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Why Are Pull-Ups So MF'ing Hard?
Whether you're a weekend warrior, an avid CrossFitter, or a slinky yogi—there's one move that never ceases to be MF'ing hard for the majority of us: the pull-up. While there are some people who can perform a string of pull-ups with grace and ease (we're looking at you, Chris Hemsworth), most of us just can't. But why is that?
Refresh my memory: What's a pull-up again?
The pull-up—which looks oh-so-simple to execute—involves hanging from a bar with your hands and pulling your body to the bar. As it turns out, and as a first (or second... or third... ) attempt will prove, it ain't easy. "Think about it: You're using your (relatively) small arms to pull your much bigger lower body and core up until you've hoisted your chest to the bar," says physical therapist Grayson Wickham, D.P.T., founder of Movement Vault. "If you weigh 200 pounds, you're literally pulling up 200 pounds of mass. Of course, that's hard—and requires a ton of strength." Touché.
Wickham says the primary muscles used are your lats, but completing a pull-up requires a bunch of different muscles. "The list is long," warns Manning Sumner, RSP Nutrition athlete and NSPA-certified trainer.
Ready to see a bunch of hard-to-pronounce words in a row? "The pull-up uses the middle and lower trapezius, rhomboids, pectoralis major and minor, deltoids, infraspinatus, latissimus dorsi, teres major, subscapularis, biceps brachii, brachialis, brachioradialis, flexor carpi radialis, flexor carpi ulnaris, palmaris longus, flexor digitorum profundus, flexor digitorum superficialis, and flexor pollicis longus, external oblique, and erector spinae," Sumner says.
And beyond strength, completing a pull-up requires technique.
If you've watched your fair share of action movies, pulling your body up with your arms seems like something you should be able to do. But Judine Saintgerard, a coach at Tone House in New York City, says "I'd argue that technique—body positioning and knowing what muscles you want to activate to initiate and complete the movement—is where most people struggle when it comes to performing pull-ups."
So to eliminate the "I don't know how" element, let's go over the basics.
Step one:
No shocker here: The first step is to stand under the bar and grab it with both hands. If the pull-up bar is too tall for you to reach from the ground and you don't feel comfortable jumping, stand on a bench or box so you can properly position your hands. Your palms should be facing away from you with hands about shoulder-width apart, and your thumb should be wrapped around the underbelly of the bar (so that it almost meets the tips of your fingers).
Feeling good? Now hang.
Oh, crap. That means your feet are no longer on the floor, bench, or box, and instead are dangling mid-air or are behind you with knees bent. Here, you want to engage your core (think about pulling your belly button into your spine). Pull your shoulders back (this is a subtle movement). All this "squeezing" will keep you from swinging around on the bar.
To start the actual upward movement (the "pull"), squeeze the bar with your hands, putting extra emphasis on screwing the outer-edge of your pinky into the bar—this will help properly engage your upper back.
Now, imagine pulling your elbows down to your hips.
Or another cue: Imagine that you are juicing a grapefruit between each of your armpits—this will help pull down your elbows and activate those lats. "As you're pulling, resist the urge to swing your legs wildly," says Greg Pignataro, personal trainer with Grindset Fitness in Scottsdale, Arizona. "I promise that won't make it easier!"
If you already have the strength to do a pull-up, you will feel your body moving up toward the bar. Technically, a pull-up rep requires your chin to go over the bar. But Alena Luciani, founder of Training2xl, says that if you can't pull your chin above the bar, try to resist the urge to strain your neck in an attempt do so.
Woot! You made it to the top.
But Sir Issac Newton said it best: What goes up must come down. Keeping a tight grip on the bar, allow your arms to straighten until you're back in the dead hang.
Time to unapologetically self-high-five and happy-dance. Now you just need to do it again.
Uhh, how is that different from a chin-up?
It's a fair question. There are two key differences, according to Katie Dunlop, NASM-certified personal trainer and founder of Love Sweat Fitness: In a pull-up, your hands are pronated (which means palms are facing away from the body) and your grip is wider. In a chin-up, your hands are supinated (palms are toward the body) and your grip is more narrow.
The true difference between the chin- and pull-up isn't which muscles are worked—both exercises target the same muscle groups, mainly the upper back, chest, shoulders, triceps, and biceps—but the degree to which those muscles are worked. "The pull-up is all about the lats, while in the chin-up it's equal parts lat and bicep strength," Luciani says.
Saintgerard explains, "We use our biceps fairly often in everyday activities like picking things up or drinking a beverage. Once you've removed the "help" you get from your relatively conditioned biceps in a chin-up and attempt a pull-up, most of the focus is left on the lat muscles, which we don't necessarily activate and strengthen as much in our day-to-day activities."
So while both body-weight movements are basically heroic feats of strength, most experts (and exercisers who have tried them) find the pull-up harder than the chin-up.
Feeling discouraged? Don't. You can totally do a pull-up.
"Anyone can do it once they've been properly trained and conditioned. Seriously, anyone can with practice," says Sylvia Nasser, CPT, a group fitness instructor at Equinox.
That said, there's no way around it—the move is tough for people of any gender or sex. But ladies, if you think that pull-ups are harder for women than men, you're not imagining it. Wickham says, thanks to genetics and physiology, pull-ups are usually more challenging for women. "Genetically, women have more muscle mass on the bottom and less muscle mass up top."
Dylan Irving CSCS adds, "But this is also combined with a history of societal norms that encourage women to avoid upper-body exercise and strength training." Fair point.
How to finally pull yourself up.
Build strength: Start isolating and strengthening the muscles activated in a pull-up to increase their strength. Daury Dross, NCCPT-certified personal trainer and founding trainer at Fhitting Room, recommends bent over rows (to work your back), bicep hammer curls with dumbbells, kettlebell one-arm row (to work your back, biceps, and core), and isometric bar holds—where you use a box to get into the "top" of a pull-up and hold your chin over the bar for as long as you can. For even more moves, check out this list of upper-body moves that'll help you achieve a pull-up.
Kyra Williams, NASM CF-L1, suggests incorporating day-to-day strengthening habits into your routine, like parking further from the grocery store so that you have to carry your groceries longer, using a duffle bag instead of a rolling suitcase, and actively squeezing your lats when playing with your pup or kids.
