Which Is A Better Option For Prostate Cancer Surgery: Laparoscopic Or Robotic Surgery?
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10 Minutes. 6 Moves. One HIIT Workout That's Perfect for Beginners.
The words high intensity sound intimidating on their own, but when paired with interval training, they can be downright terrifying. But HIIT isn't scary. In fact, it's a super-effective way to build muscle and increase aerobic capacity in a short amount of time. Ease into it with this quick home workout.
You might also like READThis routine is low impact, which means you won't be doing the explosive, plyometric moves typically associated with HIIT. You'll perform each exercise deliberately, focusing on form, which is the perfect way to ease into this type of training. And since it's only 10 minutes, you'll use the most of every second by doing crunches during the rest periods. You don't need anything for this workout, but an exercise mat is optional. Ready? Hit play to get started.
To recap: No equipment is needed for this class. An exercise mat is optional. Warm up. Each move is 45 seconds on, then 15 seconds of crunches or rest if you need it.
Workout:
Reverse Lunge With Knee Tuck
Push-Up With Reach
Plank
Plié Squat
Dip
Crunch
Looking for more short and effective at-home workouts? Grokker has thousands of routines, so you’ll never get bored. Bonus: For a limited time, Greatist readers get 40 percent off Grokker Premium (just $9 per month) and their first 14 days free. Sign up now!
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"Congrats on the Weight Loss" Is a Sh*tty Thing to Say to a Stranger
It was a short comment and a friendly one, left by a stranger on an Instagram photo I posted. To the casual eye, it might even appear to be a lovely compliment.
"Congrats on the weight loss!" he wrote.
It was not a lovely compliment. And I did not regard it with a casual eye.
You, dear reader, probably already know what most wise people know: You shouldn’t comment on the appearance of a woman, at least where she can hear or see you, and you especially shouldn’t publically comment on the weight of a woman you’ve never met. Even when you know a woman quite well, you shouldn’t remark on her weight or body unless you are absolutely certain she would welcome your commentary.
This guy missed those lessons.
I may be an artist, but I’m not the world’s most sensitive individual. I get a lot of comments online, on everything from a comedy video to an interview photo to my author headshot on a book jacket. Often it’s wonderful. Sometimes it’s awful. To an extent, I’m used to it. But I still get mad sometimes, or hurt. In this case, I was plain annoyed.
I decided to sit with it until I could write something that might be of use to more people in the world than just him, or just the people on my Instagram. Besides, I’m almost positive he wasn’t being malicious. He thought he was giving me a nice compliment. Perhaps he imagined I’d worked hard to lose weight, or that I’d welcome the positive reinforcement. His intent was good.
But his comment was still a problem.
Women walk around all day, every day, knowing that we are instantly judged by many of the people we pass. It is neither narcissistic nor an exaggeration to say that when a gal walks into a room, people inevitably notice what she’s wearing and how she looks. Our culture trains its inhabitants of all genders, ages, and backgrounds to care about how a woman grooms herself, dresses herself, and carries herself, as well as the structure of her face and body. And whether we realize it or not, most of us do care about this stuff, maybe more than we’d like to think.
Guess what? Your body just f*cking changes. That’s what a body does; it never stays the same.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that every single time a younger woman walks into a restaurant, every single person stops and stares. Some people go about their business, occupied with a thousand other more important things than how big the butt of the next customer may be. Do you have time to stare every single time somebody new walks into the grocery store or the coffee shop? I sure don’t. And yet I do know that if a woman walks through my field of vision, I’m way likelier to look at her body or her outfit than I am if it’s a man (unless he’s fine as hell, in which case I will stare for days). It may just happen for a moment, and there may be no internal monologue attached to it, but it happens.
In a country where our next president rose to fame in part because he takes deep pleasure in ranking young women and underage girls in the form of beauty pageants—which manage to be both boring and phenomenally creepy simultaneously—the quick and easy judgment of women is a thing. It’s a very big thing.
Would I have been annoyed if that guy on my Instagram said, "You look beautiful?" Of course not. "Great hair," was another legit option. "Amazing dress," is always a good move. "You are glowing," is nice! "Your eyes sparkle with the fire of a thousand suns, my glorious queen" would’ve been weird... but still in the realm of acceptable statements. But why did he have to mention my weight like it’s any of his damn business? All I did was put up a photo of myself standing by a countertop. The countertop had some funny objects on it. He did not remark upon them.
Here’s what ran through my mind when he congratulated me on weight loss:
1. "What?"
