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The One Major Change That Totally Fixed My Insomnia
When I say I suffer from insomnia, it's more that, for a while there, insomnia completely took over my life. To fight it, I tried melatonin, over-the-counter sleep aids, cough syrup, you name it. Nothing worked. I found myself tossing and turning until 5 a.m., sleeping until 1 or 2 in the afternoon, sitting down for work around 3, then working well into the evening. Rinse and repeat.
And I'm not alone in this.
Twenty-five percent of Americans suffer from acute insomnia every single year, according to a University of Pennsylvania study. Seventy-five percent of these individuals recover without developing chronic problems, characterized by at least three sleepless nights a week for three or more months. But of the 25 percent who experienced "acute" insomnia, only 6 percent eventually developed "chronic" insomnia.
I found myself swallowed whole by chronic insomnia earlier this year. From February to July, my sleep patterns got progressively worse until I was exhausted, totally unable to concentrate, and subject to wild mood swings. My work and my friendships suffered. I was scared I might never be able to recover.
In one of my late-night YouTube binges, popping from cat videos to TED Talks and everything in-between, I stumbled upon a video: "Waking up at 5 a.m. is changing my life," made by witty, insightful YouTuber Jordan Taylor (known for his work on the Blimey Cow channel). "One day, I had just reached my breaking point. I had had enough. I couldn't do this one more day," says Taylor, who hadn't suffered from insomnia but was intensely addicted to his cell phone—so much so that it began to adversely affect both his personal and professional life. "I was starting to lose my mind," he said. "Honestly, I started to completely hate myself, and I realized, at that point, that the habits I had picked up over time needed to stop completely."
These words hit me hard. I had reached my own breaking point, and it was time to make changes in my life. I needed to hold myself accountable.
Taylor was a good guide. I began to reassess my bad habits, including being glued to my phone, and started to make conscious choices to end them. And then Taylor shared that in one of his own YouTube binges, he'd discovered a video of a Navy Seal named Jocko Willink. "Why would you not wake up at 4:30?" Willink says in the video, an interview with Business Insider. "No one else is awake yet. So that gives me the opportunity to do things that I need to get done."
I knew I needed to overhaul my sleep schedule to achieve eight hours, so I set my alarm for a brisk 5 a.m. that night. When the refrain of Hilary Duff's "All About You" rang in my eardrums that first morning, it wasn't even all that hard to get up. I sat up, stretched, yawned. "This is way easier than I thought," I whispered to myself. I turned off my alarm and rolled feet-first out of bed. It was as if my body and mind were already energized at the prospect of what an earlier day could bring.
Dolly Parton would be proud. I stumbled my way to the kitchen to make some coffee. I pulled my unicorn-and-rainbow mug from the cupboard and made my way to my front porch. Perched on the stairs, I took in the morning air with relish. The birds weren't quite awake yet, and I allowed myself to breathe in the scenery around me.
That first morning was life-changing. I hadn't gotten up that early, so willingly and without much complaining, since I mistakenly signed up for an 8 a.m. biology class my freshman year of college. It was like a lightbulb went off in my head. Five a.m. just makes total sense, and I began to wonder why it had taken me so long to make such a bold, drastic change.
When I sat down to prioritize my day, I realized I wasn't taking care of myself in meaningful, long-term ways. I had to closely examine bad habits, including not drinking nearly enough water, not eating proper meals, and ignoring my body's signals.
Over the course of the next six months, I learned to hold myself accountable. Keeping a tight—even strict—schedule hasn't been an easy transition, but it has given me more control over my life. I'm able to walk away from each day knowing I gave it my all. I'm not just surviving day-to-day; I'm building a life worth living through healthy thinking.
Now, I mostly wake up… happy. I feel more alive than I have in a long time. As Shonda Rhimes writes in her 2014 memoir, Year of Yes: "Happiness comes from living as you need to, as you want to. As your inner voice tells you to. Happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be."
If you want something to change, you have to change it. I began a new life more than six months ago, and I haven't looked back. Here's what my schedule looks like now:
5 a.m. Wake Up. Before the sun, even.
5-6 a.m. Coffee and Meditation. When the weather is warm, I can sit on my front porch and listen to the birds wake up. Even in the cold weather, it's still a blissful hour for caffeine and clearing my mind for the day.
6-6:50 a.m. Exercise. I begin my exercise routine with some simple stretches, jumping jacks, and yoga poses, followed by a few dozen loops around the neighborhood.