Work on form with resistance band pull-ups: "Resistance band pull-ups are a great way to fully understand the movement and the technique. It helps people feel that the pulling comes from their back (not their arms) in a band," Saintgerard says. To do one, start by looping a resistance band around the pull-up bar—if it's your first time doing one, start with a thick band. Grip onto the bar and place both of your knees or feet into the band and then attempt a pull-up.
"By the time someone can complete multiple sets of 12 pull-ups with only a thin band, they're usually ready for their first unassisted pull-up," Pignataro says.
Sure, it's super challenging—but just try one!
But before you rush to the bar, Jon Pearlman, an ACE-certified personal trainer and author of The Lean Body Manual suggests the following: "Your upper-back and upper-body strength should be what you'd consider "solid," and your body weight should be somewhat in line too. If you're overweight, it's not ideal for your shoulders to be doing pull-ups regularly." It would be more beneficial for your body to continue doing the strength moves listed above, he says.
"There is no perfect time to try a pull-up, and if it's a goal you have for yourself, trying one is the best way to see what work is ahead," Dunlop says. Even if you can't do a full pull-up when you get up to the bar, Irving says that even pulling yourself up a couple of inches helps strengthen those muscles. Yes, it's going to take work. But with the right plan in place, you'll be pumping out pull-ups like an American Ninja Warrior in no time.
Gabrielle Kassel is an athleisure-wearing, adaptogen-taking, left-swiping, CrossFitting, New York-based writer with a knack for thinking about wellness-as-lifestyle. In her free time, she can be found reading self-help books, bench-pressing, or practicing hygge. Follow her on Instagram.
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The Best Ways to Delay Your Orgasm
If you've ever seen those "male enhancement" commercials that suggest your erections should last hours, just know that most people don't last that long (or even close to it). And if you are concerned that you really might orgasm too quickly and wonder if you are experiencing premature ejaculation, you're also far from alone. But whether you genuinely experience premature ejaculation or you simply want to extend your ability to enjoy sex before reaching orgasm, there are several techniques you can try.
So, what even is considered finishing too soon? Basically, men with premature ejaculation experience orgasm three minutes after penetration, compared to the average—about 7.3 minutes, at least according to one study of about 1,500 men.
Of course, there have always been plenty of suggestions for how to last longer—some techniques for men to delay orgasm have been around for thousands of years. A lot of these suggestions don't have much (or, uh, any) scientific data to back them up, but we think they're still valuable because of some seriously compelling anecdotal evidence.
"The art of retention begins with the recognition that orgasm and ejaculation are two different functions," says sex expert Antonia Hall. "By learning to get in touch with what it feels like to not allow yourself to pass the point of no return, you can orgasm without ejaculating—then keep going."
1. Kegel Exercises
Yes, women do kegel exercise to strengthen their pelvic floor to intensify their orgasms (and tighten up after childbirth), but men should do them too. "By strengthening your pelvic floor, you will have the increased ability to control your ejaculation," House says. And they're easy to learn.
2. Breathe Right
Keeping control over your breath and heart rate is also an important practice in learning to retain ejaculation, Hall says. Practice by masturbating to become more familiar with your arousal cycles and take slow, deep breaths through the nose to cool down your rising sexual energy.
3. Masturbation
"Relieve the pressure and minimize your sensitivity by masturbating a couple of hours before an opportunity to have intercourse," House says. Because you have less built-up excitement, you are delaying ejaculation. Plus, your animalistic need to quickly accelerate to orgasmic release is no longer the main focus, and instead, you are able to spend time on the experience (as opposed to the outcome).
4. Start-Stop Technique
Through a series of ejaculation-control exercises, you can become more aware of your level of arousal, manage your stimulation response, extend your pleasure, increase your opportunities to bring your partner to orgasm, and control your orgasm, says relationship expert Laurel House. "Sex will be better for both you and your partner, because the longer that you are able to extend your orgasm, the more deeply intense the final release will be," House says.
5. Pressure Points
Look, this is definitely not science of any kind, but let's just say we have some solid anecdotal evidence for this one: There's a pressure point just in front of your anus, and it can delay ejaculation.
"It may take some time to feel out the point, but you should be able to feel an indentation when you press on it," Hall says. "You'll be using the three middle fingers of your dominant hand. When you press up, you should be able to feel your urethral tube, which expands when you near ejaculation. You want to push on the urethral tube with your middle finger and press on each side of the urethral tube with the other two fingers. This may decrease your erection a little, but if you've hit the right spot, you will stop ejaculation from occurring," Hall says. Breathe deeply and try pulling the sexual energy away from the genitals—and toward your brain.
6. Extend Foreplay
"Extending foreplay can help—spending more time on your partner's pleasure, rather than your own, is a great way to delay your orgasm," says Evan Goldstein, M.D., of Bespoke Surgical.
7. Decrease Sensitivity
If you're using condoms, opt for thicker varieties, Goldstein suggests. And it may be worth investing in desensitizing sprays or lubes, which may slow down the process and inhibit faster release.
Aly Walansky is a New York-based lifestyle writer. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @alywalansky.
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How to Stay Super Hydrated When the Flu Knocks You Out
Sniff, cough, pfffft. Flu season is here. And while we hope you don't get it, it happens to the best of us. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimated that 48.8 million people got the flu during the 2017-2018 season. If you do happen to be one of its unlucky victims, you’re going to want to do everything in your power to make it go away as quickly as possible.
And that antibiotic isn't going to help. The flu is contracted from a virus—it’s not bacterial—so all the Z-Paks in the world can't make this one go away. But when you have the flu (a fever, muscle aches, headaches, coughing, sore throat, and runny nose), there are ways to stay hydrated that go beyond chugging water.
How to Stay Hydrated With the Flu
“Drink plenty of fluid” is something you’ve probably heard every time you’ve gotten sick. The CDC confirms that those with the flu should drink extra fluids to prevent dehydration (that thing that can make you feel even worse). But what kind of fluid is best? Guys, ginger ale and apple juice aren't doing you any favors: They may dehydrate you even more. So to get you prepared for flu season, we chatted with a few nutritionists to figure out the best things to stock up on (or order for delivery) when you're down and out.
