one used to power most swings) had about the same amount of fat as their non-dominant, less muscular arm. Translation: Area-specific fat loss is a myth.
And just because you're working a certain muscle doesn’t mean you’re losing the fat that covers that muscle. “Unfortunately, subcutaneous fat loss tends to be more generalized versus just the part that is being trained,” says Lara Carlson, C.S.C.S., president of the New England Chapter of the American College of Sports Medicine.
During sweat sessions, our muscles fuel up with carbs, proteins, and triglycerides (fat)—and these sources can come from anywhere in the body, not just the “problem” area, Carlson says. Bottom line: If you're hoping for chiseled arms, curls alone won't get you there.
So… What About Spot Toning?
Now that you know you can’t select where your body loses fat, it's time for the good news. You can spot tone—if your definition of 'spot toning' is strengthening a certain muscle or muscle group, says Chris Freytag, fitness expert and founder of GetHealthyU. People—athletes are perfect examples—do this all the time to improve performance or achieve a certain look (think: bodybuilders with bulging biceps or competitive swimmers who have mega-muscular shoulders).
But spot toning doesn't come without its drawbacks. While every exercise is beneficial, that doesn’t mean it's the most effective use of your time. Just put the idea into practice: If you've only got 30 minutes to work out, breaking up your workout by body part (chest, then shoulders, then biceps, then triceps, then abs, then—time's up!) takes a lot longer than hitting your whole body in nearly every exercise.
And there are more benefits to full-body exercises. The more muscles you put to work (and the longer you do so), the more you amp up your calorie burn, Carlson says. So you may be stalling your results by limiting yourself to targeted strength training instead of recruiting as many muscles as possible.
Not only that, but working just one muscle or muscle group makes the body itself more inefficient, Matthews says. It can also cause muscle imbalances, which can mess with your posture and eventually increase your risk for injury (think of how often a professional baseball pitcher hurts his shoulder due to overuse). Your best bet is still to do muscle-specific exercises, but as a part of a larger, total-body routine.
The Takeaway
Since targeted strength training may not be enough to change the way a specific part of the body looks, cranking out a million leg presses won’t necessarily yield crazy-cut legs. “Individuals who want to have certain muscles or muscle groups look more defined can specifically train those areas, but unless they do something to decrease body fat, they may never see those muscles,” Carlson says.
And because frying fat doesn’t happen easily or overnight, it’s safe to say that you can’t just crunch your way to washboard abs. The triple threat that’ll kick it to the curb? Get your heart pumping on the regular (it makes the body use fat for energy), eat well (because you can’t out-exercise a bad diet), and strength train (you’ve got to maintain that muscle mass).
So don't buy into the marketing ploys. Ultimately, what works is hard work—both at the gym and in the kitchen. Scientists and fitness experts agree that targeted fat reduction is like calorie-free chocolate cake: impossible. And though spot toning is doable, you may see the most gains from a more well-rounded approach. Or as Freytag put it: “If you’re training for life, just work all of your muscles."
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Greatist Got a Brand New Look!
For a long time, the greatest thing about Greatist has been the voice of our articles.
Our intention has always been to write unreasonably high-quality content: Every fact is cited by a scientific study, every article is approved by at least two experts if it needs it, and everything is triple-checked and verified by our amazing team of in-house editors.
But that’s really how everyone should do it, even if few always do.
The real reason our content has stood out is its authenticity. Our articles are non-judgemental, open-minded, positive, realistic, empowering, and then some. They’re just about the exact opposite of what so many traditional media outlets, celebs, and companies have been selling for decades. Becase the truth is you don’t need six-pack abs to be happy. (Trust me, I got them once to find out.)
Our mission at Greatist is to give everyone a healthy attitude.
After working closely with the inspiring folks at Red Antler for most of this year, we finally get to share a brand spankin’ new Greatist. It’s not really a rebranding, but an evolution of our experience to finally catch up to what we stand for. What’s that? Well, our mission at Greatist (and FWIW, my life goal) is to give everyone a healthy attitude. We know there’s no one way to be healthy, so being a “greatist” is about recognizing this stuff isn’t easy, seeking out and embracing what’s good for you, and sharing this message with others.
This big leap forward is a chance for us to better communicate how we’re different. It’s an opportunity for us to take a more no-bullshit approach to everything we cover (when we say healthy attitude, we mean it!). If you’ve made the decision to live better and are somewhere along that journey, then Greatist is the place to champion you choosing what’s good for you.
The 3 Steps to Be a Greatist
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Devising an inexpensive, quick tuberculosis test for developing areas
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Surgery is more effective than drug in hyperparathyroidism post-kidney transplantation
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Why Being Stressed Out Is a Good Thing
Stress: It’s pretty much unavoidable, yet that doesn’t stop us from coming up with plenty of ways to avoid it. A group of Stanford researchers says that part of the problem might be the way we think about stress. Embracing the reaction—and seeing it as an opportunity to cope with an issue—is associated with better health, emotional well-being, and productivity at work. As opposed to, say, procrastinating or drinking to "release" stress, which encourages more harmful long-term habits.
Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., author of The Upside of Stress, sat down for a Q&A with Stanford’s website, and we loved her three takeaways for rethinking the overwhelming feeling:
- "View your body's stress response as helpful, not debilitating. (Consider it energy you can use!)
- Realize that you are able to handle—and even learn and grow from—it.
- See it as something that everyone deals with, and not something that proves how uniquely screwed up you or your life is."
Check out the full story to learn how stress can make life more meaningful and the specific times when it really is bad for us.