6:50-7:30 a.m. Reading. For the longest time, I sucked so hard at reading, and it's not like I wanted to. I never seemed to find the time to crack open those books collecting dust on my shelf. But getting up super-early has propelled me to plunge back into one of my favorite pastimes. A book a week seemed like a massive task, but now I find it actually pretty easy to accomplish.
7:30 a.m.-8:15 a.m. Get Dressed and Have Breakfast. I often cook up scrambled tofu on a bed of spinach, alongside a slice of toast with raspberry jam and/or peanut butter. I feel like a warrior armed to slay the day.
8:15 a.m.-Noon. Work and Projects. Stomach full and mental health in check, I can whip through projects with precision. My focus is clearer and stronger, and what was once a daunting to-do list has turned into a game. And now I take a water break between projects.
Noon-1 p.m. Lunch. Since I began eating at predictable intervals, my body has never been happier. And not feeling rushed to move on to the next task creates an extra sense of accomplishment too.
1-5 p.m. Work and Projects. Time is just less stressful when you wake up early. When 5 p.m. comes, I feel a sense of pride that not a single second of my day has been wasted. I can finally breathe.
5-7 p.m. Decompress, Make Dinner, and Cat Time. Once I made a vow to sign off from all work promptly at 5 p.m., I had even more time in the evenings for replenishment and self-care. That's where my three cats Jake, Olivia, and Fitz, come into the picture (also catching up on Orange is the New Black).
7 p.m. Do Not Disturb. To help soothe insomnia and stress from the day, I laid down a strict 7 p.m. "curfew." I either turn off my phone completely or put it on Do Not Disturb for the rest of the evening.
7-8:30 p.m. Tea Time. Honey vanilla chamomile tea is my jam. I also like to take some time to meditate and listen to vinyl records just before bed.
Bed by 9 p.m.
Look, a 5 a.m. wake-up isn't for everybody. Even if you vow to get up 15 or 20 minutes earlier than you usually do, you'll be shocked at what you can accomplish, and you can start your day with a calm, determined resolve to live your best life. Try shutting off a couple hours before bed—I mean, completely detach your mind and body from the tragedy in the world and what's happening online. Clear the clutter, remember that each day is a new beginning, and get ready to be made into someone even better. You can do this.
Jason Scott is a writer based in West Virginia. Itching for creative freedom, he founded his own music-discovery site called B-Sides & Badlands, which specializes in long-form writing and cultural criticism. If you enjoy kitty pics and being woke, follow him on Twitter.
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My Late-to-the-Game Obsession With Matcha Knocked Coffee Off Its Pedestal
A couple of months ago, I finally had to come to grips with a bitter truth: After a lifetime of carefree enjoyment, my 40ish-year-old gut had rebelled against milk products and an alternative was extremely necessary. Thus, began the trial and error of dairy substitutes. It turns out I hate most options, but unsweetened almond milk is acceptable (if you’re interested, I do not recommend or endorse the almond-coconut combination). So, solution found—perfect, right? Yes, except for one detail: I do not like almond milk in coffee, and morning caffeine is non-negotiable.
Enter the matcha latte. I know, I know: Matcha is so last year (or even, if you’re super-influencer-like, 2017). I am, admittedly, late to the party—but no less enthusiastic for my tardiness. It has achieved that which I thought impossible: knocked coffee off its a.m. pedestal.
The Beginning of My Matcha Love Affair
First, matcha is so freakin' pretty. I don’t take pictures of my food, mostly because I’m too busy eating it, but if I did, I am confident there would be a ridiculous number of verdant tea drinks on my social media. That beautiful bright green hue perks me up in a way that coffee just can’t manage. It did occur to me this morning that I probably won’t love it quite so much the first time I spill it on my shirt—a bright green stain being even more noticeable than a dull brown one—but until that time, I’m going to enjoy the macaron-like vibrancy.
Speaking of vibrancy—wow! I don’t know whether it’s psychosomatic, but my energy while on matcha is spot on. I’m energized—but not jittery—all day. Granted, this is partly due to my habit of nursing my a.m. drink until approximately 3 p.m., but still. I teach teenagers. Anything that gives me the surge to handle them for seven-and-a-half hours, is still legal, and doesn’t leave me with the shakes has to be good.