1. Water (duh, but we had to say it).
If you’re dehydrated, water will obviously help get fluid into your system quickly. But you’re probably craving something with a bit more substance. “For the body to maintain adequate hydration status, which is important for your immune system, metabolism, and heart health, it needs you to replace not only water but also sodium and carbohydrates,” says Kelly Jones, RD, CSSD. “If you’re just drinking water, you want to be sure you’re eating foods with carbohydrates that are low in fiber, so that you can keep them down easily,” she adds.
2. Tea
If you prefer to drink hot tea instead of straight water while you feel like crap, go for it. Research suggests that it’s just as hydrating. Add honey to the hot liquid to get some more calories into your body quickly—and because honey makes everything taste better IMO.
3. Coconut Water
While we love a good excuse to down sugary drinks that are supposed to make us feel better (we're looking at you, Gatorade), coconut water is definitely a better option. Coconut water doesn't contain nearly as much sugar and salt as standard sports drinks, and research suggests that it may be just as hydrating and cause less stomach distress. Jones suggests adding a dash of salt to the drink to get the sodium you need while dehydrated.
4. Pedialyte
We know the kids these days are drinking Pedialyte to prevent hangovers, but they can be great if you get the flu too (for the same reasons they're supposed to help a booze-induced headache). If you’ve caught the nasty flu and end up severely dehydrated, Pedialyte may save the day. It’s a solid balance of electrolytes, including sodium and potassium, and a small amount of glucose to help the body rehydrate.
5. Bone Broth
“Chicken noodle soup is a great flu remedy since it offers fluids, as well as some electrolytes that you are lacking, like sodium and potassium,” says Vicki Shanta Retelny, RD, author of Total Body Diet for Dummies. “Plus, the herbs and spices in the soup are anti-inflammatory, which can help fight off the flu bug.” If you can’t tolerate an entire soup with chicken and noodles, opt for a bone broth that is packed with protein. Pacific Foods makes really convenient eight-ounce cartons, which you might as well keep in your cupboard for emergencies.
6. 100-Percent Orange Juice
It never hurts to get more immune-boosting vitamin C in your diet, especially when you’re sick. Unfortunately, loading up on vitamin C when you’re already sick won’t decrease the severity of your symptoms, but the potassium and fluid in OJ can help keep you hydrated. If you’re having a hard time keeping any food down, the small number of calories in a glass of 100-percent OJ can help get some nutrients back into your body.
7. Fruit-Based Popsicles
Hydration doesn’t just come from fluid—water-rich foods also do the trick to keep you well-hydrated. “Frozen fruit or fruit pops allow you to take in some fluids and calories quickly, making them a great option when you have the flu or stomach bug,” says Shanta Retelny. She adds that the icy popsicle may help soothe an inflamed sore and scratchy throat. Look for ones that are made with real fruit, like Outshine Fruit Bars, so you're not sucking on a ton of added sugar.
But what if we're hungry too...
Sitting down for a proper meal is the last thing you probably want to do when you’re sick, but if you're starting to feel a wee bit better, getting some calories and nutrients into your body is important for recovery. Jones recommends eating bland foods with salt, like pretzels, salted rice cakes, and salted crackers. Bonus points if you can include some lean protein, like a hard-boiled egg, for a little bit more substance.
If you’re on the mend and can tolerate some fruits and veggies, add ones to your plate that are rich in water. Options like berries, kiwi, mango, cucumber, melon, and celery are good places to start. If you don't feel like chewing (because that can take up too much energy), ask your partner/spouse/roommate/mom to add them into a smoothie.
If you think you have the flu, visit your doctor immediately. They can administer an antiviral medication, which needs to be given in the first two days after getting the flu. You’re contagious for the first 24 hours after your fever breaks, but you will probably continue to feel icky for at least 5-7 days. The best thing you can do when you get the flu is go home, rest, hydrate, and generally take care of your body.
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The Weirdest Things People Have Done to Hit 10,000 Steps
Steamed bridesmaid's dress: check. Hair and makeup: check. Flip flops for the dance floor: check.
The last remaining bit of bridal party preparation was to remove my Fitbit. Only, you know, not really remove it: Even though I was about to be in a wedding, I couldn't leave my tracker behind. Instead, I just took the sensor out of its chunky rubber wristband and stuck it into my strapless bra—I mean, if you hit 10,000 steps and your fitness tracker doesn't register them, do they even count?
My name is Kaitlin, and I'm a self-professed fitness tracking addict (Cue the group: "Hi, Kaitlin.") Think I'm insane? Maybe. But the wearable fitness tracker industry is projected to reach $48.2 billion by 2023, so I'm not the only one who has done something just a tiny bit crazy to hit their 10,000 steps.
When it comes to reaching those step goals, some people don't mind looking totally weird.
Christina, who works in public relations, says she's "obsessed" with reaching 10,000 steps a day and will regularly jog, do jumping jacks, and perform high knees around her 500-square-foot apartment, occasionally taking to the hallway of her building to do sprints in order to meet her goal. Her neighbors love her!
Lisa, a high school English teacher, says she lost 45 pounds in less than a year by pacing around the room as students were taking quizzes and even jogging in place during lectures. And every time she takes a road trip, she makes the most of her pit stops by circling her car as she fuels up and doing laps around convenience stores.
Dana, a financial services professional, was in a competition with two friends and turned off her phone so her opponents wouldn't be able to see how many steps she'd taken. One friend, determined to beat her, proceeded to run in place for a whopping 30,000 steps. The next day his back was (understandably) in tremendous pain, and he wound up needing surgery. Don't mess with Dana.
And let's take a second to shout-out the cheaters:
There are also plenty of people who have admittedly cut corners to reach 10,000 daily steps—in some cases, to win a bet; in other (slightly more concerning) cases, for their own, personal validation.
Caleb, a personal trainer, secured his Fitbit in two pairs of socks and put the bundle in the dryer on the cool-air setting for an hour to beat his friends in a challenge.
Simon, an SEO outreach manager, noted that "driving on a dirt road tends to freak out the Fitbit and Misfit because of all the vibration," but it helps him hit his goals for health insurance bonuses, so he's "cool with it."
A friend shared that she knows someone who put a fitness tracker on his child and someone else who put theirs on a ceiling fan; both did it to win bets. And my own mother copped to shaking her Fitbit-clad arm for most of a nine-hour trip to North Carolina, which sounds tiring in its own weird way. Guess the apple doesn't fall far, huh?