2. "Have you been monitoring my weight, you gross stranger?"
3. "Who the f*ck are you?"
My first response was one of confusion. My second one was the result of me feeling justifiably sketched out that some guy was keeping tabs on how big my body was, and figuring out in his mind whether that was acceptable. But it’s the third response I want to highlight.
Unless she tells you, you never, ever, ever know why a woman’s body changes in size. You just don’t. And you should never, ever, ever assume. Just because a woman loses weight does not mean she is healthy or happy. And just because a woman gains weight does not mean she is unhealthy or unhappy.
I’ve known women who lost weight for a lot of reasons: healthy exercise with the assistance of a helpful trainer or guide; training in preparation for an athletic goal (this can also entail weight gain because, surprise, muscle ain’t weightless); fad diets that worked for a minute before the weight inevitably returned; frightening exercise addiction that resulted in injury and even hospitalization; pill addiction; various eating disorders; other illnesses from the flu to cancer and beyond; pregnancy loss; changed eating choices under a smart, encouraging expert’s supervision; changed eating choices under the "guidance" of monsters and charlatans; stress; trauma; grief; lack of sleep; abuse; income loss… the list goes on.
And sometimes, guess what? Your body just f*cking changes. That’s what a body does; it never stays the same. Being human is complex, and it ends the same way for us all. Along the way, bodies grow, expand, contract, thrive, decay, and crumble.
The next time you feel the urge to tell a stranger something about her weight, bite your tongue.
When I took that photo, I’d recently lost five pounds due to illness. I’d had bronchitis for six weeks, a period that would eventually stretch to 11 weeks before I started to feel anything close to 100 percent better. It was hard for me to speak for an extended period of time, which was a real problem since some of my income is from acting and from speaking at colleges. It was hard for me to focus, which was a real problem since the majority of my income is from writing books, screenplays, essays, and articles. I hadn’t made any effort to lose weight. In fact, I felt like sh*t.
I looked good in that photo. Pale from illness, but good. In part it was because I’d mustered up the energy that day to do my hair and makeup. I have my less comely days, but I think I often look good. Thanks to my upbringing and my work in therapy and elsewhere, I walk around with the confidence that I have the right to exist, and that I have something worthwhile to offer the world. I’m not skinny, but skinny doesn’t mean pretty, and fat doesn’t mean ugly, and "average" doesn’t mean average. I’m sexy and smart and hardworking, and often fun to be around. I do my best to treat folks with respect when I believe they deserve it. I believe most folks deserve it.
In my adult life, I’ve weighed as little as 50 pounds less than I do now and as much as 10 pounds more than I do now. I’ve had fun at every weight. I’ve had low blood pressure at every weight (thanks, Dad!). I’ve been happy at every weight. And I’ve been depressed and anxious at every weight (no thanks, entire family’s genetic history!) At my lowest weight, I was suicidal. People told me I looked good then too.
You might also like READThe guy who made the comment is likely not a bad guy. In all likelihood, he’s a very good guy. He was just doing what he’s been trained to do: applaud a woman who loses weight and (to her face or behind her back or simply in his own mind) ignore or criticize a woman who gains weight. He’s running the same tired old program a lot of us received when we were born into this particular culture.
I hope he sees this. I hope he learns. But if not, I have a feeling somebody else will. And what I’m asking you, handsome, beautiful, and/or sexy reader, is pretty simple: The next time you feel the urge to tell a stranger something about her weight, bite your tongue. Tell her you like something she wrote, or said, or did. Women don’t hear enough compliments about what we do. And we do so very much in a day, especially when we’re not busy wasting time worrying about the number on the scale. So encourage us not to worry. Encourage us to do good work and to be good people. Validate that. It means a hell of a lot more than you might think.
Sara Benincasa is an author and comedian. She's @sarajbenincasa on Twitter. Her weekly zine is The Stories.
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I Used a Happiness Planner, and the Results Weren't What You'd Expect
There’s only one person on earth who could give me a happiness planner without insulting me, and that’s my best friend. She knows I’ve always struggled with feeling happy, mostly because I’ve had a hard life. There have been a lot of ups and downs, including spending my teen years in foster care. These sorts of traumas have been known to mold the mind, making it hard for me to really grab onto good moments, because I’m always expecting the worst. I’m sure that no matter your situation, you might feel the same at times.