Teenagers not only populate my place of work, there is also one in residence at my house. He drinks my coffee, which I can’t find much fault with because he starts school before he’s awake, and he already towers over me in height, which kills the “you’ll stunt your growth” argument. Despite his affinity for very sweet coffee, however, he has no use whatsoever for my matcha. It is mine, all mine, mwah ha ha ha. This means that when I buy it, I know it’s still sitting in the cabinet—unless I used it up myself.
Making Matcha Myself
Yes, I discovered matcha through Peet’s (which led, inevitably, as the road to degradation does, to Starbucks) and then I backed away quickly and protectively. I could either get my matcha fix served in a pretty paper cup by an aproned barista, or I could consider sending my children to college. Both would not be possible, especially once the almond milk entered the spreadsheet. But a $10-bag of matcha powder and a $7 battery-operated foamer thingy later, my homemade version is both reasonably budget-friendly and taste-equivalent. I also found out the hard way that I need a small amount of honey in there as well. Unsweetened matcha is a tough wake-up.
Even with my honey-doctoring, the temptation to be a holier-than-thou matcha drinker is strong. It’s got so many impressive-sounding health benefits: There are antioxidants, anti-carcinogens, and anti-plaque compounds to prevent heart disease. It may help liver function, increase energy without the crash associated with coffee—I wasn’t imagining it!—and boost fat-burning metabolism. I almost feel like my morning drink negates my other, less-virtuous habits, like staying up too late and eating French fries. I sip my sort-of-good-for-me drink and believe that I am making a step in the direction of Best Self (whatever that is).
Must Play It Cool
I avoid being an obnoxious jerk about it, though, because of Yerba Mate Guy. Several years ago, I had a class with an unbearably pretentious guy who had this elaborate set-up for his yerba mate, and he’d ostentatiously go through the whole routine every time we met. The mere mention of involving a bamboo whisk to prepare my matcha reminded me of Mr. D-Bag, and I thought, I can’t be that person. But, purist disdain notwithstanding, it turns out I can get by just fine with nothing more than my mug, the aforementioned foamer thingy, and my personal feelings of smug self-righteousness.
I haven’t given up all coffee—I won’t be the person who totes her own matcha along for brunch, and I like a cup when eating something sweet. It’s just that now, to my surprise, I’m a most-mornings-matcha drinker. Better late than never.
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More Baby Boomers Trying to Find Bliss With Marijuana
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Hate Running in the Cold? Try These 6 Pro Tips
Sometimes running really sucks. Not that I don't love it—because I do love it—but there's almost nothing worse than trying to crank out miles when it's dark and cold and windy and miserable and all you really want is to be in your bed snuggled up watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Can you tell I'm not a fan of winter?
But as I've been trying to keep up with my training in these freezing New York winter temps, what's truly kept me going has been my network of badass runners who motivate me to get my butt out the door. And because I'm all about sharing the love, I'm bringing their tips to all of you. Here's what the pros have to say about running when your nose, toes, and entire body feel like they might freeze off.
1. Layer up.
Hollis Tuttle, an instructor at Mile High Run Club, suggests choosing gear that is specifically designed for winter weather. "Thin, moisture-wicking layers are best worn against the skin," she says. "They will pull sweat away from the body and dry quicker." Depending on the temps, you may need a mid-layer as well, but regardless, you'll want to make sure to wear wind- and rain-resistant outerwear. "Your top layer should be made of breathable nylon or Gore-tex to help protect you from wind and possible precipitation," Tuttle says.
2. ... but don't overdo it.
As counterintuitive as it sounds, you actually want to feel the cold when you first step outside. "You should be chilly in that first mile—I know it sounds awful, but you're going to heat up," says Mike Keohane, head coach of Front Runners NYC. Especially in the rain, extra layers might actually work against you. "If you're too warm going out, everything's going to get wet and you'll be shivering by the time you get home," Keohane warns. Instead, opt for lightweight layers that are built for harsh weather conditions—we love anything with Merino wool, like this waffle long sleeve from Tracksmith or this base layer from Smartwool.
3. Cover up your extremities.
"You can quickly lose heat via your hands and feet," Tuttle says. Gloves are a must, and a hat is also helpful to cover your ears. Your legs are where most of the work is happening, so they won't need as much coverage as parts of your body that don't move during the run. Keohane loves Uniqlo heat tech gloves, which he finds just as effective as name-brand athletic styles. And for socks, make sure they're thick—especially because your shoes likely won't provide much warmth. Keohane typically sticks to hiking socks from brands like Darn Tough to keep his feet warm and dry.