So why are people going to such outrageous lengths to reach 10,000 steps? Does that threshold actually mean anything for our overall health?
According to healthcare professionals, it's not exactly a magic number, but it's a helpful one.
"I love the idea behind 10,000 steps," Honore Lansen, M.D., says. "It's a simple concept—incorporate more movement into your day. Most people are familiar with the seemingly endless benefits of exercise (better mood, healthier heart, more energy), and keeping track of the number of steps we take throughout the day is appealing because it gives us the sense that we're reaping the benefits of exercise without hitting the gym."
Paul Sterling, vice president of emerging products for UnitedHealthcare, agrees. "Broadly speaking, 10,000 daily steps makes for an easy-to-remember benchmark for better health," he says. "Logging close to 10,000 (or more) steps a day is recommended because studies have shown that exceeding that mark helps improve health outcomes and lowers health care costs, as walking can help people maintain a healthier weight and prevent or manage various chronic conditions, including heart disease, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes—among other benefits."
But Chirag Shah, M.D., notes that 10K steps might be a good target for someone who doesn't walk frequently, but that that specific number could actually wind up backfiring. "A possible drawback of the 10,000-step goal is that it may be overwhelming and result in little-to-no walking whatsoever," he says. "If motivating, a 10,000-step goal can help build a habit of walking into one's life. If that goal is demoralizing, choosing a smaller number is a good idea with the intention of working up to 10,000 steps in the future."
Another drawback? Focusing solely on step counting isn't ideal for optimal health.
Linda Hodges, D.O., says that while 10,000 steps is a noble goal, she'd prefer her patients get regular movement throughout the day. "If a person only goes by the 10,000-step goal, they could go for a run in the morning and meet their goal by noon," she says. "They could then sit for the rest of the day and still have issues like insulin resistance due to prolonged sitting. Having a step goal, or any movement goal, is important—it's an accomplishment that gives us a little boost in our day when we reach it. However, it's only one part of the equation."
Lansen agrees. "If we're overly focused on hitting that 10,000-step goal, we may miss the opportunity to balance our bodies with other important activities," she says. "Spending 15 minutes meditating may be even more valuable than walking 2,000 steps during a particularly stressful day. Additionally, a 45-minute Pilates class might do more for our strength and flexibility than walking 6,000 steps. Ten thousand steps don't magically grant us good health for the day—the key to it all is balance. Yes, incorporate movement, but do it mindfully throughout the day and in a variety of ways."
The takeaway?
Hitting 10,000 daily steps is just one piece of the wellness puzzle, and it's helpful to think of it as a mindset versus an all-or-nothing benchmark to hit any way you possibly can. As Lansen notes, "10,000 steps carries us further as a perspective or way to live an active lifestyle rather than a physical goal."
So go ahead, put that Fitbit in your bra during a wedding—but make sure you incorporate other types of movement into your day. And if you don't hit 10K steps? Don't sweat it—there's always tomorrow.
Kaitlin Bitting is a content creator, PR consultant, and certified health and wellness coach. Learn more at kaitlinbitting.com.
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The Best Way to Respond to Aggressive People
Even if you have a great home life and work at some super-nice business, like, say, the Cozy Time Tea Factory or Tiny Puppy Pavilion, you'll probably have to deal with aggressive people from time to time. The Simpsons says it best: Some people act badly because they've had a hard life or have been mistreated. But some of them… are just jerks.
Whether you're dealing with an overstressed person who's taking their anger out on you or someone who was simply born an a-hole, you don't have to be miserable because of the aggro folks in your life. I interviewed therapists and experts on the best ways to deal with aggressive people, and they shared tips on how to keep your sanity when the tempers around you run high.
Don't Take It Personally
"It's easy to take aggressive people and the way they act personally, especially if you are not aggressive yourself," says Celeste Viciere, LMHC, author and host of Celeste the Therapist podcast. But Viciere explains that your actions are not the cause of their aggression. "Many times, if a person comes off as aggressive with you, they are like that with everyone."
Even in the workplace, you can't let someone else's aggro behavior impact your self-esteem. For example, let's say you made a mistake at work. Your boss has every right to bring it to your attention and ask you to not repeat it, but they do not have the right to scream at you or become hostile. If your boss decides to have a yelling fit, you have to do your best to detach from that aggression and remind yourself that their anger is not about you.
Of course, if a meaningful person in your life is bullying you, it can be very hard to not take that personally. But see if you can slowly change your thinking patterns when that person gets aggressive. If they say something mean, ask yourself, Do I really think that's true? Usually, the answer is no. So you can remind yourself that you are definitely not an "idiot" or whatever other insensitive word they chose to use and try to move on with your day.
This isn't to say that an aggressive person can't make you mad or sad. If someone yells at me, I usually scream the F-word in my brain a few times and then cry about it later. It happens. But you don't have to treat their abuse as a true personal attack.
"When there is an incident, it's really hard not to be bothered by what has occurred. Remind yourself of your own positive traits, strengths, and abilities," says Angel M. Hoodye of Flourishing Hope Counseling. "The incident does not define you. The negative behavior by your supervisor is not a reflection of you or your capabilities." This is equally true whether you're experiencing aggression at work, at home, or at a knitting group. Wherever you find an aggro person, take the time to remind yourself that their insensitive words are not the truth.
Don't Let Aggression Trickle Down
A study in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that aggressive behavior tends to trickle down. Let's say a boss yells at you, which pisses you off—but you can't yell at the boss unless you'd like to give the unemployment line a try. So you hold in all that anger and wind up taking it out on someone else. The study found that employees of aggressive bosses tended to act more hostile toward their family than employees in more pleasant workplaces.
Aggression begets aggression. Honestly, this trickle-down probably explains why your boss likes to take things out on you: Viciere says that people in charge are often subject to an array of pressures that the other employees aren't aware of. Or your boss could be going through something awful in their personal life. Unfortunately, sometimes they decide to direct their frustration toward the next people down the line, which means an unhappy workplace for you.
This can happen in families or groups of friends too. As a kid, when I got mad at my mom, I'd take it out on my sisters (not a move I'm proud of). When a certain friend starts acting aggressive, sometimes it's easier to let that anger out on another friend, rather than confronting the person who started the aggro chain.