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Antibiotics alone can be a safe, effective treatment for children with appendicitis
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The Best Way to Wash Your Face, According to Experts
Washing your face is one of those things we assume everyone does the same way—until we hear someone does it differently. And then we start to wonder: Hot or cold water? Gentle cleanser or a grainy scrub? Use an expensive electronic face brush that we read about on the Internet?
Turns out we had more questions about face washing than we realized. To get some answers, we went to the experts for a step-by-step guide to getting a clean, clear complexion.
The Tools
First things first: If you wear makeup, take it off with an oil-based makeup remover, says Karen Hammerman, M.D., a dermatologist at the Schweiger Dermatology Group. Makeup won’t come off with just gentle cleansing of the skin, and if it stays on too long, it can lead to blocked pores and future zits.
As for a cleanser, we know it's tempting to grab the one covered in marketing promises, but it's a better idea to go for one labeled "gentle," "pH-balanced," and "fragrance-free," recommends Yasmine Kirkorian, M.D., an assistant professor of dermatology at Children's National Health System. Something basic like Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser ($9.89; drugstore.com) is a safe bet, although she says the brand isn't as important as that it's non-abrasive (sayonara, microbeads).
Need more help navigating the face wash aisle? Read on.
If you have dry skin:
Kirkorian suggests cream-based cleansers. These provide moisture for the skin thanks to glycerin or shea butters, Hammerman says. Try Dove White Beauty Bar ($9.39 for 8 bars; target.com). Despite bar soap's drying reputation, she says it's the super-gentle way to go.
If your skin is fairly normal, or you're just not sure:
A gentle, pH-balanced cleanser like Cetaphil will do the job. Or try a cleansing "water," like Simple Cleansing Micellar Water ($6.99; drugstore.com). The oil-based components remove oil, grease, and sebum from our skin, without being harsh or over-stripping, Schlosser says.
If you have oily skin:
Foaming cleansers, like CeraVe Foaming Facial Cleanser ($10.80; amazon.com), will leave you feeling super clean—although only temporarily. (If you're naturally oily, a quick cleanse isn't going to change your skin type.) Somewhat counterintuitively, oil-based cleansers like Boscia Makeup-Breakup Cool Cleansing Oil ($30; sephora.com) may be a good choice for oily skin ("like dissolves like"), but it’s hard to generalize how well your skin will react. If you have seriously oily skin and don't want to pass it off as that coconut oil glow, talk to a dermatologist—Kirkorian says that's where medications like spironolactone can come in.
If you have acne-prone skin:
It’s even more important to stay gentle if you're battling acne with spot treatments, so Hammerman recommends something like Neutrogena Ultra Gentle Daily Cleanser ($9.99; ulta.com). Overdoing it with an acne-specific cleanser and other acne medications can leave you with dry, irritated skin (and more frustration than you started with).
Not using additional acne-related products? Then you can turn to chemically exfoliating cleansers, says Bethanee Schlosser, M.D., Ph.D, a dermatologist and director of the Women's Skin Health Program for Northwestern Medicine. With ingredients like benzoyl peroxide, glycolic acid, and salcyclic acid, the effectiveness can rival leave-on treatments for acne. Look for Clean and Clear Continuous Control Acne Cleanser ($5.39; drugstore.com) or Murad AHA/BHA Exfoliating Cleanser ($36; sephora.com).
The Temp
Once you’ve got your ammo, turn the faucet to lukewarm—no steaming temperatures or arctic water necessary. “Warm is better than the extremes of either cold or hot to remove oil from our skin,” Schlosser says. (Think about cleaning your dishes—cold water doesn’t remove grease very effectively.)
Plus, while cold water can tighten pores temporarily, it won’t have a lasting effect. Meanwhile, hot water, despite making you feel super clean, can lead to dry and irritated skin.
Most dermatologists recommend washing your face twice a day, and a small 2006 study comparing people who washed their face once, twice, or four times a day found that acne improved at twice a day.1 While skin condition didn't get worse at four times a day, it didn't get much better—and that’s a lot of time to spend at the sink.
The Method
Splash that lukewarm water on your face and use your fingertips in a circular motion to apply the cleanser—enough to work up a good lather in your chosen medium. Schlosser recommends paying special attention to the T-zone (nose and forehead territory) and U-zone (the area around and just under your jawline), where people tend to miss.
No washcloth or grainy scrub needed: Gentle is the key word here, and washcloths just aren't as gentle as our hands, says Kirkorian. “You actually don’t need to scrub your face. If you did a Tough Mudder, that’s a different story—but for day-to-day cleansing, you don't really need to use a washcloth.”
Instead, save it for a gentle pat down to dry off after rinsing off your cleanser. And make sure to hang it in a dry place (a.k.a. not the shower): Hammerman says that any moisture can be a breeding ground for bacteria and germs that can cause breakouts.
Finally, if you've heard wonders about the $99-and-up facial brushes, relax. However tempting it is to imagine they're taking your cleansing routine to a deeper, skin-changing level, Schlosser says that's probably not the case. Since facial skin is not thick, physical exfoliation isn't required for penetration. Bottom line: You'll be fine with or without one.
The Takeaway
Twenty-step regimens are fun if you're into them, but a simple routine can be just as effective. Gentle is pretty much always better, and although it can be tempting to exfoliate your way to a new tomorrow, chances are a mild touch will get you there faster. Just choose wisely, young Padawan: Try every topical this side of Sephora, and things might not work out as you intended.
Works Cited
- A single-blinded, randomized, controlled clinical trial evaluating the effect of face washing on acne vulgaris. Choi JM, Lew VK, Kimball AB. Pediatric dermatology, 2007, Jan.;23(5):0736-8046.
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