4. Find a buddy.
Kelly Roberts, marathoner and running blogger at She Can & She Did, swears that making plans to run with a friend before work is the secret weapon for accountability. "If my friend is freezing while waiting on a street corner because I invited them to run, I would never stand them up," she says. "Suffering is always more fun when you don't have to do it alone." And if you can convince a friend to sign up for a race with you, that's even better—get on the same training plan and keep each other on task.
5. Sign up for a race.
There's nothing more motivating than throwing down money toward a winter race that forces you to train. Keohane recommends choosing short races in January, February, and March to give you a reason to run. The more people you tell about your plans, the better! You'll feel the self-imposed pressure to get your training done even when your brain (and that warm, cozy couch) is telling you otherwise.
6. Keep the end in sight.
Roberts says that during the winter, it's especially important to remind herself of why she's running. "Before and during a run, I might question my life choices—but 97 percent of the time, I love how I feel afterward," she says. "Taking the time to stop guilting myself into feeling like I 'have to' go for a run changed my life. We never have to go for a run, we get to. It's a choice." Framing your run as a gift, a celebration of your healthy body and mind, will make it so much more bearable.
Next time you're dreading those cold winter miles, keep these tips close at hand. And remember: No matter how miserable it feels now, spring is right around the corner. If you keep up your training when the weather is less than ideal, you'll be in tip-top shape when the sunshine returns.
Sarah Ellis is a grad student, runner, writer, and very bad dancer. Right this very second, she's probably drinking kombucha and pretending chocolate is a health food (because it is, duh).
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12 Ways to Make Hanging With Your Partner's Family Much Less Terrible
Everyone knows the cliche of the awful, overbearing in-laws—and everyone thinks they're definitely going to dodge that bullet. Especially if you're just dating and think you're a long way from getting married, the concept of dealing with a significant other's family might seem like a vague, unimportant issue. But as nearly everyone in a committed relationship will tell you, you'll have to deal with them one day, and things will go so much better if you're prepared.
A study following married heterosexual couples over 16 years showed that women who reported having close relationships with their in-laws early in their relationship were more likely to get divorced, while men who reported close relationships with their in-laws were less likely to get divorced. That's confusing! But what we think it means is that establishing a good but un-suffocating rapport with bae's family of origin right away is important.
How do you do that? You could follow your own parents' mistakes (e.g., my mother's advice: "Marry an orphan!") or imagine yourself in Constance Wu's or Ben Stiller's shoes. To be slightly more helpful, we reached out to several therapists and dating experts for some sage tips you can use, even before you meet the parents for the first time.
1. Start with just the two of you.
Before that first meeting, most of the experts said to have a little sit-down with your partner. It's essential to figure out just how close the other person is to their family compared to you and yours, and also how close they intend to remain.
"Discuss both of your families and the boundaries that may need to be set across the board," says Sarah Epstein, a marriage and family therapist who practices at the Council for Relationships in Philadelphia. "Families have different thresholds for how involved they are in adult children's lives and what sort of information gets shared (about jobs, relationships, money, etc.)."
2. Ask each other the tough questions.
"Cultural variances can affect how we look at family—Western norms tend to be more individualistic, whereas Eastern values tend to be more centered on the family—so these conversations can be tense but fruitful," says Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide's resident sexologist. She suggests asking about what role your partner's parents and siblings play in their life, how happy they are with those relationships, how they deal with conflict in their family, whether they want to live close to them in the future, and what financial ties they might have to each other.
"It's always best to talk about intense issues before conflict arises," O'Reilly adds, "as you'll be more rational and empathetic if you're not physiologically flooded (your heart, breath, and blood pressure rates increase when you're upset)."
3. Figure out the rules of the game.
While your partner's family won't come with a user manual, you do want to get a briefing on what would hypothetically be included in one.
"The most important thing to remember is that every family has their own unwritten norms and rules," says family and marriage therapist Abigail Thompson. "Even if you get along fine with your partner, those rules come into play when their families enter the picture. They won't tell you, and they aren't thinking about it consciously, but they expect you to communicate in a certain way and bring up grievances (or not) in a certain way. So when you're trying to get along with them the way you know how to with your parents, it's not going to work with your in-laws."