Now, this doesn't excuse anyone's overly aggressive behavior, but knowing where it comes from can help you from taking their anger so personally. Also, it's a good reminder to control your own aggression, so you don't accidentally become a jerk to the innocent people around you.
Speak Up
"An aggressive person may not realize they are coming off in an aggressive way, but it's important that you relay how their behavior affects you," Viciere says. "Set up a meeting and tell them, 'When you do X, it makes me feel Y.'" Viciere recommends keeping your tone cool and collected so the aggressive person doesn't see your conversation as a kind of attack.
Of course, use your judgment here. If you think the aggressive person genuinely means well but is still hurting feelings all day, it might be good to try to talk to her. But if she's just abusive or hot-tempered, your little heart-to-heart might not turn out well. If you're dealing with an angry boss, sometimes addressing them directly isn't an option, so it's best to go to HR to share how their aggressive nature is affecting your work.
Speaking about your feelings is a great way to set boundaries and let people know when they're being hurtful. But what do you do in the moment? I've definitely been on the crap end of some yelling sessions where raising my hand and saying "your tone right now is hurtful to me" would not have worked in my favor.
If someone is yelling or being blatantly aggressive, try to keep your emotions out of it (for the moment) and ask questions, Hoodye says. "Use words like team, us, and we. This creates a sense of unity." Even in the heat of the moment, Hoodye recommends asking:
- How can I/we improve?
- What would we have liked to happen?
- What are your expectations?
Sadly, you can't ask these questions in a super smart-ass tone, as fun and tempting as that would be. But if you genuinely try to change the conversation so you understand the motives and expectations of the aggressor, that will likely diffuse some of the anger. It shows you're not taking things personally and want to make this relationship work to the best of your ability. Also, when someone's yelling just to yell and you ask calm, focused questions, it takes the wind out of their sails.
Don't Fuel the Fire
I once had a very aggressive boss who was always trying to get a reaction. He'd be mean or rude just to see people get mad or scared, and at first, I took the bait. He'd do something outrageous, I'd be cowed by it, and he relished my reaction. Then I stopped reacting. He'd say something mean, I'd give no emotional response, and he'd walk away. Soon enough, he stopped trying to get a reaction from me, and I was able to work in relative peace.
Not every aggressive person is out to get a rise out of you, but generally, remaining calm can work in your favor. "When the person comes at you in an aggressive manner, do not feed into the behavior. Use healthy communication skills," Hoodye says. "Talk in a calm voice, stand at a comfortable distance, smile when appropriate, and display that you are listening to their concerns." When you stay professional, it can make the aggressive person feel how unprofessional their behavior is.
To further calm the fire, Hoodye says, "Acknowledge their possible feelings. This helps the person to recognize you understand where they are coming from in regard to a situation. Then share some of your own insight." By keeping calm, you may be able to instantly diffuse the situation and still be heard.
On the other hand, you might stay cool as a cucumber, and the aggressive person will still go off. That's fine. It's not your job to calm them down. But if you stay collected, you aren't adding any fuel to the fire. At worst, the screaming match will end earlier than usual.
Of course, this is hard. I know that "stay calm" is a rough and annoying thing to hear. But it's not about never feeling mad or upset. It's about putting that aside for a moment to get through a difficult situation. You can get as mad as you want later when you're around better people and in a safer scenario.
Talk It Out and Walk It Out
When you're dealing with an aggressive person, that's prime time to turn to your friends. "You gain wonderful insight when you turn to your support system. Tapping into your resources of support can help clear up the muddy waters of negativity," Hoodye says. "You are able to regain your strength, hash out the issues, and process what you have experienced with the aggressive person. The support of your support system might be just the boost you need to get back in the saddle."
When you can't go to your friends, take it outside. "If you can, go for a quick walk. Get some fresh air, a glass of water, and some sunlight," Hoodye says. "Walk it off and get back in the game. Don't let someone else's negative attitude cloud your judgment about who you are or your capabilities."
I used to think the whole "go for a walk" advice was stupid. My skin burns at the idea of sunshine, I'm not outdoorsy, and I love sitting, so walking always seemed like more a chore than a solution. But I started doing it recently, and turns out all the experts are absolutely right: Moving around outside gets you out of your head in a way you can't do sitting at home or in the office. The combination of physical activity and new surroundings tends to give you a better perspective on your problems. So even if you just do a lap around the block, it's worth braving the outdoors for this free moment of clarity.
Fight Back
Fighting back probably sounds like the worst possible idea, especially in a work setting, but a study from Ohio State University showed that fighting back often makes employees happier. The study found that people who fought back against hostile bosses were happier at work, had lower levels of stress, and had higher job satisfaction than people who simply took the abuse. Plus, they felt that "fighting back" did not prompt retaliation or hurt their career.
Now, we're not talking about people screaming, "See you in hell!" and setting off a smoke bomb every time their boss was an a-hole. For the study, "fighting back" meant ignoring the bosses' comments, acting like they weren't listening to hostile statements, or turning in half-assed work. So, you shouldn't scream back or hurl insults. But, if you "fight back" in these more passive ways, you might end up feeling better about yourself.
Overall, the study found that a completely non-hostile workplace was the best bet for everyone… which, sure. But if you can't manage that, a little bit of fighting back may not be too bad.
You can do the same thing if you're dealing with an aggressive family member or friend, especially when it comes to straight-up ignoring rude comments. This is much harder to do with people you really care about, as opposed to random officemates, but the idea of standing up for yourself will often help with any kind of aggressive person.
Of course, if you can get an aggressive person out of your life, do it. Since that's not always possible, at least you have a few tools at your disposal to keep aggression from ruining your own mental health. Because you're not at fault for someone else's hostile behavior. Always remember: Some people are just jerks.
Amber Petty is an L.A.-based writer and a regular contributor to Greatist. Follow along as she shares her weight-loss journey in her new bi-monthly column, Slim Chance. Follow her on Instagram @Ambernpetty.
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Does Peeing After Sex Really Help Stop UTIs?