By giving me this planner, my friend wasn’t trying to imply I’m some miserable scrooge or new-age hippie (although I sometimes come close to the latter, if you catch me on the right day); she just knows I need a little push when it comes to making myself happy, truly happy, deep in my soul. The particular planner she gave me focuses on positive thinking and personal progress, with 100 open-dated pages (no feeling guilty for skipping a day!) and spaces for reflection and goal-setting. Basically, you list the things that make you happy, and then you list the things that make you unhappy. Knowing all of that, you intentionally set your 100 days going forward. It sounds simple, but the process is actually so, so, so hard.
According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, happiness works sort of like this: In order to have it, you need a basis from which to work (food, water, sleep). You then need safety, love, esteem (success), and self-actualization, which I think is the hardest to master. At this point, you need a bunch of abstract concepts: morality, creativity, spontaneity, lack of prejudice, problem-solving, and acceptance of facts. It can be difficult to know what real-life actions help you meet these intangible needs, especially when those actions are things so obvious, you tend to forget about them.
I began wondering, "What the hell does make me happy?" I sat there looking at the planner and thinking, "I truly have no idea." My mind went to all the things we’re taught to think make us happy: money, a nice apartment, life in a city of opportunity. They all have one common denominator: They buy into the idea of success, not actual happiness. I was functioning on autopilot and fulfilling a sense of achievement, which is contingent upon working hard all the time.
In the end, I didn’t need some abstract, momentous, deeply mysterious aha moment to unlock my happiness.
It’s easy to get addicted to the feeling of success, especially if you're lucky enough to have food, safety, and love. But I got to the point where success wasn't cutting it for me anymore; the drug had worn off. I started feeling like a hamster on a wheel, spinning and spinning into oblivion—constantly tired, overwhelmed, and oversaturated with negative emotions.
You might also like READI might not have known precisely what makes me happy, but I realized what was making me sad: having no wonderment, no downtime, no moment to just experience life. It was frightening to realize I was filling my day with busy time; with things to do; with jobs, responsibilities, and opportunities that made me "me." I was faced with this huge emptiness—were there things that could fill me with a sense of joy and peace? Did I actually, truly not know them? It dawned on me that I had spent my whole life running on that aforementioned hamster wheel, which never truly fulfilled me.
So I started to write down things that made me feel good, and the first things that came to mind were so simple and obvious that I doubted their usefulness in my quest for happiness:
- Setting aside time to myself
- Reading a book
- Sitting in silence without my phone
- Taking a walk in nature
- Exercising
After reviewing this list, all I could think was, "What a cliche, Lisa!" But the reality is simple: I don’t exercise enough, I rarely let myself have actual nonwork downtime, nature is a mystery to me, and I tend to scroll endlessly on social media as though my life depends on it. In the end, I didn’t need some abstract, momentous, deeply mysterious aha moment to unlock my happiness. I didn’t need to achieve zen or find myself in a foreign country. I just needed something simple, something that let me focus on who I am, outside of the "me" I'm supposed to be in society or at work.
As I went forward with my happiness planning, I noticed that the more time I allotted myself—an hour to read a book in my neighborhood park, time off without my cell phone in hand, a half hour to work out or meditate between work sessions—the more my world started to really, truly clarify and open up to me. I began to see the beauty in ordinary things (how the flowers bloomed, how their colors were bright). I fell deeply in love with quiet moments, allowing me to access my creativity. I was inspired by the small things, like a story I’d overheard or the view from my window.
I felt like I wasn’t just running through life at full speed but really experiencing it. I gave my body the sleep, time, and self-care it needed to work well. In short, I was able to understand the mechanics of happiness by slowing down and appreciating being alive. To realize I am a heartbeat and a brain—not just an employee or a person with things to do—was both freeing and saddening; I’d wasted so much of my life not paying attention.
While my happiness items may sound a bit trite, they actually make perfect sense, since studies have shown that "regular physical exercise, cognitive behavior therapy, and ancient contemplative practices lead to a range of positive psychological outcomes such as improved cognitive performance, enhanced emotional regulation, and even plasticity-related alterations in the brain." What I take from this: The more good things I do for my body and mind, the more I adapt to doing good things, making it easier for me to accept and perform them.
I was able to understand the mechanics of happiness by slowing down and appreciating being alive.
And let me tell you, not scrolling through Twitter is difficult, and I need major help rewiring that need. It’s so easy for me to fall into a whirlwind of social media statuses (like an intravenous drip into other people’s realities), to do "a little extra work" during my time off, or skip working out or turning off in favor of being "productive." That’s where the happiness planner really did change my life.