4. Plan short and sweet early meetings.
"If possible, those first few visits with your partner's family should fall within an hour to two hours in maximum length," says dating and relationship columnist and author Kevin Darne. "Your mate should set expectations ahead of the visit with their family by casually mentioning you two have another obligation afterward. It's always a good idea during those first few visits to leave them wanting more." Your partner should also plan to stay by your side during that meeting, so you feel well supported throughout, Darne says.
5. Be yourself—with limits.
"In the early stages, it's important to let your authentic self shine through while being courteous, kind, and thoughtful," says clinical psychologist Jeff Nalin, Psy.D. "As this is an adjustment period for everyone, it's helpful to show appreciation for their hospitality and to let them get to know you without putting pressure on yourself."
When you get home, Nalin says, you shouldn't give in to the temptation to unload all your first impression on your partner. "If your significant other rants or complains about his or her family, stay neutral while being understanding," Nalin says. "Listen but don't judge or talk negatively about them."
6. Set those boundaries.
No matter how well those first meetings go, you're going to need to establish your own limits before others do it for you. Remember that stat at the beginning about women's closeness to their in-laws actually being a predictor of divorce?
"Soft or highly permeable boundaries often set the stage for situations that become disadvantageous," says clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D. "Women often strive to be highly accepting and willing, in general. This can become more pronounced when meeting a significant other's family. However, it's important to steer away from this behavior and set clear, respectful boundaries from the onset. This will allow the new relationships to grow based on strong footing."
You've got to turn back to your partner for this step too. It's up to both of you to determine how much time you plan to spend with each other's families (particularly around the holidays), for instance, and how much information about your relationship you want to share with them. You may decide to try to avoid discussing politics or other sensitive issues. You don't have to have the same rules for both families, as long as you both agree to that scenario.
7. Have each other's back.
"The most important thing to establish is that the responsibility of managing this dynamic is the partner whose family it is," says marriage and relationship coach Lesli Doares. "It is this person's job to define and enforce the boundaries the two of you decide on. The formality of marriage can make this easier, but establishing clear boundaries should begin as soon as you are a defined couple. The needs of your partner and of your relationship should take priority over the desires of your family in most cases."
That last bit tends to be a sticking point with many couples, particularly if one partner hasn't established their independence from their parents, says family and relationship psychotherapist Fran Walfish, Psy.D., author of The Self-Aware Parent.
"Reasonable separation from family of origin means you, the adult child, no longer allow your mental thinking space to be occupied (or cluttered) with thoughts and worries about what your parents will think," Walfish says. "Your mind is vacated and free to make room for a new intimate partner."
8. Rise above the judgment.
Despite all your homework on boundaries, you can't control the fact that some people, even your beloved's parents, are going to be rude and judgmental. All you can control is how you react to it.
"Ignore the topic they're talking about and say something about feeling judged," Tara Vossenkemper, a marriage counselor, suggests. "Simple, but not easy. If an in-law makes a quip (or blatant dig) about your political stance, your degree or lack thereof, the money you make or don't, your animals, or anything else, you can literally just say, 'Dang, I feel pretty judged right now. Hoping this isn't the norm. Ha!'"
That accomplishes three things at once. You're putting an end to the tricky topic of conversation, eliminating your need to defend yourself. You're also showing that you're not too shy to speak up about the fact that they've put you in an uncomfortable situation, but you're diffusing it at the same time. "Say it with a light tone so that you're not coming across as attacking, which would then justify them attacking you back (and we want to avoid that)," Vossenkemper says.
9. Tell your partner how you feel.
Though you don't necessarily want to fight back, you should definitely let your partner know how you feel about what was said to you. "Your communication with your partner does not need to be accusatory or angry, but share your feelings openly and honestly," says psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., relationship expert at Tone Networks.
"It may mean keeping the conversation terse and focused. Don't raise topics that inflame their judgment, and if that doesn't work, then you can appropriately and directly communicate with your in-laws. These things can fester if they are not addressed. They may or may not change, but at least you are not complicit in offering silent approval."
10. Be the grown-up.
"If in-laws are difficult, learn to treat them as members of someone else's family whose obnoxious actions aren't worth reacting to. Just politely ignore what they're doing or saying, and maintain a pleasant demeanor," says psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. "Be a grown-up, whether or not they are. If you have to treat them like misbehaving children, so be it. Just don't let them drag you into bad behavior of your own."
11. Don't call them mom and dad if you don't want to.
At the other end of the spectrum are the families who seem very eager to bring you into their fold. Maybe you're just as happy to call them "mom" and "dad," or maybe you're not. That's when you need to talk to your partner again.