Fact: One in two women is familiar with the feeling of passing an icicle made of hot lava through their urethra... only to discover that the culprit is exactly one drop of pee. And one in three women will take antibiotics for a UTI by the age of 24, and zero of them are likely to recommend the experience to a sworn enemy. Urinary tract infections are so common and so awful that I'm afraid of manifesting one right now just by writing about it.
To be clear, writing does not actually cause UTIs, but having lots of sex can! More accurately, research has found that an active sex life increases the chances of a UTI, which makes sense when you find out what bacteria is the culprit behind most infections. "Typically, the bacteria that cause UTIs originate from fecal flora," says Alex Shteynshlyuger, M.D., the director of urology at New York Urology Specialists. More than 60 percent of urinary tract infections can be attributed to E.coli, which lives in the intestines, then makes its way down and out. The proximity of the female anus to the vagina makes it more likely that bacteria will find its way to your relatively short urethra and then travel up the urinary tract to your bladder.
"When bacteria makes it into the bladder, it's able to invade the body's immune defenses and cause an inflammatory reaction," Shteynshlyuger says. And "inflammatory reaction" is a much nicer way to describe the painful symptoms, including the aforementioned lava icicle—along with urgent, frequent bathroom runs and foul-smelling pee.
Though urinary tract infections can be attributed to a plethora of other factors, including kidney stones, tight clothing, and genetics, being mindful of what you do before and after sex is a good way to minimize the risk of getting one.
1. Chug Some H20
The easiest thing you can do? Stay hydrated, says Jessica Shepherd, M.D., OB/GYN and founder of Her Viewpoint. "Increasing your water intake (and then expelling said water) helps flush the system of bacteria and keeps it from sitting in the bladder and accumulating."
2. Pee It Out
Though only a handful of studies have found a correlation between peeing after sex and a lower instance of urinary tract infections, peeing after sex can potentially flush out bacteria before it has a chance to travel up your urinary tract and get cozy in your bladder. "Since there is no cost to pee, it's always a good idea, especially for someone who gets frequent UTIs," Shteynshlyuger says. And on the flip side, holding in pee gives bacteria time to fester and multiply in your bladder, which can contribute to infections.
3. Wash It Off
"Proper hygiene, like always wiping front to back after using the bathroom can help keep bacteria at bay as well," Shepherd says. One study found that wiping the wrong way increased your risk of a UTI by 64 percent. Just don't go crazy trying to disinfect your genitals and stay far away from vaginal douches. Douches wipe out the good bacteria that live in vaginas, which messes up the flora and pH balance, leaving you at risk of infection. Also, spermicide with nonoxonyl-9 can cause tiny microabrasions in the vagina, which can lead to an infection—so stick to other forms of birth control.
And even if you've wiped, cleaned, hydrated, and peed religiously, you could still end up with with a urinary tract infection. The good news is that most UTIs resolve quickly. "The immune system is very good at fighting off UTIs, and often symptoms resolve spontaneously within one to three days without antibiotics," Shteynshlyuger says. "Though they can cause a good amount of misery."
A course of antibiotics should wipe away all UTI-related misery, but if your infection keeps coming back and seems to be sex-related, both Shteynshlyuger and Shepherd agree that taking a small dose of antibiotics after sex is a solution you and your doctor could discuss to help prevent full-blown infections in the future.
Keep in mind that there are also a host of other problems that can have symptoms similar to urinary tract infections, including some sexually transmitted diseases and interstitial cystitis, a chronic condition affecting the bladder. Once other possible issues are ruled out, it's a good idea to see a urologist and make sure there are no anatomical problems that predispose you to urinary tract infections, such as incomplete bladder emptying and kidney or ureteral stones, Shteynshlyuger says.
And if you suspect you have a UTI, it's better to get checked sooner than later—untreated UTIs can sometimes progress to a kidney infection. While this is unlikely, it can be serious, so it's worth making time to go get it checked out.
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The Best Ways to Avoid Gross Skin Infections From Your Gym
Working out can be pretty disgusting—stashing a drenched top in your work bag, wrangling stringy, sweaty hair into some kind of updo, freakin' butt acne… the list goes on. But what's even more alarming than the less than glamorous side of your workouts? The cesspool of potential infections lurking at your gym.
At the risk of sounding alarmist, from the lockers and pool deck to benches and treadmills, going to the studio could expose you to all sorts of germs, fungi, icky bacteria, and viruses that are unpleasant at best. In one study, researchers found 25 different types of bacteria in fitness centers on everything from toilet handles to leg press machines to ellipticals. Gross.
But besides whipping out the hazmat suit, what can you do to stay clean? We asked six experts—people who have to deal with icky skin infections and issues on a daily basis—to give us the low-down on what's hanging around the gym, plus their tried-and-true methods for treating and avoiding infections in the first place.
Fungal Infections
Ringworm (Tinea Corporis)
Despite the name, there aren't actually any worms present. *Wipes bead of sweat from forehead* "The term ringworm came about because the fungus appears on the skin in the shape of a ring that has a raised border, scaly texture, and thickness of a worm," says board-certified dermatologist Elizabeth Geddes-Bruce, M.D., MS, FAAD.
Susan Bard, M.D., of Manhattan Dermatology Specialists adds that this fungus is highly contagious and thrives in sweaty, moist environments, so you're most likely to catch this at the gym in the shower, on communal yoga mats, or in carpeted stretch areas. (Why are those still a thing?!)
"Make sure to properly disinfect those areas with the wipes and sprays available at the gym," Bard says. Clorox disinfecting wipes, store-bought witch hazel with isopropyl alcohol, and tea tree oil are all great disinfection options, but whatever the gym has on-hand will work.
However, if you do get ringworm, it's not necessarily because of your gym's foam roller. Bard notes that you can also get ringworm from the soil, sharing a towel or bed with someone who is carrying the fungus, or even from snuggling up to your pup if they've been exposed.
What to do: Bard says this one will likely be treated with a topical cream like clotrimazole or terbinafine. But if a more extensive area is affected or it's spread to your scalp—called "tinea capitis"—your derm might prescribe an oral regimen too. As a preemptive approach, antifungal shampoos can help keep the infection off your scalp.