If I had kept going the way I had been, the hypertension and exhaustion would have truly made me both physically and mentally ill. A happiness planner seems like a silly thing, but as the saying goes, if you stare into the abyss, it definitely stares back at you—and that can be frightening. The thing is, the abyss contains the sort of truth we all need, and I’m so glad I chose to face it. In my own handwriting, I’d formally acknowledged these basic, simple things that I knew would make my time on earth more real and more nourishing. It doesn’t always take a planner to find happiness, but it can sometimes take that extra, intentional push to figure out what happiness actually looks like.
Lisa Marie Basile is the founding editor-in-chief of Luna Luna Magazine and moderator of its digital community. Her work has appeared in The Establishment, Bustle, Bust, Hello Giggles, Marie Claire, Good Housekeeping, and The Huffington Post, among other sites. She is also the author of three poetry collections. Basile holds an MFA from The New School. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
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The Dark Side of Strength Training People Won't Talk About
If you looked at Madelyn Moon's Instagram three years ago, you'd see dozens of gym selfies, perfectly portioned meals (mostly egg whites, chicken, and asparagus), and the occasional photo of her chihuahua, Lucy.
She competed in fitness competitions—and had the ripped body to show for it. But underneath the rigid strength training and meal plans, Moon was hiding an eating disorder.
She had struggled with problematic eating habits for years, but entering fitness competitions wasn’t a way for Moon to recover—it was a way to hide it. “When I found fitness competitions, I realized it was this nice, clean, hidden way to have an eating disorder dressed up with the word ‘fitness,’” she told People.
For the most part, we assume that super-fit athletes and competitors know what they’re talking about (and doing) when it comes to nutrition. Moon says no one questioned her unhealthy and unsustainable habits during competition season. In fact, they complimented her progress and her body. That praise was only a small consolation considering her strict meal and workout plans left her feeling mentally and physically exhausted. On top of that, the rigid routines isolated her from family and friends.
Now, when she reflects back on that period of her life, Moon realizes she was incredibly unhappy:
After competing in her second show, Moon reached her breaking point. She realized the detrimental impact all these decisions were having on her physical and mental health. So she quit fitness competitions for good.
Today she’s a life coach and motivational speaker living in Denver. She's committed to spreading a message of self-love and exposing some of the negative side effects of fitness competitions (and society's obsession with achieving physical perfection).
Moon is still fit, but she's much healthier. "I go to the gym, I do yoga, I eat healthy foods," she told People. "I still do a lot of healthy actions, but my mind is happy now.”
We are so inspired by her bravery and empowered by her decision to live a healthy lifestyle that works for her—not one that only looks good on Instagram.
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The Best Way To Burn Fat: EPOC
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Thank You, Ariana Grande, for Explaining That Being Sexy Isn't Asking for It
Ariana Grande has no problem calling out sexist remarks. So it's no surprise she had a stellar response when a fan approached her boyfriend, Mac Miller, and said, “Ariana is sexy as hell! I see you hitting that!"
She used this sh*tty situation to talk candidly about how these types of remarks make her (and other women) feel. Here's what she posted on Twitter:
While most replies to her original tweet were overwhelmingly supportive, a few people missed the whole point. One said, "[She] literally dresses like a Playboy bunny but gets upset when treated like a sex object." Another said, “That’s what happens when you choose to monetize your sexuality for everyone to see.”
So Grande took the time to explain how backward that kind of thinking is. And her responses were on fire:
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Plus-Size Yogi Proves She Can Eat Healthy and Still Celebrate Being Fat
Jessamyn Stanley, one of the most prominent names in yoga today, knows that healthy and clean eating can be a double-edged sword. The green juices and kale salads aren't the problem. It's the idea that we're eating these foods because we're unhappy with the way we look and want to slim down (or maintain a svelte body).
But Stanley wants you to know one thing: You can eat healthy and still celebrate your body, stomach rolls and all. So let’s choose food based on the fuel it gives us, not as another way to punish ourselves for being a certain size. We’ll let Stanley take it from here:
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Makeup Artist Proves Chemo Shouldn't Stop You From Being Fierce and Confident
Four months ago Amanda Ramirez, an Instagram-famous makeup artist, was diagnosed with stage 3 Hodgkin's lymphoma. But the 22-year-old was adamant that a cancer diagnosis and the subsequent rounds of chemotherapy weren't going to stop her from feeling (and looking) beautiful:
"I was definitely like this prior to the cancer, and it’s helped me immensely with dealing with my treatment," Ramirez told Yahoo! Beauty. "When you look beautiful, you feel beautiful.”