"You may feel overwhelmed with their family's behavior toward you, but your partner may feel very happy about it," says Ana Jovanovic, clinical psychologist and writer at ParentingPod.com. "Instead of focusing on the behavior of your in-laws, start by focusing on your needs—both your individual needs and your needs as a couple. This is because the actions that aim to satisfy those needs are more likely to be within your control."
12. Meet them on your terms.
Ideally, this control means you can satisfy your needs while making some space for your partner's family in your life too. "Create a meaningful family ritual," Walfish says, such as a monthly dinner or scheduled phone calls and visits, if they're not local. "Implement gathering together on a regular basis with continuity. Keeping it regular gives each family member something to look forward to and anticipate. Make it frequent enough to feel good and not so often that you feel smothered."
Sabrina Rojas Weiss lives in Brooklyn, surrounded by her fellow freelance writers and competitive stroller-pushers. Her work has appeared on Refinery29, Yahoo, MTV News, and Glamour.com. The views expressed herein are her own and are meant to be taken with a grain of salt. Follow her on Twitter @shalapitcher.
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The Unexpected Changes I Had to Make When My Partner Was Diagnosed With Celiac
The gluten-free diet craze has officially hit fever pitch. Chances are, you know someone in your life who has hopped on the GF bandwagon, stripping their cupboards of flour, pasta, and other refined carbs for alleged digestive comfort or in hopes of simple weight loss. But behind the mod diet books and list of celebrities pioneering the gluten-free lifestyle for fun (looking at you, Kourtney Kardashian) sits one percent of the population with much more serious concerns. We're talking about people with celiac disease.
Celiac disease is an autoimmune condition in which any bit of gluten (even a crumb) can cause damage to the lining of the small intestine. When that happens, the body can't absorb vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients it needs to stay healthy.
The News That Changed Date Nights
I know a thing or two about the disease because my boyfriend, a 26-year-old who used to eat baguettes for lunch, drink a beer with dinner, and hit up a good pastry shop for dessert, was diagnosed with the disease one year ago. That means his body had already taken a whopping 25 years of pasta- and pizza-filled abuse and would now need a rough few years to recover. Though, TBH, I'm not sure if his small intestine will ever be 100 percent.
When we got the news, it utterly sucked. And it wasn't the sad hole in his croissant-craving soul that would cause him the most disappointment. It was the fact that there’s nothing easy about a lifestyle where you can’t trust the food around you. Gluten. Is. Everywhere. Often hiding as a binding agent, the big G might be lurking in the breakfast sausage you ate this morning, the salad dressing you ate for lunch, and in last night’s meatballs too. On the day he found out, I vowed that we’d make this damn thing fun and that I’d help lessen the burden—which meant a total lifestyle change for me too.
As a food writer, I knew I had to change my mindset first. My willpower not to eat gluten-packed foods wavers at the sight of a sexy bowl of fettuccine Bolognese passing by in a waitress's hands. But becoming celiac wasn’t a choice for my boyfriend, someone who would do unmentionable things to get a bite of that heavenly pasta too. So I dropped the doughnuts, and we were off to the races to find ways to adjust to the strict new lifestyle.
I Changed My Life When He Changed His
I swapped my makeup and soaps for strictly gluten-free products—or else no kissing him (!!). I always brush my teeth twice (plus mouthwash) if I nibble on anything with traces of gluten before meeting up with him. I double-check labels of everything we even think about buying. I constantly research new gluten-free snacks that were made in a gluten-free facility. I never order a beer around him (though I still love you, IPAs), and I always beat him to the punch when asking waiters what gluten-free options are available—so he doesn’t have to explain his situation for the 100th time.
This one’s huge at family and friend’s homes too. It’s awkward to have to explain to a host upon arrival that you don’t want to touch their damn baked Brie because of all the gluten-filled crackers being dunked into it. Or worse, that you can't risk eating their prepared main, the chicken pot pie, because the stock may contain gluten traces. I know he probably feels ridiculous and frustrated repeating it again and again. So, that’s where I happily jump into action, explaining (in layman's terms) to those that don't yet know the extremes of the diet.
15 Ways I Support My BF on the GF Train
Celiacs have to be on their A-game every second of their lives, but the people around them can help make it feel less like an insane vortex by helping. Here’s a list of things I've done to help my boyfriend that aren’t as obvious as not ordering a bagel at brunch.