Athlete's Foot (Tinea Pedis)
Athlete's foot is probably the best-known infection you can pick up at the gym. Geddes-Bruce explains that it's actually caused by the same fungus as ringworm, it's just located on the feet and toes and can be transferred to the toenails. "It's an itchy rash that's usually red, inflamed, and scaly. It's highly contagious and can be caught anytime you're barefoot, in open-toed shoes, or wearing wet socks," says podiatrist, Velimir Petkov, DPM, owner of Premier Podiatry in Clifton, New Jersey.
"To avoid getting athlete's foot, avoid going barefoot in common areas and keep your feet dry," Petkov says. The fungus thrives in warm, wet environments so he suggests washing and drying your feet regularly, changing your socks after exercise, wearing shoes in all common areas in the gym, allowing your training shoes time to dry before re-use, regularly cleaning your gym bag, and wearing flip-flops in the shower. Got all that?
Petkov adds that your trusty rubber flip-flops aren't enough to prevent athlete's foot entirely. That's because the shoe itself can become warm and damp, thus creating a perfect breeding ground. The solution? Wear them in the shower but then wash them with warm water and soap afterward.
What to do: If you do get it, treatment is the same as with ringworm. Because it's more difficult to treat once it's spread to your toenails—and usually requires an oral medication—it's best to try preventative measures. If it has spread to your toenails, make sure to put on your socks before your underwear and pants to prevent the infection from traveling to—oh please, no—your groin.
Skin Yeast (Tinea Versicolor)
"It's not really an infection, and it's not contagious or dangerous, but it's very common in sweaty conditions," Bard says. "The yeast creates a bleaching agent that leaves behind light colored spots on the skin, which may itch and may take a few months to resolve." It flourishes with sweat, so it's most common in people who live in humid environments and people who hang out in their sweaty clothes, says Donna Hart, M.D., FAAD, of Westlake Dermatology in Austin, Texas.
What to do: To give your skin the best chance of being fungus free, use an exfoliant with an antimicrobial ingredient like tea tree oil or zinc. But if you already have skin yeast, Hart says dermatologists will likely suggest using an anti-dandruff shampoo on your skin because it often contains fungus-fighting selenium sulfide or zinc pyrithione.
Bacterial Infections
Staph (Staphylococcus Aureus)
Shorted in the streets to "staph," staphylococcus Aureus are among the most common bacteria lurking in the gym. Most of the time, the bacteria are a non-issue. But sometimes the bacteria can cause a pustular—yes, that means "filled with pus," so gross—red, swollen, painful infection on the skin, Geddes-Bruce says. That's because the bacteria can be on your skin but not cause an infection. "The infection only occurs if there's an open cut that the bacteria can get into," she explains.
"Staph is almost always spread by making contact with someone with an active infection, particularly if they have an open sore. But you can also catch it from sharing mats, towels, or equipment with someone with an open sore," Hart says. So she recommends washing your hands, using an alcohol-based sanitizer, wiping down equipment, and covering open nicks and cuts with bandages.
What to do: If you spot a boil on your skin, Geddes-Bruce suggests going to the doc. "Treatment is most often an oral antibiotic, though sometimes a topical ointment is sufficient if the infection is small."
MRSA (Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus)
You've heard of MRSA. But did you know that MRSA and staph are caused by the same bacteria? The difference, as the name suggests, is that MRSA is resistant to the antibiotic used to treat a staph infection. Both infections usually cause a swollen, painful bump with a yellow or white center to form.
"The best thing to do to reduce the risk of getting a MRSA infection at the gym is to wash your hands and any other body parts that come in contact with gym surfaces with soap and water after exercise, and to cover any cuts," says Chirag Shah, M.D., co-founder of Accesa Labs.
What to do: Don't fret too much if you do get this strain of staph, as certain antibiotics will still respond to and cure it. Just head to your doctor if you notice a sore, Shah suggests, because sometimes the surrounding area sore will form a hot-to-the-touch infection called cellulitis.
Impetigo
"Impetigo can be caused by either the staph bacteria or streptococcus (strep) bacteria," Bard says. Strep bacteria are pretty contagious and in addition to causing strep throat, can lead to superficial skin infections and blisters. Geddes-Bruce says as a skin infection, impetigo often "has honey-colored crust associated with it." Cute.
"This infection is typically transmitted from person to person through direct contact or shared use of tainted equipment and mats. You can avoid getting this by wiping equipment down with antiseptic wipes, using a hand sanitizer, and using your own mat," says Adarsh Vijay Mudgil M.D., medical director of Mudgil Dermatology.
What to do: If you have red, oozing sores, Mudgil suggests talking to your doctor, who can prescribe either an ointment or oral antibiotic.
Hot Tub Folliculitis (or "Hot Tub Rash")
As it turns out, that post-workout soak might come with a side of infected hair follicles.
"Hot tub folliculitis is caused when a bacteria called 'pseudomonas aeruginosa'—which thrives in hot and warm pools—makes its way into the hair follicle and causes a red, itchy, bumpy rash that may also be tender," Geddes-Bruce says. Good news: It typically clears up on its own within a few days.
A foolproof way to avoid this infection is to skip out on the hot tub. Or just make sure to wash your body and suit afterward. If you wanna be that gym-goer, you can also check with the gym employee to make sure the chlorine and pH levels are being checked twice a day, as the infection is avoidable if these are at the proper level.
What to do: You can usually just use a topical hydrocortisone cream to control the itching, but Geddes-Bruce says that it can also be treated with antibiotics.
Viral Infections
Herpes
Take a breath. It's basically impossible to get herpes at the gym—but, yeah, it could happen. "Herpes is caused when the herpes simplex virus enters the body through mucosa or cut to cause the trademark lip blisters," Bard says. "Theoretically, it could be caught from poorly cleaned surfaces containing the virus, but it's highly, highly unlikely. It's more likely transmitted from direct skin-to-skin contact." Wrestlers, rugby players, and frisky exercisers engaging in locker-room "contact sports" (wink) are most susceptible.
Though Geddes-Bruce notes there have also been rare cases of possible transmission through infected water sources, like a water fountain. The best way to avoid and prevent the spread in your gym setting is to avoid contact with anyone's visible sores and to avoid sharing water bottles.
What to do: "There is no cure for the herpes virus so treatment involves suppressing it from becoming active and involves taking prescription antiviral pills," Geddes-Bruce says. Researchers have been looking for a potential cure or vaccine for years.