Ramirez's Instagram isn't your average beauty account. Empowering (and often hilarious) captions accompany her photos to encourage others to love themselves the way they are. "For years I was bullied and fat shamed, but I took the initiative to say, 'Enough!'" she told Yahoo! "I’m beautiful regardless of my size, and it does not define me, or anyone else for that matter."
Between her #fuckcancer attitude, fierce makeup, and body-positive affirmations, we seriously can't get enough of this chick. More of this in our Instagram feeds, please:
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10 Facts Worth Knowing About Alkaline Water
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Weight Loss Tips and Tricks For Effective Weight Loss
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Scheduling Sex With Your Partner Sounds Weird, but It Works
There are dozens of tips out there to help you and your special someone have great sex. But here's the thing: It doesn't matter how much you study up if you aren't doing the deed. And if your goal is getting laid, it's best to be less spontaneous, says Ian Kerner, a licensed sex therapist in New York.
In a post on CNN, Kerner explains that scheduling sex with your partner doesn't sound glamorous, but it works. He calls it a "willingness window" to make it clear this time is really about sexual arousal, not sex. He suggests setting aside 15 minutes twice per week to do stuff that turns you and your partner on—kissing, giving each other massages, or showering together. It may sound silly, but if it means better sex, there's no point in complaining, right?
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The One Major Benefit of Freezing Your Ass Off This Winter
After the fun of the holiday season passes, the reality sets in that— for most of us—winter is really just three more months of freezing-cold weather. But there's a benefit to stepping outside in the bone-chilling cold: You burn more calories.
Research has shown when you shiver, your body produces a hormone called irisin. And that turns white fat—the kind that gives us stomach rolls—into brown fat, which burns calories to create heat.
This isn't to say spending time in the cold is a replacement for eating healthy and working out. (Plus, you should limit how much time you spend outside when the temps dip below freezing, so you don't put yourself at risk of hypothermia.) But when you find yourself dreaming of white, sandy beaches as your teeth chatter and your ears redden, know there's at least one upside to the cold weather. And maybe, just maybe, you'll start feeling like Elsa:
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7 Time-Saving Hair Tips for When You're Too Lazy to Deal With It
Sure, we'd love to walk out of the house or the gym looking like we just walked out of the salon. But ain't nobody got time for that. We're lucky if we can fit in a workout—let alone spend an extra hour on our hair. Besides, even if time allows, there are days we just. can't. even.
We tapped Lauren Thompson, gym regular and senior hair stylist at Nunzio Saviano Salon in New York City, to get her expert time-saving styling tricks for those crazy-busy days. Check out her tips below to get out the door even faster.
Before a Workout
No one should have to choose between good hair or a good workout, but it happens. One study shows that 40 percent of African-American women have skipped a workout due to hair-related issues. But a great workout doesn't have to lead to a bad hair day if you're strategic about your style before you break a sweat. Try these two-second tips.
1. Choose the right hair tie.
One of the easiest ways to extend your style through a workout is to opt for a better hair tie. "I like the bracelet-type hair bands that look like a ribbon," Thompson says. "They won’t dent your hair like other hair ties." Try a metallic option like Emi Jay metallic 5-pack ($5.50, emijay.com), which look just as stylish in your hair as they do on your wrist.
2. Try a sweat-soaking headband.
Another easy way to extend your style is to slide on a sweat-absorbing headband. "A sweatband will soak up the sweat around the hairline so it’s not absorbing into your hair," Thompson says. We like Lululemon's Fly Away Tamer headband II ($12, lululemon.com), which comes in seven different colors to match all of your workout gear.
When You Have Only 10 Minutes
Drying your hair doesn't have to be a total time suck. The reason it feels like it takes forever is because many people start blow-drying their hair when it's still sopping wet. Before you reach for the dryer, try this pro tip.
3. Follow the 90 percent rule.
The key to speeding up your blow-dry time is to get your hair 90 percent dry first, Thompson says.
After you get out of the shower, use a super-absorbent towel like PackTowl Luxe ($24.95, cascadedesigns.com) to squeeze as much moisture out of your hair as possible. The terry knit microfiber absorbs five times its weight in water and dries 30 percent faster than cotton. Use a scrunching technique (shown above) rather than rough-drying, which will damage the hair's cuticle. This should get the hair about 50 percent dry in two minutes.