1. Check gluten-free labels on snacks.
Yes, I know this is obvious, but it's most important to always follow up with a quick Google of the product to be sure the company states there is no chance for cross-contamination in its facilities.
2. Buy new cutting boards.
... and pots, pans, dish towels, and sink sponges that will remain far, far away from gluten. You can even purchase a basket and label it "GF" to be sure these items never go near a bread crumb.
3. Rearrange the kitchen.
You have to make sure there’s no loose flour falling out of shelves into cooking areas or clean countertops. On that note, it's probably smart to give away your all-purpose flour and opt for tapioca, almond, coconut, and arrowroot instead.
4. Get an Instant Pot.
As if you needed another reason to love the popular gadget! We swear by the Instant Pot because it's such an easy way not to risk the gluten-particle woes of the ol' oven. People aren’t out here scrubbing down their ovens all that frequently, so yeah, the flour from last week’s baked chicken tenders could still be circulating in those convection vents.
5. Be vigilant on date nights.
When you go out to restaurants, be sure your server (and the entire kitchen staff) understands this is medical and not just about carb-cutting. But also avoid restaurants if you’re worried about cross-contamination because that chance is often high.
6. Run from “gluten-free” sweet treats.
Unless the bakery is entirely gluten-free, a GF croissant should be off-limits since cross-contamination is almost inevitable here too.
7. Skip tortilla chips and French fries.
While these foods may not contain any gluten themselves, they were probably fried up in the same fryer as those breaded onion rings or flour tortilla chimichangas.
8. Avoid soy.
I was surprised to find out that soy products aren't as GF as you'd think. While most soy products are technically gluten-free, tofu often gets breaded, and that soy sauce is definitely off-limits (thank goodness for coconut aminos).
9. Steer clear of fruits that are often coated in soy wax.
It's best to go for organic produce without the wax. The protective coating could contain gluten.
10. It's OK to overthink things.
Check the nitty-gritty details on all hefty ingredient lists. Anything from sausages (which can be held together by gluten) to bottled dressings, cooking stocks, hot chocolate mix, and chocolate can be risky.
11. Embrace a gluten-free diet.
If your loved one has to be gluten-free, it's in their best interest if you are too—at least while you're around them. Unless you don't feel like having sex tonight... just kidding.
12. Become kings and queens of meal prep.
Bringing a container filled with gluten-free food when you're out and about is a must. You never know when you're going to be too far from a kitchen that can prepare a 100-percent GF dish.
13. Help ward off weird ridicule.
The masses may assume they’re just another self-diagnosed gluten-avoider. Be there with the facts to back them up.
14. Fight off flying flour.
Maybe I'm getting too crazy here, but I don't even like to step foot in a pizza shop or bakery with super-tight quarters. I'm worried he'll ingest airborne flour in a pizzeria, and even that can cause problems.
15. Stock up on delicious food they can eat.
Anyone with celiac shouldn't feel deprived. Buy corn tortillas for epic breakfast tacos, use tapioca flour when baking, and always have arrowroot on hand to thicken up soups and stews. You can rely on this super-helpful gluten-free swaps guide when in doubt.
The Takeaway
As his partner, I think it's important to help others be less ignorant about the illness. No, celiac disease is not fatal in the way we normally think of severe allergies, like a peanut allergy. I’d never, ever compare the two. But celiac disease, if ignored, can result in a life of major gastrointestinal symptoms and a way higher risk for both non-Hodgkin lymphoma and cancer of the small intestine. Also, if left untreated (which you won’t do now, right?!), other possible side effects that can (very quietly) linger are depression, anxiety, and daily fatigue.
But, just like anything out there, after following the diet, habits will form, and the not-so-easy lifestyle will become second nature. Plus, you can take a minute to thank all the "for fun" gluten-skippers because the demand for GF products is now so high that grocery stores have aisles of options—some of which you'll find, with a little taste-testing (and confirming they are made in a gluten-free facility), are just as good as the real thing.
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I Lost Weight by Betting on Myself—Here's How
Let me be clear: I'm not a gambler. Sure, I've reluctantly joined in on office Super Bowl square pools and Oscar ballots because it was easier than saying "no," but as a general rule, I don't gamble. Even when the lottery recently hit a billion dollars, I didn't buy a single ticket. Casinos make my palms sweat. But somehow, when I heard about an app that involved throwing down money on your weight-loss goals, it struck a chord.