Plantar Warts (Verruca Plantaris)
People! When you're in the gym, keep your damn shoes on! Unless you're in a yoga class, in which case a routine Clorox wipe swipe isn't a bad idea. Plantar warts are another issue walking around barefoot or in open-toed shoes can cause.
"Plantar warts are actually a viral infection caused by human papillomavirus (HPV), not a fungal one (like athlete's foot)," Petkov says. "The virus attacks the skin of the bottom of the feet, usually at the weight-bearing parts." Usually, they look like thick calluses, but the difference between the two is that plantar warts tend to have tiny black dots, while calluses do not.
"Much like with athlete's foot prevention, my advice is to always cover your feet while in shared community spaces while at the gym. Showers, pools, and locker rooms are the most common areas where the infection originates," Petkov says.
What to do: Luckily, many plantar warts go away on their own. But because they grow inward, they can hurt. "There are several treatment options, including chemical destruction of the lesion with a peeling solution, freezing, or shaving it off," Petkov says.
Gabrielle Kassel is an athleisure-wearing, adaptogen-taking, left-swiping, CrossFitting, New York-based writer with a knack for thinking about wellness as a lifestyle. In her free time, she can be found reading self-help books, bench-pressing, or practicing hygge. Follow her on Instagram.
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The Best Workouts When You Have Your Period
Oh joy, it's that time of the month again. If you can summon the energy to lace up your sneakers or grab your yoga mat from the closet when every ounce of your being wants to hibernate with Netflix a pint of Ben & Jerry's Brownie Batter ice cream, you've already won half the battle. As much of a struggle as it can be to exercise during your period, experts say the rewards of keeping up with your workout routine include better physical and mental health.
"Movement helps increase oxygen delivery and decrease prostaglandin release, which helps alleviate cramping," says U by Kotex partner Jessica Shepherd, M.D. "Exercise also triggers the release of endorphins, which can alter pain perception, helping women with menstrual pain and cramps."
But before you hit the gym, know that some workouts will probably feel better than others. Knowing which exercises are best during your period can actually help ease PMS and period symptoms like fatigue, headaches, anxiety, cramps, insomnia, and depression while boosting your body's ability to produce hormones that make you feel calm and happy. Try these five workouts and moves to feel like your best self during your most blah days.
1. Keep Blood Flowing With Cardio
Whether you're a fan of running, cycling, boxing, or the elliptical machine, cardiovascular exercises that raise your heart rate can improve blood flow to the uterus and increase energy levels when you're feeling fatigued, Shepherd says. But sometimes that's easier said than done. "Maintaining a high-intensity cardio routine throughout the month can be tricky for women, particularly during the days leading up to your period, when your energy levels really take a nosedive," says certified personal trainer Sia Cooper.
The riskiest thing about choosing a high-impact cardio workout like running during your period is that sometimes our digestive systems… well, you know. If you find yourself too pooped (heh) to run the distance, substitute sweaty treadmill sessions with mindful walks. "Now is also a great time to practice meditation and breathing," Cooper says. "Think about how powerful your body is, observe what's happening around you, and try to relax."
2. Get Down With These Pilates Stretches
When certified group fitness instructor and Blogilates founder Cassey Ho feels PMS and period symptoms taking hold, she hits the mat and turns to simple, effective Pilates stretches. "Anything that opens the hips and inverts the body to help with circulation is super helpful," Ho says. "Like wide straddle, butterfly, puppy pose, and child's pose."
Lucky for Blogilates fans, Ho's YouTube channel video "Stretches You Need After a Stressful Day" features a roundup of her top 10 favorite PMS and period Pilates stretches, which also include neck rolls, seated twists, and the always necessary hamstring stretch.
3. It Might Be Time to Try Something New
Been putting off that intro yoga class? Haven't touched your swim cap since college? Turns out your period might be the right time to get moving in a new way.
According to one study, the focus and mindfulness found in activities like swimming, dance, and yoga can subdue anxiety and release endorphins, which help ease period-related aches and pains. So go ahead and try your first ballet class during your lady-time—trying to remember all the fancy footwork will most likely take your mind off your uterus.
4. Melt Into These Yoga Poses For Pain Relief
No period workout list is complete without yoga. But while a vinyasa flow is great for increased circulation, if you're feeling crampy and sluggish, Cooper stresses the importance of choosing specific restorative moves over more intense poses—although if you really love a good headstand, you can relax about the whole inversions-cause-endometriosis-rumor because it's not a thing.
Cooper recommends reclined bound angle pose to lessen pressure on your pelvic area and relieve cramps, supported pigeon pose to loosen tight hip flexors, corpse pose for complete relaxation, and even a basic child's pose.
Want to make your practice even more comforting? "Try hugging a pillow or placing a yoga bolster between your legs so it can support your body weight," Cooper says. "These poses are often things we find ourselves doing naturally in bed when we wake up reeling from yucky period pains—it's just a more intentional way of giving yourself time for relief."
5. You Don't Need to Stop Strength Training
"Lifting sometimes isn't recommended during the first few days of your period because muscle inflammation can make water retention worse," says Elliott Upton, senior personal training specialist at Ultimate Performance. So if bloating (which most women report feeling on the first day of their period) is your worst nightmare, you might want to skip the weight rack.
But don't stop for long; this Swedish study saw #gains from women strength training in the first two weeks (which includes the crappiest part) of their menstrual cycles. All in all, the physical and mental benefits of strength training are huge, so there are few reasons you should press pause on your routine. The caveat here is to pay close attention to your energy levels—if you're feeling foggy, it's probably not the best time to go for that overhead squat PR.
Bottom Line: Listen to Your Body—Especially During Your Period
Even if you feel motivated to continue working out during your period, your body may have a different plan. Self-care involves listening to your body and respecting its wishes to slow down and take breaks when needed—especially during menstruation.
"If you feel pain, slow down and stop," says Diana Ramos, OBGYN, co-chair of The National Preconception Health and Health Care Initiative. "Brisk walking a few minutes a day counts. If there is an exercise you enjoy, try to continue that exercise during your period with realistic expectations. Listen to your body as you go. If you start to feel fatigued, take a step back."
Remember that your fitness goals don't have to be met in a day, so above all, be kind to yourself. Work out to make your body feel its best during your period and save the heavy lifting for the rest of the month.
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