Next, power-dry your hair with a blow-dryer until 90 percent dry. Flip your head over if you like volume at the roots and tousle it with your fingers. Your hair should feel damp, not saturated with water.
Once your hair is 90 percent dry, Thompson suggests spending the last five minutes smoothing it out with a brush as you finish blow-drying. A paddle brush works well on straight hair; a boar bristle on textured hair for a smooth finish. Brush through your hair focusing on the front and the top layer since that's the most visible. If you have curly hair and want to maintain your curls, skip the brush and add a diffuser attachment to encourage the curl.
When You Have Only 5 Minutes
You don't always have to shampoo your whole head to walk away feeling so fresh and so clean. When you're tight on time, try these two shortcuts.
4. Do a mini-wash.
Try quick washing just the roots for a touch-up in between washes or after a sweaty workout.
First, tie up the length of your hair in a loose bun and cover it with a shower cap. Try DryBar's Morning After shower cap ($16, sephora.com). Then wet just the roots and use a pea-size amount of shampoo to wash around the hairline and get the dirty or sweaty parts clean, says Thompson. Carefully rinse. Once out of the shower, remove the cap, and quickly blow-dry your roots. Your style will look as good as new—fast.
5. Hit refresh.
Skip the wash altogether and fake it with a spritz of dry shampoo. "If your hair is clean but you just finished a sweaty workout, take the blow-dryer and blast your roots to dry up the sweat," Thompson says. "Then spray dry shampoo into the roots to absorb oil and instantly look fresh and smell good again." It's as simple as that.
Thompson likes Moroccanoil ($10.50 for 1.7 ounces, moroccanoil.com) or Batiste ($5.99, target.com) dry shampoos.
When You Have Only 2 Minutes:
On days that are crazy AF, skip the shampoo and work with what you've got.
6. Tie it up top.
We have no idea what celebrity or hair stylist made the topknot a socially acceptable style, and we don't care. All we know is this look has saved us from slaving away at our hair about one trillion times.
"I love a good topknot; all you do is pull your hair into a high ponytail," says Thompson. "Then take the pony, twist it around the base, and use a few bobby pins or a hair tie to secure. It looks like you tried when you didn’t try at all."
7. Slick it back.
Wet hair, dirty hair, greasy hair—it doesn't matter. A slicked-back bun uses moisture, grease, or sweat to your advantage.
"When I'm too lazy to deal with my own hair, I go for a slick, low pony," Thompson says. She suggests middle- or side-parting your hair, then using a boar-bristled brush to sweep it back into a low, tight ponytail. Leave the tail loose or wrap it around the base into a small bun. Use pins or a hair tie to secure. Lock everything into place and keep flyaways down with a few spritzes of hair spray. "It's the best way to hide a dirty hair day," she says.
Lauren Thompson gives us hair envy on the reg. For more inspiration, follow her on Instagram.
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3 Tools for Staying Sober and Partying This New Year's Eve
When I look back on New Year's Eve of 2015, I have some pretty large gaps in my memory… and not just because that was nearly 350 days ago. I drank a lot that night, and I also suspect that I've mentally blocked out certain memories due to how embarrassing my behavior was.
I didn't forget everything, though. I do remember some of the good stuff: hugging strangers when the ball dropped, feeling like I had all the energy in the world when my favorite song came on the loudspeakers, adding countless new friends on social media, and having a boatload of fun.
But I've forgotten a lot. No matter how much fun I had last New Year's Eve, it was amazing how many names I'd managed to forget, all due to alcohol. Last year, I had to reintroduce myself to someone I'd met three times already, just because both of us were utterly bombed when we met the first couple of times. And it's not just names—entire portions of the night were gone. My boyfriend asked me if I could remember how we got home, and I couldn't answer him. Did we walk? Did we get a lift from a sober friend? How on earth did we get back?
Unfortunately, it’s not just a matter of what I forget, it’s also a matter of what I remember too vividly... and most of the embarrassing things I remember while drunk involve vomiting and becoming almost incapacitated. In fact, last year I got so drunk that not only did I spend an hour or so vomiting into a bucket with my boyfriend on one side of me and a friend on the other, but I got thrown out of a cab trying to get home. Which is to say, I was too drunk to be driven home by someone who probably took home more drunk people than sober people that night. To add insult to injury, the driver implied that we shouldn't call their service again. Do I really want to be known as the girl who got blacklisted from her city’s main taxi service?