Up until this point, my attempts at weight loss consisted of throwing things at the wall and seeing what stuck (spoiler alert: Nothing did). In an effort to lose 40 pounds, I counted calories, joined Facebook groups, met with nutritionists, tried cleanses and juice fasts, ordered healthy meal kits, joined a gym, started the Atkins Diet (because any diet where you can eat bacon is a diet I'll try), and even made an appearance on Dr. Oz in an episode where I test-drove a nutritionist-directed diet plan. Nope. Nothing. Nada.
Then, in true twenty-teens form, I found an app.
After hearing from a friend about DietBet, an app developed by software company Waybetter, I went out on a digital limb and downloaded it.
I was kind of late to the game—DietBet launched in 2013 and has hosted more than 500,000 players in 90 countries. At the most basic level, it works like this: A challenge can be hosted by anyone, from your next-door neighbor to Jillian Michaels—their job is to recruit players and encourage them throughout the experience. Players bet $40 they can lose four percent of their body weight in four weeks. Weigh-ins and photo submissions track each player's progress, and at the end of the month, each winner receives their money back and splits the pot made up from those that lost their bet, minus Waybetter's 15 percent cut.
Sounds like there has to be a catch, right? Well, maybe not: To date, DietBet users have lost a combined total weight of 5 million pounds and have received more than $21 million in payouts.
So I tried putting my money where my juice-cleansed mouth is.
My first DietBet challenge, called Fat Girl Fed Up's Summer Vacation Comeback, was hosted by 28-year-old Instagram-sensation Lexi Reed, who's lost an impressive 312 pounds through diet and exercise over the past two years. With her leadership and the daily social support from the community aspect of the app, it ended up being just the type of accountability I needed. I actually wound up losing the contest by two measly ounces (ugh) but still felt like a winner having lost 6.5 pounds in a month.
My eyes were opened to a whole new world of dieting, and DietBet was just the beginning.
Hooked, I turned to another Waybetter app, StepBet, that syncs to your smartphone or fitness tracker and uses your step history to assign goals. Hit your step goals or you risk ... buh nuh nuh... elimination.
For someone who has struggled to stay interested in any type of diet or exercise, it turns out that a little friendly competition—and a financial incentive—were just what I needed. After three StepBet games, I've lost 16 pounds, walked more than 1.6 million steps, and won a total of $150 (along with a $25 Amazon gift card). And the best part? It's been fun.
And I'm not the only one who benefits from financial incentives by a long shot.
Multiple studies have found that incentivizing weight loss with cash money leads to actual results. As one study in Canada observed, most people know what they need to do to lose weight—they just need a real (preferably green) reason to actually do it.
StepBet participant Randino H. says he's more motivated by the threat of losing than the weight loss itself. "When I'm not in a game, I don't exercise at all. When I am in a game, I exercise six days a week—I'm not willing to lose money for being lazy!"
Illinois mom Nicky Crete learned about another community-based betting program, Healthy Wage, and tried it while she was home caring for her son as a way to earn additional income. Wagering $20 a month for a year that she could lose 30 pounds, Crete lost the weight and gained $474.
But dollar signs aside, Crete, who has also completed four StepBet games—says she keeps coming back not for the money, but for the supportive community. "Oddly enough, I do feel some of us actually get to know each other a little, or at least support each other's ups and downs. It's the accountability to ourselves and each other, not the $10 or so we're going to make."
Of course, it's all fun and games... until it isn't.
Like any diet program, there are plenty of opportunities for backfire. "I would be careful of doing four-week challenges because the games are so short that it can lead to yo-yo dieting," Crete warns. "It's easy to be good for six weeks then binge, and that isn't healthy."
Also, ICYMI, gambling is pretty addictive. While I still don't consider myself a "gambler," it's worth noting that a lot of folks struggle with betting habits, and they can become dangerous for some.
But the way I see it, betting on yourself is more reliable than a run at the roulette table. If you're looking to lose weight, you feel motivated by money (and have a healthy relationship with betting), maybe throwing down a few dollars is just what you need to stay focused. I'm now 16 pounds lighter, and my pockets are slightly heavier—I'd say it's working for me.
Jenny Powers is a born and bred New Yorker with a knack for uncovering fascinating true stories and staying on top of trends. Check out more of her work here.
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5 Things To Consider Before You Buy a Baby Hair Shaver
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