It’s not that I’m a particularly heavy drinker, or that I’m chemically dependent on alcohol, but I am an extreme lightweight, and I have a nasty habit of substituting alcohol for social confidence. As someone with social anxiety and an introverted personality, I find it very difficult to be the life of the party without reducing my inhibitions with vodka, gin, and a dash of lemon.
Sober, I think I stick out like a sore thumb; I feel like a creeper when trying to make new friends, as though it's arrogant to join in on a conversation with fellow partygoers. I know deep down that it's not arrogant, I'm not a creeper, and that I can and am allowed to put myself out there. But my anxiety lies to me, and the lies feel real... until someone hands me my third rum shot of the night.
Even though this chemical defense mechanism works, I’ve come to wish it didn't. It's not fair that it takes drinking past my tolerance level to feel confident. So I'm done. I'm tired of feeling exhausted, confused, embarrassed, and nauseated every New Year’s Day, and this year, I've promised myself that I will have a fun New Years Eve, sober.
This is how I'm going to do it.
I actually already had a dry-run—excuse the pun—of my no-booze promise when I went to a Christmas dinner party at the start of December. This is how I know I can have a sober NYE, but I admit it'll be harder. This won't be a dinner party with a bunch of people I barely know; it'll take place with old friends I used to get utterly wasted with, in an apartment, on what must be the most drunken night of the entire year across the planet. To stay sober and socialize, I'll need three magic tools for the evening…
1. Several Bottles of Fake Booze
During my dry-run at the dinner party, I bumped into some peer pressure. I was offered a drink four times, and people were surprised when I said no, and once someone mocked me for it. This was tough, not so much because it made me want to drink, but because it made me want to defend and explain myself. I realize now that this is partially why my anti-drinking plans have failed in the past—it was easier to give in than take the mockery. So on NYE this year, my wine or beer of choice will be a 0% bottle. If I carry this around with me all night, then hopefully it will let people know that I don't need anything else.
2. A Boatload of Patience
It's a polite thing to offer someone a drink, whether they're your best friend who just wants to see you have fun, or a stranger looking to break the ice. But there's a line where asking someone if they’d like a drink ceases being polite and becomes a form of peer pressure, and that line is after the person you’ve offered a drink to has already said no. If someone asks again nicely, I'll hold my ground in a civil manner, but for those who get insistent and bullish, I'll probably have to wave my virgin cola in their face and imply it's really a rum and Coke. Is that lying? Maybe. But I think it’s justified—if someone is going to judge me for staying sober, then I don't see why I'd need to go out of my way to treat them with any more respect than they're showing me.
3. As Much Self-Confidence as I Can Muster
You might also like READNot taking the drink is the easy part—for me, anyway. Distracting myself with non-alcoholic beer and talking to my understanding boyfriend while the music blasts will help a lot, but being social while sober is a whole other story. How do I talk to my boyfriend's friends when I barely know them? How do I avoid standing in the corner all night?
For that, I guess only time will tell, but my plan is just to take it slow and let my friends introduce me to their friends, instead of waiting for the "perfect" moment to talk to someone new. I'll watch other people at the party get wasted, and will try to remember that they won't care (or notice) if I'm awkward. I'll delve deep into conversations with people I'm already comfortable with, and not care that I'm sticking to my comfort zone instead of branching out. I'll just go with the flow, wait for people to come to me, and stop putting so much pressure on myself to be social.
Stephanie Watson is a feminist journalist from Scotland. You can follow her on Twitter @Stephie__Watson
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Tess Holliday Has a Better Resolution Than Trying to Lose the Baby Weight
It’s almost New Year’s, which means plenty of people are making resolutions to lose weight and get in shape. Plus-size model and body positive activist Tess Holliday is taking a different approach.
Even though she's known for being confident, Holliday opened up in a recent Instagram post about struggling with way her body changed after having her second child six months ago. Instead of resolving to lose the baby weight, she's committing to loving and nurturing her body every day. That's a New Year’s resolution we should all make!
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7 Power Affirmations for Making 2017 Your Most Successful Year Yet
I love a well-timed affirmation. I stick them on Post-it notes throughout my apartment, especially on the mirrors; I have three alarms on my phone that go off throughout the day with various power statements; and I repeat numerous declarations to myself whenever I need a confidence boost to overcome self-doubt.
And they work.
Here are a few power affirmations I’ve either come across or created that never fail to help me out, even when I’m hungover, rattled with anxiety, or plagued with guilt.
Try them the next time you need to experience some kick-ass power!
I am enough.
It’s funny that the word enough (which seems a little... un-badass, you know?) corresponds with supreme happiness. But our two deepest human fears are that we are not enough and that we don’t have enough. The latter is the core of any scarcity mindset: not having enough money, not having enough opportunities, or even not getting enough Instagram likes.
These things can all make us feel a tad inadequate, right?
But when you finally figure out you are enough, you can breathe a true sigh of relief. You can be at peace. Because you know that in reality, there is nothing to prove. Ever.
I can.
These two words contain infinite strength. We often start sentences with "I’ll try," or "I wish I could," or even "I can’t." I believe the words "I can" precede whatever will actually happen for you.
The phrase “I can,” much like the phrases "I will" and "I am,” can have a transformative influence over your confidence. See what happens if you rephrase "I can’t read maps" to "I can always get where I need to go."
Because you do, right? If you’re not literally lost in a field right now, you did end up getting where you needed to. So focus on the truth. Because you can.
My body is in great health.
That’s what I affirm when I need a kick in the booty to get to the spin studio.
I hate working out. I hate it. Hate. In fact, I can only tolerate spinning because it’s 45 minutes and I count down the 8 to 9 songs in my head. But I do go (especially now that I’m days away from 33).
Anyone feel me here? Please say yes.
When you remind yourself of your health (no matter what) you feel inspired to maintain it. Think of how "My body is in great health" compares to "I hate my butt and need to get to the gym." One motivates you to some action, whereas the other makes you want to hide under the covers with a box of Krispy Kremes.
I enjoy feeling slender in my favorite jeans.
If this is more motivating for you, you can use it in place of the above statement for the same scenario. Whichever speaks to you!
You might also like READThere are new ways to make money keep flowing my way.
There is no better way to attract abundance and prosperity than feeling open, receptive, and, as a result, creative. Say this statement aloud. Repeat it 2 to 3 times in silence. Pay attention to what ideas come up for you.
I guarantee there will be some real goodies in there. Affirmations about possibility always unlock power thoughts. 2017 pay rise, new role, or side hustle, anyone?
I am safe.
This never fails to calm me down, especially when paired with some deep inhales and exhales. I learned this statement from best-selling author Louise Hay. She said this particular statement will create miracles in your life: "All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. I am safe."
Because you are safe. Is there a train coming directly at your face right now?
If the answer is no, then you’re OK. You belong exactly where you are.
I believe in love.
When we don’t get what we want, it’s often because our desires don’t match our beliefs. We may want something, but deep down, we have to experience an inner conflict because even though we want it, we don’t think it’s attainable.
We think we want love, but our belief is that a great guy or gal is hard to find. We want to feel trusted and adored, but don’t think that romantic partners are trustworthy or that we are worthy of adoration.
Don’t take your magic for granted! What’s true for you is not true for all people.
Does this sound like you? If so, use this affirmation and focus on people you know who have found love. These people can be your grandparents, your boss, or your best friend from high school whom you constantly see smiling with his S.O. on Facebook. Know that whatever is possible for those people is possible for you too!
Affirmations can be endless in their potency and capacity to create change rapidly in our lives. A common life-coaching exercise I use with clients is thinking on some things you know to be true about yourself but that you don’t necessarily pay attention to. For example, some great personal affirmations that have arisen in some of my sessions are "I’m a great mom," "I’m a generous friend," or even "I have beautiful handwriting."
Don’t take your magic for granted! What’s true for you is not true for all people.
Always remember that words matter. Our words are a direct representation of our thoughts. And our thoughts create our feelings. Our feelings create our actions. And our actions? Well, they dictate our life. What’s more important than our words then?
What affirmation will you be using next?
Susie Moore is Greatist's life coach columnist and a confidence coach in New York City. Her new book, What If It Does Work Out?, is available on Amazon now. Sign up for free weekly wellness tips on her website and check back every Tuesday for her latest No Regrets column!
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Fitness Expert Lets Us In on the Secret to His Confidence
It’s easy to look at a photo of fitness expert John Romaniello and think he’s pretty much the definition of modern masculinity. After all, he’s jacked, makes a mean protein shake, and can tell you the difference between your deltoid and trapezius muscles. He looks like the kind of guy who’s always been confident, but he shares a very different story in a recent Instagram post.
As a kid, Romaniello says he was self-conscious about the stuff that made him stand out. But he let us in on a little secret: “Every person I know who feels comfortable with themselves tends to feel the happiest about the features they hated when they were young.” Check out his full post below:
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